How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

Well ranted @Zilla1 - I totally agree.

I’m a bit younger than you but have spent quite a lot of time thinking about this and I always try and analyse, when I see a lady in the street who looks good, what makes her look so good. I live in London so you typically see quite a lot of polished, put together types. I’d say it comes down to the following:

• Good hair: regularly cut and coloured, at least some styling daily
• Clear style: monochrome in neutral colours is the simplest way to look put together (black, grey, navy, camel). If this really doesn’t work for you, then think more about your style - when do you feel at your best? For me it’s in jeans and a nipped in blazer. Go through your wardrobe and get rid of everything you feel mediocre in, and then start replacing with good quality versions of things you feel great in - don’t make excuses like “but I need this for a wedding” etc - find pieces that work for different occasions
• sunglasses hide a multitude of sins and are acceptable except when completely cloudy or raining
• Accessories show thought has gone into the outfit and make a big difference - I regularly buy jewellery, scarves, bags, headbands, hats etc. to update my look as it’s so cheap from Primark or ASOS and this is one area I don’t think you need to spend good money to make a difference
• Heels (not big ones) do make you look more sophisticated (based on my aforementioned random lady analysis) but these days I don’t think it’s realistic to wear them so I’d encourage thinking about trendy footwear eg sneakers, sliders etc and making sure you replace when they get worn. Worn clothes too just destroy any look of sophistication or trendiness
• neutral make up but with a focus on the eyes. BB cream was a godsend for me as I can’t stand a full face of foundation every day but it really evens out the blemishes and redness.

If you’re stuck I’d suggest doing a personal shop at one of the big department stores and/or getting your colours done. I’d also set a budget at the start so you don’t feel guilty about spending money on updating your look.

Good luck!

Decent underwear is very important.

I agree. I remember watching Trinny and Susannah some years ago, and they put a properly fitting bra on a woman with saggy boobs. The difference it made to her outfit and general appeariance was staggering.

Trendy clothes and hair cut. Watch your makeup isn't outdated too (no blue eyeliner lol)

I'm not having a go, OP, but there is an odd inconsistency within the thread that touches on the Oprah effect.

'Size doesn't matter' then 'well done for losing weight. You look fabulous.'

Age doesn't matter but I want to look younger, not my age and certainly not older.

Appearance doesn't matter and attention doesn't matter but I feel awful now I've got older and I don't get the same attention from men that I got when I was younger.

I suppose we all live in society but it doesn't make a lot of sense.

The one thing I would say from every age is a good moisturiser with an effective SPF. Avoid sun like the plague while still getting sufficient for Vitamin D.

I can practically guarantee that all of those 'still turning heads' women of over 50 have either had work done or spend an incredibly amount of work and time on their faces and money on their clothes.

I'm nearly 60. Still slim and trim, not looking too bad, very active. Number of male heads turned - 0.

Mid forties, I don't have botox of fillers and definitely do not look frumpy! Both of these treatments can have be v ageing and scream 'middle aged' so be very cautious if you go down that road.

Botox, if used conservatively can work, but I would only go to someone very good (and usually expensive) who does 'baby botox', ie. you will still have movement in your forehead but look 'fresher'. The '11s' can make you look tired and a bit cross. I don't have these (yet) but will probably have botox if they develop.

Most people with fillers just look like they have had fillers.

OMG I'm PMSL at some of the comments writing women off in their late 40s/50s. And botox as a 'must'...give me a break.

It is perfectly doable to look stylish, have good hair, good diet and good skin on a budget.

You don't need botox or fillers - unless you want it (personally I think it looks noticeable and 'trying too hard'). And that is on any age.
You don't need high heels!
You can still manage to look cute and quirky, if you want to!
Good underwear is a must, I agree on this.
Keeping active - agree with PP who say using free YouTube vids is the way to go or do C25K to start running!

Find a style you like, have a look at Pinterest, but don't follow the sheeples who buy everything the influencers on Instasham, push.

I do agree that a lot of Boden/White Stuff clothes can make women look frumpy and middle aged.

That curly girl method is very hit and miss. Some people have amazing hair from it whilst others look a throwback of my mum from the 80s.

In no particular order - I'm not a fan of curly hair as it does seem to age people . Can't think who I was looking at on TV who had done it and it was very ageing - think it was Lorraine Kelly .

You have a great figure - wish I was your size ! Are you not wearing a bra in that photo ?

As a lover of stripes myself, I don't see anything wrong with them . Stripes and neutrals and lack of pattern is the way to go - stylish . Add a pair of white soled dress trainers ( not teenagers trainers ) and you are set to go for everyday . Add a well cut stone mac type thing .

I can't stand that put together/colour me look where people think a chunky necklace or a scarf makes them look better . Those styles alone are ageing Remember when M and S used to sell tops with necklaces attached ??

Hair is THE most anti ageing thing - good cut and colour and the older you get the lighter you go .

Skincare is essential but so much of that is down to genes . I disagree with the botox and fillers comments as I have botox every 6 months and no one knows . I'm not stretched or shiny . I have a very good doctor . I have also had fillers in my marionette lines and the result is amazing ! I am regularly taken for 10 years younger than I am but have to thank the genes too . I am WAY older than 40s.

Make up essential but stay away from HD brows and fake lashes .

I see so many mothers - 30s and 40s - who have obviously let themselves go when they have children. Always make time for yourself .

Yes i think she did some stuff like light fillers. She does spend a lot on her clothes. She gets her hair done regularly. She works out 3+ times a week, careful with food.

I guess my point its not just about age, im younger than her but she looks better. Way better.

Oh and yes think "cost per wear" of clothing !

Most people with fillers just look like they have had fillers.

Totally agree.

I'm not having a go, OP, but there is an odd inconsistency within the thread

Its always the same in these threads. Someone here just said the OP looks amazing/awesome or something . You can't see her face so how can you possibly say that? The only picture in which you can even see any of her body she is wearing the world's most unflattering vest top and no bra.

OP you know how you look and feel and you know whether you want to change it - which you have said you do. I think you've had some goo dadvice on this thread. Remember you don't need to do everything at once (although lockdown is quite a good time to tackle some of this)

@Zaphodsotherhead

Ultimately it doesn't matter. Once you are over fifty you become invisible, so you can try to stay as 'on trend' as you like or run around naked but for a string vest.

Nobody will notice you, whatever.

This with bells on!

Eagle, thank you. I could cry.

I was watching some festivals on TV and realised that things will have changed when Taylor Swift is on stage, overweight and sat on a chair in a tracksuit with a guitar while Ed Sheeran is toned and only in a pair of budgie smugglers with a bunch of barely dressed male dancers dancing around on stage with a high impact routine. Not that I want to see the results in practice but I suspect I'll be waiting for longer than my likely lifespan.

Most people with fillers just look like they have had fillers.

Nope - most people with bad fillers look like they have had fillers. You aren't noticing the good ones, I promise ;)

OP - you don't need procedures. A freshen up of the hair, perhaps. Some brightening glowy makeup can help too (the Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Flawless Primer is amazing, and you can just wear with moisturiser and nothing else for an amazing glow, smooth skin and hint of coverage).

For clothes, you definitely won't find chic and modern clothing in a supermarket. Get on Instagram, start following ladies that dress the way you'd love to dress if you were a bit more 'out there' and emulate that. The high street is amazing, you don't need to spend a fortune. With your figure, Mango, Zara, H&M would all be fab for fun little pieces to lift your wardrobe.

Lol that beige vest top is probably 20 years old, I am wearing a strapless (and obviously ineffective) bra. I will ditch it and never wear it again!!!!!

I'm desperately trying to deal with my hair, honestly the colour used to get compliments so I'm pretty sure once I get that done again I'll be ok. I'm trying to grow the front and sides as I think this is my volume issue as they just disappear, years of using straighteners not helping.

I'm definitely not super slim. I used to be- I was 7 1/2 stone after having my 2nd child for a while- breast feeding made me disappear. I'm better at the weight I am but I think friends and family think of me as tiny as that's what I used to be. I'd actually be happier at 9stone, I think that would suit my weight better. I need to make sure I don't end up with skinny legs and a big belly as that's never a good look!!!

The stripy top is navy which I wear a lot of, and grey too. I'll try and get some colourful bits and pieces. Getting colours done seems like the first step after the cull!!!

I do appreciate the comments about my legs! I used to have the piss taken out of me growing up- 'have you got 2 bits of string hanging down from your top?' Nice to know they've come into their own now!

Small print fabric - makes me look 100 years old (including all the lovely spotty dresses from the last couple of years).

I'm going to disagree about the filler thing. Fillers when injected correctly with a less is more approach can get rid of jowls, fill in tear troughs and replace lost volume which can lift the central part of the face as a whole. No good skin care routine (moisturiser etc) will do this. Face yoga really is great but doesn't fix everything (particularly tear troughs). Most fillers are temporary (they naturally dissolve or can be dissolved), painful and expensive but can be a game changer.

@Zaphodsotherhead

I can practically guarantee that all of those 'still turning heads' women of over 50 have either had work done or spend an incredibly amount of work and time on their faces and money on their clothes.

I'm nearly 60. Still slim and trim, not looking too bad, very active. Number of male heads turned - 0.

It's an attitude and it's confidence that turns heads . Of course a well groomed look doesn't hurt . How sad that you feel this way .

@Snorkelface

Small print fabric - makes me look 100 years old (including all the lovely spotty dresses from the last couple of years).

I'm going to disagree about the filler thing. Fillers when injected correctly with a less is more approach can get rid of jowls, fill in tear troughs and replace lost volume which can lift the central part of the face as a whole. No good skin care routine (moisturiser etc) will do this. Face yoga really is great but doesn't fix everything (particularly tear troughs). Most fillers are temporary (they naturally dissolve or can be dissolved), painful and expensive but can be a game changer.

Love your name esp in this thread !

@HasaDigaEebowai my face is meh so I need to look good as my size is the only thing going for me really. I've a big nose which I'm conscious of that doesn't help at all. Add that to fizzy curly hair and it's not good!!

I'm not planning on having work done. If I did it would be a nose job!

You can get a non surgical nose job..they inject fillers and it lifts the tip/ sort out the humps or crookedness.

I am 54 and really understand how you feel OP.

Without being too harsh , I hope, you need a better bra. When did you last get properly fitted? Your hair needs an upgrade. Ditch the curly girl. Try John Frieda Dream Curls shampoo, conditioner and styling spray, and lighten it up a bit.

Agree with PP, the beige is dire. I like the navy jumper on you though.

Some advice I got was to not buy any new clothes at all unless I absolutely love them

This has stopped me from buying stuff "because it will do"

You have amazing legs, I am very jealous!!

Navy is good. I have loads of navy in my wardrobe and its my base colour. But make sure you chose good pieces not cheap rubbish.