How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

None of us are looking are best at the minute and you are super slim.
I'm 50 and a lot fatter! Things that help me are:
Getting eyebrows waxed regularly

Getting hair cut and coloured regularly- it's such a mess at the minute

Spending a bit more - generally in sales - on clothes, particularly jeans which I wear a lot

Being a bit brutal about older clothing especially things like summer tops and dresses. It's easy to pull them out every year, but often they don't flatter or suit any more

Agree about ditching the supermarket clothes. The odd, carefully chosen thing is OK but they do tend towards frump in cut, colour and fabric even when you think they look ok at the time. I have a friend who takes care of her appearance, is good looking and has a touch of glamour but she somehow still looks frumpy. Another friend nailed why: supermarket clothes.

It sure if the hair is naturally wavy, but that looks great. Colour is a bit “meh” - I suspect doing something with that would make a big difference.

I think there are a few things that can get you started. I’m 20 years older than you but I found I needed a rethink in my 40s too.

Firstly, try and find your style. Look at people on the tv or in magazines and try and work out what makes them look good in your eyes. Is it Kirsty Alsop’s shirt waister dresses or do you like the simple outfits of Fiona Bruce on Antiques Roadshow? Are you a Boden type woman? Or a Mint Velvet? What is your lifestyle? Red magazine is pretty good for mid 40s fashion suggestions.

Buy well cut better class clothes. Decent fabrics can be expensive, so choose carefully.

Look at a beauty regime that’s not too onerous. I’ve never had Botox or fillers. A friend has but she was very lined. I’m not and have good skin so no need. Learn how to apply make up well and buy decent makes. When they are allowed to open, Space NK can advise.

Lastly, get a good haircut that’s easy to manage. You only want to go about every 6-8 weeks. Check out ideas with a reliable salon with stylists who can talk your hair/face shape with you. Have a look at styles you like but try and find something chic and not messy.

The vest in your picture is fairly yuk but I actually think high quality t shirts work well and they shouldn’t be chucked after a couple of washes. Don’t buy cheap rubbish. The chinos-shirt look is always chic and I like shift dresses that skim the tummy and good too. Wear heels if you want to. If not, Esme on The Sewing Bee always wears flats and really looks chic every week.

Lots to think about but it’s exciting to reinvent yourself. Good luck.

Look at "having your colours done", eg with Colour Me Beautiful: that way, when you do invest in some new clothes, you'll get the colours just right for you.

From looking at the photos I suspect you shop at the same places I do i.e. White Stuff, Boden, Sainsbury’s .
Buying a few more expensive tops - even casual ones with a rounded or v neckline would help. In the photos you have a cracking figure but your clothes look a bit utilitarian, things you've bought because you think they'll do rather than pieces you love.

It's easy to inject a bit of colour in tops - maybe try buying a few online - you can always return if you don't like them.

Great figure OP!

I think the main thing is not to follow trends, and not to stick to them when they are over. For example these days leather jacket over a midi dress, trainers with dresses, skinny jeans and heels etc are very tired trends and very middle-agey.

The other thing is you should invest in better fabrics, get away from jersey, thin knits and things that cling to your body (even if you have a body fat percentage below 10). Go for a bit more structured cuts and more substantial material.

I think the key is putting in some effort and creativity, having good hair, and staying slim. For example carine roitfeld and emanuelle alt do look their age, but not frumpy.

Have you had your colours done op? Sounds like a load of bollocks but it's actually really good for telling what colours suit you. I notice you're not wearing any colours in your photos really - it's hard to know what looks chic and what makes you look like a mad art teacher. In European cities it always strikes me that the women are wearing actual colours, rather than just the grey /black /navy in the UK.

I disagree about the Botox too! I am mid forties and quite overweight But I take care in my appearance, expensive highlights and regular maintenance. Good skin care regime and I wear expensive well cut clothes. I have a young looking face and it is natural. I prefer a few lines to the stiff Botox look. Interestingly a lady I know who looks amazing has no Botox and quite a few lines on her face but has amazing dress sense and is truly stylish. A friend who had Botox regularly does not look half as good. It’s all in the presentation and Botox is not necessary.

I think it’s the supermarket type clothes there. I have found that it’s better to have a few quality pieces than loads of cheap. Sort your wardrobe and be brutal with it!
I now favour mint velvet/Hobbs/hush type. The fabric and cut is always better so hangs well and that makes me look more polished, even if in jeans and a top

Also good quality clothes - made of decent fabrics and well cut, do a lot for you. Sometimes you get a gem from a cheap shop but often it means going somewhere more expensive

Have botox. This is important.
Optional - Have fillers.

goodness!

You have a lovely figure and your naturally wavy hair looks great. Those three photos of you have no colour to them. Do you wear colour and have you figured out what colours suit you best? It's almost as if you are choosing to fade into the background. Make sure you are wearing a good bra and work out what necklines work best for you, what style of trousers, etc.

Start looking on Pinterest, type in Mid 40s ladies fashion and be prepared to enter a new world. There are so many fashion, colour co-ordinating ideas etc. Find a few looks that you like and replicate it. Start a fitness regime like C25K or some YouTube yoga vids. New low maintenance haircut, also sugarpuffandfluff on youtube is absolutely amazing at giving makeup tips on how to magic away the years without making you look like a clown. I've started using Bakuchiol on my face as well. It's a plant based alternative to Retinol. In 12 weeks time I will have skin to rival my DD's (she's 6!)

OP please don't get fillers or botox, completely unnecessary. If you're worried about your face wrinkling and sagging do some face yoga! Google ranjana khan on youtune. It really works.

Can't help as I'm in my own grooming rut, you have fab legs though I'm well jell!

Oh yes and microbladed eyebrows make the world of difference. It's shocking how having sparse eyebrows can age you.

@Poppyismyfavourite

Have you had your colours done op? Sounds like a load of bollocks but it's actually really good for telling what colours suit you. I notice you're not wearing any colours in your photos really - it's hard to know what looks chic and what makes you look like a mad art teacher. In European cities it always strikes me that the women are wearing actual colours, rather than just the grey /black /navy in the UK.

In Paris I only see women wearing black, grey and navy.

I also prefer your hair wavy.
Find something to enjoy about clothes and/or makeup and you'll feel better about the way you look.

I'm about your age (46). Looking at your photos I think your hair colour needs adjusting (I'd go lighter with two or three blondes put through it since it's currently neither one thing nor another). I'm also not a fan of curly hair that length since I agree that it's really ageing. Curly hair is lovely but it needs to be longer.

You look like you need a decent bra to give you shape and to be a bit braver with the clothing. The washed out colours you are picking are not helping at all and you look like you're trying to disappear into the background. High, round necklines look frumpy. V necks are better. I'd suggest a decent moisturiser like ameiliorate for your neck and chest area.

Most of my friends of the same age (late 40s early 50s) who look good exercise to keep their tummies and arms (both real middle age giveaways) toned, have a subtle fake tan, have carefully applied make up, use good skin care including retinol (and moisturise their bodies too) and spend time making sure their hair looks good. They have decent shoes and bags. TBH most of them have subtle botox too (and I disagree that you can always tell - you can tell if someone has had it badly or had too much. You can't tell if its baby botox done carefully).

I agree with others that a few, good quality, well cut pieces makes for a far better wardrobe than 25 cheap things from primark. And flat shoes need extra glam elsewhere IMO. Otherwise they can potentially add to the frumpiness.

I'm regularly told I look considerably younger than I am. I'm 48 and I think it's down to 4 things, I'm slim, I dress in whatever I like (sod all that rubbish about no mini skirts after 40 etc) I have a blunt fringe and I never skimp on sleep!!!
Op you have a fantastic figure, I'd love to be tall, you look great.

Exercise for tone and definition, it’s the key to a young look. One of my male friends said a little while ago ‘you look great for 39, actually, you’d look great for 25’! Yoga, light weights and eat properly.

@Floisme I’ll definitely stop thinking of middle age as a bad thing, just look at ways to make myself look better.

@HermioneWeasley and @HasaDigaEebowai my hair is usually lighter, I missed my last colour due to lockdown and it was desperate to be done. I’ll see if I can find a better picture, I’ve been going gradually lighter over the last year or so.

@Poppyismyfavourite I do need to add a bit of colour I think, it might make my skin less sallow!

@gypsywater thank you!

@ladykuga hadn’t thought of Pinterest, I need to find my style so this might help!

Looks like some investigation into style and a big wardrobe cull is necessary

OP I think you look hot! You’re hair looks great curly but I agree a bit of colour would work wonders, would thicken it up too.
In the first photo I’m afraid my first thought was “wear a bra”

I think Boden sea salt etc clothes can look grumpy as some bits are aiming for cute and fall flat. You can’t do cute after 40 .

Totally agree about finding your style. I really like Justine Leconte on you tube. She explains how to find your style and how to avoid looking older than you are or want to look.