I want to dress upper middle class

[ConfusedWife1234]

I actually am upper middle class, live in an upper middle class neighborhood and because of this I would like to dress more upper middle class.

A woman I know told me she thought I was desperately poor first time we met... and I am really not happy with the way I dress.

Can you help me?

womansplainers?

A woman I know always, always wears a few bits of expensive jewellery, no matter what she is wearing or doing. She might be on the school run or walking the dog, and be wearing muddy wellies and an anorak, but she always has a pair of understated but expensive stud earrings in, for example. Or a delicate necklace.

She also only wears face makeup on special occasions. On a regular basis, she fills in her eyebrows, puts on a bit of mascara and some nude lipstick. She then really wows when going out for dinner with her whole face made up.

No matter how casual/muddy her clothes and shoes may be she always looks put together and effortless. It might help that she's stunningly beautiful though!

"I’d have thought lower middle class was Boden’s main market?

I'm LMC and definitely wouldn't pay Boden prices or indeed want to look so...floral/printy."

Exactly. And are there shops or just a website? I've never seen one of their shops, which suggests they're not in the places I go to.

I’d have thought lower middle class was Boden’s main market?

I have some Boden clothes. My friends wear them and I thought some of them are nice. Admittedly I used to spend more money on clothes pre dd but can’t justify it these days.

Shit that’s where I’m going wrong . I’m deffo in the umc bracket but don’t feel it!

I had always thought BOden and joules Branded targettted those trying and failing to seem a class they are not. Aren’t they the epitome of aspirational brands ?
Trying not to be goady or dismissive and god knows I am no great dresser. I too am upper middle class and have to wear restricted colour suits during the week (court based). My non work wardrobe is a bit of a disaster but I live and socialise in area/group where I seem to fit right in and it doesn’t really matter.
Good luck op. Clothes/image wobbles are not fun unless you like shopping and have money !

Argh, gutted, wrote long post and it just disappeared. @Lightkeeper - I might have been living across the road from my DH's grandmother 

@ConfusedWife1234 - I think I can relate (similar background story + west German DH who seems to always dress effortlessly yet perfectly - it's cultivated over years actually, I've got his teenage photo albums to prove this ) - feel free to PM me as I totally get your problem!

I do agree with previous posters though re: there is much more to this than clothes. There is a confidence problem and that's actually what gives you away as the "outsider" NOT what you wear. Generally-speaking, people sense fear and lack self worth in the person they are dealing with - there are lots of signs you are probably not aware that you're giving out, but they are not your clothing as such (and even if clothing is part of it, it's a very very small part - in other words, you will still stand out even if you wear the "right" clothing).

Add to that the typical Eastern European stigma about psychotherapy or anything even vaguely suggesting a mental health issue (which confidence and self worth comes under) and you have the perfect shit-sandwich that you're stuck with.

Try reading these:
Women, Work and the Art of Savoir Faire by Mireille Guiliano
And
A Guide to Elegance by Genevieve Antoine Dariaux

Both are French women, but the advice is applicable across Europe as it gets to the basics. They will probably save you a few hundred euro in teaching you how to find what clothing style works for you. More importantly, they focus a lot on feeling comfortable in your own skin.

After you've read them, it will be easier to work on confidence and feeling of self worth - you don't want your children to be victims of the same problem you have. You will probably need outside help (e.g psychotherapy or similar - sorry I'm not sure re: German terminology) and it will take months of self-work to get there, but it's absolutely possible to do that!!!

@Lightkeeper - *you might have been living across the road from my DH's grandmother

@namechsnge99999 I pmd you.

If you genuinely feel that you don't fit in, then clothes won't fix it, will they?

If someone thought that you were poor because you were wearing old/patched clothes-how did that conversation come about?

Were they being deliberately nasty or just stating a fact?

How do you get on with others around you?

I think I translated something wrong. The woman I met did not tell me she thought I was poor the first time we met.... but after we had known for a while she told me the first time we met she thought I was poor. No, I do not think she is a horrible person. She is just being honest and I like it.

@Lightkeeper I really used to think British and Western German style were the same before I wrote here... exactly for the reason you mentioned. A lot of Germans like the British style. I never would have thought they are wearing the British style differently in Germany than in Britain.
Maybe I should move there and be much more in style than in Germany .
I think it’s time to register at a German style board then (again, I did a while ago but dropped out of it).

How old are you confusedwife and what part of Germany are you?

@diddl No, she was just stating a fact. How should I explain this? Like I said we have different segments of upper middle class (probably like in Britain) and I am from another segment then her.
Let’s use the term Junker here, okay? Actually we do not call ourselves Junker. It is a historic term for us, but I think the closest translation.

Dh has a Junker mummy and I was born Junker.

Junkers by the way are known as strange dressers (to everybody not Junker) but not to her who thought that they dress very posh.

After a while she realized I had been born into that class and dh had a Junker dm and it was very interesting for her because she does not know many people of that kind... she asked me a number of questions and then she told me she would have never thought of me as Junker because I dress like poor... and she thought that we were dressed more posh but otoh that we were not as nice.
So she was actually complimenting me but also being honest.

I am 30 and do you want to know where I come from or where I live now?

Roughly the area where you live because it makes a difference if you are in Hamburg or Munich or somewhere West like Duesseldorf.

Somewhere North-West.

Only just seen your "Junker" post. This just doesn't chime at all with the Germany of 2018 that I know, and I am German, from a different state and very different class it seems.
Do you have to live where you live? Do you want to fit in there?
Don't go with Boden or Joules though, even my working class roots but all now in solidly middle class jobs family would think that a bit too gaudy and low quality.

I tried to translate untitulierte Adelige. I think Junker is the closest translation they have. I know it is a historical term in Germany but they do not have our kind of Adel in the UK (and yes, I do know some people say Adel has been abolished but actually not the Adel but only the Adelsprivilegien).

It's a bit niche though if it does still exist. I somewhat doubt MN S&B can help you with that. Maybe you have to look through publications like The Lady or something like it to get an idea.
What does the woman who talked to you wear?

Sorry, you got me wrong.
I do not wish to dress adelig. I just explained in which context this women mentioned me looking poor. What I am trying to dress like is like the civilian upper middle class (Bürgertum so to speak). That styles in the book the Lady really are not my cup of tea.

What this women dresses like... loafers, Stoffhose, blouse, pearl necklace typically.

I reckon the advice about going to see a personal shopper is your best bet. If you feel embarrassed, head to a city that isn't your nearest one, then you'll never have to see them again. No reason you should feel embarrassed though.

You have similar colouring to me by the sounds of it and I wear res lipstick - check out Justine Leconte on YouTube, she has lots of videos on French style, including how to determine if you're a warm- or cool-toned person. This will help with choosing makeup and clothing colours. You may like some of her style tips as well.

And I'd agree that talking to someone would help you. Not as an attack on you, or to imply that there's something wrong with you. But you clearly have a lot going on in your life, and I can tell you from my own personal experience that sitting down and talking to someone who is in no way involved and has no preconceived ideas about your situation can be a huge relief and a great help. Someone who will not judge you so you don't have to be nice and restrain yourself, and who will ask the right questions to help you work through it. Please at least consider it. It is not something to feel ashamed about. Many of us will have been there.

It sounds like you actually have a good handle on how you think you want to dress from your last post there? And in amongst many of the replies here, there has been similar advice.
Slightly concerned that a lot of the pressure for this is coming from your DH and him being unhappy with the way you dress though.

If you kind of know what you want to acquire, what I'd do next then is make a list of everything you'd like to own: loafers (one black, one tan), white or patterned blouses, slim fit jeans in expensive brand, slim fit trousers in expensive brand, Barbour (can't personally see the attraction except for actually being outdoors, but there you go), trenchcoat or mac, navy blazer/one non-navy blazer and other items you like.

Then start buying these items one at a time. The sales are on here in the UK, probably the same in Germany. If you want loafers- then go to a brand you like/think others wear and buy two pairs in the sale. You have then solved your loafer problem.

You then move to the next thing, and so on and so forth. Jewelry can be asked for for birthdays/Christmas with strict instructions on what to get, or get it yourself. If something wears out- like my lovely heeled loafers did last year, I buy something almost identical to fill that gap in the wardrobe (the non-black loafer gap!)

This won't help your state of not fitting in fully but it will give you kind of a uniform. This also solves the 'what shall I wear each day' problem as well.

Just go and buy a load of stuff. If you are umc then you can afford it.

If it's not right you give it to charity.