Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

I can relate to this thread!

I have to work twice as hard to stay the same size as I've always been, and I'm failing at that. I'm convinced that stress/cortisol in the last year has also contributed to weight gain though. I still exercise quite a lot. But of course I'm doing less "incidental" exercise by not walking to work. And I'm sure I also bake and eat more sweet food for comfort or through boredom.

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. Taking time to use nice skincare, paint my nails, go to bed early. I found Hugh Fearnley-W's latest book quite inspirational in terms of eating more veg and a wholefood diet. He's pragmatic and also honest about the things he finds hard to cut down on (crisps and booze!)

Trying to focus on health not looks. I have some great older female role models and they are strong, healthy and energetic.

I've started doing strength training at home with dumbbells because I keep reading about the importance of weight-bearing exercise for bone health, and I'm not a runner.

I think being able to get a haircut next month will give us all a boost :)

How did you start weight training @hippospot? I run and do yoga but don't know where to start with weights. Is there anyone on You Tube you could recommend. I'd rather do little and often than have a big session 3 times a week say.

Thank you for your advice @sansucre - I've made another appt with the GP after doing some research. Hopefully there's more can be done to help!

Yy to having a haircut at last! I'm also really looking forward to shops opening again as I need new clothes desperately. I've been googling and looking at a lot of YouTube stuff on 40+ style during lockdown so I know what I want to try but don't want to risk online buying!

@Ulysses I initially searched for "women dumbbell workouts" on youtube and found Rebecca Louise. I did her 15 min ones. Then I got bored and tried a few others. There are loads though. The one I ended up liking the best is actually French though so unless you speak French probably not much point me recommending her :)

I only have 1.5kg dumbbells for now but will go heavier as I get stronger.

Great thread - I've been watching for a few days. I'm also turning 46 this year and feeling worn out and frumpy. Looking for tips and motivation to get off the carb train.
I've noticed recently that my skin is 'going'. I've always managed with Eve Lom cleanser and body shop night cream. Now I think I need some harder hitting products and would welcome suggestions.
I got really fit last summer - daily exercise (yoga/Pilates/hiit/weights/running). It all fell apart by end of Nov as all my time and energy was swallowed up by work. Have piled on the pounds during this last lockdown.
Having completed C25K in September I'm back to the beginning again.
hippospot I'd like to try your French workouts - who is it?

I like the vibe here - hitting this age together. I’ve been thinking about this thread.

I’ve generally accepted that I don’t have much leeway if I want to not pile on pounds - eg low carb it is. And that’s not enough alone. I need running too. Thankfully it makes me feel good at the same time.

I also agree a haircut will help. I don’t feel like internet shopping yet.

@BigBobBoots it's Lucile Woodward

Thanks @hippospot
Woodward doesn't sound very French!

Haven’t read the full thread but posting for an read at bedtime. Also 46 and have noticed that about thongs/g strings too!!

@lookdeepintotheparka

Thank you for your advice *@sansucre* - I've made another appt with the GP after doing some research. Hopefully there's more can be done to help!

Yy to having a haircut at last! I'm also really looking forward to shops opening again as I need new clothes desperately. I've been googling and looking at a lot of YouTube stuff on 40+ style during lockdown so I know what I want to try but don't want to risk online buying!

Yay, fingers crossed all goes well this time. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

On the whole, a lot of GPs aren't great with menopause, so it pays to be firm and insistent with them - you know your body better than them. If you don't have any luck, keep pushing, insist on seeing another GP or ask for a referral to the menopause clinic.

(As an aside, I was fobbed off for 2 years. I knew full well what was going on, but kept being told I couldn't possibly be perimenopausal as I was too young and was still having periods. True, my periods were the last thing to go but I was dealing with debilitating hot flushes, night sweats and brain fog plus most of the other 38 symptoms. Finally I found a GP who listened and prescribed HRT but it was completely wrong for me, made everything worse, and then he refused to refer me to the menopause clinic.
In the end I went private. My doctor is amazing, actually listened to me, and prescribed me something very different from the GP. Within just a few days, all my symptoms disappeared.)

Apologies for thread hijack!

@sansucre
Do you mind saying what the menopause specialist prescribed for you that worked so quickly please?

I’m interested in what is recommended for 40+ style? I haven’t really changed my style since my 30’s so probably look like mutton dressed as lamb!

I’m also interested in what the gp prescribed which made the menopause symptoms ease as a friend is really struggling with this at the moment and getting nowhere.

[quote JMAngel1]@sansucre
Do you mind saying what the menopause specialist prescribed for you that worked so quickly please?[/quote]
Every woman's menopause is different. For most women, it is a decline in oestrogen that is the primary cause of symptoms. This wasn't the case for me, my body ceased making progesterone, and that was what I needed. My GP did not pick this up, and even if he would have, he would have prescribed a Mirena, the dosage of which is far too low for my needs. (Instead, he prescribed the usual oestrogen based HRT which just made everything worse.

But as I said, everyone is different, and my case was a little unusual to the norm. As much as the NHS (and pharmaceutical companies) would love there to be a one-size fits all HRT, there isn't, because women are all different. However, many women do follow the same path, and most do well on the HRT offered by the NHS. However, GPs aren't knowledgable enough to know what to do if someone doesn't fit.

Hi

This thread has had a big impact on me, has it you? I've had two days of eating really lightly and feeling better for it. I've decided to radically change my portion sizes and to just eat far less.

If that's the way it's got to be, I accept it. I always wanted to be one of those older women who kept it all together so that's what I'm going to do.

Has anyone else been really good?

Someone asked about weights... I got some hand dumbbells a few years ago and this it what I do. Tins of beans would do for a start if you don't have weights.
I do arm curls, for biceps. Sets of 20.
Then bent forwards and swinging the arms up level for backs of shoulders.
Then starting at the shoulders and pushing up to the ceiling.
Then lie on back and have weights in straight arms and swing out to the side for backs of outer arms.
Then clasp both weights, both hands above face and bend elbows so allow weights to approach forehead. That's for backs of arms.

Also can do squats with them, or put them on hips and do bridges.

I've got good muscles under the fat! Be nice to see them a bit more!

We cant change the number of years can we, but we can be graceful about it.

I just keep thinking, things have changed now and that's it.

A tip from me, age 64, is to keep moisturising your necks ladies. I was a boots Saturday girl in the early 70’s and learned so much from the make up ladies. This was their favourite tip so I feel obliged to pass it on!

OP, I got married at 47 so I certainly don't think it's over the hill. I am now 60 and what I've noticed about hitting 50 and the decade that follows is that you have to rethink what kind of clothes work for you. Sometimes it feels like an endless list of body bits I can no longer show (upper arms, knees, elbows ...) and that is a bit depressing. On the other hand, I have discovered that I prefer slightly loose-fit jeans to skinnies and fitted tops to oversized ones - to name just a couple of items. I haven't put on weight but my body seems to have shifted (probably gravity!) so I have to wear things differently. It's a bit disconcerting, but it's also a chance to reinvent yourself and develop a new style.

Also, if you have kids, the chances are that at 47 you will find they are independent, or almost independent by now. So that's the ideal time to think about who you want to be, appearance wise, and spend some time on yourself. So don't beat yourself up and feel you should diet and deny yourself the good stuff. Life shouldn't be a penance. Go for nice new clothes that suit your slightly different body (if you have a teenage daughter or can borrow one, they can be brutally honest about what works), go for a good haircut at the best hairdresser's you can afford, treat yourself to good food and eat according to your appetite, buy better chocolate and eat a little less of it.

As for the menopause – that put me in an absolute panic and I barely recognised myself. But I went to the doctor and got HRT and within 3 or 4 days it was as if someone had waved a magic wand. The relief of being able to feel like myself again!

I really recommend Davina McCall’s Lean in 10 exercise videos.
It’s a mix of strength, HIIT and stretching, and is really fun and uplifting. I always feel great afterwards - especially as Davina is older than me and looks fab!

@sansucre
That’s so interesting with regards to going private. I’ve had breast cancer so can’t have HRT. Think my hormones are so out of whack. I know the GP won’t prescribe anything so it’s good to know there are other options out there.

[quote Delatron]@sansucre
That’s so interesting with regards to going private. I’ve had breast cancer so can’t have HRT. Think my hormones are so out of whack. I know the GP won’t prescribe anything so it’s good to know there are other options out there.[/quote]
Although it was horrifically expensive, going private and seeing a doctor who specialises in women's health and menopause was worth every penny.

I know that you can't take oestrogen, but I have read that progesterone is still an option. It is definitely worth looking into and worth speaking to your GP about.

This thread is having an impact on me. I’m mostly considering that HRT magic wands!

Wand*! (Peri-meno-brain!)

@Tanfastic

Yep, you are me op 😂

48 in April and I used to be attractive but now just feel frumpy, dumpy, wrinkly, hairy and just fucking shit tbh. I hate it, hate it. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. My skin is shit whereas it's always been pretty lovely in the past, I'm getting jowly, the grey is harder to keep up with. Some days I feel like I'm literally losing my mind. I work in a team where they are all younger than me and just take the piss if I take a bit longer to learn something or I forget something or I need the fucking window open because I'm sweating buckets.

Honestly I feel like it's the gift that keeps on giving.

To answer your question I've started doing step workouts and doing a calorie deficit in order to shift some pounds. I think once I feel slim again I might start feeling better about the other shit that's going on.

So...I sympathise

I am the same age and found myself looking at my jowls in absolute horror on a video call today! Where did they come from!

Oh yes. Jowls here too. Similar age.

I have invested in a microcurrent device and I’m also getting an led device. I started using g a tretinoin cream about three weeks ago. Other than that I need to get exercising again and that’s pretty much all I can do unless I want to go down the filler and Botox route which I have tried previously but the filler disappeared so quickly I don’t know if I want to splurge that sort of money regularly.