How to stop looking like middle-aged woman who shops at M&S

[deepflatflyer]

Quick answer, I know, is not to shop at M&S but I'm in a rut. Thing is, I've looked like a frump for at least the last 15 years. I'm 50. Some more info:

• 5'6". 11 stone. Ideally I'd be closer to 10 as I have been in the past. Peri-menopausal and it seems so hard just to shift a few pounds.

-32E bra and am wearing the correct size.

• size 12 top (slender round the rib cage) but 14 waist and 16 hips - big hips / thighs / bum
• problems with feet - mortons neuroma and bunions. So limited in footwear dept. Stout trainers are best and at the most glam I can wear some but not all things you'd find in Hotter or similar.
• I work from home which is lucky but on the other hand it means I've retreated further into the frumpy rut because nobody sees me.
• I can rustle up an outfit and scrub up to presentable when I have to. But look oh so boring.
• I try to make the most of my hair but always end up disappointed. Hair is thick and difficult. Short hair doesn't suit me as I have an uninteresting face
• I do try with accessories and have some nice scarves and necklaces.
• wear glasses which I hate and am saving to replace. Contact lenses aren't comfortable.
• am entirely out of practice with make up although I do have some. Most I use is powder/ lipgloss / mascara.
• even when I go out I have to walk / get trains etc so end up going for sensible shoes / raincoat / rucksack so never look remotely 'special'
• husband doesn't give a shit so no encouragement / incentive there
• could probably do with some facial depilatory but not sure where to start
• not a huge budget to spend on myself and take no joy in shopping

Any tips /words of encouragement appreciated. Various shitty things going / gone on in my life so be gentle...

This thread title made me laugh it reminded me so much of me.

All I can suggest is a REALLY good cut and colour at a hip modern salon and a personal shopper experience at John Lewis. Oh, and exercise classes of course.

I’m sure you don’t look as bad as you think OP

My advice would be to buy some key pieces which you can dress up and down and that suit all occasions. Then you can use those accessories you already have to suit them.

Just on the point of always having to wear a backpack, raincoat and sensible shoes - get a longchamp shopper which is very practical on its own, then just get a brolly and some nice waterproof ballet flats.

Sensible, practical clothes definitely have a place but you should also enjoy your clothes!

Sorry things are tough What did you like to wear before the ‘rut’ OP? Couple of easy ‘right now’ things would be shoes: Dr Martens, Converse, both good for painful feet (I got ‘em too) and don’t look frumpy. Treat yourself to some great flattering frames for your glasses? Get a consultation with a good hairdresser? You are so lucky to have thick hair, even if it may not feel like it, and maybe think about a colour or highlights too?

erm

My tips:

Don't shop in M&S. or anywhere dowdy. You can still shop in topshop if you want! But otherwise Cos, other stories, zara, all have clothes that are suitable for all ages.
Don't wear scarves - they age you
Grow your hair long - avoid a bob. Get a nice colour and cut. You are lucky it's thick!

get some nice glasses. You wear them every day - they should look amazing
Trainers - what about vejas? Boots? Chelsea boots? (look in Toast maybe)
Eyebrows?

Start following some of the 40something insta people. Get some tips. They seem to be wearing lots of zara type dresses at the moment with trainers or boots. Plus a leather jacket. You'll get ideas on what looks good.

Get out of the house each day - for a run, yoga class or coffee. Meet friends (this will help you lose weight)- laughing is the best. On weight loss, I find fasting the most effective way - there are loads of threads on here about it.

1. Book in for a consultation with a modern hairdresser. Explain all the issues with your hair and see what they suggest. It's only a consultation/advice so you don't have to have it cut without thinking through or saving up.

2. visit a make up counter in boots/Debenhams. Tell them you need a new look but have no idea where to begin. They might be able to book you in for a make over etc and give you tips and make up idea.

These both require a decent budget if you actually buy the make up! But you can have a make over done on the expensive counter then pop to the cheap make up to actually buy some bits.

3. get on YouTube and google face waxing and watch the tutorials. Or just buy immaculate facial hair remover and use that.

4. also YouTube for style ideas. Search for basic fashion rules or tutorials.

You say you don't have much of a budget so I would actually tackle hair and make up first before clothes but personal preference. If clothes would make you feel better then book a personal shopper but, again, budget needed.

What area of you bothers you the most??

Sorry you are going through a hard time OP

Sorry to hear this OP. I'm 50 and shop in M&S and I think I look passable most of the time; I could be kidding myself, obviously. I find that basics from anywhere are pretty much the same - black jeans, vests, hoodies, boots. I wear chunky jewellery (only one piece at a time) in a coordinating colour. Work wardrobe is a bit different and tends to be Hobbs and French Connection but you work from home so not applicable. I bet you look much better than you give yourself credit for.

Nothing wrong with shopping at M and S or any shop, as long as you buy stuff that fits your shape and colouring.

Sounds like you are a pear, like me.

pear

Weird- I don’t remember posting this...

I don't shop and M and S but a lot of what you said reminds me of me! I recently did a full of a few pairs of trousers/ other clothes I know make me look frumpy and sent them off to the charity shop. I have restocked on eBay sticking to skinny jean type bottoms and more colourful tops, a cheap way to get decent brands. A decent foundation goes a long way too but I can't always be bothered putting it on, I'm more a mascara and lip gloss girl! I have the same issues re footwear but actually hotter are fine if you choose wisely, there's the odd good looking boot in amongst the trump! I recently got complimented on my hotter boots ( I didn't read up where I got them though!).

• fess up

I would start with a visit to a decent hairdressers. I know that I feel 20 years younger when I've got a decent cut.

Then browse Instagram until you find someone who looks a bit like you, see what they are wearing.

I'm 48, and I'm still shopping at pretty much the same shops as I always have shopped at. Personal shoppers are great, but it can get expensive.

wears my money is good follow her and her followers on Instagram. Loads of ideas.

I can't wear M&S or Boden. I just look frumpy. I don't have big boobs, but I did when I was younger - I think it's harder to look un-frumpy with a bigger chest. But a well fitted bra will go a long way.

Just looked at wears my money and agree that looks good.
Boden and M and S both are poorly cut - tried on a pair of Prada esq trousers in M and S and they fit but looked rubbish.
I think key is also losing a bit of weight as most things look frumpier in larger sizes.
Good hair cut, bit of weight loss ( doesn't need to be that much) and a few things from Zara and Cos and you will feel much better pretty quickly.
Also saw some fab DM boots with a heel that were super comfortable (as are Camper heels)
Good luck

I get you on the comfortable shoes/practical front. Luckily practical shoes are in at the moment. Try Adidas Stan Smiths - fairly ageless, they don't look too sporty and they last for ages.

Get a raincoat that looks feminine and a bit classier - ie urban rather than outdoorsy, possibly without a hood (navy trenchcoat?)

Don't carry a backpack, carry a large light shoulder bag ie PP Longchamps nylon one. I have to use a backpack sometimes for my laptop, but it always makes me feel scruffier.

Decent haircut somewhere fairly expensive - you only need the good haircut the first time to give you a starting point, you can find a cheaper option down the line.

And I would stay away from dept store beauty counters, they can be overwhelming. Sort your eyebrows and use tinted moisturiser, a bit of blush can take years off :-)

We're clearly twins - think of me as the Danny DeVito to your Arnie (I'm shorter, fatter and an apple)

I don't claim to be terribly stylish but things I've found that help -

Feet; I presume you have orthotics? I've got MN and severe PF in both feet and usually stick to trainers (but a solid black colour). Vans are good. I can't wear Converse because my feet are too wide. I wear DM's in this kind of weather when it's wet.

Hair; snap. Mine is also thick and very fine. I know bobs are supposed to be passe but the shape and length looks better on me than any other style. If you google you can find sites where you can upload a photo and experiment with different haircuts.

Bag; go with whatever is best for your back. Seriously - your 40s are not the time to start fucking about with back pain!! I use a rucksack because a one shoulder bag isn't practical for the weight of my laptop etc. You can get some really nice and stylish looking rucksacks though so practicality doesn't necessarily mean boring.

Clothes; work out your look - and by that I mean your natural style. That's what you actually are, not what you want to be. I really want to look polished and well done, but my natural style is quite relaxed (think smart scruffy!). No matter how hard I try to be 'immaculate' it doesn't work - or I spend the day feeling very uncomfortable.

Working with my natural style made clothes shopping a lot easier - that, and working out what colours suited me. The Kettlewell site has a few good online colour tests you can take. That way when you go shopping you make fewer mistakes. So for me - high necks are a no (big norks, looks matronly), teal is a good colour on me and I need straight leg trousers as they skim and look smart (big calves so slim fit looks odd).

Once you've cracked the style and colours, then where you shop doesn't matter - I'll swing between M&S, Next, GAP, New Look, eBay and H&M.

Funnily enough, I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I reached the time in my life when I stopped caring that I looked like a middle-aged woman who shops at M&S. Because I was one.

Oh and good skin makes a huge difference - and that's achievable. Have a look at the Asian beauty threads on here, which have loads of advice.

Place marking. You sound like my twin, OP - all except the hair (mine is thin and rubbish). Same bust size, height, weight, have foot issues and also perimenopausal! Sometimes I don't care that I look frumpy. But sometimes I really think I should sort myself out!

I'm more like 30 than 50 but you described my body shape to a T. However there are shops both I and my mum (who is not my shape and over 50) can buy stuff which are. Fat face, John Lewis, joules, next, new look m, Debenhams, white stuff

That’s rather a list if negatives

Buy a few things just because you like tgem.

You have a nice feminine shape, and probably look nice in dresses.

Thick hair is great, check some youtube vids for nice updo’s

I have dodgy feet, Mortons Neuroma and hammer toes (sexy! 😂) and have found that certain makes work for me (, Ash, Pikolinos and Gabor)

Dresses and trainers are in right now, go for that to start with

And wear your favourite perfume every day

John Lewis personal shopper. You don’t have to buy and if you do you can take it back the next day. Brilliant service.

I'd start with a pair of nice trainers or shoes that look good and are comfortable.

Pilates is amazing for making you feel better about your body. You don't have to pay for classes - I use YouTube or second-hand DVDs that cost pennies.

I am large of nork with a narrow back, like you. Avoid crew necks or any tops/dresses that hang off the boobs - otherwise you risk looking like Nursie in Blackadder. A V neck or a shirt with a few buttons open is much more flattering. I wear a vest top under shirts so that I can have the top few buttons undone without outraging public decency

Just wear what you normally wear but nice brands and makes. And buy some nice coats. I live in trainers so i buy trendy ones. And wear make up. I always wear bright lipstick. Exercise doesnt help ne lose weight but i aleays look loads better when im struggling through couch to 5k

@Shockers Weird- I don’t remember posting this...
That gave me a good laugh