Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

God I feel like you guys but I really can’t put all that effort into losing weight. Being on a diet ALL THE TIME? I spend all my time trying to be a good role model for my teens about not being hung up about being slim, but it feels like the alternatives are being fat or thinking about food all the time.

Yep, you are me op 😂

48 in April and I used to be attractive but now just feel frumpy, dumpy, wrinkly, hairy and just fucking shit tbh. I hate it, hate it. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. My skin is shit whereas it's always been pretty lovely in the past, I'm getting jowly, the grey is harder to keep up with. Some days I feel like I'm literally losing my mind. I work in a team where they are all younger than me and just take the piss if I take a bit longer to learn something or I forget something or I need the fucking window open because I'm sweating buckets.

Honestly I feel like it's the gift that keeps on giving.

To answer your question I've started doing step workouts and doing a calorie deficit in order to shift some pounds. I think once I feel slim again I might start feeling better about the other shit that's going on.

So...I sympathise

I will just say about weight, that bmi is meant to increase with age and it is healthy that it does. (nhs website still behind on this!) So you can expect to weigh more and if you weigh more you will on average live longer than more slender older people. See this study on people age 65+www.thegeriatricdietitian.com/bmi-in-the-elderly/

I have decided to view my 50+ self as something beautiful and vintage, and look after myself as I would a precious antique.
The best of care inside and out, no mistreatment with unhealthy food or habits, lots of pampering, rest and low impact excercise.
I find it easier to stick with the good habits if I see them as care and preservation rather than an ordeal to be completed to reach a goal.

It is possible!
I’m 56 and lost 6 stone after 50
I’ve put a couple back on since but I’m planning on getting back on track ASAP - lockdown misery and gyms etc being shut hasn’t helped
I don’t sign up to the nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels mantra but as I’ve aged I have sorted out my priorities and eating healthily and looking good but still enjoying limited treats is where I’m happiest
I still enjoy a drink and chocolate but can’t enjoy them too often if I also want to enjoy buying lovely clothes and feeling great in them

OP - we’re in a year into a joyless lockdown life. So many of the things you’re talking about - more sedentary life, food for comfort etc - will be manageable and mitigated when life goes back to normal. You’ll find and regain your joie de vivre, that spring in your step as you head out of the door wearing your Ghost dresses to a fun new place to see people that make you laugh. It’s really tough right now and it’s making tricky topics like ageing and identity even harder. Chin up.

.

I just can’t imagine spending the rest of my life on a diet or having to fast walk for an hour a day. I feel like at 47 I should have learned how to do this. I’m not lazy - I work till late and over weekends sometimes. I’m not stupid - I know about calories and carbs and muscle mass and aerobic exercise. I’m not careless - I really really want to feel sexy and wear my nice, interesting dresses.
And yet every day I eat too much.
I am exhausted with it all, really.

How did those of you who have a grip, get a grip?

Hi, I've found that giving up alcohol completely has made a massive difference. I've lost 1.5 stone without really trying. It just shows how many empty calories I was consuming. I also fast and have a brunch and evening meal. Walk my dogs alot and have started to do some resistance training. I'm 47 in May x

I have definitely been having more wine in lockdown. That’s a good point.

I was feeling like you last summer. I had two health issues which meant I was fairly sedentary and put on weight. Something clicked in me and I wanted to get fit and strong and I found the Blast Plan which is run by a really fit strong and inspirational 61 year old who is realistic and doesn’t pull any punches. Worth a look. She writes a column in Woman and Home too.
I knew I needed to do something but reading what she said in her column about ageing women needing to be strong/eat protein etc was what spurred me in to action.
I have lost 7kg and am so much more toned now plus I fit into so many of the lovely clothes I have that have been mothballed for a long time. It makes me feel so good knowing I’m in control and can get rid of the flab. I had Covid at Christmas and lost another 2 kg but it wasn’t a good look so there’s a happy medium. Good luck.

I turned 50 last December and totally get the fat around the tummy thing - it’s bloody stubborn and annoying - I used to be able to snack and eats lots of chocs & sweets but can’t now otherwise the weight will creep up - I also hate my thicker waist - I don’t want to lose my shape as I age - I guess it’s all about staying active (strength building) and eating as wholefood as you can - I no longer partake in booze & drugs (a wild youth) and the skin looks better for it! I have an active job and cycle a lot.

Stay healthy & happy ladies 🌸🙏

Darcy, interesting link thank you.

Yep, this is me. 45. I have suddenly got very jowly and being on zoom calls with the camera magnifying every crease, wrinkle and dent on my face that I swear wasn’t there in the mirror 2 minutes ago, next to the smooth faced embryos I work with doesn’t help. I’m definitely peri and I feel like it affecting every part of me especially my skin, as I am now also constantly allergic to everything and rashy. Also I’ve had enormous amounts of stress over the last few years and it feels like it’s showing on my face finally. I did not expect to age this quickly, my mum and Nan were really youthful well into their 50s. It’s not bloody fair.

How did those of you who have a grip, get a grip?

I am too lazy to exercise much. At the start of lockdown, I did The Shred - Chloe Ting for 13 minutes a day. That was good toning. I have fallen off completely but work got really busy.

For the dieting, find one that works for you so that it is not too difficult to keep to and you still get to eat nice things from time to time. I do 16--8 and eat more eggs, cheese, veg because they are nice with some choc, peanuts and pears everyday. Sounds a little random but they are my fave foods and don't make me feel dirty when I eat them.

I've always found that sometimes the weight goes on, and sometimes it comes off again. I went to Slimming World once several years ago, and lost four stone. One stone has come back now I'm 69, but I still feel good. And yes we can feel slim and sexy as long as we want to. Look at Joanna Lumley in her mid seventies, Carol Kirkwood at 58, Jane Seymour?

285128gap

I have decided to view my 50+ self as something beautiful and vintage, and look after myself as I would a precious antique.
The best of care inside and out, no mistreatment with unhealthy food or habits, lots of pampering, rest and low impact excercise.
I find it easier to stick with the good habits if I see them as care and preservation rather than an ordeal to be completed to reach a goal.
I bloody LOVE this!

I'm 46 and the weight started creeping up on me over the past few years and I begun to accept it as the raging process.

Then I stopped drinking alcohol last year and it's had the biggest effect on my weight even though I do eat chocolate and other snacks regularly. I've lost 1.5 stones without doing much else although I do run a few times a week, though that had fallen by the wayside due to the weather, not being able to go to the gym.

I do 16:8 as well as I'm not a big fan of breakfast anyway.

I'd like to be mindful about what I am eating but sometimes life is too hectic and in a family of 4 I've gotten used to putting my needs last. Now my youngest has gone back to primary school I'm hoping to get a bit more headspace to think about myself a bit more.

*the ageing process not the raging process, but yeah that too at times!

I'm also making a bit more effort with makeup after being barefaced for the past year. I caught myself on a Teams call with hair scraped back and looking wan so have started putting on some BB moisturiser and a bit of blusher. My highlights now have a 2 inch growth and that's making me feel a bit grubby too, so I at least straighten my hair in the mornings. It's all I can really do until it gets cut and coloured as it's fine and wispy otherwise.

Jillian Michaels did a talk about losing weight in menopause on You Tube recently. She advised reducing calories by 25%, exercising more and intermittent fasting.

I'm in peri menopause and as someone who never put on weight I now have to work at it.

I’ve found my tribe! I’m 50 this year and have now got to the point I see that as just an age rather than a meaningful milestone in terms of ageing/mortality.
I started menopause at 45 and the first 2 years were tough. I felt like I aged overnight and the weight all shifted to my stomach. I felt fat and drab and the thing I noticed the most (apologies for the vanity) nobody looked at me anymore. I felt like I became invisible. Once I dealt with that it was kind of liberating because if no one was looking I could pretty much do what I wanted style wise!
So I became braver with clothes and wore things that I wanted to wear instead of what was on trend or in fashion. I stopped buying from fast fashion places and now spend my money more wisely on better quality pieces. I also became more serious about my beauty regime and thanks to the S&B section I have discovered some amazing products and my skin has never looked better.
Health wise I decided to do better and do a mixture of cardio and strength based workouts during the week. That wasn’t about weight loss but more about building a strong body that will take me through my later years. Food wise I think your palate naturally changes and I eat less carbs and meat and more plant based meals. But I still drink and eat chocolate - just at the weekend and I make it a treat.
For me it was the moment I realised no one was looking at me anymore (with the exception of my lovely DH who is my biggest fan!) that gave me the confidence to do something new, different and something just for me. I think I feel physically and mentally the best I ever have.

Sorry for the long post but much respect and love to you all! You’re all fabulous!

So much great shared experience here. The weight thing is tough, I used to eat what I liked but now I'm in a habit of smaller portion sizes and that includes snacks and treats. Never think of it as a diet tho!
I've fully embraced large pants for years now and IDGAF if you can see the outline. Get some lovely clothes that fit you now and make you feel good.
Haven't worked out the makeup yet...I used to love it so much, but I'm not sure if it loves me back very much now.

I think you pretty much nailed it OP when you said it was a choice.
I have learned that many of the things we dislike happening to our bodies and faces as we age can be managed if we're willing to throw enough time and some money at it.
If you don't have much body fat you won't have much belly fat, and while it might be harder work, its possible to keep low body fat as an older woman through healthy eating (not dieting, we need our nutrients!) and excercise.
If you don't like jowls or wrinkles there are treatments that work well (a home LED device is great if you put the time in)
However, it is a commitment, and you really need to make yourself a priority in ways we are generally not very good at.
IME 50s is easier than 40s, as I have more time to myself and I'm very stable in mood now my hormones have .. gone (?) Lol.
Though im now considering HRT for health (and vanity) so would be interested in anyones experiences of this.

I am 49 and in the same boat though I have always worn big comfy knickers😂 I find I can eat very little. I think good skin comes from within and drink tons of water, try to eat healthily and walk a lot in fresh air while I also wait for the gym to open. I also suffer on zoom calls with younger colleagues. Looking at myself all day like that has made be a bit bonkers and I have spent a fortune on skincare products and make up in search for glowy flawless skin. Any product advertised as glowy, I get my credit card out.....