How to stop looking like middle-aged woman who shops at M&S

[deepflatflyer]

Quick answer, I know, is not to shop at M&S but I'm in a rut. Thing is, I've looked like a frump for at least the last 15 years. I'm 50. Some more info:

• 5'6". 11 stone. Ideally I'd be closer to 10 as I have been in the past. Peri-menopausal and it seems so hard just to shift a few pounds.

-32E bra and am wearing the correct size.

• size 12 top (slender round the rib cage) but 14 waist and 16 hips - big hips / thighs / bum
• problems with feet - mortons neuroma and bunions. So limited in footwear dept. Stout trainers are best and at the most glam I can wear some but not all things you'd find in Hotter or similar.
• I work from home which is lucky but on the other hand it means I've retreated further into the frumpy rut because nobody sees me.
• I can rustle up an outfit and scrub up to presentable when I have to. But look oh so boring.
• I try to make the most of my hair but always end up disappointed. Hair is thick and difficult. Short hair doesn't suit me as I have an uninteresting face
• I do try with accessories and have some nice scarves and necklaces.
• wear glasses which I hate and am saving to replace. Contact lenses aren't comfortable.
• am entirely out of practice with make up although I do have some. Most I use is powder/ lipgloss / mascara.
• even when I go out I have to walk / get trains etc so end up going for sensible shoes / raincoat / rucksack so never look remotely 'special'
• husband doesn't give a shit so no encouragement / incentive there
• could probably do with some facial depilatory but not sure where to start
• not a huge budget to spend on myself and take no joy in shopping

Any tips /words of encouragement appreciated. Various shitty things going / gone on in my life so be gentle...

Re variofocals. I have had Asda, Specsavers and Boots. The latter are much better. I use mine for driving, working on computer, reading, including the tiny print in appendix, as well as every day use, so my vision has to regularly adjust.

I wear Boots gold, they are already light enough with thinned lenses and coated etc so you really do not need to go for the higher vision options or protective coatings. Mine are jigsaw and Nine West and were less than £300 each without an offer. The computer shows the difference and tbh the more centre vision you add then the outsides become less effective. Plus you can trial them.

The Asda ones were constantly on and off my head, if I was delivering training I could see the crowd but not the PowerPoint, they didn’t adjust well. If I was reading small print I had to swap glasses. Specsavers just never felt right.

It took me a few visits to find frames that I liked but as a pp said they are on your face every day so you probably need to invest some time in choosing them. (And money)

Re surgery and cortisone for Morton's Neuroma.

I had both, and the recovery time from the surgery was really quick. I was at a concert , standing - in a surgical boot 3 days after. It felt like a big wound for a day or so, but was actually pretty small. I have lost feeling in a patch on the sole of my foot, and in a couple of places on my two small toes, but the relief after walking around with a large stone embedded between the bones of my feet was amazing. It has never come back.

The cortisone shot hurt beyond belief even with local and did sweet fuck all.

Seriously, if you can - get it removed asap.

For lipsticks and makeup try the brands Sleek and Mua at superdrug. They're affordable and do lots of colours so you should find something that suits. They're not too expensive so you can afford to be experimental.

I'm 44, and I'm very happy to look like a middle-aged woman who shops at M&S. Chic and practical. I've just bought one of their autumn dresses in two colours as it is so stylish and comfortable - and has pockets.

I think you are being really hard on yourself, you are a healthy weight which means you will instantly look better than most women your age. Try and fit in daily exercise, go for a swim or walk or do some yoga (Yoga with Adrienne on youtube is great) either before work or at lunchtime. Regular exercise will get the endorphins going and you'll feel much better.

Stop dissecting your appearance. Wear shoes that work for you (ugly shoes are fashionable so wear your trainers with everything with pride) and get some nice glasses and then wear what you want. M&S is not the worst shop to buy clothes in, just stick to their basics in natural fabrics. If you like clothes and have money to spend then keeping up with fashion is fun, if not get yourself a uniform in your preferred neutral and wear that every day.

No scarves. No Boden, Fat Face or White Stuff unless using plain items for layering. No tunics. Avoid statement necklaces.
Mix up textures, tweed, velvet, silk, cashmere.
M & S have some fabulous items this years. Be sure they suit your shape.
Wear smart items with casual footwear.

Second photo has a "scarf!"

These are the same pics!

JDWilliams does shoes in extra wide fitting - might be worth trying?

Instagram is great for ideas and to take you out of your comfort zone - search hashtags like 40plusfashion 40plusstyle and you will find a zillion people, you will discover people of your body shape to give you a better idea of what looks good

Bloggers including Alifetostyle and Midlifechic are also great sources of inspiration and not too “out there” fir our age group

I have had a wrong prescription from Specsavers in the past. Others have said the same.

You wear specs all the time, so it's important that they are right. Same with hair.

One option with specs is to look for a frame then try to get the same frame cheaper online, or get them glazed online.

Problem with looking at photos of models is - of course - they would look good in anything. I have to remind myself of that. I do like the real-person on social media type of thing. I had a quick look at some of the recommended bloggers and You Tubers yesterday and my scepticism was swept away (actually I sat up till gone midnight, long after DH had gone to bed). So thank you!

Today's small steps: go for a walk. Then after work this afternoon (kids are home later today), go to my local superdrug and get me some lipsticks. Then sort out winter clothes (been in storage bags in the loft) - I remember there is a nice dress in there somewhere which i haven't worn for a couple of years. There's another nice dress in the mending pile (been there at least two years) which just needs a seam under the arm sewing up. Both of which might look ok with opaque tights and the one pair of lace-up ankle boots which don't cripple me completely!

@Wakeupalready great to hear your surgery was a success. Maybe if I pluck up courage to sort the MN out (which is shorter recovery time, although x 2 as I have them in both feet), then I can work around the bunions. The biggest problem is having both as explained upthread.

Onwards!

Too true about the models, OP. If I dressed like the women in the photos Alwayscheerful posted, I'd look scruffy.

OP apologies if you've already said this, but have you had cortisone into the MN? Had mine in Feb and it's improved hugely.

Imo one person's frumpy is another person's classic! Maybe you are being hard on yourself?

I agree with a good hair cut, thick hair is beautiful especially as lots of women thin with age, so your hair is probably a real asset!

Go online for some cheap funky glasses frames way cheaper than the shops. Don't worry too much about 'what suits' and try experimenting with what you like.

Converse, Doc martens, Birkenstock all do feet friendly shoes.

Biggest and best tip from me is to try to dig in to what you actually really like. If you secretly see women in a bold red lip and think they look amazing, practise it until you get used to it too- you're the only one criticising yourself like this! Surround yourself (via social media or visiting specific places) with a vibe you enjoy and start trying it out on yourself. Have fun!

What’s wrong with a statement necklace?

I went into M&S yesterday and they have some fabulous clothes. There's no need to look middle aged - it depends what you buy and how you wear it!

What’s wrong with a statement necklace?

If you mean some huge, clumsy, cheap looking article (usually involving purple beads, wood and string) the problem is that the only statement they make is “I have zero taste and even less interest in ‘fashion’ but someone on MN said buying this would make me look stylish”.)

On the other hand one perfect piece of jewellery (which doesn’t have to be expensive, but ...) can really add distinction.

Yes!!! Just go for diamonds. Always a good look!

Seriously though: Go and see a proper specialist salon for removal of facial hair and skin improvement. Always invest in a quality classic coat. Nothing wrong with the camel wrap as above. Max Mara have made the perfect one for years and years but there are copies everywhere at a fraction of the price. A boyfriend single breasted coat is another good buy and will not date.

I think M&S have upped their game this year. Change of fashion director. There are great cashmere offerings, well cut jeans and plenty of fashionable trousers that are slimming. Stick to black Nike style trainers or white plimsoles. The wide fit ones at M&S are comfortable. There are lots of good pullovers and tops at Mint Velvet and Cos makes excellent interesting clothes too. I am now a fan of Arket.

If you can afford it, go to Space NK for a chance to try foundations. They are not cheap but my DDs swear by Laura Mercier. You do feel better if you have a good haircut and good make up.

I hate back packs over a mini size. They weigh you down. If you do not have a lightweight laptop, maybe invest next time you upgrade? Both of my DDs have smaller Apple ones. They just slip into a chic work bag and that makes you feel smarter immediately.

I think you could also update by getting a long line A shape puffer coat. Cos have a great one. Ankle grazer trousers or wider cut off ones and wider fit loafers from M&S or trainers as above. Leather biker jacket is a good idea and M&S have some bang on midi dresses too.

If you're going to Superdrug to look at make up I would definitely recommend Revolution. They do a lot of dupes of high end brands but are very reasonably priced. They have a great range of sheer lip glosses which I think are £3 each. Because they're sheer, even the ones that look really bright aren't so scary when you put them on. A great way to try new colours without spending too much money.

Hey OP, I’ve got similar hair issues to you. I completely rely on hair straighteners - get the hairdresser to thin out the bulk a bit and then I straighten. Yes it does take time but if I didn’t my hair would just look like a bush. And I also sometimes clip it half/all back if it’s going crazy. However good my hair cut I cant ever blow dry it well so I fake it but straightening..

A lot of what you are doing - backpacks, trainers, glasses - are trendy if you are 20... so it's a question of nuances. Pick bolder versions of what you have.

John Lewis own label tops are copies of Boden & Joules. Wear with darker bottoms, perhaps slim jeans, for 'WFH' days.

Make-up: ditch the lip gloss, it's a sure sign of middle-age. Try a subtle long-lasting lipstain or lipstick in a rosy-brown. Agree with the blusher, apply higher on the cheeks as you get older.

Your hair sounds lovely. If you can't find a good 'bob' hairdresser then have a 'lob' and get it professionally straightened every few months.

I agree with perfume every day and also exercise as it's good for the soul.

@Pumpkinnose - oh yes, I'm a slave to hair straighteners. Have been using them for about 8 or 9 years (since the first bob). Revolutionary. I can't do a blow dry to save my life. I listen politely as various hairdressers give me a demo and tell me how easy it is to do it at home. Yeah, right. Not when you're as cackhanded as me. I let mine dry naturally (avoids frizz) and then straighten. I had an disappointing hair cut / blow dry on Saturday and I've washed it this morning - hoping I might get better results when I straighten it myself later. During the day I tend to clip it back but like to have it down on the rare occasion I go out. But depends how well it's been cut as to whether it works or not. Bloody hair!

Pumpkinnose - these are game changers for unruly, bushy, frizzy hair.

@wink1970 What's a lob, as opposed to a bob?
I'm a bit stuck with the disappointing hair cut until it grows a bit (currently jaw-length bob - should have been a tad longer at the front but hair dresser didn't quite get it ..), then I'll go for a remedial hair cut maybe.

@alwaysreadyforablether - yes, I picked up on the name Revolution. I'm learning lots from earlier posts / links/You Tube etc! Will report back! Great to know, as I wouldn't normally have thought of Superdrug, and there's one of those at the end of the road.