How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

One thing I've noticed as I entered middle age is that shorts and vest tops look frumpy. I now wear dresses instead of shorts/vests. I choose cotton over man made fibres and if I go for print I choose delicate rather than big and bold..

I've got to agree about cheap clothes OP. They do tend to look cheap. I also think supermarket clothing in general is aimed at middle aged and older people, so does make you look frumpy. Same for places like seasalt, Boden and white stuff.

Something I've also come to discover recently, is getting clothes altered to fit you properly makes a huge difference. I've started getting all my clothes altered to suit me. Something as simple as an inch or two off a hem or a sleeve make a huge difference to how an item of clothing can look.

I also think it's important to let your personality show through. I've stopped wearing jeans and tops as casual wear and started wearing dresses all of the time in lockdown. I kind of stopped because I stood out like a sore thumb in the sea of leggings, parkers and top knots on the school run. Now I feel much happier. They suit my shape better and I feel more comfortable. I also feel much better in bright patterns and colours.

Have you looked at the blog That's not my age? Good ideas there. I'm 44, size 14 and want to lose a stone or so. Esme on seeing bee and Patty Smith are two of my style icons. I've definitely started to look my age more in the last 2 years!

My style is naturally quite frumpy and retro but rather than Peter pan collars and puffed sleeves (which I've always loved, in a 60s style) I'm moving towards pattern, loose cuts, art teacher/wealthy potter look. I hope. Trying to buy better and buy less. I love Arket, Toast, Whistles, & Other Stories and but vintage silk shirts on Ebay to wear with jeans. I wear red lipstick and dye my hair - it's dark but with greys so I dye it to my natural dark brown. Yes to brow makeup: I love Boy Brow by Glossier. I don't wear heels but do wear Clark's Chelsea boots, stompy lace-ups, converse, bensimon etc.

@Krong
Most people with fillers just look like they have had fillers.

Nope - most people with bad fillers look like they have had fillers. You aren't noticing the good ones, I promise ;)

This comment always makes me laugh. As if anyone is going to comment on your fillers. I have friends who think no one can notice theirs. They tell me, conspiratorially, what they have had done. My first thought is always, 'no shit'.

I can practically guarantee that all of those 'still turning heads' women of over 50 have either had work done or spend an incredibly amount of work and time on their faces and money on their clothes

Then you’re wrong. I dress well and go to the gym, I’m fifty one and do spend money on my hair, no facial work, but I still turn heads and get commented on, but oddly enough particularly by women, for example at the turn of the year a retail assistant turned and said in a surprised tone to me “god you’re really pretty” and last weekend a man said it to me out the blue and randomly. My daughters friends and colleagues comment on it a lot. In the “ wow your mum is really pretty” vein.

My grand mother was a pretty child, a pretty girl, a pretty woman and a pretty old woman until she passed in her eighties. It was always commented on irrelevant of her age. I recall one elderly man saying at her funeral “your grand mother was so pretty, we all used to queue up for the shop when We could see she was working there just so we could talk to her”.

Two of my friends, one fifty six, one the same age as me, get hit on regularly as well. Both very attractive, both turn heads, I see it happening. Neither have had facial work and one is over weight.

Being over fifty doesn’t make you invisible. If you become invisible it’s for other reasons, but it is not your age. And if you remain visible it’s not because you’ve had facial work done.

Couldn’t let this one go:

Buy more expensive clothes from cool shops. - yes, but be careful, you can look like a mad art teacher, if you’re not careful

Do not shop for clothes in supermarkets, you can continue to do this but be very selective, it’s fine for basics

Have expensive haircut. Keep it maintained, doesn’t need to be expensive, it needs to be good and cut by someone who understands your hair

Have botox. This is important This is rubbish, people who have Botox are evangelical about it, people think I’ve had it. I haven’t.

Optional - Have fillers See Botox.

Wear heels. Watch youtube video on styling and copy them Heels have had their day. Cool young women live in trainers so do stylish women of every age. Brogues are good too.

Have nails and eyebrows done professionally in 'natural' (ha!) beauty style.Optional, you can do your own just as well.

Keep fit - optional. Essential.

And

Good skincare routine - hot cloth cleanse, moisturise, moisturise, moisturise - don’t forget your hands, they age fastest and use products with hyaluronic acid.

Teeth are important, go to the dentist regularly and have them slightly whitened if they’re grey/yellow.

Smile, laugh. Happy women look years younger.

I disagree with the Botox and fillers comment, and with the "over 50 you're invisible" idea. I'm nearly 51 and told that I'm still "turning heads" and can easily see that my same age best friend does. Neither of us have had work done and don't spend much on clothes. We also work full time and are single parents, not that that is relevant but it's not a "relaxed lifestyle" thing. My sister is 62 and attractive. Well fitting bra, keep slim, stand up straight, walk tall, smile a lot and have confidence.

I do cheat a bit by wearing a wig 😀.

Sorry, meant Patti Smith!

If you smoke then stop, nothing is more ageing than smokers skin/smokers teeth.

Good haircut, colour if needed.

Clothes that fit , emphasise your good points and, just as important are built around a key wardrobe so you have clothes you are confident wearing.

Improve your posture, stand up straight, work on your core, try giving up wheat to reduce possible bloating, drink more water than alcohol. Get more sleep. Walk more.

@Fatted - Getting clothes altered, completely agree! I get stuff altered all the time now, usually just hems and sleeve lengths (I'm short) but sometimes bigger shape changes to sleeves, collars etc. Clothes are made for uniform shapes, humans don't turn out that way.

There is nothing wrong with looking 45 if you are 45. However you can look crap at any age.

Make the most of what you've got. wear clothes that make you happy. Keep as healthy as you can not just because you'll look better but because you'll feel better too.

I'm not sure turning ( I'm assuming male) heads is all that to be honest.

As mentioned above I really like the style of people like Esme or Nicole off sewing bee. I follow people like kemitelford on Instagram. Get yourself inspired and work out what YOU like. It's useless asking on Mumsnet isn't great for this kind of stuff because for everyone who thinks you have to wear heels and Botox there is someone who think heels make everyone look for the 80's.

"Leather jacket over a midi dress, trainers with dresses, skinny jeans and heels"

I know leather jackets are not as cool looking as a couple of years ago. But what's wrong with trainers and dresses? I'd have said that was quite a youthful look still?

I don’t see anything wrong with your clothes or hair ( I’m late 40s here) . Better quality clothes will hang better - but you won’t necessarily get that by just paying more.

I’d give yourself a break !

Christ. Really need to proof read.
Not sure that last paragraph makes sense! I give up

I think the secret to being “visible” is confidence and being comfortable in your own skin. It’s not about fillers or Botox or high heels. Yes it’s also how you present your self, well fitting clothes, a decent hair cut, light natural looking make up if you wear it.

Weight can also be very ageing, but it’s too heavy or too thin, not one or the other. A healthy weight is where it’s at.

But ultimately it’s about confidence and being comfortable with yourself, being happy. That’s what others find attractive, that’s what turns heads.

Thanks this is a great thread! I'm not a fan of fillers/botox and think I can tell when friends have had it done; but each to their own. SIL has outright denied she'd ever have it done but her forehead changes now and then...
I've started wearing more shirts to look smarter; but this is probably also a bit ageing as it's not what 20 somethings do. I avoid mumsy brands, on the whole, like boden, hobbs, joules, fat face, white stuff etc. I still look at topshop, asos, and like hush, mint velvet and oasis now and then. I actually make a lot of my own clothes so I can get a more trendy look (fabric choice) with a flattering fit.

Hmm my search for mid 40s ladies fashion has just returned outfits for a ww2 fancy dress party!

anything but the lightest touch on the hair dye is ageing: look up the ballerina that Boots hilariously used to sell anti-ageing snake oil. Without the heavily blacked hair and the scowl she looks her actual age. In the ads she looks 10 years older.

curly hair is ageing. Why do you think everyone goes around with it straightened? I come from a family of frizzy haired people, we have a septuagenarian who looks 20 years younger. Her tricks? Tidy light-coloured straightened hair, a light touch on the makeup, and a SMILE on a face that moves.

no need to do anything painful - forget the inflated lips, paralysed facial muscles, fugly heels. Eat properly, get some exercise, wear sunscreen (today is near peak UV), stand up properly (you can't do that if you are waddling on stilletos with your arse sticking out) and smile.

@Lobsterquadrille2 it's funny isn't it that I thought I looked great in that beige top! I like the straps but it does mean I have to wear a rubbish strapless bra, I have now promised never to wear it again!!!!!

I am early forties and cool af and I really don’t think Botox and fillers are necessary. And no, you don’t need heels unless you want to look WAG.

However, there is no getting around it - avoiding frumpiness is pretty expensive and much more time consuming.

The easiest no-brainer way of stopping looking frumpy is to stop shopping in frumpy-potential shops and throw out all your clothes from there. Goodbye to anything bought from the supermarket, Gap, M&S, and almost all of the High St.
(Some people can find gem in these shops, I am simply saying the easiest way to avoid frumpiness is to avoid these shops altogether).

Next, do some research and look at Instagram, Pinterest, Grazia, Vogue, WhoWhatWear etc for styles you like.

Spend in cool shops as researched above. Whistles is pretty accessible, as is Comptoir des Cotonniers, Sandro, some Bella Freud, some Toast, some APC, lots of cool younger brands on the Outnet or Coggles etc. This will be expensive, sorry.

For face: get a nice routine going and include eg tan-luxe drops once or twice a week to give you colour. Sort eyebrows, it is a must. Dye lashes. Make up is the last step and by far the least critical.

Hair: Research this when looking for clothes. Also, get a really good hair mask such as the Christophe Robin on. Again £££, sorry.

You have a good figure and good approach,OP. I’m sure you can turn it around, no problem. The initial bit is likely to be quite a chunky outlay for good results though.

@Bluntness100 I totally agree with you re: the Invisibility Factor.

I'm pushing 50 and I have to say that I felt more invisible in my 30s and early 40s. At the age I am now, I'm often complimented on my style and how attractive I am. People are often shocked at my age and mistake me for much, much younger. Confidence definitely plays a part in all of this too and the way you carry yourself within the clothes you wear, at any age.

Why is curly hair ageing? I dont get that one

@mencken I'm glad you said that about curly hair everyone in the Facebook groups rave about how much younger people look but I feel frumpy. I'm going to continue for now as it's going to give my hair a break but unless it suddenly looks great I won't carry on with it!

Which clothes brands are frumpy?
I wear mostly H&M or Topshop skinny jeans With Converse.
I’m also 46.
But I also have A few joules coast coats, is Joules jacket frumpy?
Also I’m into Cath Kidston Style, but not into their clothes, just bags and accessories. I think I have one t shirt from them with rainbow print.
But I’m usually after very youngish style, more like teenagers clothing if I could I wear.

Surrey, I agree.

It might be the equivalent of the average driver thinks they're a better than average driver.

It might fall out of one of my roles and it does depend on how you ask the question but 'if you don't mind me asking, where did you get your work done = 100% accurate with lots of 'no one has ever asked before'.

Now I know there's no counterfactual but it makes me smile when PPs say 'my botox and fillers are subtle and no one ever notices'. Yes, some do.