Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

I read your post with interest as I’m the same age, and I’m struggling too.

I gave up alcohol last year, and have lost about 20lbs since September by sticking to 1800 calories and upping exercise, so I feel better about my body.

But I’m sad about my face, and my PMS is horrendous - I either go mad once or month or my physical symptoms put me in bed for a couple of days. One or the other, it seems.

I’m trying meditation, supplements, exercise...you name it. It’s a tricky time.

Same, i could have written this. 2 stone heavier which is not shifting without cutting calories significantly, ie less than 1000 per day. Dry frazzled hair, dry skin, no energy. I feel i look old, wheras at 40 - 45, i still felt youthful. And chin hairs WTF are they about, how can i stop then. I dont like the gym, but am seriouly considering a personal trainer.

I’m currently taking collagen, and I do think it’s having positive effects, so that’s something.

I hit a similar hiatus a couple of years back at a similar age. I got myself a style analysis, as I felt very stuck in Suzanne and Trinny mode and wanted updating. It confirmed I was a pear, but suggested to me styles of clothing I’d never considered before, and the autumn colour palette made it a whole lot easier choosing clothes.

As a consequence, I’ve added new clothes my wardrobe and never had so many compliments before.

Apparently there's a dip in happiness at 47 (The happiness Curve, Jonathan Rauch) and as you're 46, you are just processing the adjustment that all. I did go through this, these very same thoughts. But I think I reclaimed femininity. I realised that it's not for men to define femininity. My expectations have changed for sure, I aim for health and energy now. I want to exude contentment and acceptance (and yeh, I still want to dress well and I love make up and perfume).
I'm on a progesterone only pill so I don't get periods any more. I had v heavy periods and at 49 I started taking that pill and I'd be scared to stop!
I go for walks and do a bit of yoga, the sort of gentle activity I would have thought of as lazy even five years ago, but I have a different perspective now.

I think this one is about ageing.

I have read goddesses in older women by this author. That is what made me mentally reclaim femininity in my own way. It's not all about youth.

I’m 43 so a little bit younger than you but lost just over 2 stone since last summer. I still have about 1 1/2 stone to go. It’s been hard and the weight has come off steadily. I have been eating healthy meals 3 times a day with a 100 cal treat in the afternoon. Exercise has mostly been walking with some Pilates thrown in.
For me the motivation was that I know many people gain/ find much harder to lose after the menopause and I am already in peri so need to act now. I don’t want to struggle with my mobility, pain and health when I am older. It is possible but you have to find what really motivates you personally. It sounds like the chocolate really isn’t much of a treat due to what it costs you in terms of weight, feeling bad about yourself etc, so either stop cold turkey or reduce to a sensible portion

@5128gap

I have decided to view my 50+ self as something beautiful and vintage, and look after myself as I would a precious antique. The best of care inside and out, no mistreatment with unhealthy food or habits, lots of pampering, rest and low impact excercise. I find it easier to stick with the good habits if I see them as care and preservation rather than an ordeal to be completed to reach a goal.

I love this attitude as well. I'm no longer pushing myself through really tough workouts like I used to, but I'm happy to do yoga and to genuinely let the yoga and me meet where I'm at. Before, I would have felt like I wasn't trying hard enough! I would have felt like a failure if I didn't feel like I was going to die half way through a work out!

While I have got you all here, can I ask what sunscreen you all use and if anyone has any recommendations for products to make me flawless and glowy (so I can spend/waste even more money)? 🙂

I've always loved make up! I don't think people would realise that to look at me, but I am a sucker for trying new brands and so on.

If you watch a few 'makeoverguy'' videos on youtube, you'll feel uplifted. he can make anybody look fantastic. And he doesn't do women under fifty.

[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSv2-mhhnrU They're not all as emotional as this one! but I identify with this woman. 50, mad hair, teenage daughters, There's an artist inside me too but I'm living 'small'

I love the chat and the banter he has with the women on this channel.

[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPnW6GpZPE0 Oh, and I'm sucked down a rabbit hole of watching makeoverguy videos now

This is why I love makeup, it's like, goddammit i value me. uh HUH, go me.

Oh my thread! I'm 46 and feeling the same. I can't eat how I used to, the weight goes on my tummy which always used to be so flat and a proper waist (my best feature I used to think). My hair is significantly grey after some stress a few years ago, I'm getting jowls, wrinkles around my eyes, and I feel like my mum - sort of solid. And like a previous poster said, I feel invisible.

Even though I now run twice a week, pilates & mountain bike once a week, and try for a weights workout (don't usually succeed!)

I can't figure out what to wear, and yes being on webexes all day with younger colleagues where you're staring at your face doesn't help. I fluctuate between not bothering, and then being horrified and doing makeup and making an effort (which isn't really me!)

My hearing has got worse and I'm having to wear my glasses more. I've got rosacea, and various joint problems.

I'm not sure I have any answers though - I've also stopped with g strings (life's just too short!) but haven't found a good alternative for lack of VPL (I'll investigate those M&S micro shorts someone mentioned). I'd love to be a more athletic build but lack the motivation and energy for all the workouts!

What do I do... alcohol only at weekends, try to eat healthily without chocolate etc., during the week, try to do regular exercise, and I'm thinking of having Invisalign (although the orthodontist says it'll have limited success on my wonky teeth).

And like a previous poster - any recommendations for skin care appreciated !

@PandoraP
I'm using Aesop day cream with spf15(?) at the moment. When it gets sunnier I'll switch back to Ren in the yellow tube. Have also liked Body Shop Multi skin defence.

I just embraced it. As long as it doesn't get too out of control, I'm just not willing to not enjoy my food, forgo 'carbs' etc. I exercise a lot, but I like exercise.

Oh that's so interesting re the dip in happiness. I was reading this, thinking... is this really about op (and others)'s bodies or something else.

I think, in my generation, weight gain is less of an embarrassment. Sometimes a cause for concern, but the "I'm so embarrassed I gained weight" is a nasty and outdated concept to me. And also just weird. What is there to be embarrassed about? People gain weight as they age. It is actually normal and healthy (to a point) to gain a little weight as we age. At the minute, although it isn't great to be turning to chocolate as some sort of crutch...I mean, we're in the middle of a global pandemic which is killing huge numbers of people. Go easy on yourself.

Also, have you been weight conscious your whole life? That takes its toll physically and emotionally. Chronic dieters reduce their lean muscle mass. When you go on a crash diet, as was de rigueur in the 90s, you don't just lose fat. It is impossible. Quick weight loss is usually a loss of muscle as it contains a lot of water, which is why you lose weight so rapidly when you lose muscle. It may be that you need to eat more, healthy food, not less and try to rebuild your muscle mass. Especially approaching 50. This is not a time to lose muscle. So go easy if you decide to "go for it", "fight back for your hot bod" or whatever. Sorry if I sound patronising, but just my thoughts. It may fall on deaf ears, but thought I'd just mention how the posts on here struck me.

I’m nearly 48 and feel much the same, I’m really struggling with getting older.

I'm 45 and feel the same. My waist is getting thicker. Keeping the weight off gets harder and harder. And my face seems to be losing the fight against gravity. The best thing I can say about ageing is that it's preferable to the alternative.

I’m 51 and have always been slim but find I just don’t need so many calories now. I only eat fruit for breakfast and don’t snack throughout the day. My waist has definitely got a bit thicker I’ve put on half a stone. But I try to walk 5k twice a week and go to the gym twice (or used to!). I’ve started drinking 2 litres of water a day which has helped my skin loads all over my body. I’m on oestrogen and take collagen which I’m not sure helps my skin but definitely have good nails and hair. I gave botox for frown & brow lift. I also do face yoga which I do think helps!
Definitely is a project to keep on top of ageing. I dislike my jowls and wouldn’t rule out a lower face lift one day!
I think clothes wise it really helps to feel younger to wear a few fashionable younger pieces. I have a teenage daughter so get a bit of inspiration from her.
I’ve had to cut right back on alcohol too as it makes my face puffy. I use retinol twice a week. I’m never going to look young again but I try to make the most of what I have and it’s definitely upkeep!

I totally agree re alcohol btw. It won't help how you are feeling either if you drink regularly. Let alone how you look. It is particularly inadvisable to drink a lot when perimenopausal or menopausal too, as it interferes with your sleep cycles.

My mum actually was one of the ones who did 'the alternative' to getting old! Poor thing. The most beautiful girl in town as a young woman, men fighting over her all the time and a very glamorous wife to a very successful man. She couldn't cope with the ageing process either and drank herself to death in her 50s. She was also mega into her weight. She drank instead of eating and ended up overweight AND malnourished. Just no regard for herself at all, (despite everyone else's best efforts to reach her), as all she cared about was still being attractive. This wasn't her fault. It was all she was ever told she was .

Sorry, I wasn't going to mention all this, but there we are. Makes me sad and, on another level, a bit angry, to hear people saying they can't stand their ageing bodies and how they are going to "fight for their hot bods". Just go a bit easy on yourselves. You do not exist just to be attractive

Yes you're changing. It's why I always roll my eyes at posters claiming, 'I'm 40 now and I know what suits me'. You're on a roller coaster and all I can really advise is to try and stay aware of what's happening to your body. It's not just about going up a size, your whole shape might change. So keep using the mirror and take photos, keep reviewing what suits you, buy decent underwear and be aware that any so-called investment pieces (the kind that some influencers like to push on you at 40+) may look like shit on you in a few years time.

Do the things you enjoy. I still find clothes and getting dressed enormous fun so that's my focus. I'm not really into skin care or make up so I've no advice there - sorry - but, for some people it's the other way round.

I think all the stuff about healthy eating and exercise has already been said. By the way I still eat chocolate every day and I've no intention of giving it up. But I only eat the dark and I chose it over booze.

I’m a few years older than you, turning 50 this year and mentally found that quite strange. It’s like in my head 50 should seem really old - half a century! I look at photos of my granny at 50 (when I was about 3) and she looked like an old lady. I look in the mirror and whilst I see signs of ageing I don’t think I look like an old lady.

I had a hysterectomy 3.5 years ago and despite retaining my ovaries became menopausal within months. I gained 2 stone, my sleep was poor, my brain fog was shocking, I felt just crap. Over the last 18 months I’ve found the right HRT, and made some major changes to my lifestyle.

I intermittently fast (but not religiously) and have reduced my carbs. I run, lift weights and do yoga. I’ve lost that two stone and am toned and stronger. I realised I shouldn’t worry about numbers on the scales and instead am focused on being strong and fit.

I hate my legs, always have done. Even when I weighed 7.5 stone (I’m very short) I had chunky thighs with saddlebags. Last year I even started looking into liposuction. Now I’m trying to change my mindset - yes my thighs are heavy but my legs are much more toned from running and lifting weights, and I have no cellulite. They might be chunky but they can help me run 10 miles, and whilst I don’t like the shape of them I tell myself they work!

I’ve become calmer and more accepting of life in general. I’m not at all hippy dippy but yoga has helped me shift my mindset to “it’s ok to practice self care. I matter too”. I’m a single working mum with a disabled child and spent years looking after everyone else but myself and that catches up with you. Now it’s time to take a little time for me. And that’s ok, good even. And I think that’s reflected in my face now, my wrinkles are softer and the line between my eyebrows is reduced as I’m not so stressed all the time.

I try and care for my skin, I don’t smoke, but I do drink wine and eat crisps. All things in moderation ☺️

I'm all this too. Where did this stomach come from? (Could it be locking down with adult men who don't consider a meal a meal without white carbs, ideally buttered?)

But as PPs have said, this is the end of a miserable fecking tunnel of a year. I'm easing myself back into a gym mentality with a Les Mills subscription, and I'm going to sign up for a weights routine plan when the gym reopens, for my bones, if nothing else. I've cut right back on the bread, my downfall, and have replaced at least one coffee a day with hot apple cider vinegar/honey/lemon.

I think things will feel a bit better when the sun comes out.

@NoMoreZigAndSharko your poor mum, and sad for you to lose her because all she ever saw in herself was attractiveness or not. We all form our identities when we are young so it is a conscious unravelling later, to take 'young' (and attractive) out of our identity. This is a process. Not impissible!! But women have to understand what it is that is making it hard to age. Nobody tells us when we're young to be careful to think about and nurture an identity quite apart from being young.

Thanks @Number3BigCupOfTea. Needless to say, we'd am prefer she was around a bit fat and not hot, than buried in her fifties. Or even if she had to die that young, if she could have had a happier life. Tbf, right at the end, she had a bit of an epiphany and seemed much more at peace, but the damage to her heart, though years of punishing diets and alcohol abuse, was done.