I want to dress upper middle class

[ConfusedWife1234]

I actually am upper middle class, live in an upper middle class neighborhood and because of this I would like to dress more upper middle class.

A woman I know told me she thought I was desperately poor first time we met... and I am really not happy with the way I dress.

Can you help me?

And if you really really want to know how to look UMC in Germany a British site can’t help you and there will even be regional differences in Germany

Top Hat and monacle?
Is this for real??

Change who you talk to rather than how you dress. How shallow superficial and snooty.

I honestly wouldn't know how to class myself. I have never thought about it before this thread.I guess I'm lower working class because I'm a single mum living in a housing association accommodation. On the other hand I went to private school all my life and had a different upbringing to many of my neighbours. I'm guessing.

I like vintage style clothes. Tea dresses,1940s cuts, essentially granny clothes. I'll either pick up vintage finds in vintage markets/shops or just go for particular styles in high street stores. I like bold colours and patterns. What class is that?

OP if you are committed to the journey of self discovery, self awareness and improving your state of mind, like we should all be, hopefully you will arrive at a place where you will give no fucks about what class you or other people are and you will just wear clothes that you like. Be yourself. Be proud to be yourself.

bringback if you read the thread properly you will see there’s much more going on with OP than her clothes
Be nice

The thing is, if you spend all your time in the country you won’t wear immaculate city clothes like the very rude woman you spoke to. They’d be massively impractical.

Buy good quality stuff that works for your lifestyle and don’t care what others think of your clothes. And stop feeling ‘not good enough’

Are you dressing to suit your figure? You can wear all the Gucci, Barbour etc, but if the style doesn’t suit your figure, then it will look frumpy.

If you are pear shaped, then go for more colourful,tops, and plainer trousers for example.

Get basics and accessorise with on trend jewlellery, scarves etc (something i’m Not good at).

Go shopping one day, and just go a bit mad, And try on things youmwouldn’t Normally try on. You may surprise yourself. I was with a friend once or encouraged me to try on a green jumper. I never wore green before, and loved it,

A key element to not looking poor is to iron your clothes (or buy stuff that looks good un- ironed). Badly creased clothes looks scruffy, whether they are expensive or cheap.

Incidentally, I think most people feel ‘not good enough’ or that others have ‘got it sorted’. You are good enough. Start believing in yourself.

Wearing the right clothes can make a difference to how you feel, unless you are one of the lucky ones who are naturally stylish. We are all here on S&B so we must agree on that.

I had a similar situation some years ago, and copied local people, went to their shops and bought a few new outfits. We all know how wearing clothes can change the way we act and feel, and it gave me the confidence to join in conversations with the school mums. Obviously this is superficial, but from there I had the confidence to make a couple of true new friends, who have remained good friends with me even years later.

Confused, but I think you would like the outside you to reflect the inside you?

The only thing for it is to go shopping and try lots of clothes on. This can be a despiriting experience so you need to be feeling fairly positive and patient.
I would also have a think about seeing a counsellor. You are enough. You don’t need to prove anything to anybody.

You do not get me . I also do this for my kids.
I want them to be like everybody else (cause I never was and I know how hard it is). It is already difficult to live with a Dad who has ptsd, they already see our family is different.

People on AIBU told me to come here if I want to discuss how to dress... so I think I another thread just about dressing this time.

What a bizarre post...,

I would suggest choosing someone you think of a UMC, take note of the type of things the wear & try to emulate their style.

FWIW the majority of wealthy people I know look like they don't have a pot to piss in

You are very obsessed with being and looking upper middle class. Really I think you want to look smart and confident - otherwise you will look like a wanna be or a copy cat!

Keep your clothes clean, get your hair cut regularly, buy a few classic items that you love - cashmere black sweater and jeans is always a good look,

But most importantly stop feeling the need to announce to everyone you are upper middle class! I am sure you are your husband are financially secure - but my goodness give the class nonsense a rest and just be yourself

ConfusedWife1234 - a website where most posters are in the UK and assume you are too is not a good place to ask how to dress upper middle class! German UMC taste bears little resemblance to English UMC taste. Also, unlike posters on here, you are surrounded by the people you wish to emulate. Why do you find it so hard to copy the taste of those around you, if you want to look like them and fit in?

In all honesty, being hospitable, considerate, polite and self-confident will get you further than any outfit ever will. As for outfits, you need to find a friend you trust to go shopping with.

I'm not being nasty to the OP - but I don't like the sound of the person she was talking to.

Who tells someone they dress 'poor'? That's horrible.

I see this is the fashion thread now and not a general thread so I hope you get good advice. But I really dislike the thought of fashion being about Class. I'd say you just need a few decent pieces e.g. smart coat, decent boots, few expensive scarfs and then mix it up with regulr high street stuff?

" And stop feeling ‘not good enough’"

I think that that is the crux of it.

I would have thought that clean, well fitting clothes suitable to the activity are enough.

I'm in Germany (North) & rarely see women not in jeans tbh.

Dog walking, biking into town...

Yes, dressy I want to dress smart. Maybe I used the wrong word.

I used to live in Germany. I’d get yourself to a large department shop like Breuninger (how I miss that place!). I imagine they have personal shoppers. Get yourself some advice from them.

Dh and I associated a little with a couple of people both from similar backgrounds (they were friends not a couple). They were both minor gentry. They wore well cut clothes. Didn’t have to be designer. The man was a bit more ott and looked as if he’d stepped out of the equivalent of German saville row.... similar but a bit more flamboyant and colourful.

The woman wore expensive, well fitted clothes, a little make up and always looked impeccable. I’d say her look was classic with a modern twist. Thrown together but matching.

The main thing though is about the way you carry yourself. Head in the correct position, demeanour. And ditch the jack wolfskin. This coat is for dog walking at minus 15.

I don’t think Boden and joules are umc at all. I like Boden clothes. The viscose jersey dresses wash very poorly even if hand washed so I dont pay full price. But I wouldnt be wearing these dresses to fit in where you live.

Unless and until you do something about your whole demeanour people will be able to tell. When Dh and I traveled to Hong Kong and China years ago I could tell the difference between the two. The Hong Kongese stood up straighter somehow. I did wonder if it was to do with not being repressed for generations.

I am not sure if upper middle class means the same in the UK than in other places.
Somebody here mentioned a prince a prince would be upper class in my language.

Coming from another place, it is difficult to feel like you fit in and while clothes might help, you could start with feeling at peace with yourself, which is much more difficult. Yoga and meditation might help. Also, maybe a style consultation at a local department store, to determine what clothes you feel comfortable in, though I would find this excruciating! If you have clothes that you like, buy things that go with them and wear special clothes when you go out that you feel good in. Develop your own style rather than copying someone else's. Find your tribe even if this is not with people who have lived in your area for ever. Maybe the living overseas section might help with some connections. (I am some one who has moved around a lot and find kindred spirits in other outsiders more easily. Also building relationships through shared interests is also helpful. I have friends I hike with, do yoga with, friends who are parents of my children's friends and build the perfect best friend from a combination of them all!)

Well going by Jilly Cooper you need your husband's huge jumper, some leggings with holes in, an ancient Barbour, a Labrador and a Jack Russell and cut your hair with a blunt kitchen scissors. That should do it.

why is mumsnet so obsessed with class?

Cos the majority of posters are British - class obsession kind of defines us!

Ok, so this is a cultural thing.
the clothing I choose, really the main purpose is that it is comfy and I want to fit it.

This is actually the very definition of UMC tbh!

For practical advice - echoing pp - chose super high quality materials - cashmere, silk pure cotton.

These items should last you forever - seriously, forever - so see them as an investment so be prepared to spend.

although tbh, if you really want to UMC it - try buying second-hand (aprt from shoes, yuck) as new new stuff is noted unfavourably in the UK - poss v different in Germany though..

Here's the hard part - clear out everything you have that are not made from these materials! Even socks!

The dream is to assemble a capsule wardrobe in neutral colours - dark navy, racing car green, deep brown, cream - for a more contemporary twist add in high quality blacks and greys

www.whowhatwear.co.uk/how-to-capsule-wardrobe

Importantly, know your body shape.

www.whowhatwear.co.uk/how-to-dress-for-body-type-pear-apple-hourglass

If your athletic - lovely high necks. If you've got a good bust, V necks (v necks in general are very UMC!)

Shoes are super important - agin echoing pps - invest in high quality leather loafers and boots, preferably from artisan makers - in the UK, original shoemakers from Northampton are a goodie like Grenson or Churches (now owned by Prada)

www.grenson.com/uk/

Or Italian shoe makers

Unless your Hunter wellies are older and made in Scotland before outsourced to China then don't get those invest in Le Chameu or similar

For casual - Converse and maybe Supergas (although I'm not keen, but I'm far from UMC) are ok too.

Coats too are an investment - your jacket doesn't seem too out of place stylewise by Brit UMC standards but a long line wax jacket, a gilet, youy could go Hunter here but brands like Fjällräven are fine too and a "good" wool coat.

Accessories are everything, again invest in a good, handbag - that you will use only and forever, so classic designers like Chanel are good here, but no labels showing.

Discreet jewellery - wedding band, maybe some studs - save the family jewels for banquets.

Classic hair cut, any colour should be natural looking.

No visible make up.