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Original poster

I want to dress upper middle class

387 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 30/12/2018 09:06

I actually am upper middle class, live in an upper middle class neighborhood and because of this I would like to dress more upper middle class.

A woman I know told me she thought I was desperately poor first time we met... and I am really not happy with the way I dress.

Can you help me?

OP posts:
selkiesolstice · 30/12/2018 10:03

ps, I see Boden, SeaSalt and Joules here in Dublin where I live but I don't think ''upper middle class''. I think ''comfortably off'' irregardless of class and also, mother, and maybe stay at home mother who has lost her fashion edge a bit. Which is fine, we can't all be channelling Gwen Stefani well in to our forties. But some very ordinary people (nothing wrong with being ordinary) wear the clothes listed above.

Right, I'm going to shower and get dressed and I"m going to try and access my inner Gwen

tempester28 · 30/12/2018 10:06

Rich people don't feel the need to dress to impress.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 30/12/2018 10:07

I always feel scruffy when I'm in Germany or Switzerland, or Austria.

They have their own dress code, all ironed trousers and pastel shirts matching belt/shoes going on.

Even when they wear a Barbour they somehow manage to get it ironed.

Honestly, I can't be bothered with all that.

PerfectPeony · 30/12/2018 10:08

Anyone who judges your "class" by how you dress is probanly a wannabe anyway

So true!

Sorry you were bullied OP. Anyone who judges like this isn’t worth your time anyway. Smile

thedevilinablackdress · 30/12/2018 10:09

I don't think UK focused Mumsnet will help here.
What do people in your area tend to wear?

tempester28 · 30/12/2018 10:09

I don't know that from personal experience, I am just assuming and I am just completely generalising!

Villanellesproudmum · 30/12/2018 10:09

Definitely not Boden or Joules ! That aside, how rude.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 30/12/2018 10:10

Sorry, cannot answer as fast as you write.

Why do I want to dress upper middle class? Because I like to fit in. Actually moving here was not my choice. Dh suggested that... but now that I am here I want to fit in.

Being upper middle class is also not a choice, just something that happened to me. My parents did not raise us really upper middle class and most of my childhood I spend with kids from other classes.

DH was the first real upper middle class and unashamedly so person I ever met and I was surprised that there were lots and lots of them... but I feel that I am different from the other people... and I think that is bad... especially for the kids. I want them to fit it... because I for a number of reasons... never fit in anywhere and one thing I really want for my kids is a place to call home.

Why does nearly nobody know about dhs ptsd? Because he wants it that way.

OP posts:
Banjax · 30/12/2018 10:10

OP, My kids go to a fancy prep, so I can tell you.

The mothers fall into three camps:
business smart, exercise gear and then the scruffy housewives, and im talking unbrushed hair, and all the cliches.

Dads either wear suits or exercise gear.

So......to sum up...just an fashion free version of everybody else!! Because the clothing doesnt atter, its about your bearing and your confidence. That is the one thing everybody I know has i common, nd really thats what you need to work on.

PotteryGirl · 30/12/2018 10:11

For what it's worth I think you should be yourself..always be yourself. If someone has commented on how you look well that says more about them than you, they're rude and unkind...very unattractive qualities that no amount of Barbour jackets and Dubarry boots will change..

Happy New Year..😊

Funkyfunkybeat12 · 30/12/2018 10:12

Maybe the problem is that you are surrounded by snobby twats. Who the fuck would tell someone that they thought they were 'desperately poor' the first time they met them?

I think any money you have that was going to be spent on upper middle class clothes could be spent on therapy to improve your self-esteem and you might find that you don't give a shit about your neighbours' views of your clothes.

bridgetreilly · 30/12/2018 10:13

If you want to fit in, that's easy. Just look at what the people around you are wearing, find out where they shop, and copy them. It might not suit you or be the best style for you, but if fitting in is the goal, that's how you do it.

SilkenTofu · 30/12/2018 10:13

No wonder a lot of WC people despise snobs when they come out with bullshit like this.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 30/12/2018 10:14

Being upper middle class is also not a choice, just something that happened to me. My parents did not raise us really upper middle class and most of my childhood I spend with kids from other classes.

You say you are Eastern German/Eastern European origin? I thought they were all classless societies?

Honestly, stop worrying about this nonsense.

diddl · 30/12/2018 10:14

You'll never fit in if the others don't want you to.

If they have decided that your accent doesn't fit-what difference will changing your clothes make?

OrdinarySnowflake · 30/12/2018 10:14

I suggest you search for a "how to look expensive" thread on here.

It usually means rather dull dressing (limited colour palate and shapes), and good quality. Ironed clothes in good repair (not patching up holes, throwing out and buying again).

It's not a look I bother with all that much, but there are threads on here that will help if that's what you are looking for, with good examples of things people have bought.

Unfortunately, that's very UK centric, and from what I have seen from Germany, there's subtly different rules there. (Including it being much more acceptable to flash your wealth with noticable labels, whereas that's not seen as classy here)

TheBaltictriangle · 30/12/2018 10:16

I don't think you should share the ptsd with neighbours etc but he should receive professional help for it. I still do think you need counselling and help with your low self esteem.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 30/12/2018 10:17

@bridgetreilly the problem is: it may look good on them but lousy on me, because I do look a little unusual.
I am very skinny, very milky skin.
Plus I am a girl who enjoys the country site. We have kids, we have dogs, many people here work in the city and go everywhere with their SUVs. I cannot wear the kind of clothes many people over here wear because they would look dirty and ragged in no time...

OP posts:
Greenglassteacup · 30/12/2018 10:17

This is so deeply depressing. Wear the clothes that you like.

singingismypassion · 30/12/2018 10:19

I agree with some of the other people on this post. I seriously recommend spending your money on some counselling. For a grown woman to be so fixated in class, fitting in, dressing in the so called 'correct way' is incredibly worrying, outdated and a teal sign of someone out of their depth.

Be happy with who YOU are. Wear clothes, have a style, decorate your home, the way YOU like it. Only them will you be truly happy.

Seek friendships from people with the similar interests, values, passions but most importantly people YOU like and make YOU feel good about yourself.

Good Luck xx

Bekabeech · 30/12/2018 10:20

You are in Germany - in my experience German people tend to be far blunter than English. But someone who was so rude - is probably not a nice person. Do not think that everyone else is silently criticising you because of your clothes.

The most Upper Middle Class people I know are "comfortable in their own skin". In fact that is one of the key things that people here pay for when they send their children to private schools. And is why English "posh" people still look posh if wearing holey sweaters and muddy corduroys.
Getting some counselling could be a big help. Getting some clothes you feel comfortable in (a personal shopper can help, but don't let them bully you). And don't let this person intimidate you.

TonTonMacoute · 30/12/2018 10:20

Get the House of Bruar catalogue.

canibehereifimnotamum · 30/12/2018 10:20

My in laws are upper middle class. It's all chinos and gilets. And a nice scarf or broach

Palaver1 · 30/12/2018 10:21

But surely this is about the OP finding her own style and becoming more confident .
I kid you not a colleague of mine puts on cheap stuff but by the time she’s put her bits and pieces on she just looks so fab.
She’ll say look at the label ..and you’ll be like how does she do it she does it because she has that air of confidence around her.
And is good at matching stuff

OyOy · 30/12/2018 10:22

You are clearly not UMC, or you wouldn't be worried about it, a defining aspect of the UMC is being very comfortable with status and privilege, and never define/acknowledge their class status

Your husband may be UMC, and you may have a comfortable life but you're not UMC.

And that's ok you know.

Being UMC, isn't better than being MC/WC or aristocracy.

If you want to feel good in clothes, then find a personal shopper - most UMC Brits could give a shiny shit about clothes as they seem to live in inherited cords, ancient wax jackets topped off with Grannie's Liberty print scarf.

The UMCs don't buy their own clothes in the same way they don't buy their own furniture!

If you want to feel more secure in yourself, then spend the cash on a counsellor.