I want to dress upper middle class

[ConfusedWife1234]

I actually am upper middle class, live in an upper middle class neighborhood and because of this I would like to dress more upper middle class.

A woman I know told me she thought I was desperately poor first time we met... and I am really not happy with the way I dress.

Can you help me?

All the middle and upper class people where I live dress in old Barbour jackets, tweeds jackets, old wellies and farmer style checked shirts and green cords. They are either on the farm, mucking out the horses or shooting. They drive old bangers and look like they haven’t got two pennies to rub together even though they are loaded. On the contrary the chavs in our village drive around in Range Rovers (one in our village even has a pink one!), Mercedes and BMW’s, they wear over the top designer tat and think they look ‘expensive’. I live in a fairly affluent area but could not give a shit how I dress or if I dress working class, middle or upper!

@Chardonnaysprettysister Actually they were officially classless societies, but my fathers ancestors were Junkers (know the word?) and my family was treated a little worse from everybody else.... I was born in 1988 and grew up mostly in post socialist countries.
My family got a reparation and my family were very hardworking and made well. So I grew up upper middle class but most around me were poor and struggling as many could not cope with the new economy after socialism... and some disliked us.

There will be a uniform. In the UK, depending on how old you are it will be roughly, jeans or a well fitting to the knee skirt with a good quality shirt under a good quality jumper/cardigan or a well cut jacket. This will take you through everyday life. Accessories will include unobtrusive but high quality jewellery. Heels will not be too high or pointy. Nothing will be ostentatious but everything will be good quality and well cut. It’s really easy to copy this look badly through the wrong choice of colour, or cut. If you are tall and broad shouldered, Armani is your friend, if you are more curvy with a well defined waist then Chanel. You can go a bit bohemian but anything too individual will mark you out. Every tribe has a uniform, you just have to identify it.

You can wear different clothes for different activities. The people you'd like to fit in with don't wear the same things for mucking out as they do for a day out in the city do they?

I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to stand out as different, as others have said look at the people around you and see which type of things would suit your figure, look online, try things on in the shops to find your own personal take on the look you want.

psychotherapy OP, this might help more than a gillet and a brooch

I actually am upper middle class
If you were you wouldn't be bragging about it on Mumsnet

I see now.

It seems you grew up trying to fit in and you carry this with you now. Clothes won't change it, they might make it better for a bit, but then you will find something else to worry about.

Just sod it.

Upper middle class around us :

• all the money is spent on horses and children's education *no money is spent on prams etc *children are feral and dress in whatever hand me downs are in the drawer at any given time
• dress code - mucking out boots/old tweed They really don't care what anyone thinks of them to be honest

@Oyoy Actually dh and me are from the same class we just grew up different if that makes sense.
Both of us buy our own clothes, dh often does not know how to dress and often asks for advice... but the result looks great.

So maybe I used to wrong word when I said upper middle class here. I just wanted to talk about people who are not upper class and not lower middle class.
I did not think it would cause such a discussion. Why is mumsnet so obsessed with class? Not the first class discussion I come across here... and I only asked because people on AIBU told me to ask here.

Can you afford to dress this way? Its not just the clothing but the impeccable grooming and accessories.
A decent haircut, well maintained, good nails and makeup, discreet yet good quality jewellery.
Its the quality of the garments too, cashemere and merino knits, good trousers, fine wool, a wool coat, very good gloves and shoes.

Confused it is ok to be you and wear what you feel comfortable in.
Could you possibly think about some counselling?

Jeans
Gucci loafers
Pie crust collar blouse
Cashmere cardy with pearl buttons
Barbour or Barbour/Hunter/Husky/Musto gilet

Stop obsessing about class OP

If you live in a neighbourhood you are not upper middle class.

What over-generalising nonsense!

Is this about looking rich, so that none of your neighbours can say that you look ‘desperately poor’?

Why do you care about the opinion of those people?

Dressing up to look rich, or to broadcast your income level to your neighbours, is more likely to encourage mockery, surely?

Nothing with an obvious brand on it (small polo logo for men aside), the lived in look for sure "this old thing I bought it 15 years ago in the harrods sale ..."

For women the jersey dress (boden, white stuff) seems popular around these parts. My personal preference is Cotswolds outdoor, soft tops, fleeces and walking trousers (I admit income wise and job wise we fit this demographic but quite frankly we aren't from this background so no horses for us!)

Oddly designer gear isn't the thing, it's about putting together pieces and not looking like you tried too hard!

As the op is overseas goodness only knows, I can only speak for the Midlands where I live from personal observation.

Ditch the upper class and just think about how you would like to dress yourself. Are you just trying to fit in? As your clothes alone won’t let you do that. It really annoys me when people don’t dress for themselves.

Upper class what a load of silliness nowadays.

@RaisinRainbow To be honest I am not sure how much it costs but i think I can afford it.

@RickofShea But i can be me regardless of what I wear, can I not? The clothing I choose, really the main purpose is that it is comfy and I want to fit it.

I take it that you want to fit in, but I'd have quipped back at that cruel, thoughtless women that I thought upper middle class people would have been taught tact and manners, and be a little less shallow! I'm not sure I'd want to 'lower myself' to fit in with people who say they thought I must be on the breadline because of the way I happened to be dressed at that moment.

I know that the Austrian UMC dress far more formally than the Brits and I wonder if it’s the same in Germany? You certainly wouldn’t get many loden coats round here and I suspect that there isn’t a great deal of jeans wearing round you? Silk blouses / well cut blazer / excellent quality and non fashiony boots might be more the ticket than Barbour and Dubarry but that doesn’t sound like it will match your lifestyle? Can you get more traditional/ tweed outdoor wear rather than sporty / technical? Equivalent in the uk is Cordings but it’s blinking £££ (you’d be able to hand it on for a generation or two though!)

confused MN is not obsessed by class I don’t think but you seem to be.
If I’m right you started a post earlier this year about the German/Austrian class system and not knowing where you fit
You fit where you want. We mix with a huge variety of people and we manage fine. I dress how I want and so do DH and the children. I’m happy with people with titles and people who live in council houses. I’m just me and people can like it or not
I realise that not everyone has this confidence and I’ve not always had it but caring about “fitting in” with a certain class will NEVER work because if you have to work on fitting in you won’t, it’s that simple
Work on your confidence ( including a new wardrobe if it helps) but no amount of dressing a certain way will fix your problems

If you remove class and replace with well groomed you would get somewhere. As a pp asked, can you afford to dress this way? It's all about being well maintained.

Daily skincare routine.
Weekly conditioning treatment and blow dry.
Fortnight manicure.
Monthly hair colour/cut, pedicure, waxing and eyelash curl/tint.

Good quality classic clothes, dry cleaning and polished shoes.
High quality finish subtle make up.
A classic, lasting scent.
Quality handbag.

Ok- I’m not going to mention the ethics of wanting the dress ‘upper middle class’ or present you with why you should not.

You’ve asked for advice so I shall provide it- I am very much middle class (bordering on upper)! Here are the uniform guidelines of our Ilk 😂;

• Clean cut and plain- think Scandinavian style. Go to shops like Hobbs (big fan) and white company, then mix it with a little whistles and joules (for a country look)! Maybe Ralph Lauren for a couple of nice shirts- don’t shy away from a little tweed either!

• Classic colours- Cream-Black-Navy and shades of Beige (Royal Blue and Forest Green at a push)- then throw in ONE colourful accessory - necklace, leather gloves or a scarf!

• Good Jeans or Leggings - get a really comfy and good quality pair of both (would actually recommend next or MnS for jeans) Smart but practical and well cut in a flattering style!

• 🤔 Stop wearing red lip stick- it’s only appropriate if you’re on a very dressy evening out or are 21 and on your way to top shop for the sales! Either NO makeup or very light natural make up in the day! (I would recommend none)

• Get a very nice- good quality and (refer back to point one and two) Coat- Bag and Boots (shoes in summer) people notice these things first and it’s about having quality over quantity! A nice mac from Hobbs (I got a lovely one last year) will still protect you from the weather!)

Leather boots in a classic brown from MnS and a bag (Mulberry seems to be the trend atm) although mine is a lovely leather one I purchased in Italy over summer!

• Think neat and tidy- neat hair cut and organised handbag. Clean, washed and ironed clothes - A less is more approach to accessorising!

The thing is dressing ‘middle class’ is all about not making too much of an effort and keeping it classic - but most were brought up to dress this way so it’s second nature and therefore not an effort!

Now I do have many friends who dress in jodhpurs and North face 90% of the time but they’re ‘real’ country people - unless you have a workinh farm or 4 horses then you don’t want to go strutting around like this else people will think you odd!

If you REALLY struggle I would suggest finding your local Hobbs- going in when it’s quiet and talking to the sales staff/looking at the window displays for inspiration!

During college I worked PT in a Hobbs and we often had women come in who were ‘looking to achieve X look’ and we would help them! Don’t be ashamed to explain this to them- they won’t judge!

In essence I think how you feel is the most important. You can be dropping in channel, armani or whitestuff but if you feel uncomfortable it will show. I've seen people look beautiful, confident and classy in a £10 primary outfit. You need to shake this class thing out o fyour head.