Would you ditch the dye?

[thesoundofthepolice]

Im 37 and my hair is so white, not even grey, it's pure white. i take after my mum who was the same, so much so I can't remember her with anything other than white hair. I need to dye it every 3-4 weeks and it's just such a chore.

The other issue is my hair is so dark and cool toned going lighter isn't really an option that won't be just as much hard work.

What would you do? Part of me wants to embrace the grey but I don't want to look old and haggard.

@EraOfTheGrey

I have cool colouring and as such it was always a battle to match dye to my original ashy brown colour, the dye always ended up having an orange or red tone. I hated that I was always chasing my roots but also trying to eliminate the dreaded orange. Saving grace came in the form of a newly developed allergy to hair dye. Grey was on its way....but enough about me.

Perhaps the grey journey is best suited to us cool toned ladies. Our society seems forever in favour of those with the honey blonde hair and golden tans.

Grey is now the only time where cool leaning ladies look better than the warmer toned. I do wonder if the division in opinions is split between those of cool and warm toned?

Well I had exactly your experience and last dyed my hair in May 2019. Its almost out now. I hated the orangey brassiness.

I tried embracing the grey. It looked awful and aged me by 10 years! I went back to colouring it again. Lush sell a henna bar you can use to darken your roots naturally.

If it is pure white, it will be stunning and women will stop you in the street to ask about where you get it "done".

If it's not quite white maybe you could transition to blonde highlights to make the eventual step to dye free? I've done this and my hair is so much healthier. It only needs highlighting four times a year, so cheaper too!

if people think going grey "young" isn't aging they are delusional

I agree. When a 20 year old with young hair dyes it an even silvery grey, it accentuates their youth. When a 37 year old whose hair is turning grey (with rougher texture and mixed shades) chooses not to dye it, it highlights other more subtle signs of ageing. They may still look amazing, but they look older.

I'm fully in favour anyone going grey if they can't be arsed to dye it, or love grey hair, or are perfectly happy to embrace the natural ageing process. But when I see people on Mumsnet suggesting that it's a more youthful, current option... I think they are deluded.

@Greyat37

I’ve namechanged as obviously this is incredibly outing but I’m the same age as you and ditched the dye a year ago. I regularly get stopped whilst out shopping (in the opticians this week!) with people asking me how I get my hair this colour. I don’t think the answer they are expecting is ‘a teen pregnancy and more than a decade working as a midwife’

In summation, do it, I guess it can be ageing but honestly the grind of dying every two to three weeks is exhausting and I don’t regret my choice to embrace whatever my natural colour was.

Your colour is gorgeous.

@ShrikeAttack

I'm just an advocate for the 'unfucked-aboutwith' older woman *@MadDoggoLady*.

We don't need to mangle ourselves with dye or botox or fillers.

I only look good because I'm confident. I don't look in the mirror and see flaws. I look in the mirror and see a beautiful woman.

I like myself.

And that's much of the battle. Saying "I like myself'.

Riiiiight...

Okaaaaay

@TheYearOfSmallThings

if people think going grey "young" isn't aging they are delusional

I agree. When a 20 year old with young hair dyes it an even silvery grey, it accentuates their youth. When a 37 year old whose hair is turning grey (with rougher texture and mixed shades) chooses not to dye it, it highlights other more subtle signs of ageing. They may still look amazing, but they look older.

I'm fully in favour anyone going grey if they can't be arsed to dye it, or love grey hair, or are perfectly happy to embrace the natural ageing process. But when I see people on Mumsnet suggesting that it's a more youthful, current option... I think they are deluded.

Me too.

I started growing out my grey about 18 months ago, starting with leaving the front undyed and having the roots regularly touched up on the rest of my head. I had a very distinct silver streak at the front, on both sides of my parting, which I loved! However, since I've given up dyeing altogether my silver streak is much less pronounced, because the contrast isn't so stark.

Does anyone know if you can lighten silvery hair at home? I'd love to maximise the contrast again, but I'm not going back to paying £££ at the hairdresser every few weeks.

It's probably thought to be ageing because some people can't think beyond grey used to be the old granny sat knitting. People need to think for themselves and not stick in the olden days.

I agree SunshineCake.
It's not aging me, it's my natural hair colour at this age.
Obviously going natural isn't a choice for everyone but most people who are grey manage not to be pig ignorant about people who dye their hair..

There are some seriously beautiful women on this thread.

But personally I think every one of them would look even better with their hair dyed, with the exception of @Cocolapew. The reason she looks amazing possibly is that:
A) Shes 52, it's the shift into an age with more gravitas so the grey is expected
B) That's an incredible luminous steely grey shes rocking; very powerful
C) She is wearing powerful lip colour too, and the flash of jumper shes wearing suggests shes fashion conscious

I think the secret to looking amazing with grey hair is either to be very young and painfully edgy OR to be of an age where the grey is expected, aka 50+ AND be fashion forward/into your makeup, so it's like a statement. Without the clothes, makeup, and hair styling, the grey hair can simply look old.

I think your 30s and 40s is a very tricky age for this. You're clearly not massively young anymore, but many people still have full colour in their hair naturally, so grey isnt expected. I havent yet seen a woman in her thirties or forties with grey hair who looks better than if she had a natural dye job or highlights.

And yes, the same goes for men.

Dont shoot me! But presumably there is some element of caring, else we wouldn't be on the style and beauty boards 🤷‍♀️

Go me

If your hair is really white, rather than grey, I’d say go for it. I think grey would inevitably be ageing, but white could be lovely. But, I don’t get the ‘ letting it grow out ‘ thing, sounds awful, and very, very ageing. Absolutely hideous to have the white streak thing, and that will definitely age you. Go to the hairdresser and let them sort you out.

This is my hair, I turn 38 very soon. The ends would be much lighter if I hadn’t gone off piste in early lockdown and put on a wash in n out that refuses to fade properly!

@GoldfishParade

There are some seriously beautiful women on this thread.

But personally I think every one of them would look even better with their hair dyed, with the exception of @Cocolapew. The reason she looks amazing possibly is that:
A) Shes 52, it's the shift into an age with more gravitas so the grey is expected
B) That's an incredible luminous steely grey shes rocking; very powerful
C) She is wearing powerful lip colour too, and the flash of jumper shes wearing suggests shes fashion conscious

I think the secret to looking amazing with grey hair is either to be very young and painfully edgy OR to be of an age where the grey is expected, aka 50+ AND be fashion forward/into your makeup, so it's like a statement. Without the clothes, makeup, and hair styling, the grey hair can simply look old.

I think your 30s and 40s is a very tricky age for this. You're clearly not massively young anymore, but many people still have full colour in their hair naturally, so grey isnt expected. I havent yet seen a woman in her thirties or forties with grey hair who looks better than if she had a natural dye job or highlights.

And yes, the same goes for men.

Dont shoot me! But presumably there is some element of caring, else we wouldn't be on the style and beauty boards 🤷‍♀️

Does that mean in about 2 years (when I will be 51) I will look great grey but now, because I am 48 I look worse because I am grey?

How does that work then? Did I really look better like this?

Sorry name change fail ^ This is ChoporNot. Current photo with grey for ease.

Jane Grey, I just know your dyed hair will be gorgeous and ever so natural- looking. And you are stunning and most importantly, young looking! And you're just telling it how it is. And not being rude at all. Or projecting. You're quite right, women who don't dye their hair are deluded and old- looking and don't get me started on other ways women think it's okay to go natural! I too often feel compelled to be cutting (anonymously of course!) about people's body shape and lack of make up, for example. Someone needs to tell them. It doesn't matter if they like it or enjoy the lack of chemicals, they look ridiculous to me! The cheek of some of them, actually thinking they look ok, it's like they like themselves. I too take it personally.

I don't understand why I shouldn't like myself @Janegrey333? Should older women either battle against an inevitable process or be considered as giving up? Why is it not possible to accept aging and go with it, see it as a consequence of living and still consider oneself to be attractive?

In fact why can't women consider themselves to be attractive full-stop without attracting opprobrium from other women? Why can't we like ourselves in our unadorned state without censure?

And I know it's style and beauty, I'm interested in looking both stylish and beautiful, but I don't see that as a project that involves chasing youth.

I always wonder why women get quite vitriolic about other women's hair or make-up choices. Dye isn't for me, but I have absolutely no problem with women who do dye their hair, I'm not some kind of deranged anti-dyer.

I just don't want to, same as I don't want to get botox or fillers but have no judgement to women who decide that's what they want to do.

I wear makeup, I enjoy clothes, I don't judge other people's style choices, it's very personal. So the fact some people seem so anti-grey must be some existential fear on their part, it's the only rational explanation.

And nice lampoon @Dressed!