Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

We'd all*

@Annapops1

Hi, I've found that giving up alcohol completely has made a massive difference. I've lost 1.5 stone without really trying. It just shows how many empty calories I was consuming. I also fast and have a brunch and evening meal. Walk my dogs alot and have started to do some resistance training. I'm 47 in May x

This is a really interesting post. I'm not sure I can give up my red wine at the weekends totally, but you have inspired me to cut down to a couple of glasses

Definitely a choice, OP. Like you, I had a lightbulb moment when I was 46 and decided that life was going to go one of 2 ways.

I opted for self care, big time, focussing on really good nutrition, stopping drinking, consistent exercise routine (lots of time outside).

I fully accept that I now, 6 years on, I need reading glasses and have some grey hairs, that 's fine, but I am going to do continue to do everything I can to look after myself and give myself the best shot at long term good health. I feel good now, same weight as I was at 21 and have got the important things like cholesterol/BP/heart rate in a good place as well.

Meant to add, so far no issues with menopause, though I am aware that may not last, but suspect diet change and no alcohol have helped with that.

I'm 64. I think every few years you have a good look at yourself and can feel a bit despondent. I actually feel very good at the moment, I've lost some weight and started exercising again and lost the taste for some of my worst habits. In your late 40's and 50's life is difficult. You probably have a lot of responsibilities at work, you cannot cheer yourself up by thinking of retirement and will probably have children with exams or just starting out in life and possibly parents too to worry about. It is the stress and the amount of Cortisol produced that I think is the big problems for keeping weight off.
At 64 I will be moving into my last year of work soon and can think each task I do ( we operate on a yearly cycle ) will soon be for the last time. Some people have said about not wanting males to find you attractive but there comes a time when the older gentleman becomes very polite and attentive to you. I did some work in the local courts where the court ushers were mainly retired people - often police officers or professionals working part time, it boosted my ego a bit when I fond myself being what DH called "usher totty" , just in a mild way of thinking I was not on the scrap heap.
My role models are older wo;men who look great but are not too serious - Goldy Hawn and Jo Wood for example.
In summary I have a nicer life, feel better about myself and my looks now than I have done since my mid 30's,so, OP, don't worry the changes to come are not bad.

I'm almost 54 and last year my weight crept up to 10 stone with mindless eating and wine so started a loose version of 18:6 fasting and am now 9 stone with no real effort and it's stayed level. Bought a Pilates Reformer machine which I use with youtube tutorials now and again for core strength. Really miss the hairdresser though.

I treat myself to nice products and hair colouring (oh I miss the salon) and have changed up my wardrobe a bit. DH says I've never looked sexier so that's nice. I feel better and that's the main thing. The extra stone last year really dragged my self image down. Oh and I take a tonne of supplements, particularly b vitamins and probiotics. I think as we age our digestion needs a helping hand too often.

As a 32 year old, this thread is so inspiring to read. I hope I am as balanced, self-aware and articulate as most of you in 10/20 years time.

This thread has really resonated me although I'm still at the earlier end of my 40s, the challenges of parenthood, mental health and work in my late 30s have aged me!
I'm trying to shift my mindset to get fit for me, for my body which deserves to age as healthily as it can. I want to be fit and strong and able to pursue new goals for the next 30 years, whatever that looks like. And I'm conscious if I don't start now, then each year that passes it will get harder.

@NoMoreZigAndSharko the story of your mum is so sad, I know if I found out I had a life-limiting condition tomorrow I would really regret all the bad things I've said about my well functioning but slightly chubby body.

It is hard to give yourself permission to treat your own body well when as women we are conditioned to keep fit mainly for aesthetic reasons but dammit this is the year I'm going to do it.

I'm 45 and post-menopause. I feel during the last year, particularly since December that I have really aged. I went into lockdown looking and feeling great, but now, well, I just feel old.

I'm on a kick of getting myself back in hand which consists of removing all the sugar that has crept back into my diet over the past week and back to intermittent fasting. As soon as the gym re-opens, I'll return to lifting heavy weights which is how I lost almost 12 kilos of perimenopause weight gain.

I've let my hair turn grey due to not being able to go to the hairdressers, but that will be sorted in April. I know that will make me feel (and look) heaps better. I've started a new HRT regime which I know will help enormously and help me feel like me again. I know with me, this plays a huge part in things, I feel much like I did before I first started HRT.

I think this is the thing OP, like others have said, you either make a choice to accept how you feel/look now or you do something about it.

@something2say

Did any of you make changes to your diet later in life?

I can tell you it’s never too late for this! My 76 year old Nana put a lot of weight on in the first lockdown (she developed a habit of eating a tub of ice cream almost every day ), went on a diet and feels much better now!

@itwaseverthus

I'm almost 54 and last year my weight crept up to 10 stone with mindless eating and wine so started a loose version of 18:6 fasting and am now 9 stone with no real effort and it's stayed level. Bought a Pilates Reformer machine which I use with youtube tutorials now and again for core strength. Really miss the hairdresser though.

I treat myself to nice products and hair colouring (oh I miss the salon) and have changed up my wardrobe a bit. DH says I've never looked sexier so that's nice. I feel better and that's the main thing. The extra stone last year really dragged my self image down. Oh and I take a tonne of supplements, particularly b vitamins and probiotics. I think as we age our digestion needs a helping hand too often.

I’d love to buy a Reformer. May I ask which you bought and what tutorials your using

Ah, there are some things I don’t mind. Putting on weight more evenly, before every morsel of spare fat was directed to my thighs, i was 2 sizes bigger on my bottom than my top. Now I actually look in proportion, I finally have actual boobs, having gone from a-d cup and my ribs don’t show. In my 20’s I never wore dresses because my legs were so full of cellulite compared to others my age, now I don’t really care and am enjoying leggings after years of denim. I actually like my grey streaks because they look like silver highlights, unfortunately the rest of my hair is a natural dead mouse colour so I dye it. I drink more alcohol and caffeine than I used to, not that it is very much. What is really annoying me is my skin though, the rashes and jowls. I used to have fabulous fucking cheekbones! Where did they go? Peri seems to be stealing things from me.

@ExConstance

I'm 64. I think every few years you have a good look at yourself and can feel a bit despondent. I actually feel very good at the moment, I've lost some weight and started exercising again and lost the taste for some of my worst habits. In your late 40's and 50's life is difficult. You probably have a lot of responsibilities at work, you cannot cheer yourself up by thinking of retirement and will probably have children with exams or just starting out in life and possibly parents too to worry about. It is the stress and the amount of Cortisol produced that I think is the big problems for keeping weight off. At 64 I will be moving into my last year of work soon and can think each task I do ( we operate on a yearly cycle ) will soon be for the last time. Some people have said about not wanting males to find you attractive but there comes a time when the older gentleman becomes very polite and attentive to you. I did some work in the local courts where the court ushers were mainly retired people - often police officers or professionals working part time, it boosted my ego a bit when I fond myself being what DH called "usher totty" , just in a mild way of thinking I was not on the scrap heap. My role models are older wo;men who look great but are not too serious - Goldy Hawn and Jo Wood for example. In summary I have a nicer life, feel better about myself and my looks now than I have done since my mid 30's,so, OP, don't worry the changes to come are not bad.

Great post

There’s no phoning it in at this age unfortunately. Health is the most important thing though.

Hi OP, sorry you feel this way, i'm sure you look lovely.

One thing that is great for general health through ageing is to do a proper resistance programme with heavy weights. With age muscle mass is lost which can cause body shape to change, but it can be rebuilt. There are some v inspirational older women out there doing resistance training, it's not only good for appearance but for general health and functional fitness, having good functional fitness also helps you feel comfortable in yourself.

@justanotherneighinparadise I bought mine from Ebay from a local seller, an aero reformer it had the stand and all accessories so was a steal at £185 but it's similar to this QVC one. It came with the video CDs and wall chart but I just watch The Balanced Life Pilates with Robin Long on youtube. I go at my own slow pace and the beauty of youtube is I just pause the laptop while I figure out what I'm doing.

www.qvcuk.com/AeroPilates-4-Cord-Reformer-435-with-DVD-Library.product.401348.html?irgwc=1&cm_mmc=affiliate--Kelkoo%20Group--PRODUCT_CATALOG-_-mediapartner&

Thank you, SomeRandomeronBumsnet - that's my bit of sagacity for the day.

[quote itwaseverthus]@justanotherneighinparadise I bought mine from Ebay from a local seller, an aero reformer it had the stand and all accessories so was a steal at £185 but it's similar to this QVC one. It came with the video CDs and wall chart but I just watch The Balanced Life Pilates with Robin Long on youtube. I go at my own slow pace and the beauty of youtube is I just pause the laptop while I figure out what I'm doing.

www.qvcuk.com/AeroPilates-4-Cord-Reformer-435-with-DVD-Library.product.401348.html?irgwc=1&cm_mmc=affiliate--Kelkoo%20Group--PRODUCT_CATALOG-_-mediapartner&[/quote]
Funnily enough I’m looking at the same make locally to me through Facebook. I need something I can pack away when not in use.

I just wanted to share what I recently discovered and started doing - in my early 40s. I realised our bodies hold a lot of stress and the extreme ageing my face has recently undergone is because my facial muscles are in a constant spasm. I started doing fascial release and my face is changing. One thing is wrinkles, - another thing is deep creases formed my contracted muscles.

I think we know really little about our own bodies, and this is the age to find out. Where you store stress, how to exercise, how and where to build muscle mass. How to develop and hold good posture.

Everything else comes after this. If you are not stressed, exercise properly, eat and seep well, and hold yourself well, including upping balance and agility, then the weight doesn't matter. It's not worth focusing on where the weight is, really.

Another one is wearing bolder colours and cuts, and experimenting with your image. I wore my hair the same way forever (short curly hair). I now change parting, length and style (within what's possible for curly hair) and I look much better. I think when you are stuck looking and wearing the same, and just in a rat run of life with its stress, you will look aged as you are ageing. But you change, adapt, and actively worm nonbeing healthy and active, it is just another age that can be very beautiful.

something got wrong in the last line. meant something like invest in being healthy and active

@istherelifeafter40
do you have any links for the facial fascial release please?

@Number3BigCupOfTea
Those makeovers are amazing.
I love the cut and colour of the 2nd one.
Would it be called a plum? Would that colour only suit cool toned skins?. I'm a warm spring with strawberry blonde hair but I would love to pluck up the nerve to go for that.

Pandora I bought the LA Roche Posay BB cream last week and so far really like it. Not much colour but definitely enough for evening out and has a glow.

I'm 46. On the one hand I don't feel it as I have smaller children. My life is more that of a 36 year old really in terms of what I'm doing with them.

On the other hand I'm EXHAUSTED. On my days off I do nothing. I am too tired to read, too tired to go for a walk, barely have the energy to make dinner.

I see all these people on Social media who are 50ish going sea swimming and stuff and feel utterly crap. I shudder to think this is as good as I'm going to get, that I'll be even more tired from now on. It's depressing.

Starting to actually wonder if it's related to general quarantine depression - I'm in Ireland and we haven't been able to go beyond 5km in months and it's absolutely awful. What's there to be motivated about??

It's very hard to separate Pandemic Malaise from Getting Older. I don't know which is which!

Great reading, feeling people's pain but also resolve...

I dont drink much alcohol so that's not an issue for me. I also take good care of my skin. I am going to make dietary changes for good and go down 1.5stone to 9 again. I've chosen to clean up what I put in. So far today, berries, bit of chicken, bit of salmon. Fish cake and green beans for tea. NO CHOCOLATE!!

www.observedimpulse.com/2015/03/myofascial-release-for-face-composure.html

this is the original blog of the doctor which started the fuss about it