How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

That shirt looks a bit building society uniform to me, sorry.

I do wonder if I have the same white shirt from M&S that a pp had - dazzlingly white and perfect cut linen!

Fab advice @Laquila, esp the buy two if you find something good

Thanks @Mrs...terrible spellcheck/typos though! 🙄😁

Buy 2 is a great idea. One I wish I'd done many times.

It's inevitable that it'll immediately be discontinued if you don't - just a fact of life 🙄

@lockdownalli, the jeans from your stitch fix box, what make are they please? Thry sound perfect for me!

They are Stitchfix own brand - Mauvette.

If you sign up for a box and request skinny jeans I am pretty sure they would be included and you would get the stylist fee of £10 refunded plus £15 off if you use my link. You don't have to sign up for regular boxes - if you want a one off you can just order as and when.

They are really soft and stretchy and very high waisted.

Before I started this thread I had done a M&S order, it has just arrived- I'm not sure what I was thinking!

There is one pair of 3/4 length blue trousers which I will keep as they fit brilliantly and have a bit of tailoring so look good but the rest is going back! Actually I'm going to blame mumsnet as in one of their emails people recommended print jersey trousers and I bought a pair- they are definitely not for me!!!! I look like I'm in pjs, they just accentuate my round tummy and the fact I have no bottom!!

Will start looking at some of the places recommended on here instead!

Oh thanks so much @lockdownalli, they sound so lush. Can you cancel at any time?

Yes, when you sign up you should give them as much info as possible, they ask loads of questions. So, for example, I am 55 and a very busty size 14 and was worried I would get either round necks or things that were too low but you get the chance to explain all that kind of stuff.

Also you set the price point for each type of item. Mine is set at the cheapest so I got Mango and Warehouse rather than Mint Velvet and Hush, but you can change it with each box, and also ask for "occasionwear" if you have a big party or wedding coming up. My five items cost £137 I think.

Re the cancellation - yeah you can change it any time. You can set to "ad hoc" ordering so you are set up and order a box whenever, or at set intervals. Mine is every three months.

@Justtakeatowel That's exactly what my issues have been. I reckon 95% of my wardrobe is M&S or Next. No wonder I look stale

I would suggest having a look at what Trinny and Susannah used to suggest and then doing the EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT. Avoid v necks, a line skirts, anything from anywhere like Lindybob or Joe Browns (if it is 1950's themed it is AWFUL).

If in doubt, you can't go wrong with buying nice jeans & a really good Breton tee, and getting your hair done at wherever is fanciest in your local town.

John Lewis do a personal shopping thing which obviously isn't an option right now, but would be good when things open again.

You can't go that far wrong with Whistles, Zara, Cos, Hush, Rixo etc.

I have to disagree with you Gwyneth the neckline of a Breton t shirt does nothing for me and we're not all clones, nor should we aim to be.

Whatever you may think of them T & S did give some great advice.

What you should do is find what works best for you - difficult in the current circumstances, but things like trying on different necklines, skirt lengths, dress styles, etc. For example, I know I should avoid anything remotely boho as it does nothing for me. Nothing frilly or fussy. No high, round necks although slashed or bateau styles suit me. Wear well-fitting underwear and don't be afraid of wearing colour.

@wowfudge

I have to disagree with you Gwyneth the neckline of a Breton t shirt does nothing for me and we're not all clones, nor should we aim to be.

Whatever you may think of them T & S did give some great advice.

What you should do is find what works best for you - difficult in the current circumstances, but things like trying on different necklines, skirt lengths, dress styles, etc. For example, I know I should avoid anything remotely boho as it does nothing for me. Nothing frilly or fussy. No high, round necks although slashed or bateau styles suit me. Wear well-fitting underwear and don't be afraid of wearing colour.

There are oodles of different necklines that you can get with Breton stripes, not just slash neck.

RE: Trinny & Suze - www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/09/25/trinny-susannah-what-not-wear/

Not every look suits everyone and individuality can be the very thing to stop you looking frumpy.

I've been thinking this thread, I do wonder if it's more that you look dated rather than frumpy. I have lots of things in my wardrobe that are more than 10 years old, some getting on for 20 years old.

When you are in your 20s, by the fact you've probably not been the same height/size for all that long, you just don't own clothes that dated!

It's worth thinking about what in your wardrobe is more than 2 years old. Would you buy that now? How likely is it that there's things like that in the shops now? Even if it's still in great condition, does it look like you bought it 5+ years ago?

Also the repair/state of clothes, I used to volunteer in a charity shop, and it did help to have an eye about what counted as good enough to sell clothes. Realised I'd keep things in my wardrobe that would have gone in the scraps bag at the charity shop. It's very hard to look stylish in something that's bobbly or pulled out of shape.

@LittleGwyneth

I would suggest having a look at what Trinny and Susannah used to suggest and then doing the EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT. Avoid v necks, a line skirts, anything from anywhere like Lindybob or Joe Browns (if it is 1950's themed it is AWFUL).

If in doubt, you can't go wrong with buying nice jeans & a really good Breton tee, and getting your hair done at wherever is fanciest in your local town.

John Lewis do a personal shopping thing which obviously isn't an option right now, but would be good when things open again.

You can't go that far wrong with Whistles, Zara, Cos, Hush, Rixo etc.

I hate Joe browns and fifties style lindybop stuff has become ubiquitous with a certain demographic and is so predictable. People love it but it's not for me. I do like a deep V tho. I have very broad shoulders and a deep v neck seems to balance me out a bit. Plus enhances my cleavage which in my advancing years has become one of my best features.

@lockdownalli

Yes, when you sign up you should give them as much info as possible, they ask loads of questions. So, for example, I am 55 and a very busty size 14 and was worried I would get either round necks or things that were too low but you get the chance to explain all that kind of stuff.

Also you set the price point for each type of item. Mine is set at the cheapest so I got Mango and Warehouse rather than Mint Velvet and Hush, but you can change it with each box, and also ask for "occasionwear" if you have a big party or wedding coming up. My five items cost £137 I think.

Re the cancellation - yeah you can change it any time. You can set to "ad hoc" ordering so you are set up and order a box whenever, or at set intervals. Mine is every three months.

@Justtakeatowel That's exactly what my issues have been. I reckon 95% of my wardrobe is M&S or Next. No wonder I look stale

Thanks for the information 😊

No problem - and thanks to the person who used my referral link

www.stitchfix.co.uk/invite/ffztmxfkwh?sod=w&som=c

I got a £15 credit off my next box and you do too. Much appreciated

Also the repair/state of clothes,

Good point Disgruntled I sorted out my wardrobe yesterday and hardly anything is saleable really. It’s good for the environment to wear clothes that much but it also means I have kept them too long and worn them looking like a ragamuffin and felt scruffy and fed up.

I have found a pair of Levi’s demicurve straight jeans that I bought last time straight jeans were in. They need shortening so I have pinned them ready to sew later. That feels like a pair of jeans for free and 0 environmental impact.

This thread has inspired me to get my wardrobe and myself ship shape. I have dyed my eyebrows, hair masked my hair. Feeling good!

Well I went shopping for the first time yesterday with my children and they were so anti anything I picked up that was slightly different to my normal style as apparently if I'm too cool I won't look like mummy 🙄🤣.

I ignored and bought a T-shirt I'd never normally buy, I wore it today and pinned the front of my hair up and DH walked into the room, took one look and said, "you look younger today!" No prompting, he has no idea about this thread so it wasn't a weird compliment to make me feel better. So although looking younger isn't my main aim the fact DH (who notices nothing) commented makes me feel I did something right!!

I've got slightly obsessed with following Doesmybumlook40 as although she isn't my style there are definitely bits in there which I'm finding useful! It's because of her I didn't but yet another plain t shirt! Win!

Having thought about this a bit since my earlier post, I think there's a sound basis for stopping the shopping for at least a month or two, and preferably 6 months. Take a break and only replace (like for like) things you wear as basics when over worn. And then come back with a fresher eye on what you are missing that makes your look contemporary. Buy a copy of Vogue and look though the editorial, note editorial, pages several times. Of course, most of us can't afford the original versions. But the High street will copy anything quickly and affordably, so buy a trend cheap in H&M or Newlook, and if it suits and flatters your body, consider buying a bit better quality. I tend to think that looking good as you get older is more about the details, once you have worked out the silhouette that flatters your body, so I will always spend more money on basics, like jeans and jumpers, which I wear 300 days a year, and then rev it up with very on trend cheap bits. EG I bought a rainbow stripe camera bag strap in March, and it lifts my everyday bag and goes with (but does not match) all my neutrals. Will I wear it next year? Almost certainly not. But it will have given fashion value way beyond the £15 it cost me.

But at 63, I can't claim to not look middle aged. But definitely not geriatric yet!

@XingMing

Having thought about this a bit since my earlier post, I think there's a sound basis for stopping the shopping for at least a month or two, and preferably 6 months. Take a break and only replace (like for like) things you wear as basics when over worn. And then come back with a fresher eye on what you are missing that makes your look contemporary. Buy a copy of Vogue and look though the editorial, note editorial, pages several times. Of course, most of us can't afford the original versions. But the High street will copy anything quickly and affordably, so buy a trend cheap in H&M or Newlook, and if it suits and flatters your body, consider buying a bit better quality. I tend to think that looking good as you get older is more about the details, once you have worked out the silhouette that flatters your body, so I will always spend more money on basics, like jeans and jumpers, which I wear 300 days a year, and then rev it up with very on trend cheap bits. EG I bought a rainbow stripe camera bag strap in March, and it lifts my everyday bag and goes with (but does not match) all my neutrals. Will I wear it next year? Almost certainly not. But it will have given fashion value way beyond the £15 it cost me.

Rainbow stripe camera bag strap?! That sounds awesome! How clever and original, I love little gems like this, I'm off to Google one now!

I hope there will be a second version of this thread. I am feeling very frumpy and invisible. Some of that comes with weight - and today is a new day on that. I had lost about half a stone during lock down and then got depressed and ate my feelings for a bit 🤦‍♀️

This company is worth a look for decently cut raincoats, @Alsohuman. Different lengths and styles. (Some of the prints are horrendous!) I’ve got a plain one which has worn very well.
happyrainydays.com/gb/may-long-raincoat-midnight-blue-black/