How to stop looking like middle-aged woman who shops at M&S

[deepflatflyer]

Quick answer, I know, is not to shop at M&S but I'm in a rut. Thing is, I've looked like a frump for at least the last 15 years. I'm 50. Some more info:

• 5'6". 11 stone. Ideally I'd be closer to 10 as I have been in the past. Peri-menopausal and it seems so hard just to shift a few pounds.

-32E bra and am wearing the correct size.

• size 12 top (slender round the rib cage) but 14 waist and 16 hips - big hips / thighs / bum
• problems with feet - mortons neuroma and bunions. So limited in footwear dept. Stout trainers are best and at the most glam I can wear some but not all things you'd find in Hotter or similar.
• I work from home which is lucky but on the other hand it means I've retreated further into the frumpy rut because nobody sees me.
• I can rustle up an outfit and scrub up to presentable when I have to. But look oh so boring.
• I try to make the most of my hair but always end up disappointed. Hair is thick and difficult. Short hair doesn't suit me as I have an uninteresting face
• I do try with accessories and have some nice scarves and necklaces.
• wear glasses which I hate and am saving to replace. Contact lenses aren't comfortable.
• am entirely out of practice with make up although I do have some. Most I use is powder/ lipgloss / mascara.
• even when I go out I have to walk / get trains etc so end up going for sensible shoes / raincoat / rucksack so never look remotely 'special'
• husband doesn't give a shit so no encouragement / incentive there
• could probably do with some facial depilatory but not sure where to start
• not a huge budget to spend on myself and take no joy in shopping

Any tips /words of encouragement appreciated. Various shitty things going / gone on in my life so be gentle...

Fitflops might have something.
I'm sure that you look a lot better than you think and how can your face be uninteresting?

These replies are very kind and very useful - thank you so much.
To respond :
Shoes are a bloody nightmare. It is the root of the problems really as it's just so hard to put together a nice outfit when the shoes are impossible. That's where the decline started. I've seen various podiatrists both private and NHS and have a variety of othotics. But soft wide shoes that accommodate the bunions are too soft in the sole to support my feet properly and it aggravates the mortons neuroma. It's always a compromise. I have some black nikes which are good but they're almost worn out and they've stopped doing that model. I've tried sooo many. DMS no good, neither are Camper nor converse sadly. I do have some soft black leather ankle boots which are ok if I'm not walking too far - I'm thinking maybe I could try dress / skirts and woolly tights this year. Would be nice as I'm generally 99.9% of the time in trousers - which don't really flatter me anyway.
Hair: nobody seems to get my hair. I've tried numerous expensive salons as well as cheaper ones. Throwing money at the issue hasn't worked. I've had 2 hairdressers in 9 years who have done a fantastic bob but each has left and then m faced with starting again. I even went back to the same one 4 or 5 times thinking that we'd eventually work it out but in the end she must have been sick of me. Last disappointing hair cut was yesterday which is what probably promoted me to post this. Hair isn't yet grey and is a nice chestnut brown (used to be auburn when I was younger) - when it looks good, it is my USP but a lot of the time it looks crap.

32E might sound like I'm big boobed but not really / it's only the same cup size as 36c - my rib cage is comparatively tiny. I don't have too much excess weight around neck / chest (although upper arms are flabby) so tight fitting tops are ok. Flattering even. Posture is good too, which is something.

As for bags: really can't carry a shoulder bag anymore. Too many years of that and it's taken its toll. I do have a 'healthy back bag' which is quite attractive but not big enough if I need to carry more than purse/ book / bottle of water. Luckily I don't have to carry my laptop very often. I do have a shopping trolley ...

Definitely fancy a new rain coat. And promise not to go to Mountain Bloody Warehouse.

I bought a vintage fun fur back in the summer at a flea market. Just to try something different. It may look good or it may make me look like Bungle ...

Can you not wear insoles? I wear scholls sport insoles in every pair of shoes i own. The fur sounds great!

Glasses - definitely need glasses. Current ones are 3 years old and I don't think I liked them even at the start. I need varifocals which are pricey for good ones (tried cheaper ones from Specsavers and had to send them back). Most styles look terrible on me but I have to persevere. Currently trying to find the necessary £500. But that has to be a priority, I know.

Colours -had them done years ago by a friend's mum and it was a revelation. So at least I know in general what colours look best on me.

Trying not to be totally negative!

Oh yes, fitflops are very comfy, especially the trainer-style ones

They often have sale on

32E not that big, indeed I am a 34D but believe me my boobs are tiny

You sound a similar shape to me, I suit a-line skirts with fitted tops, or wrap dresses, shirt dresses, loose dresses with a belt

My favourite look is a simple dress with leather jacket.

I'm always very comfy but I don't think I'm frumpy at all. I reckon make up, a statement coat and a pair of funky trainers help.

Have you tried looking for inspiration on Pinterest or elsewhere?

Do you have an Asda opticians nearby?

You can get varifocals with lightweight lenses for £45 all-in. And they do have a decent selection of frames.

I would check them out before spending loads on expensive 'designer' frames. And it would free up some cash for the other suggestions on here.

What colours work for you?

Is your hair at all curly or wavy OP? I only ask as mine has a natural wave and I've battled with it for years. Never been impressed by any hairdresser. Recently started to follow curly girl method and embrace the natural texture and it's looking so much nicer.

OP if you have had your colours done then I would suggest that you invest money in a style day too. You will be amazed (again) , save a load of money long term .

Try vans for the trainers - get shoe trees in them to loosen the sides off so that they don't pinch the bunions.

Try fitted top/cashmere jumper with wide leg or paperboy waisted trousers.

Cos jewellery for it is bit more contemporary and pulls the eye up from the bits of you you aren't so chuffed about.

Hair wise- a style with volume will help balance proportions out too.

Make-up wise- need to know your season/colouring to advise.

Shoes- could you pull off the gentlewoman vibe with brogues so you can have some structure/support that adjusts?

Specialist orthotics? Then you can put them in most shoes. Charity shops are great for a cheaper way to experiment with a new look in terms of clothes - great fun too! I’ve had some terrific bargains.

I admit I’m not fully conversant with your feet problems but what about these
Really soft upper and the sole is supportive
They are nicer than they look in the pic tbh and great with opaques or slim fit trousers

Jacksback: yes, I like those. I haven't been into Clarks this season (local one has closed down, which means braving the huge shopping centre which I struggle with) but should do so. They may still be a bit harsh on the poor bunions, and depends if they have removeable insoles (so that I can add my orthotics). As someone suggested upthread, I should try shoe trees - see if I can stretch the buggers to fit round my hideously deformed trotters.

Fitflops - i have the orignal fitflops (don't go out in them, but for summer in the house/garden). Must go and have a look at their full range.

There are more possibilities to explore (thanks for the PPs who have recommended brands) - I just need to find time, patience, and the right frame of mind. Trying on shoes when you have issues like this is so demoralising.

PaulHollywoods: yes, definitely like the brogue look if I can get some comfortable enough. Probably not with trousers (a bit too short and dumpy, and my relatively small waist compared to hips means they rarely fit well) but with opaque tights and a dress maybe. My legs aren't toooo bad from the knee down.

I haven't looked at fashion mags for about 25 years (!) and don't look at stuff online but I do look at people I see out and about when I go out (which admittedly is not often). There's a woman who does a hobby that I do and she is taller than me but probably chunkier yet she looks amazing. She wears shirt-waisted dresses (beautiful fabrics, mainly strong single colours), with opaque tights and ankle boots. Never seen her in the same thing twice so she must have a huge wardrobe. Good hair and make up. I should pluck up the courage to tell her I love her style. I guess she has just worked out what suits her and she sticks with it.

btw, nothing wrong with M&S - I still think it's really good quality for the price and it's a safe go-to for essentials (underwear, although I know their bras aren't the best, t shirts etc) but I just feel like I've turned into my Mum. There's a Victoria Wood sketch, isn't there, where she sees - I think - a pair of scholls and says 'mmm, they look comfy'. That always comes to mind when I'm in M&S.

If I had more money I would love to shop in Jigsaw, Boden, Fat Face, Joules but it's a bit beyond me. I know, though, that in theory it's worth pushing the boat out for a few nice pieces.

Re. the weight and exercise: yes, i know I need to get off of my arse. I'm not a slob and I do really enjoy a good walk. I'm lucky enough to have several parks nearby that I can walk around. When the kids needed to be taken to school and collected, I did much more running around but now they look after themselves, and with me working from home, it's easier to slide into the habit of not leaving the house. I just need to be a bit quicker in the morning to get the post-breakfast chores done, get dressed and get out for a bit before coming home to start work.

I have tried the gym on various occasions and just don't like it. My latest objection was that they were soooo indifferent to a dumpy middle-aged woman like me. They couldn't even be bothered to say hello. It kind of pissed me off. Difficult to find exercise class that fits with my work/hobby/kid commitments. I fancy having a go at something at home - maybe Pilates as suggest above - thank you. I also don't mind swimming so I should try and fit that in somewhere.

I know lots and lots of previously unsporty women of my age have taken up running. And I really admire them. But it's really not for me.

I really like the idea of a leather jacket ..... I have one somewhere but it's a bomber-style jacket and quite short, and don't think it was ever the right shape for me so I've hardly ever worn it.

Re. my colours: dark brown/reddish hair; pale skin, quite full lips, hazel eyes. I like: teal, all greens, brown, muted oranges, purple, dark red. End up wearing a lot of black even though I know it does little for me.

Would love to wear more lipstick but find it looks a bit garish if the rest of me isn't properly made up. I could do with creamy rather than frosted. Have ended up making lots of mistakes with lipstick (including some quite pricey one) because I don't get it quite right.

With foundations .... I tend to use a powder compact from Body Shop just to take off the shine. If I'm trying to do it properly, then I have a Chanel compact foundation which is ok although still make me feel over made-up. Bought a Clinique tinted moisturiser a couple of years ago and was shocked at how much it felt like heavy foundation whereas I was expecting something much lighter. Historically, foundation has always ended up going a bit orange on me - I guess that's the oil in my skin?

Mascara - last one I had was a freebie from Clinique which has now dried up. I have quite sensitive skin and eyes, so need an anti-allergenic one.

I have always struggled a bit with eyeshadow as the distance between my eyelid and brow bone is tiny. My eyes are also very round rather than elliptical, so I can't do that clever thing with eye-liner that sweeps out to the sides. I usually just put a neutral beige or green on my eyelids. If I bother at all.

I haven't always been like this - I used to buy tons of make-up and spent many hours in front of the mirror trying out different things. Never quite happy with the results! I did have my make-up done professionally a couple of times (to try out products) and always found it so shocking because there was so much of it. I guess I've always gone fairly neutral.

For glasses definitely take advice in the optician. I've worn the same frames for a while and was looking at similar when the assistant said "no, try these"
I thought I would look ridiculous as they're a lot bigger but I absolutely love them! I've been going there (branch of Boots) for years and she is amazing at instantly picking glasses to suit

I think you need to start small OP agree with others about getting a decent hair cut & colour first and then move on to make up. I think you'll find the make up counters have moved on a LOT so if you say you like a lightly made up face they won't overload you with products. If you get the right foundation it'll look very natural (definitely not orange!) They'll help you pick a lipstick too

Google barefoot shoes OP. The problem with them is they are designed to be as thin soled as possible so you've got very little between your feet and the ground, but the toe box is beautifully wide.

I quite like these boots. magicalshoes24.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/zimowe-buty-minimalistyczne-1.png

The most comfortable pair of shoes I've ever had in my life are a pair of vivo barefoot hiking boots - but they do look like hiking boots. Because of the extra lugs on the sole for hiking they were not as thin soled as other barefoot shoes.

www.vivobarefoot.com/uk/womens/outdoor

Groundies are worth a Google. www.happylittlesoles.co.uk do adult shoes (and I can often find the same brands cheaper elsewhere). There's a Spanish website that does a broad range too, I'll try and find it.

My best friend with similar foot problems has some shoes from Gabor, I bought sandals this Summer on her suggestion and they were ridiculously comfortable and yet attractive. I find Campers hurt my wide, high instep feet, they are very narrow and also shallow these days.
I think that the trick to not looking frumpy is to not care about looking frumpy, and to wear whatever you love. I have friends who are incredibly glamorous, and friends who are much more restrained, and they all look lovely if they are wearing something that they like.

What things do you LOVE op ?

Eg if money was no object, what would you buy this month ?

Oh I like those shoes! There used to be a great shop in Neal St in London (The Natural Shoe Company) and they sold lots of smaller more unusual brands in there (not that I often managed to get anything but there was a wider choice) but it's closed down. Such a shame. I prefer to try on rather than buy online because success rate is sadly quite low!

I'm not sure if I love anything anymore really - I try to adapt my look to what I can get away with shoe-wise. Which is currently a cross between middle-aged downtrodden housewife and hiker! I seriously cannot think what I like because I have programmed myself to have low expectations.