Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

@BitOfFun really sorry to hear your news. @PrintempsAhoy think you are spot on about attitude, yes its doing things you enjoy. @5128gap its interesting what you say about being less invisible with age. In some ways I would say the same cause I have found my style and experimented with make up more as I've got older. Also, whatever your age, its a bit difficult to be invisible when you have blue hair.

BitofFun your post is humbling and a reminder that grace, courage and a sense of humour are the best and most enviable qualities to face the challenges of life, not a tight jawline and smooth forehead. A hug to you x

I love that,@BeforetheFlood, you are absolutely right.

I have only read the OP, and wanted to say, I put on 2 stone in my late 40s and was so depressed about it. It felt inevitable that weight gained around menopause would stay forever. It doesn't have to! It took me about 3 years, but I gradually adjusted the amount I ate and last year finally got back to the weight I was pre children. It mainly involved making my meals smaller, and yes, eating less chocolate, but not giving it up entirely. Exercise a bit more too. I don't do anything major, just cycle a bit at the weekends, go for a longish walk. Drink more water.

Well I got my bloods back.

Turns out my crumbling fatigue was.....
Vitamin D Deficiency!

Easy fix, so am happy. In 2 months time I hope to feel years younger.

@Delatron

Nigella looks great but has had a heap of work. Problem with eyes is that with loose skin Botox and fillers don’t really cut it. Especially upper eye area. Blephaplasty is the best bet but that is surgery.

I think this is a great demo of why so many people feel so bad.

There's real extremes going on and those of us who are ageing naturally are perceived as older because, I think, the majority of women are putting in huge time, money, effort, to look younger.

I certainly won't be. My older sister - four years older - is dyeing her hair, doing facial device thingies, regular hair cut when permitted, careful about clothes.

Soon I think I will look older than her but that's okay.

I met a new lady at work and somehow appearance came up. I said to her "under normal circumstances, I have no idea what I look like and that's partly why I hate zoom".

She said "it must be very liberating to be like that".

I said "I'm not sure...I'm fairly sure people judge me for whatever it is I look like".

I’m 46 and honestly haven’t considered that I am anywhere near the crest of the hill never mind over it! In my experience it is 50% about mindset and 50% about weight. But if you can tackle the mindset, it fixes the weight almost automatically. This time last year I was in the best shape of my life. Slim, fit and strong, (the Boditrax machine at my gym showed metabolic age of 28) eating fairly well, doing plenty of yoga and felt great. I’ve always had to work hard to stay a healthy weight but felt like I’d finally cracked it.
Lockdowns though had a huge impact on my life (screwed my business up, resulting in big financial issues and also caused my son, who has special needs, huge problems). So, I slipped into some unhealthy coping habits which resulted in me putting on nearly 2 stone. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life, including when 9 months pregnant!
But, I know the weight doesn't belong to me (excess weight doesn’t belong to any of us) and I know it will go soon because I am getting my life back on track. I am focussing on being incredibly kind to myself, reducing my stress levels wherever I can, exercising every day and getting better sleep. Once I have that embedded I know I will feel a million times better and the rest of it will fall into place. I am setting no goals or targets (which is just setting up for failure) just taking daily actions to make myself feel good. The small actions repeated over a long period are what have a real effect eventually, it’s just a question of keeping it up.

Dare we talk about teeth on here?how is everyone faring with their teeth? I have no fillings but I do have some gum recession due to terrible brushing technique in my youth and not getting tartar removed regularly until I was in my early thirties. I’m fastidious now but of course the damage is done.

@justanotherneighinparadise

Dare we talk about teeth on here?how is everyone faring with their teeth? I have no fillings but I do have some gum recession due to terrible brushing technique in my youth and not getting tartar removed regularly until I was in my early thirties. I’m fastidious now but of course the damage is done.

Truly, this business is like herding cats into a string bag. As soon as you take your eye off one body part, another goes rogue, and every day, a new problem! Teeth, indeed. While they are still a reasonable colour, they have become so long and one front tooth is actually growing faster than the other and is longer and has started to stick out a bit. You have just reminded me of this.

I don't think adult teeth continue to grow 5128gap This sounds more like gums receding

@thedevilinablackdress

I don't think adult teeth continue to grow 5128gap This sounds more like gums receding

I know. But receding gums sounds very unappealing so I'm in denial.

My hygienist told me my gums don’t look healthy after a year of no clean. I am now obsessively brushing and flossing for king and country. My teeth are also more yellow than I would like, but teeth whitening is supposed to make teeth sensitive so not sure if I will go down that route or just stop smiling. But wait - not smiling is also supposed to be ageing and draw attention to jowls

Phew @5128gap
You're not part rabbit then

@thedevilinablackdress

Phew *@5128gap* You're not part rabbit then

Jessica in my dreams, Roger in the mirror.

Ugh, teeth. I am back to bleaching mine, but yes receding gums are an issue here, too.

A friend of mine has just recommended this book to me:
How to age
...which is more about understanding how much society puts the absolute frighteners on people about aging (which we're all going to do no matter what), and a reminder that this fixation on eternal youth is actually rather recent.

So I'm reading that, and lifting weights to keep my metabolism up, and using SPF, and cutting down on alcohol, and bleaching my teeth. I figure that's the only stuff that's actually going to genuinely impact my quality of life by time I'm 70/80+.

My front teeth wore down at different rates so one appeared longer.

I was bemoaning it to my dentist and he said "shall I just file a millimeter off so one so they're both the same?" I was like YOU CAN DO THAT????

So he did, it took 5 seconds and now they're even as anything.

I really want to get an electric toothbrush because they're undoubtedly better - but they're all too noisy to use in an ensuite at 6am with a sleeping DH nearby, and I'm too lazy to brush elsewhere.

@ElspethFlashman

My front teeth wore down at different rates so one appeared longer.

I was bemoaning it to my dentist and he said "shall I just file a millimeter off so one so they're both the same?" I was like YOU CAN DO THAT????

So he did, it took 5 seconds and now they're even as anything.

I really want to get an electric toothbrush because they're undoubtedly better - but they're all too noisy to use in an ensuite at 6am with a sleeping DH nearby, and I'm too lazy to brush elsewhere.

I wouldn't be without my electric toothbrush, it has made a real difference to the colour of my teeth, and my gums no longer bleed which I put down to that. I'm assuming your DH is too lazy to sleep elsewhere? I suggest you LTB.😁

@ElspethFlashman I have an electric and a manual - I use electric at night and manual in the morning (and it's really not that noisy anyway!)

@istherelifeafter40

www.observedimpulse.com/2015/03/myofascial-release-for-face-composure.html

this is the original blog of the doctor which started the fuss about it

I've been doing this for a couple of days, my face hurts, but wow, the difference in him is amazing, so I'm going to persevere. Thanks for the link.

@ElspethFlashman I had no idea they could do that
I noticed that one tooth was slightly longer than the other a few years ago. I didn't realise it was fixable!

*Truly, this business is like herding cats into a string bag. As soon as you take your eye off one body part, another goes rogue, and every day, a new problem!
Teeth, indeed
While they are still a reasonable colour, they have become so long and one front tooth is actually growing faster than the other and is longer and has started to stick out a bit.
You have just reminded me of this.

Absolutely true, I feel the same! I take my eye of one thing to concentrate on another and a hundred plates smash at my feet. It’s never ending. I haven’t even hit menopause yet!!!!!

@PandoraP

My hygienist told me my gums don’t look healthy after a year of no clean. I am now obsessively brushing and flossing for king and country. My teeth are also more yellow than I would like, but teeth whitening is supposed to make teeth sensitive so not sure if I will go down that route or just stop smiling. But wait - not smiling is also supposed to be ageing and draw attention to jowls

I've just done tooth whitening for the first time, under my dentist's supervision. I was worried about sensitivity but he told me it's much less likely nowadays as the new whitening products are formulated differently from those of 10 years ago. I've been using Philips Zoom NiteWhite 10% Carbamide peroxide and had no sensitivity to speak of, and a very quick result. New to this thread but am quickly catching up and finding it very helpful btw - thank you, contributors!

Late joiner here [waves]. I have got into the best shape of my life over the last year. I'm in my late 40s. After trying to lose baby weight for a decade with limited success, I upped the exercise. Pilates 3x weekly and cold water swimming once a week or so, plus about an hour's brisk walking a day (always done that) and rowing machine a few times a week, and was also cycling youngest kid to school. Suddenly everything snapped into place, my appetite diminished so I was having to make an effort to actually eat enough, and I felt great. I am at the same fitness level as in my 20s and, apart from boobs having disappeared, am the same size elsewhere but more toned. I am not saying this to boast but just to say that it's possible and it has been so, so much easier for me than dieting ever was. Intermittent fasting gave me migraines and misery! Now I've started learning more about presentation and skincare, had some botox, and I feel like I've got a new lease of life. I'm sure it's the exercise as I have had to pause for a few weeks after a minor op, and 4 weeks on I can feel that my energy levels are diminishing again and my body is trying to revert. But I'm able to exercise properly again imminently so I'm going to reverse - age again

I have two friends who are also into pilates in a big way. One is 50 I think and says she's also in the best shape of her life. Another is 60 and looks very fit and wants to do a triathlon this year. I have another pal who took up cold water swimming aged 60 and (pre-lockdown) was having great fun meeting up with people to swim in different places all over the country. They'd usually have cake and a hot toddy afterwards. For some of us, exercise is absolutely the magic key. And I appreciate that's a bugger if you can't exercise.

[Dashes off to read about Morpheus and Facetite....]

@PandoraP

My hygienist told me my gums don’t look healthy after a year of no clean. I am now obsessively brushing and flossing for king and country. My teeth are also more yellow than I would like, but teeth whitening is supposed to make teeth sensitive so not sure if I will go down that route or just stop smiling. But wait - not smiling is also supposed to be ageing and draw attention to jowls

Dentist told me re whitening that if you do get sensitivity it will only be temporary & best to stay off sensitive toothpaste until you've finished bleaching as it blocks the action of the whitener. Then, put sensitive toothpaste in the tooth moulds that you used for bleaching and just leave that on your teeth for a few hours so the magic toothpaste can re-fill the tiny channels in your teeth.

@DivorcedAndDelighted, that’s interesting thanks. I am seeing my dentist in April and will ask about it!