Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

@ElspethFlashman

Pandora I bought the LA Roche Posay BB cream last week and so far really like it. Not much colour but definitely enough for evening out and has a glow.

I'm 46. On the one hand I don't feel it as I have smaller children. My life is more that of a 36 year old really in terms of what I'm doing with them.

On the other hand I'm EXHAUSTED. On my days off I do nothing. I am too tired to read, too tired to go for a walk, barely have the energy to make dinner.

I see all these people on Social media who are 50ish going sea swimming and stuff and feel utterly crap. I shudder to think this is as good as I'm going to get, that I'll be even more tired from now on. It's depressing.

Starting to actually wonder if it's related to general quarantine depression - I'm in Ireland and we haven't been able to go beyond 5km in months and it's absolutely awful. What's there to be motivated about??

It's very hard to separate Pandemic Malaise from Getting Older. I don't know which is which!

I was exactly like this at your age, and I promise you, this doesn't have to be as good as it gets. When you have more time to prioritise yourself you can feel so much better with the right self care. I wish I could tell my 40s self who dreaded turning 50 what I had to look forward to!

I’m your age 46, 47 in July.

The best thing for me is to keep weight under control. I don’t need to be underweight just not have my middle expanding too much.

Takes low carb and running as exercise though.

Another ager here, I'm 46, knackered and struggling more with my weight. It would seem from reading all the posts that weight control is key, just wonder how everyone deals with being hangry. I've tried low carbing before but it wasn't sustainable. I do a lot of walking and try and fit in some youtube workouts when I can. I'm still a healthy weight for my height but loads bigger than I used to be, so hard to let go of the used to. Pretty sure I'm in peri, just been for a blood test today. Know I need to take better care of my skin and my diet, even though eating loads of fruit and veg doesn't suit me. Dont really feel lost style wise as I have my own style which includes having turquoise hair and I think I'm quite good at knowing what suits me. Still need to get a grip though. Just feel so unfair that all this aging stuff is chucked at us when we have never been busier.

Good on ya

I'm also going to get myself checked out for hypothyroidism. Weight gain? Check. Depressed? Check. No energy? Check. Constantly freezing? Check.

I think definitely part of self care at this stage is out ruling any physical stuff. Pretty determined to not keep feeling so crap indefinitely , thats for sure!

Thanks @istherelifeafter40

Same!
I'm 48 and despite following Keto religiously for 2 months, I have stopped after listing just 5 pounds.

Honestly, I've also tried counting calories. Nothing works.

Fat middle, awful periods, losing hair, shit sleep, aching body.

I am 54 - out the other side of menopause. I can say that the peri menopause was shocking - really tough mentally. Waking in panic with anxiety at 3am, hot flushes waking me at 4am - shocking sleep. Wide awake from 6am (this all started much earlier than I thought about 44) and seemed really cruel - just as DCs getting old enough that I could have a lie in without the need to get up with them.

The depleted psychological state and lack of sleep takes its toll on mood, motivation and self esteem. I felt someone had disconnected me from the mains!

But it has finally passed and my energy has returned. I have taken up running, do 16:8 and given up alcohol. I feel so much better.

I wish I had stopped drinking before as this was depressing my already low mood.

I have a confidence issue with clothes so I now have reprioritised my efforts and money on my hair and face - immaculately groomed but with an anonymous classic uniform like Claudia Winkleman and Yoko Ono. Keeps life simple. I add a piece of colourful jewellery to keep it current.

I also look at some of my neighbors with bad Botox and think they look weird - they don’t look younger or fresher - just the same age with odd tight expressions.

I'm nearly 45 and totally relate to everything you've said OP.

I was feeling a bit "it's all downhill from here" and miserable at the end of last year. Mad hormones were messing with my sleep and moods. In January I went on the pill having done a bit of research on perimenopause and it's helped massively with my moods. I think I look better too. My skin is plumper, my hair is fuller and shinier, I've been exercising so I feel better about my body.

There's no miracle cure for getting older but I do feel the pill combined with exercise has helped me to feel a bit better about myself.

I wouldn't give up chocolate though

@WhereAreWeNow thats interesting about going on the pill, wondering if the GP will suggest that to me. Agree about not giving up chocolate, it does seem a bit of a big ask.

That is interesting!! What pill did you go on?

@blueshoes you have inspired me to start 16:8 today and I’m also dropping wine on weekdays. I can’t just slide into decline like this! I’m not ready to go!

Just wanted to add that 16:8 combined with low carb a few days per week has been the key for me. Sounds grim but actually I like the days of the week that I do it! I don't see it as being on a diet which helps.

I had a blood test for peri menopause after describing all the symptoms to the GP. Problems sleeping, aching muscles, tinnitus, anxiety and mood swings, weird periods etc. Came back negative which I find baffling!!

Really relate to many of the posts here - such a useful thread

@lookdeepintotheparka

Just wanted to add that 16:8 combined with low carb a few days per week has been the key for me. Sounds grim but actually I like the days of the week that I do it! I don't see it as being on a diet which helps.

I had a blood test for peri menopause after describing all the symptoms to the GP. Problems sleeping, aching muscles, tinnitus, anxiety and mood swings, weird periods etc. Came back negative which I find baffling!!

Really relate to many of the posts here - such a useful thread

Your GP should be listening to your symptoms rather than what your bloods say - hormones levels are constantly in flux and are only a snapshot of that particular moment in time. Go read the NICE guidelines and go back as your symptoms definitely indicate you're perimenopausal.

I'm on a pill called Qlaira. It's a new one that uses the natural or bio identical or whatever estrogen that is used in HRT. But unlike HRT it's also a contraceptive. It's not a miracle and I'm not saying it'll work for everyone but I definitely feel a lot better on it.

Is that on prescription @WhereAreWeNow? I’ve got lots of peri symptoms but absolutely baffled by the possible meds.

I'm a month older than OP and recognise a lot of what I've read on this thread. Giving up booze and crisps has helped me shift some weight over the last 6 weeks or so, and I've reduced portion sizes and consumption of other snacks. I needed to do something sustainable, although I will probably go back to having a bit of alcohol from time to time. I still eat small amounts of chocolate most days.

Regarding other aspects of aging, I haven't dyed my hair for a few years and I like the sprinkling of silver in my brown hair. My face is collapsing and wrinkles are deepening, but I'm using SPF (Wilko's own), retinol and vitamin C serums with a healthy dose of optimism.

However, I'm not showing much sign of perimenopause just yet, so things will probably get worse before they get better!

Yes @BlueSkyBlinking. I did my research first then asked the GP for it. I had to convince her because it's pricier than some of the older pills but I'm pleased she agreed to it because it's really helped me.

So interesting reading all of this. I'm 49 and taking my head out of the sand re. perimenopause - I had no idea symptoms started so early. A lot is making sense in terms of rubbish sleep, irritability, anxiety, joint pain etc.

An extra weirdness for me as I navigate this period of my life is that I've realised don't actually feel like a proper grown up, yet!

For me HRT and rediscovering yoga have been life changing. I look better at 47 than at 37, though I did have two toddlers then too :)

For those considering HRT, it is definately worth looking at and fully understanding the risk/benefit profile. I paid (though it wasn't cheap) to see a private meno consultant, because my GP wasn't much beyond quoting what I could read in a newspaper! Worth every penny if you can do it. I had blood tests, considered advice, a prescription and advice letter that was sent directly to my GP telling them what to prescribe and why !

@BlueSkyBlinking

I just can’t imagine spending the rest of my life on a diet or having to fast walk for an hour a day. I feel like at 47 I should have learned how to do this. I’m not lazy - I work till late and over weekends sometimes. I’m not stupid - I know about calories and carbs and muscle mass and aerobic exercise. I’m not careless - I really really want to feel sexy and wear my nice, interesting dresses. And yet every day I eat too much. I am exhausted with it all, really.

How did those of you who have a grip, get a grip?

Ooooh this is so me!!!!! It is such a relief to know so many of us are struggling!

Hi there your post resonated with me, I turn 50 in September and am 2 stone overweight. Throughout my adult life I was thin a size 10 with zero effort and eating crap. Periods are still regular as clockwork. My boobs used to be a C and are now a matronly DD. I just don't feel like me I catch a glimpse in a window or a photo and I look like a pale, doughy middle aged woman. I am on day 18 of the dechox no choc for the whole of March. I had been eating 500calories of choc a day for ever, the first 7 days were hell and I ate a million mejool dates but now after being a lifetime addict I no longer crave it, it was easier than I thought. I have actually gained 2lbs in that time honestly I despair. I'm reading Paul mckenna book and I need to look at my portion size as I eat the same as my super fit hill running husband. I'm OK about turning 50 but for health and aesthetic reasons I need to shift the lard x

Hey @BraveGoldie it’s good to know I’m not alone!

45 here. That nagging feeling that I'm at a crossroads I can relate to. I know people older than me who have really taken their health in hand and look great, and others who haven't and are paying the price in later life health problems. I've decided I'm going to be in the making an effort camp and have changed my eating habits to a Mediterranean diet which I love. The chocolate though... Thats a tough one.

Finding an exercise program that works for me is the next challenge.

Looks, well, it's never been my strong suit, but I REALLY bloody hate the jowls thing that is starting. I have a long face to start with 😕

I feel your pain! I’m the same age and finding things the same as you!

I saw myself side on the other day and nearly died! Not sure when and where my waist had gone.

My main problem is snacking, not drinking enough water, too much tea and coffee and not getting enough sleep. Generally my meals are ok I think, but probably have too much bread.

I know what I should do, but haven’t quite got the motivation, I don’t look too bad and can fit in my clothes, although they don’t look as nice as they did and feel a bit tight.

I can relate to the poster who said they’ve never felt that they ever looked nice or had a nice figure, but then looks back at old photos and wonders why they didn’t feel more confident. Maybe it’s a self esteem issue. Funnily enough, that is less of a problem now!