How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

@gypsywater I don't think it's the same for all but it is in my case! I think it depends on the style. Some look great

Curly hair isn't ageing ... If it's not frizzy and if it's your natural texture it can look a lot better than straightened hair.

Frizzy crap hair is ageing. As is thinning hair. And curly hair has a tendency to look frizzy . It's not the same thing.

I don't want to repeat what others said but would want to give a shout out to accessories - they make a big difference in impressions! Things like a plain black top would look brilliant with a statement necklace.

Also once this corona stuff calms down I'd so go to a john lewis or similar and book an appointment where they pick out clothes for you that would suit you. The sessions are free and you're not obliged to buy anything but can really help you figure out what would look good on you :)

I’m feeling slightly depressed reading this thread. I’m the same age as you OP and coming to terms with aging. It’s hard! My hairline is receding and my eyebrow hair has started to fall out (it’s not hormone related though) which has been very emotional and mentally aged me a lot.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, ultimately you have to be thankful for what you have! I’m still working on that.

Op the vest is bad because it’s shapeless and a nothing colour. If it was say for example a dark forest green fitted ribbed vest shape, with a good bra underneath, it would have looked much better as you’ve a good figure. Something like this shape (without the logo)

The jumper is also fine but a bit ubiquitous mums Breton top type. The jumper would be better something like the second image.

You can still look relaxed (I'm assuming this means you like a leisurewear look) but it has to be "edgy" relaxed if you are older and I'm afraid that does involve spending more money from cool brands - not for every item but for key ones. James Perse, Cale, Bassike are expensive but give ideas what I mean. Only teenagers can throw on supermarket sweats and look cool.
Make up is a must when you age. Faces look drained as hair greys, so does skin tone. Have a look at makeoverguy on you tube to see the difference the right make up tone makes. I still think having your colours done saves time and money - look at colour me beautiful websites for this, you may be able to guess your type.
I have grey hair but it's 80% grey and always shampoo with a colour toner (dirty blond, pink or silver) and blow dry it to within an inch of its life to ensure there's no old lady frizz. You are much less grey so may still be okay to camouflage it - but I think box colour looks very aging, highlights or lowlights are much better.
You are lucky to be athletic shape - you can carry a lot off with that.

I once asked DH to give me money for clothes (birthday) which would be on the recommendation of a shop stylist. I was a bit younger then and thought Miss Selfridge.
I’ve since thought about Next
Trouble is I worry I’ll be persuaded to buy clothes I’m not really comfortable in and they’ll just never be worn.
I tend to buy supermarket and sale stuff so nothing is co-ordinated.
I wear leggings and tunics in the winter and shorts in the summer. I’ve got good legs but I’m a bit of a Purple Ronnie so try to cover my mum tum.
Sorry I’m no help whatsoever but following for tips.

Which clothes brands are frumpy?

Mint Velvet, for a start. You only have to look at the women shopping it in JL. Same with a lot of Hush - all those jumpers with leopard print stars, the joggers are nice though. Most M&S is awful. Hobbs screams middle aged to me.

I'm fascinated by this thread. I haven't had time to read it all yet but I wanted to post so that I can find it again - my one 'miracle' find was recommended by another poster on this site - Guerlain's 'Midnight Secret'; it's the most amazing potion for night that makes you wake up looking like you've slept really well. Sometimes I don't. It's fantastic and beats every other 'flash balm' out there I've tried.

I think your hair needs a great cut, and I’d change your clothes - I don’t think the navy jumper or stripes suits.

But you seem to have a really nice shape and lovely skin, so it’s just being out your natural features.

For me, I was a single mother for 7 years in my 30s, no sign of dating, I was just too busy working and being a mum. When I hit 40, I knew it was now or never to get my confidence back. And I’m really glad I put some effort in. I...

• spent money. It was really weird to spend money on myself. I found it psychologically strange to buy expensive shoes and clothes. I had to train myself.
• tried on loads and loads of clothes. Noticed friends I admired more, how they dressed.
• I actually spent the same overall, just on less clothes, but really suited me. One pair of jeans. Dresses. One pair of boots.
• summer you can get cheaper clothes.

Hair and teeth! Spend on these. I only get my hair cut 3 times a year, but by a really really amazing hairdresser in London. I get my hair dyed 2 x a year, and in such a way that roots growing just suit it for a while.

It can make you feel brilliant!

I found the most useful thing to do in your situation is find someone my age who does look right, and use them as inspiration. It's best if it's not someone in your own life, but also not a celebrity - just look around for someone in a magazine article or the paper and see what they have done to look good. The ones who look right for me - they are smiling and usually they wear something quite plain and simple but expensive. They have a good hair cut that is right for their age.

On this list:

Buy more expensive clothes from cool shops. Agree
Do not shop for clothes in supermarkets. Agree
Have expensive haircut. Keep it maintained. Agree
Have botox. This is important. No, you just look like you've had botox
Optional - Have fillers. Ditto - waste of money (and pain)
Wear heels. Watch youtube video on styling and copy them. Definitely not, having to wobble around in uncomfortable shoes does not make you look younger!
Have nails and eyebrows done professionally in 'natural' (ha!) beauty style. Yes
Keep fit - optional Definitely not optional - staying slim and toned and not overdoing it makes you look younger
I'm not sure about face cream. I think its a myth. Not sure about face cream per se but a daily SPF is a must.

Facial yoga WORKs, So does stopping wearing glasses, I've had one eye operated on to remove short sight and an astigmatism , that was 28 years ago, a great move because it saved soo much money on glasses (not sunglasses, but buy good ones that suit your face) . . Yes to good posture . Also natural looking highlights and a good haircut. I eat very healthily , don't drink much at all , unless you count filtered water and green tea!!! Sleep well and I'm still not invisible, I'm 69 .

Oh I was invisible when I was 40, slim , wearing glasses and dark haired.

I would add regular visits to the hygienist to the list.

StuffedPenguin posted "It's an attitude and it's confidence that turns heads . Of course a well groomed look doesn't hurt ."

Exactly. I'm over 50 and when in a confident mood I can turn heads although I generally look like a mad art teacher. It comes from within.
Sadly, I am expected to look like celebrities of the same age group, which lacking the genes they have, and presumably the money they spend on looking good.

Looking good isn't just for the young, and things like posture and tone can be improved cheaply and fairly easily if you are in good health, and a smile and being pleasant are free.

Supermarket clothes can be fine. I've bought things that people have asked me where I got them (in a nice way, not as a crikey, where on earth did you get that way).

I totally disagree about Botox and fillers. The number of women who just look awful because of it.

Eating well, keeping slim and fit and having good core strength is really important. You aren’t overweight. Your hair could do with a really good sharp cut. I would go to a department store and use a personal shopper to give you some ideas. It’s free and you don’t need to buy any of the clothes. Agree with getting your colours done and having a make up lesson in a department store. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut with make up.
You don’t need to wear heels either! I haven’t worn them in years.
Colouring grey hair can be more ageing than not in my opinion as the colour can look odd with skin tone , and roots are more ageing than anything.
Yoga, Pilates and some weights are great for tone and posture and will help your tummy.

I also disagree with the botox and fillers. I think they tend to make people look older. Looking comfortable in your skin is good.
You are athletic looking OP, with fabulous legs. I would go with simple things for daytime -slim trousers or jeans rolled, T-shirt, shirt or matelot , cashmere jumpers. Get things that are neatly cut and good quality fabrics.
I like your hair curly. I have very curly hair and it does look messy, it isn’t possible to look super groomed with curls, but I have accepted that .

Hi! To a fellow 40s. I am super high maintenance, haha but I agree that you really don't need to be.

What I think - you have a great figure. Like me you have broad shoulders. I find I suit V necks.

I think you could look into your hair colour as others suggest. Not necessarily blonde but maybe a bit of red or a richer brown? It's hard to know as we can't see your eyes!

Have a think about what colours you suit. I had my colours done and it was brilliant. I don't buy anything that isn't a good colour on me.

Definitely be a bit more spendy on basics. Jean shapes have changed so a straight leg with a higher waist looks more up to date than a skinny. However I still love my skinnies!

Whose style do you like? What fits in with your lifestyle? I would go from there and add in about what colours and shapes suit you.

Exciting!

Good luck, come back and let us know how it goes.

@gypsywater

Why is curly hair ageing? I dont get that one

It isn't. But there is an general attitude that straight hair is "better" than curly and I think that attitude has deep connections to other issues (for example, black women being told it is "unprofessional" to wear their natural hair).

I’m 20 and buy supermarket stuff, it’s fab haha! I like ASOS but I mainly shop on Depop. My main colours are black, white, grey, and pink. I’m far too tall to wear skirts so I spend most my time in leggings, a t-shirt dress, and a pair of Vans/ASOS knock offs or Adidas Superstars. They’ve lasted me 5 years so far! I’m by no means a fashion expert 😂

@Alsohuman
I don’t have any clothing from those shops.
I think Matalan, m&s or supermarkets clothes are the worse, very occasionally I can see i funky t shirt in there but that’s rarely.
I got quite few Joules coast coats,
I think I’m gonna ditch some of them.
I got the famous mustard colour one, which anytime I wear I feel like 75 yrs old, also I saw lots of older ladies wearing it lately.
I will keep bright pink and green one.
I never shop in Hush but a old friend is and yeah, she has huge stars jumpers.

Botox and fillers can be absolutely fine, they will make the person look refreshed and softer, but it needs to be done well, with a light touch, and natural looking. It only looks bad when you can tell.

They aren’t a must but they are not a no no, and have their place, I have an acquaintance who I suspect has it done, She’s mid fifties, but she must have it done very lightly, she looks softer When I suspect she’s had it done,, the wrinkles sort of melted away but not the harsh frozen puffy look which is the give away.

Less is more as in with most other things.

Also, (soz mum) but my mum looked so much older until she got her eyebrows done. We both have them microbladed and I think it frames your face more. Obv if you have good brows you don’t need to do this haha

Also NEXT clothes I think are frumpy.