How to stop looking like middle-aged woman who shops at M&S

[deepflatflyer]

Quick answer, I know, is not to shop at M&S but I'm in a rut. Thing is, I've looked like a frump for at least the last 15 years. I'm 50. Some more info:

• 5'6". 11 stone. Ideally I'd be closer to 10 as I have been in the past. Peri-menopausal and it seems so hard just to shift a few pounds.

-32E bra and am wearing the correct size.

• size 12 top (slender round the rib cage) but 14 waist and 16 hips - big hips / thighs / bum
• problems with feet - mortons neuroma and bunions. So limited in footwear dept. Stout trainers are best and at the most glam I can wear some but not all things you'd find in Hotter or similar.
• I work from home which is lucky but on the other hand it means I've retreated further into the frumpy rut because nobody sees me.
• I can rustle up an outfit and scrub up to presentable when I have to. But look oh so boring.
• I try to make the most of my hair but always end up disappointed. Hair is thick and difficult. Short hair doesn't suit me as I have an uninteresting face
• I do try with accessories and have some nice scarves and necklaces.
• wear glasses which I hate and am saving to replace. Contact lenses aren't comfortable.
• am entirely out of practice with make up although I do have some. Most I use is powder/ lipgloss / mascara.
• even when I go out I have to walk / get trains etc so end up going for sensible shoes / raincoat / rucksack so never look remotely 'special'
• husband doesn't give a shit so no encouragement / incentive there
• could probably do with some facial depilatory but not sure where to start
• not a huge budget to spend on myself and take no joy in shopping

Any tips /words of encouragement appreciated. Various shitty things going / gone on in my life so be gentle...

The hairdressers who left who did your hair amazingly - can you ring the salon and ask for their new location? It’s worth a longer drive for a cut you love. And if they don’t know where they went, you could ask for their surname and then google them with “hairdresser” and you might get contact details?

The thing is, something that looks cute and stylish on one person doesn’t on another.

A colleague at work who is a tiny petite sweet smiling mixed race half Thai lady was wearing bright yellow saltwater sandals that looked adorable with her slim tanned perfectly pedicured size 4 feet. The look was playful and sweet and fresh. She’s mid-40s.

Another colleague wore the same sandals (different colour) but her size 8 feet made her look appallingly frumpy. She’s mid 40s too.

You have to know your body - accentuate the positives where possible.

Have you tried Giesswein Merino Wool Runners? I have foot problems too (gout!) and these are truly comfortable. They have a solid sole but because they are made of wool, they are soft and mould to your foot. I wear them nearly all the time. Clark's ankle boots are good too.

I’m 23 and went into m&s to get something for dinner yesterday. I just admired how posh and sophisticated all the Middle Ages and older ladies looked.

I want to be you when I’m 50+ don’t worry

Oooh wool shoes? Who knew?! Thank you @MilkTrayLimeBarrel
Will have a look.

The algorithims on my phone / computer / social media are going WILD.... naughty really how insidious these things are, but quite useful ...!

deepflatflyer - They are quite expensive but you can usually find a discount. Also, they do lots of lovely colours!! Let us know if you like them!

What sort of things do you wear on a typical day, weekday or weekend? What are you wearing today? Could you post a picture of your outfit today or something you'd tupically wear, so we could make suggestions?

I'm in my fifties, have dodgy feet and difficult hair too. I use a brazilian blowdry from Amazon to tame the frizz and that makes such a difference. Also, I find that I feel frumpy in jeans and trousers generally, but feel much more put together in dresses and skirts, so that's what I tend to wear all the time. So much less to think about too with a dress - just dress, thick tights and some chunky books for the winter, then add accessories, scarf, cardi etc as required.

@MilkTray - yes just saw the price. Ouch. Do they have outlets/concessions anywhere - I'm SE London - or just online? They do seem a possibility - if not now, then maybe summer.

www.widefitshoes.co.uk/women/view-all-womens-wide-footwear/

An ad for that website came up on MN earlier. Plenty of frumpy ones but there's a few I'd consider. Do you wear shoes all day at home?

deepflatflyer - Just had a quick look and can't see any outlets or concessions. My DH bought them for me because he was fed up with me moaning about my feet hurting! Maybe there will be a Black Friday offer? Hope so because I want another pair!

Allbirds do a similar style which is a bit cheaper.

Lots of great tips here - the main thing I would say is to find a way of enjoying it too. Otherwise you're just giving yourself a list of chores and it sounds like you've got enough of them as it is.

So start with the things that sound like the most fun. For example, you've said you enjoy watching people. So do I - loads of ideas for free and you can do it anywhere.
Or you'd like a leather jacket. i know you also say you haven't got much cash but there are some pretty decent pleather ones out there.
Or you like dresses although you mostly wear trousers.
Or lipstick: quickest way I know to lift your face and if you don't get it right, who cares, it's going to rub off soon anyway.

I think your glasses could be a quick - although not cheap - win. I firmly believe that if your specs look modern, you can get away with a lot that isn't.

I think you're being harsh on M&S. Look at it this way: they know they're not getting it right so they keep trying to change. Along the way they make some bloody awful mistakes and everyone laughs but they pick themselves up and try again. We could all learn from that. (Alternatively, if the name has such bad connotations for you, try Uniqlo.)

Hope you feel better soon.

Ooh but I love M&S.

Ditch the scarves and necklaces. Have your hair cut really well in layers. Like pay for senior stylist.

Buy cool trainers or at least white ones or New Balance.

Buy less clothes but make them better. French connection. H&M. They must go with the trainers.

Sports clothes. Youthful looking.

Follow some good youtubers, our age
Also, never shop in m&s. There is good stuff in there, I think, but if you don't trust yourself to find it, limit yourself to shops with a narrower range aimed at an age bracket below 50.

I'm 49 btw and I sometimes question this stuff too. Like I had this epiphany a while back, I've always always made sure my jeans were right. Right length, cut, fit, and I thought, is it weird that I still do this at my age?!

I like this woman She's older but she looks great and knows how to dress young without looking foolish.

i love nadine baggot on youtube as well, she's make up but she will answer questions even if she put up the clip months ago!

I also like shea whitney although she's only about 30, but no harm to watch the odd one. I like 'angie' who has a channel called hot and flashy and she does her make up and hair beautifully and you can tell that she keeps really au courant with jewellery. she wears tiny necklaces and big earrings. I think that looks youthful. A lot of women my age do it the other way around.

Hair, glasses and shoes would be top priorities for me. The bits in the middle just need to fit, flatter and be comfortable. Then a coat that goes over it all. When you shop can be as important as where: I like to browse favourite places in September to see what is happening and if there are show stoppers. Be brave and try on stuff that you fear as sometimes it will surprise you, and take you in a new direction, which can refresh what you have. I might earmark items that are above budget to check again at sale time. Summer clothes are almost always sale buys. Perfect T shirts and jumpers should be bought when you first see them, and in multiples, or they will disappear.

If you don't want to look frumpy then you need to avoid White Stuff like the plague. Have a look in All Saints, yes there's a lot of black and grey but their clothes are deceptively flattering because they drape so well.

Top and bottom, hair and shoes ( not from charity shops).
Clithes: Charity shops because you can try different stuff you would never buy because it's not your style but why not to be adventurous if cost is same as a sandwich? You won't feel very regretful about money if you change your mind. Go out with mission to leisurely check shops but not necessarily to get something, as not to be disappointed if you won't find anything.

Have your Colours done by the likes of the House of Colour.

I did it recently and the results have been amazing as that then led to a different hair cut etc.

I’m 62 and looking great.

I really like some of the White stuff clothing in plain colours but not big prints etc

OP, it sounds as if you need to sort your feet out really.

I had bunions and Moreton’s neuroma and got a bunionectomy and steroid injected under ultrasound in the neuroma. Worked a treat and now i can wear whatever I like.

Until then though, I recommend Gabor & Birkinstocks.

Advert for Joe Browns just popped up on my FB page. Thoughts? Possibly a bit garish for me but some nice dresses and not too expensive. I promised myself a new black concert dress (I play with various amateur orchestras) and there are a couple of contenders - I usually try not to wear black but it is standard musician uniform. Also Little Wings I've looked at before - tea dresses in black. Maybe full skirts aren't for me though ....

@NightsOfCabiria - yes, I really should, shouldn't I? I became aware of the problems just after my my son was born (he's 15) and it's gradually got worse. I have been offered surgery but turned it down because I just couldn't work out how to manage with the kids during the recovery period. So for years I was counting down to when the youngest started secondary, on the basis that they could probably cope without me running around after them for a few weeks. Youngest is 13 and I still haven't got around to it. Probably because now I'm a bit freaked out by it. And of course when you google any kind of surgery you end up reading about the things that can go wrong.

Don't you have to repeat the steroid injections for the MN? I was offered that too but for some reason decided against it (probably because I was told it wasn't a long-term fix). And was offered surgery for just the MN (which is supposedly just a 2 week recovery period) but chickened out of that too. Apparently cryotherapy is effective (quick recovery) but only available privately..

I worry I'm sounding like a middle-aged Vicky Pollard (yes but, no but) with an answer to everything. I really am taking in the advice - honest - but some of it has been tried before so hope nobody takes offence at any of my replies. However, it's always worth trying things a second / third / fourth time, so I do have an open mind.

Would like to turn to the subject of glasses (just in case there's anyone out there not yet completely bored of me).

I've had 2 lots of varifocals from Boots (or Dolland & Aitchison as they were). Took a bit of getting used to, as everybody warns, and then they were fine. Expensive though. About £500 a go. Frames not overly expensive, but with the thinned-down, coated lenses with the best-quality type of varifocal (the ones with the most subtle grading) etc it all adds up.

Tried Specsavers recently. Great choice of frames, very helpful assistant. Found something I liked but lenses - despite going for the best quality - were awful. They retested my eyes and adjusted the frames and lenses. Each time I wore them for 2 weeks before going back. But they just weren't up to the quality of the Boots ones. I then read online that other people have found this. Made me think that you perhaps get what you pay for, particularly with complicated things like varifocals. Anyway, I got a refund from Specsavers - can't fault their customer service (although I suspect they wanted rid of me) but sad that I don't have any glasses. They were £300 - so £200 cheaper than I've paid at Boots.

So, interesting to read other suggestions (like ASDA) but I'm a bit wary of making the same mistake. Have wondered about having a maybe going for a single-vision pair that are cheaper but snazzy, from Specsavers or Asda, just to vary the look a bit as well as some top-quality varifocals from Boots. But not sure how it would feel to wear non-varifocal at this point in my life.

I popped into my local Boots recently but couldn't find anything I liked. Lady there suggested I try a larger branch which I'm trying to find time to do. She joked that they have a 2 for 1 offer at the moment, to which I had to reply 'I find it hard enough to buy 1 pair I like, 2 would be impossible'. And we both laughed. Although a pair of sunglasses would be useful.

I was advised against cryotherapy as the success rate was low and the risk high.

I had two injections, 12 months apart. The problem for me was that my body had produced bursa (fluid filled sacks) in an attempt to protect the nerve. Once these were drained, the injections sorted the neuromas out. Worth it in my opinion and not that painful. I carried on working/driving.

As for the bunion op. Your eldest should be capable of looking after your youngest - propose it as a challenge and set rewards

I was up and about on crutches the next day, driving after 4 days and back to work (office-based) after 2 weeks. You learn to adapt (up & down stairs on your bottom, using things to lean on etc. carrying stuff around in a cross-body bag & home to keep your arms free) Didnt need the crutches after that & wore birkenstocks until healed at 6 weeks.

I got a great pair of varifocals from Visionet for £70. My brother got a similar pair too. We both had the non-reflective coating. Great value.