How to stop looking like middle-aged woman who shops at M&S

[deepflatflyer]

Quick answer, I know, is not to shop at M&S but I'm in a rut. Thing is, I've looked like a frump for at least the last 15 years. I'm 50. Some more info:

• 5'6". 11 stone. Ideally I'd be closer to 10 as I have been in the past. Peri-menopausal and it seems so hard just to shift a few pounds.

-32E bra and am wearing the correct size.

• size 12 top (slender round the rib cage) but 14 waist and 16 hips - big hips / thighs / bum
• problems with feet - mortons neuroma and bunions. So limited in footwear dept. Stout trainers are best and at the most glam I can wear some but not all things you'd find in Hotter or similar.
• I work from home which is lucky but on the other hand it means I've retreated further into the frumpy rut because nobody sees me.
• I can rustle up an outfit and scrub up to presentable when I have to. But look oh so boring.
• I try to make the most of my hair but always end up disappointed. Hair is thick and difficult. Short hair doesn't suit me as I have an uninteresting face
• I do try with accessories and have some nice scarves and necklaces.
• wear glasses which I hate and am saving to replace. Contact lenses aren't comfortable.
• am entirely out of practice with make up although I do have some. Most I use is powder/ lipgloss / mascara.
• even when I go out I have to walk / get trains etc so end up going for sensible shoes / raincoat / rucksack so never look remotely 'special'
• husband doesn't give a shit so no encouragement / incentive there
• could probably do with some facial depilatory but not sure where to start
• not a huge budget to spend on myself and take no joy in shopping

Any tips /words of encouragement appreciated. Various shitty things going / gone on in my life so be gentle...

Also I was in M&S today and saw a few really nice things. I buy stuff I like wherever it is from.

My parents sent me some money for my birthday a couple of years ago and said sweetly 'treat yourself to something pretty' and it was really the most pointless thing to say to me. I know they meant it kindly and I accepted it graciously and I think it just went into the general housekeeping finances.

Well I have to say that ds's 23 year old gf buys quite a lot of clothes from M n S (and Zara). She's one of the most beautiful and well-dressed women I've ever seen. Though, as a size 6, she'd probably look good in anything. Most of her work trousers - Capri / 3/4 style are from m and s, as are quite a lot of her blouses and one of her coats.

If money were no object, maybe I'd buy a nice new coat. Bag. Accessories. A really expensive bra from Rigby & Peller (which I've never done but always thought I'd like to). Glasses! Knitwear. Pyjamas. I would avoid buying anything for the waist down (including shoes) as it's just not fun.

Honestly - I really have nothing against M&S. It's my immediate go-to. And the bigger stores are very good. My local small one, though, really is only frequented by older women and it's very dowdy. Not that it should matter. I also buy the kids' clothes from there, always on click and collect. Great service. Good quality.
When I was in my 20s, I was living abroad. Trying to hitch a lift home from a nightclub one night with a friend, a car that stopped for us, immediately spoke to us in English. I said to my friend 'how on earth did he know we were English'. Quick as anything my extremely fashionable, amazingly well-dressed, gorgeous friend said 'it's that M&S cardie you're wearing'. A bit like the Victoria Wood sketch, I still think of that put-down when I go shopping.

Must go to bed now. Thanks so much for your comments everyone. I've actually had a few cathartic tears as it's made me realise how run-down I've let myself FEEL, let alone how I look. I should be paying you all for the counselling! Thank you.

www.zapatillas-minimalistas.com/en/38-pure-minimalist#/page-2

Spanish website. Barefoot shoes have no arch support, a wide toe box and a thin sole, but if you buy them roomy you should get whatever you want into them. I recently got a pair of Camper Peu but I'm sending them back because they are too shallow as a PP just said. I think they'd stretch but I want my shoes to be comfortable as soon as I try them on. I feel your pain on the buying online thing. Vivo barefoot have a shop in Covent Garden I think. I think they'd work ok with a thick insole. I had a pair of theirs with a thinner sole and they were no good for walking on pavement but excellent for at home, driving, work, shopping and walking on grass. Just not good for walking any distance on pavement. Too thin with nothing to take the impact.

I'm tempted by the Lems on the Spanish site, I just wonder how clunky they are IRL.

I've been mainly wearing barefoot shoes or no shoes for a couple of years and my arches are much much stronger.

I bet you're lovely, you certainly sound it. Everyone gets in a rut. Take photos of yourself in various outfits, pick out your best features etc. You need to spend time on yourself x

www.groundies.de/index.php?cl=details&anid=8f6d748eaaad853c6dbba01daa38efa2&lang=1&campaign=eFire/GROUNDIES/GooglePS&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgNXtBRC6ARIsAIPP7RvxSaIIs5uetlpiscwHhQyNX_jf0RTQNvH-7qo9E_hOH4wzcTGgV2QaAkPBEALw_wcB

One last link. Hope you get a good night's sleep.

Well chunky shoes, or orthopaedic looking shoes, can look great. I would stop worrying about the shoes, get the simplest sturdy or classic shoes /boots/trainers that are ok for your feet, and they will then work with dresses or trousers. I nick my dds trainers sometimes, even though I am not really given to trainer wearing. My everyday shoes are Clarks classics, or sturdy lace ups. I have heels from Chie Mihara which cost the earth but fit me and are comfortable, but I don’t wear heels often.
Day to day I wear midi or long dresses/skirts with cardigans or neat little sweaters. I wear a lot of trousers, wide legs suit me but whatever shapes work for you.

Maybe make a pinterest board, browse online, and then look at the things you like, all together. Not everyone is interested in clothes, and that is fine too, but if you love them then stop worrying about looking middle aged and just buy something that makes you happy.
A coat in a gorgeous colour is always worth the money.
Shoes that don’t hurt are worth the money.
Good tights ditto.
Dresses and trousers can be a mix up of cheaper with the odd splurge. I wait until the sales, have a shortlist, and hope that the thing I most love will be reduced.
Where you live makes a difference too, I live rurally, so people generally are less dressed up. Also on your job.

Hello
Start with the underwear, especially the bra, i go to Bravissimo, online or to their stores. They also do clothing
Don’t rush and buy loads of stuff, try and lose some weight. I’m 5,6 too but much heavier than you, late 50’s now. (Was 11 stone when i got married and looking back i was fabulous) and agree footwear is a pain in all manner of ways.
I personally don’t bother with Spanish brands as they are narrow.
Go German or danish etc.
Good luck

I should add , fifty is really hard. Not from a fashion viewpoint, just generally. Many women have a big confidence wobble, which is why buying things you love, and keeping a sense of yourself, and of yourself as worth buying a gorgeous dress for, is so important. Do not underestimate the huge hormonal shifts and how they can shake you to your core. Novels are the answer, along with long walks, music, and good chocolate. I am 55, and those things have kept my sanity of late.
Re bras- I buy all my bras from Poland. I tried R&P several times but to no joy. I am a 28GG.

Join the club! Shoes first. I have recently discovered Fitflops. I have a black leather pair (Rally), like trainers. Have suffered with foot problems for the past few months and these are amazing. Clothes wise at the moment i tend to wear skinny Jean's or M&S jeggings. (The latter come in lots of different colours) My middle is fuller than I would like so I tend to wear tunic style tops. White stuff do lots of interesting fabrics. Should say that I am early 50s, menopausal. Shoulder length (also thick) dark hair. I think shoulder length is good for our age! I too wear varifocal glasses. They take a few days to get used to. Largish frames are in atm. I got a new pair recently from specsavers as I find them the cheapest. Still not cheap at £300, but the larger frames make me look younger i think.

No to tunics. No to all of white stuff. And fit flops. And leggings. No no no.

Clothes - charity shops often have good makes. I've picked up Boden, Hobbs, Jigsaw clothes and similar for as little as £1 a piece.

Hairdresser - I can recommend one who can cut hair so that it behaves. Not expensive and very good. He's within the M25, if that helps.

I think that the blanket avoid M&S, White Stuff etc is not strictly true. I think that M&S is great for some things. I would add Joules and Seasalt to the possibly frumpy list.

I would avoid potentially frumpy colours - and try the trendier shops.

I would look at makes like Hotter and the like for shoes. Not all their styles are frumpy. Look at eBay for bargains in ££ brands.

Jigsaw have an ebay outlet shop, I've not used it but there seems to be some decent clothes on here.
Also keep reading S&B threads, I've learnt loads.
Make up - try Caroline Barnes on YT, she does something called 'Speed beauty'.
Online shopping is fun, for me anyway, so long as you return something that isn't completely right, don't keep it because you can't be bothered to return.

I sympathise with the shoes, I've given up on actual shoes and only wear trainers, boots and Birkenstocks now. I'm supposed to wear orthotics but there doesn't seem to be a shoe out there that fits me with them in, only boots. I'd love to be able to wear brogues or other lace-ups but have very wide feet and very narrow heels so they flop off my feet even when tightly laced up.

I just wanted to say about the running. I'm in my early 50s, overweight and never been an enthusiastic exerciser. Tried couch to 5k once or twice, didn't like it. However I started slow jogging recently and am really enjoying it, just a very gentle jog but at slow (walking) speed. It means I never get properly out of breath and have to stop which is surprisingly motivating. I also don't get too hot and sweaty which I also dislike.

@SirVixofVixHall, where do you get your Polish bras from? I'm 30E and find it so hard to get comfortable bras in the UK.

Im here too (but v fat as well which doesnt help!) I findn having orthotics limits a lot, especially in summer. I havent sussed trainers and dresses, but at least in Winter we can wear boots!

Will read up for inspiration.

I think it is a bit of a mind set thing. I was similar for a long time. I changed to really thinking about buying stuff that made me feel good. I started wearing make up, had eyebrows and nails done and just focused more on myself. Started using handceam, lip balm and just generally taking care of myself after years of dashing about taking care of everyone else. Don't focus so much on wear to buy and instead look at hair make up diet first so that you start to feel better about yourself before you buy clothes or shoes that suit you and your lifestyle.

You've had loads of advice and I'll admit I haven't read the full thread, but is there anyone in the public eye whose style you like and think might suit you?

*Do you have an Asda opticians nearby?

You can get varifocals with lightweight lenses for £45 all-in. And they do have a decent selection of frames.

I would check them out before spending loads on expensive 'designer' frames. And it would free up some cash for the other suggestions on here.*

I would second this. Have had a few pairs of varifocals from Asda now, including sunglasses. They're far cheaper than others and work well (know some struggle with varifocals). Lots of designs too.

Hi there
Two Facebook groups to suggest which have really helped me with fashion ideas.
Mrs gloss and the Goss. Lovely supportive group with great outfit ideas and feedback. Styled by Suzie. A lot of people seem to have had a style analysis done and found it really helpful with outfit ideas.
Also if I want to wear something I will often Google Mom Jean outfit ideas etc and then get lots of images and ideas to choose from.as to how to style them. Good luck x

I have a really simple rule that helps me. I only buy nice things. It means if I need to nip to the shops for milk I only have my biker jacket/blazer/camel coat to put on so is it always practical? Not really but I feel better about myself. I only have well cut nice jeans, good quality blouses etc. Anything well worn gets tossed other than the odd thing for doing messy jobs in.

M&S is good for sizes like 30E especially in the clearance section.