Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

I'm 48 and was feeling the same way about my weight...I've always been slim but put on about a stone and a half thanks to visiting a bakery every day on my way to work.

It wasn't just cakes etc but a can of coke per day.

Then we moved and my route changed and the weight is falling off. Yes, give up chocolate...you can have some once a weekend...but don't be feeling shit about yourself and eating chocolate...it's not worth it.

Drink more and get more exercise too.

I'm 50 and was feeling the same, but decided not to accept it. I've started intermittent fasting and the weight is coming off and I'm starting to look good again. Selling off my ild clothes on Vinted and buying a smaller size. I'm not ready to give up yet 🙂

Yes to giving up the chocolate, it takes too much from you. You're talking about not liking your body, not liking your t shirts and throwing your dresses away. Throw the chocolate away you will forget about that quicker.

Thank you ladies.

Time to step up.

It’s a tricky in between stage which will pass. I’m 64 and apart from a few more wrinkles, creaky arthritis in my knees, I feel better about myself than when I was 48-58. Once the hormone mixed up phase passed I found out much easier to sort the weight out.
Keeping weight off later in life as far as is possible, I think is key.

Did any of you make changes to your diet later in life?

I feel your pain OP - I'll be 46 soon and the weight gain is incredibly hard to avoid! I've also turned to intermittent fasting alongside a mainly low carb diet which does work. Managed to lose some of the lockdown weight but requires a huge amount of willpower!! I do eat some chocolate but go for dark choc or better quality stuff not Cadbury's because it's so easy to binge on it.

Clothes wise I'm a bit lost!
After WFH for a year I can't now imagine wearing anything other than jeans and a jumper

Having never been particularly 'attractive' I'm not worried about losing my looks but I have massively upped my skincare of late and it's actually the best it's ever been! It does help in feeling better about aging.

Something2say, I’ve cut out lots of white carbs. I also think that yeast was bloating me so avoid breaded products completely. I use a salad sized plate and just have smaller versions of what husband is having.
Sadly, it is a continual battle to keep on top of weight gain for me.
What motivates me most is

1. Lighter weight means less pain in my knee arthritic joints
2. I can wear a wide variety of clothes and feel good in them
3. I can join in with and provide childcare for grandchildren.

This might be controversial but, I’ve never really enjoyed alcohol and not drinking any seems to help. My friends who enjoy a drink or two in the evening say invariably they snack at the same time.

OP it sounds to me like you've already done the hard part by articulating where you are, how you feel and what is causing you to feel like this. You've already identified what you would be sad to leave behind (your hot bod and lovely dresses) and what you could potentially sacrifice to keep them (daily chocolate).

You have identified the benefits of being mid 40s and you sound like a fabulously balanced individual - in fact you sound like you've got it all figured out.

The only thing you need to decide is whether you accept the way things are, enjoy your chocolate and come to terms with a slow, but graceful descent into middle age, or whether you want to fight back. You're still relatively young, so there's still time to look as good as ever.

Fwiw, I'm a couple of years younger than you and I've chosen option 2. I'm not worried about ageing or fighting things i can't change - I'm just not prepared to give up yet. I'm now eating well, exercising, looking after my appearance and loving it. I've got a long way to go, but I'm enjoying the journey. It's easy when there are no hard targets and you're doing this for yourself. Ps i still can't imagine going back to g strings though 😂

Whatever you decide, it sounds like you'll do it gracefully.

I’m 46 this year OP, and I have felt exactly the same as you for the past 18 months or so. I’ve always carried a few extra pounds (20 or so ) but recently I’ve decided that I’m just going to make the best of what I’ve got. My Mum died really suddenly in June 2019, and she was only 19 years older than me, this has really made me think that I have to make the best of what I’ve got now, not when I’ve lost a couple of stone. I’ve binned or sold all the clothes I’ve had for years, invested in some good cuts and jeans, and (pre-lockdown) had a decent cut and colour, updated my skincare. I’ve found it SO hard to accept ageing, but I’m determined to move onto the next chapter feeling more comfortable with myself. Good luck to you OP.

LadyPeppermint, thank you for your lovely post.

Thank goodness it wasn't just me!!

Buy some really good no vpl big pants - you won't look back. Even my tesco microfibre shorts are invisible under leggings.

Otherwise I feel like you op like I'm really losing something. I'm 42 nearly. I also have gained weight and hate my stomach. Urgh

I am in my early 50s and got over this stage. I am comfortable with myself being seen as old and not hot. I just want to look good in clothes and groomed but not sexy or attract attention.

It is an aging thing but also a weight gain thing. I have to diet just to stay the same weight. If I eat like I did I my 30s, I would steadily gain weight. Right now, I am almost constantly on the 16-8 diet. It is quite easy if you keep yourself busy and active in the mornings and not reach for the chocolate. I never eat lunch. Just start to snack in the late afternoon and have a dinner and some late-night treats and snacks - my weakness but joy.

I am pretty slim now and it is less aging. Can't do much about the face though, unless I go for a facelift!

I was exploring a facelift around your age, but now, I cannot be bothered because I have accepted my fate.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm taking heart from all our shared experience, but need to have a long think about my level of discipline, I think it comes down to that.

I've always either a) eaten whatever I want but b) generally eaten fresh and little. Now I live with a meat and two vegger. Portion sizes need to change.

And the daily treats. How do I go without them? It used to be once or twice a week, now its every day.

I'm due a cut and colour in May. Luckily I have good hair, curly and thick. I'll keep it. I treat my skin well and do weights. It's just this weight. But I've taken on board all you say. Eating chocolate is not worth the bad feeling.

But it does go a bit deeper. I'll be 50 in three and a half years. I dont know how I feel about that. It's a number that doesn't seem to reflect me. I play a strat. Blues. I sing in pubs.

You know what, fuck it, it DOES reflect me. I'll be a rock star 60yr old, with wisdom and joy.

Thanks for the replies xx and the recognition.

I’m 46, I’ve gained 20lbs in lockdown on top of the extra pounds I already had. I have 2-tone hair where I started embracing the grey but now am not sure I like it.

I start every day with good intentions but I’ve eaten between meals because I’m fed up which doesn’t help and makes me feel worse.

Periods all over the place, 4 week gap, 10 week gap, 6 week gap, 2 week gap - wtf? But a recent blood test says I’m not in menopause.

All my friends the same age seem slimmer and more glamorous.

If you need a will power buddy I’m up for it.

I think I've been through the worst of it, this phase you're in. I've worked through feeling and looking different, I've even completely changed my hair and clothes so that I'm happy. But just today i noticed my hand on the kitchen counter and the position kind of rumpled up my skin and I just thought, were all those years studiously applying hand cream pointless or would this have just been much worse? Shrug it off and move on. If we're very lucky we will get much, much more wrinkly!!!!!

I started running aged 47 and was running marathons within 2 years, that helps keep the weight off! You burn 300 calories less a day when you get to the menopause so you have to reduce food intake. If I didn't run I'd probably be down to one meal a day, as it is I don't eat breakfast. Cutting down in booze also helps.

I found hitting 50 was where it all became so much harder, I’m 53 now and still struggling with it, I have to exercise more and eat less just to stay the same weight, it’s depressing and hard work, sometimes I think it would be so much easier to accept getting old and go with it rather than fighting it all the live long day, even doing my hair and make up seems so much harder now and takes longer, but I will stick with the exhausting regime for now though because I’m vain, wish I didn’t care so much.

@something2say

Did any of you make changes to your diet later in life?

Yes. Age 50 I lost 2 stone through healthy eating and reducing portion sizes, plus fast walking every day for about an hour. I have maintained this for two years, sailing through menopause. I have no belly fat, a 23 inch waist, and look the best I ever have. I also started really looking after my skin and hair and having the odd tweakment, but very discreet and natural looking. Tbh it is an effort but its perfectly possible to push back if you're prepared to put the time in. And if you're not, or don't want to, that's great too. The things that really matter, you have already.

OP, I am exactly where you are..... I am wanting to fight back, but lockdown, and family stresses have been allowing me to procrastinate (all while putting on weight and letting myself go).

It's sad, because I was never happy with my looks when I was younger - I look back at photos now and think "wow!".... why did I not enjoy that? ... and it was effortless!

Now I have much better base self acceptance, but I really am going to have to work hard to look good. For the next few years, that difference can mean I either get back to looking good, healthy, feeling sexy and..... being dowdy/ saying goodbye to anything better .... feels like a real turning point.

So many of us!!!

I like the idea of the fast walking, the smaller portion sizes.

I like the idea of making changes to our facial routines, and keeping hair we like.

The eating and then feeling bad about it has to go.

If there is a bridge to come which we will all cross, God willing, we will approach it with healthy attitudes, and laugh if, on reaching it, we find we no longer care so much.

I resonated with whoever said they no longer want to be sexy or found attractive. I don't like men checking me out. Its about feeling good in ourselves, our bodies being comfortable for our needs. Reflecting the fact that we're on top of things.

I think half the time, what I need is to simply stop working. Instead, I shove food in and breath afterwards.

Totally agree OP!

And I do want to feel sexy - but that's not about men checking me out, it's about me enjoying my body, feeling good in my body, carrying myself well, enjoying sensual things...... not writing myself off....

When I’m the same weight as I was in my twenties, my face looks gaunt so it’s a fine line. I think the problem is if you are overweight now, it’s only going to go one way unless you take action. Excess weight can cause so many health issues.

And it’s that whole thing of you may be older, but you’ll never be this young again.

@Mycatismadeofstringcheese Menopause is when you haven’t had a period in 12 months. You sound like you are in perimenopause. Neither is diagnosed via a blood test so if you are having any issues I’d be back at the doctors quoting the NICE guidelines.

On the subject of peri menopause/menopause, I think this can really contribute to the challenge of ageing especially if you lack energy or have a low mood, whilst dropping oestrogen levels can cause bones to weaken/recede including those holding up your face and leave skin dried out too.