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Original poster

I want to dress upper middle class

387 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 30/12/2018 09:06

I actually am upper middle class, live in an upper middle class neighborhood and because of this I would like to dress more upper middle class.

A woman I know told me she thought I was desperately poor first time we met... and I am really not happy with the way I dress.

Can you help me?

OP posts:
Belindabauer · 01/01/2019 14:42

Was this man German who tried to kiss you?
I remember on holiday as a 20 something and an older ( very unattractive) German man asked me to dance when I refused his advances he was livid and began screaming at me. My friend and I walked out on the end to avoid his pesterings.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 01/01/2019 14:45

There really is something wrong with you when you in any thread where somebody mentions their class after they have been asked for their background and defines it after several people ask them to define what they mean assume that they do it to show of. What should I have answered that would have made you happy? Should I have lied or refused to answer the question.
I used the term upper middle class here because I thought it was neutral and that it would not offend people... seems that I was wrong but I really do not understand what the difference between saying I want to dress smart and I want to dress UMC is.

BTW all the German and Austrian ladies on the thread got why I did not want to be called by my first name... and I asked at a German Board later where everybody got it too.
Yes it was stupid to ask this here but I thought that the English had the same rules when it comes to first names but you are being very stupid to if you assume the only reason a person does not want to be called by their first name ist being to snobby for it.

OP posts:
HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 01/01/2019 14:49

The English culture is vastly different to German culture, or Danish culture (where I’m from), or in fact the cultures of any country in continental Europe. It really will not help you to ask questions like that here as you absolutely can’t generalise from one to the other.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 01/01/2019 14:52

@Belinda Actually in Germany some men see it as impolite if they ask you to dance and you refuse and some men are really a pita...

Does the UK have no men who pester women... actually calling in Germany asking you to dance with them is one of their old classics as they think you are to polite to refuse.

OP posts:
Belindabauer · 01/01/2019 14:52

Fwiw I'm English and do not like being referred to by my first name. I also do not like people using a shortened version of my name.
I also do not appreciate being kissed or touched by anyone I do not know intimately. I don't know one single British person who does.
In my experience it isn't British people who do this. Of course you will always find exceptions.If
I also find it very rude when people do not queue, again British people do, most German people don't.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 01/01/2019 14:55

Then you get me and I assume you do not hate to be called by your first name because you feel to posh for it but because you hate men forcing themselves on you like this.... sorry... very off topic but this reverse classism makes me angry.

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 01/01/2019 14:55

oP where I am from timberlands wouldn’t fit in with your aspirational look. Only wear what makes you comfortable - if they made your feet itch don’t buy them.

I used to but expensive walking boots - but recently picked up a pair from Clarks - really comfortable and I like how they look. I really don’t care what other people think of them - although I doubt anyone has given my walking boots a second thought!!!!

Belindabauer · 01/01/2019 15:02

Op - 0f course as a young, slim, attractive woman (I have never been short of admirers, put it down to my glamarous mother!) I did not want to dance with an obese, unattractive stranger who was old enough to be my father. My dp would tell someone to take a hike if he saw this happen to his dd. I'm not saying British men haven't tried it on they have. However I was sat with my friend having a meal and a drink minding my own business when he came over. I'd never even noticed him before, why would I? I think to make matters worse he was with a group of men and women, not sure if one was his wife!

If be bloody furious if someone did this to my dd.
It's never happened like that where I live. Perhaps the men think it but don't act upon it thankfully.

XmasPostmanBos · 01/01/2019 15:14

Oh yes I remember the old thread. Surely this is just another proof that there are different social rules in UK and Genovia.

katekat383 · 01/01/2019 15:23

As one would expect.

Alwayscheerful · 01/01/2019 16:20

The Fairfax and Favour Boots are great, a good ever day smart look. Cost per wear is minimal. Op, The boots you linked to, look like heavy duty walking boots, not suitable for meeting a friend for lunch or popping to the supermarket, more suited to a ram like or a hike.
if you want to up your game buy the boots and a handbag in tan and a smart smart casual jacket in Navy, add dark navy jeans and a pale blue shirt. Just start with a few key items of good quality.

TheSpottedZebra · 01/01/2019 16:33

Arf at Genovia!

OP I remember that thread well. It wasnt that you were kissed that riled you, it was that a man who was beneath you, kissed you. And also, that he didn't recognise your social standing. To be clear: in my very firmly held opinion, no one should be touched without their consent. But that thread was about class, not consent.

And now I've fallen down an advanced search rabbit hole, and you have many threads about class, either overtly or more subtly. What's really going on?

diddl · 01/01/2019 16:39

"What's really going on?"

Op doesn't look the part & desperately wants to by the sounds of things.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 01/01/2019 16:43

I really do think I will have this thread deleted.

But just for the record. This man was NOT below my class. This is what reverse classist on the thread said.... and I tried to make clear this was not the reason. Multiple times... but nobody ever listened to me.... because your opinion was set as soon as you heard what my class was.
I hate to be called by my first name by EVERYBODY I do not know very well - king or pauper. Many Germans do.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 01/01/2019 16:44

Oh and also I never said he did not recognize my social standing.

OP posts:
ChardonnaysPrettySister · 01/01/2019 16:51

TBF, first name is not easily used in German speaking countries.

I had colleagues who still were Fraulein Müller and Herr Richter after 15 years in the same office.

The level of formality can be terrifying.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2019 16:56

I get the not being called by your first name. It seems that it’s actually not done in a number of non English speaking societies. It would be equally absurd in France in many situations for example even though things there are slightly less formal.

When Dh and I lived in Germany, I took to teaching English to Germans in companies. Very interesting. Yes, the Doctor Doctor title tickled me (as in someone with two doctorates). In my class the Doctor Doctor x was known as Michael of course. Doctor Doctor in this country sounds absurd and very pompous but altogether normal and polite in Germany.

Those JW boots are horrid btw. An outfit looks so much better with decent shoes. So that’s where I’d put the money in.

TheSpottedZebra · 01/01/2019 17:00

because your opinion was set as soon as you heard what my class was.

Er -WHAT? Do you really think that a stranger on the internet from a different country is bothered by what class you are or say you are? Why would I be? Surely you're making judgements about my class there, and also my (percieved) issues with other classes?

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 01/01/2019 17:01

I think in Afghanistan not even close family members use the first name of a woman and it is not even used of the tombstone because it is that private...

I am sorry. I think I am going to have this thread deleted. I havealready asked for it to be deleted in fact. I got flamed badly in the other one and I do not want this to happen again.

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 01/01/2019 17:10

Where did you get flamed? Certainly not on your other very recent thread in which you posted a link to this thread.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 01/01/2019 17:12

Certainly by the likes of you in the thread about the first name.

OP posts:
ADastardlyThing · 01/01/2019 17:15

Im not sure privacy is the reason why females are not called by their first name in Afghanistan Hmm

Interestingly, just from the opening post I thought of that other aristocracy thread from ages ago. Wish I'd mentioned it now Grin

TheBaltictriangle · 01/01/2019 17:21

In Afghanistan and other Asian countries, the elders are not called directly by their first name. This is not because the first name is private but rather as a sign of respect. My siblings call me the equivalent of elder sister in our mother tongue plus my name. So Baltic plus big sister as a sign of respect plus acknowledgment that I am the eldest sibling. My parents instilled this custom even though we were all born in England.

katekat383 · 01/01/2019 17:32

TheSpottedZebra

because your opinion was set as soon as you heard what my class was.

Er -WHAT? Do you really think that a stranger on the internet from a different country is bothered by what class you are or say you are? Why would I be? Surely you're making judgements about my class there, and also my (perceived) issues with other classes?

Exactly! The whole premise of the thread is bonkers. Rabbit hole time...

katekat383 · 01/01/2019 17:34

Is there a German Mumsnet equivalent for you to use? You might feel happier there...