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Style and beauty

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Do you think you are attractive?

285 replies

noddyholder · 16/09/2007 13:48

I ahev just moved and met the only neighbour i think who isn't about 100!She is about 35 boden-y with kids and seemsnice but we were chatting about annie lennox as she had a paper with her picture on it and she was saying how it is harder for women who are attractive to accept aging and she was dreading it as she had spent her life getting what she wanted because of her looks!I was speechless for once and said little back but i would never say that although I am not what I was at 42 I was ok in my youth but it just shocked me So come on do you think you're gorge and has it helped or hindered you?

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 17/09/2007 20:51

I get the awqward feeling a lot, sometimes I feel as if I have to apologise for the way I look which is daft as in most other ways I am very confident. I have only been on two mumsnet meetups and I was convinced that as soon as soon as my back was turned everyone would be commenting on how ugly I was.

It took me weeks to pluck up the courage to look at my wedding photos and I spend most of my time on holidays worrying that someone will catch me on camera. I sobbed when I found out people had looked at my wedding photos while I was on honeymoon as I just knew that during what was supposed to be a happy time for me people had been laughing at me and that my looks ahd in effect ruined what could have been a dream wedding.

When I found out I was pregnant I agonised over whether dd would be as ugly as me and was relieved that she was not. I still don;t know how I have ended up with a pretty daughter. She does have a look of me which really worries me, I feel so guilty that I may have passed on my ugly gene.

To meet me in real life I don't think you could guess all of this was going on though as I love fashion and certainly don't dress to blend in and I know what to wear to suit my shape.

Someone said earlier that they wish someone had made clear to them in their teens early twenties that this was their blooming phase. I can remember beinng about 19 or 20 and a friend saying to me that I was one of the prettiest people she knew and I brushed it aside. I look back now and I know she was right I was actually quite beautiful and would love to look that way again.

jajas I am constantly looking at other women that I think are attractive and wondering what that must feel like.

This infuriates dp who I know thinks I am a stunner and knowing that has helped me immensely.

pointydog · 17/09/2007 20:54

gosh twinset. That sounds quite extreme

ShinyHappySchmooo · 17/09/2007 20:59

In answer to OP.. GOD NO.. a million times over. I look like shit.. even in makeup.

Can't think what DH likes to be honest. But grateful he does.

anniemac · 17/09/2007 21:01

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bigshopper · 17/09/2007 21:03

I like the way I look. Not everyday, but in general. It's very sad to think that everything you've got you managed to get because you're pretty. I never think that, but admit that being (or feeling?) pretty has definitely helped me feel confident about going to new places and meeting new people.

Main thing is not to get a face lift and end up looking like a goldfish . Important to age gracefully. To look appropriate and elegant.

norkmaiden · 17/09/2007 21:03

Faking self-confidence sounds good if only I had the balls just to do it. Anniemac, you really reckon most people would be fooled..?

rantinghousewife · 17/09/2007 21:04

Ha ha, with you on that bigshopper. I don't intend ever letting a syringe near my laughter lines

GodzillasBumcheek · 17/09/2007 21:07

Lol...yes, attitude does have alot to do with it...unfortunately i am a total nerd too which may explain earlier comment! Btw, before people stop posting again - i am a fairly confident nerd and don't mind! Besides, my kids are gorgeous enough to distract people away from me!

twinsetandpearls · 17/09/2007 21:07

Anniemac I am very good at faking self confidence if you met me in RL you would not think all of this was bubbling away under the surface. I recently confided in someone close to me that this was how I felt about myself and they were very shocked.

RnB · 17/09/2007 21:07

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berolina · 17/09/2007 21:08

Difficult one. Overall I am attractive, yes. Not pretty, as I have features (big nose, wonky teeth) that counteract that. And not sexy, not at all. But attractive, yes.

twinsetandpearls · 17/09/2007 21:09

pointydog I ahve come to realise over the past few years that it is quite extreme and dp has tried very hard to change the way I think about myself and when we are alone I do think differently. But for too mnay years different people have told me how ugly I am and I don;t think that damage will ever be undone.

twinsetandpearls · 17/09/2007 21:10

RnB I wouldn't say I was a stunner at 19 I was just very pretty, I am now not recognisable as that person. There has been no accident just a few stone in weight gain and somehow I have just lost that spark.

twinsetandpearls · 17/09/2007 21:11

I have now cut myself off from many of the people I knew in my early 20s as I can't bear them to see what I have become.

RnB · 17/09/2007 21:14

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pointydog · 17/09/2007 21:16

oh twinset. It just all seems such needless unhappiness with yourself.

DarthVader · 17/09/2007 21:21

Attractive? Sometimes
Pretty - no
Beautiful - no
Well presented, well dressed and groomed - yes
I'm also mot much bothered about aging as I haven't been able to trade on my looks in life at any point!

ShinyHappySchmooo · 17/09/2007 21:21

Twinset do you think you could have that Body Dysmorphia illness? The way you talk (about your looks only) sounds a bit unrealistic and unbalanced.. esp where you say you KNEW people (who know and like you) would have been laughing at the way you look in your wedding photos. That's highly unlikely you know.

I dislike the way I look.. but I know that others probably don't judge me half as harshly as I do myself and I know that I can look better when I make a real effort.

I bet you're not ugly at all. But something may have happened in your mind to make you think this about yourself.. not necessarily a trauma.. just something. The mind is a funny thing.

Sorry if I'm barking up the wrong tree.

twinsetandpearls · 17/09/2007 21:21

It is needless unhappiness and I hate myself for it, how can I be so shallow for writing myself of because of my looks when I have so many other things going for me and there are people in the world with real problems.

twinsetandpearls · 17/09/2007 21:25

The people laughing at me in my wedding dress may have known me but they did not like me and on many occasion I approached a room only to walk away in tears because I could hear them mocking me for my ugliness. My ex husband asked if he could cite my ugliness on divorce papers. My mum has 2 childhood photos off me becuase in her words I was so ugly it was embaressing.

I have done some research about body dysmorphia but the flaw in that idea is that I am actually an ugly person who thinks she is ugly and that has been confirmed all through my life by other people.

twinsetandpearls · 17/09/2007 21:27

I heard members of my ex husbands family joking about getting a stand in bride for the photos.

Even my own mother said to me when trying on my wedding dress " that would have looked lovely on your sister."

RnB · 17/09/2007 21:28

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RnB · 17/09/2007 21:28

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Wilkie · 17/09/2007 21:29

Don't think I am a natural beauty but OK with some slap on

Was always the 'pretty' one out of me and sis when we were younger but now she is more attractive than me

I think a lot of attractiveness comes from how you hold yourself and if you believe in how you look.

stressteddy · 17/09/2007 21:29

Blimey twinset. I feel so awful for you. No wonder you feel the way you do if people actually talk like this to you
If you tell people anything often enough they will believe it
Love to you. This is dreadful and I wish I could help you more than just a few words on a screen
xx

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