How to stop looking like middle-aged woman who shops at M&S

[deepflatflyer]

Quick answer, I know, is not to shop at M&S but I'm in a rut. Thing is, I've looked like a frump for at least the last 15 years. I'm 50. Some more info:

• 5'6". 11 stone. Ideally I'd be closer to 10 as I have been in the past. Peri-menopausal and it seems so hard just to shift a few pounds.

-32E bra and am wearing the correct size.

• size 12 top (slender round the rib cage) but 14 waist and 16 hips - big hips / thighs / bum
• problems with feet - mortons neuroma and bunions. So limited in footwear dept. Stout trainers are best and at the most glam I can wear some but not all things you'd find in Hotter or similar.
• I work from home which is lucky but on the other hand it means I've retreated further into the frumpy rut because nobody sees me.
• I can rustle up an outfit and scrub up to presentable when I have to. But look oh so boring.
• I try to make the most of my hair but always end up disappointed. Hair is thick and difficult. Short hair doesn't suit me as I have an uninteresting face
• I do try with accessories and have some nice scarves and necklaces.
• wear glasses which I hate and am saving to replace. Contact lenses aren't comfortable.
• am entirely out of practice with make up although I do have some. Most I use is powder/ lipgloss / mascara.
• even when I go out I have to walk / get trains etc so end up going for sensible shoes / raincoat / rucksack so never look remotely 'special'
• husband doesn't give a shit so no encouragement / incentive there
• could probably do with some facial depilatory but not sure where to start
• not a huge budget to spend on myself and take no joy in shopping

Any tips /words of encouragement appreciated. Various shitty things going / gone on in my life so be gentle...

@AgathaF wow thank you...!

And glad I’m not the only one a slave to my straighteners. As my hair is thick and has a wave then it can look good but I might try out that amazing chemical stuff!!

OK so the damage to my pocket after reading this thread is almost £200! However, I've had to replace my entire winter wardrobe as loads have worn out etc. With that I've bought:
Uniqlo Ines cord jacket in the sale on black £38
Uniqlo merino polo neck jumper in plum £22
M&S timberland style boots £50
M&S cotton poloneck top £6.50
Sainsbury's thermal base layer £10
Debenham socks £7
Primark pyjamas £10
Primark longline card £20

Still got more to get!

dark brown/reddish hair; pale skin, quite full lips, hazel eyes. I like: teal, all greens, brown, muted oranges, purple, dark red.

No style advice, but you sound bloody stunning.

Personally I look like Worzel Gummidge.

@deepflatflyer a 'lob' is just a long bob, so just above shoulder height, sometimes with the faintest of layers. I often get mine cut back to that when it needs a tidy up; it's easier to maintain that an actual bob in my opinion as it doesn't need to be as 'sharp'.

Fluffy that's a lot for your money and will last for more than one winter...

@GuppytheCat - aww, that's so kind of you to say that. However, rather like CVs, it all sounds fairly perfect written down. In reality .... not so much!

Someone upthread recommended wearing smart clothes with casual shoes and I wanted to second that. I have 2 quite formal knee length dresses that I bought for wearing in the evening on a cruise. On the cruise I wore them with suede heels and a dressy evening bag and they looked just right for that situation. The same dresses look completely different and much more on trend if I wear them with smart white trainers/bare legs or black ankle boots/opaque tights and a ‘normal’ hand bag.

This thread is what I have to do. Eventually....

I know you said short hair doesn't suit you because of some issue with feeling your face isn't distinctive but I think it may be worth reconsidering. It can be a really easy way to update your look. What shape face do you have?

Re lipsticks-I love the make-up revolution offerings and Wilco Essence stuff too. Both are reasonably priced and allow you to experiment.

Lipsticks that might work- Revolution Powder Matte in shade spice. They also do a lip topper in a peachy shade that is excellent for warming up colours and sits well on top of. their matte shades.

Essence have bought out a range of nudes for skin tones in cool or warm options. I find number 6 a great one for me as I need a bit more contrast. I think they cost £2.50! The formulations are brilliant- they stay put without bleeding but don't dry out the lips.

Bobbi Brown Burnt Red is another excellent shade worth a try.

Short hair....

Trying again...

I am another one of your twins OP! Age 52, peri menopausal, large norks (34G). My feet are also knackered (bunion, arthritic big toes, neuromas and other nerve pain post-surgery), various orthotics etc. most Hotter shoes are no good for me. I really miss being able to wear smart shoes with even a tiny heel. Most fit flops provide enough cushioning for my soles without aggravating the nerves, but are not super glam. I hate chunky shoes and trainers are like boats on my size 8 hooves.
Also have you thought of getting a style consultation done? I had one a few years ago and it was a revelation, and has made shopping so much easier.

@PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair make-up from WILKO!!!! Whatever next?!!! Means I have to venture a bit further afield but will have a look. I did pop to Superdrug yesterday to the Revolution counter but there were hardly any lippies, though. I did buy one (out of principle). And I am sitting at home at my desk wearing it. This is very strange for me. In fact, I did full make up this morning (just to scare the Tesco delivery man) as I also bought a new mascara.

@wageslave
I tried my Clinique tinted moisturiser (really, it's the gunkiest stuff I've ever seen - can't believe it's only a tinted moisturiser) mixed with my usual moisturiser. It went on nicely but I still don't like it much. Realised that the problem with foundation now is that it kind of clings to my wrinkles. So I look like a 50 year old who cares/tries but I actually look younger without. Dilemma. I'm sure there are some answers out there...

Also, eyeshadow. The distance between my eyelids and my brow bone is miniscule (I've never been able to use eyeshadow in the way others do) and I realise my skin is crepey. So I used the only eyeshadow I have which is slightly shimmery and it just makes my eyelids look like Xmas crepe wrapping paper. Maybe I just don't bother with eyeshadow.

Mascara is good though. Makes me realise my eyes are a good feature, in terms of colour anyway.

Came to a realisation though about make-up (this is really quite cathartic, you know): I relied on it / hid behind it so much when i was younger because I had really bad skin. So it was literally a mask. Skin got better in my 30s. By the time I retreated from public life when I went on maternity leave at 35, I was quite glad to have better skin and not have to use foundation. So, I've rarely bothered since and actually take little joy when I do use make-up. Mascara and lippy is ok, but definitely have a foundation-aversion.

Re. hair: it really is a bugger. Shame the last cut was not the right shape as the actual hair is looking really sleek and shiny. But a crap shape. I had it short for years and never liked it but my Mum forced it on me, hence bad feelings about it. I had it all chopped short again after birth of my second child, but that was a dark period of my life and I just looked dreadful, and it holds bad memories. Again, I just couldn't find anyone who made it look good. I looked like an 80s throwback. Really plain, ugly, masculine. I wouldn't rule it out but it would mean finding an absolute genius of a hairdresser and so far I've found them to be few and far between (despite being prepared to spend the money).

@wageslave - sorry to hear about your feet. It seems there are quite a few of us about. I haven't had a style consultation as such, although last time I had a mid-life crisis (about 9 years ago), there was one shop where a lovely, lovely assistant sold me quite a few things I wouldn't have otherwise bought, and she explained brilliantly about what would enhance the best bits about my shape. So that has stuck in my mind. I'm a bit heavier now, but still the same shape. A triangle, apparently.

What I could do with is a patient shopping companion to hold my bags, mop my brow and offer gentle encouragement (as well as dash back and forth between changing rooms and clothes rails) There are no natural contenders.

Sorry - tagged @wageslave in the wrong bit, and twice. Clumsy.

I still like White Sruff and Fatface because at least they use cotton, linen and wool in some of their clothing.

Some of the colours are nice.

I won't buy garish prints or tunic dresses

Op - I think you are being very hard on yourself.

I know what you mean about mums and hairstyle manipulation. Dm told hairdresser to cut my hair when I was 6 and still hold it against her😊Let my dds have long hair for that reason

@woodhill my youngest son has really long hair. It looks a mess, IMO, but if it gets it out of his system ... as long as he never turns round and says 'why didn't you make me get a hair cut' ...

Yes dd's was a bit scraggy and I did need trimming but I tried not to make her unhappy over it.

If you'd like something to give you a bit of coverage that is very light I can recommend the foundation drops from No7. You just add a few drops to a moisturiser, serum or primer and you can apply with your fingers so really easy. No7 will colour match you too so you know you're using the right shade.

What I could do with is a patient shopping companion to hold my bags, mop my brow and offer gentle encouragement (as well as dash back and forth between changing rooms and clothes rails) There are no natural contenders.

That's exactly what happens at a John Lewis style consultation. it's lovely once you've got used to it. I've been 3 times, first was revelatory, second was OK (felt a bit rushed and that she hadn't got that I was looking for a change), 3rd was very good.

Just a thought OP, if you have any leather shoes lurking in the back of the wardrobe that are to narrow over the bunions, see if you can find an old- fashioned cobblers as they will be able to stretch them for you. Hard to find, i know, not sure whether Timpsons would be able to help but might be worth asking.

Re makeup, I always used to wear mascara and eyeshadow and no lipstick but since having to wear glasses i find eye make up a bit redundant but always wear a brightish lipstick. Obviously it helps to have a flattering pair of specs, so worth persevering there but it's so much quicker to store a bit of lippie on before I go out and I think I look better for it.

@bluebellation
interesting thought about the cobbler. We have a Timpsons nearby and they're usually really obliging / chatty/ friendly so worth a shot! Thank you.

DH has just got in. Not only am I sleek of hair, and pouting of lips (not to mention the foundation/mascara/blusher), I have a nice orange sweater on and some jewellery, and not my usual home-working scruffy attire. And what does he say: 'oh are they new trainers'. Really ....

Can anyone recommend a good non-cakey foundation? I've never worn it because I think it looks too obvious. In fact i dont wear make up at all unless I'm going out in the evening. However I have some age/sun spots on my face now and think I should maybe use foundation to even out my skin? But I really dont want anything too thick, that then 'creases' (if that makes sense?)

tumpymummy - Have you tried Clarins Hydrating Foundation? It comes in a liquid with a dropper dispenser. Can be applied lightly or thicker for more coverage. Doesn't cake during the day. Quite expensive but lasts a long time - I use it twice a day and a bottle probably lasts 3 months at least.