I want to dress upper middle class

[ConfusedWife1234]

I actually am upper middle class, live in an upper middle class neighborhood and because of this I would like to dress more upper middle class.

A woman I know told me she thought I was desperately poor first time we met... and I am really not happy with the way I dress.

Can you help me?

Hmmm... the ‘Adelige’ (with titles) I knew dressed quite immaculately, but that might have to do with them living either close to a big city or them mainly living in the city whilst also having a country pile somewhere.

So... you now know how UMC Germans dress. The only other secret is making sure your hair is nice, pluck your brows (makes a huge difference) and that your clothes are clean and ironed.

Now that I live in the U.K., I’m guilty as charged with ‘not ironing’ my clothes... although I felt the urge to iron yesterday after reading this thread! However, in Germany... ironing is sort of the norm. I mean... most UMC people have cleaners come in who also do the laundry (we did, and my mom was a SAHM). So, even my underwear was ironed although it ended up in a big, messy box in my wardrobe anyway. I’m assuming you do have a cleaner, too?

Re ironing can you imagine I know someone (lovely unassuming sweetheart of a guy) in whose house they had their newspapers ironed and their pocket money washed ! I suppose he would be way beyond anything I can imagine on any class based assessment.
I have started to resent ironing quite strongly and do find that lots of wrinkles do fall out pretty quickly.

so....Junkers are minor aristos?

Owners of small country estates, heavily associated with military service ( officer class obvs) very prominent in Prussia in the 19th century.

@HeronLanyon I agree. It’s aspirational. The photo shoots are mostly country house estate based. Those with an estate are usually upper class, not middle class (or upper middle class). Which is why I’d agree that they are aspirational brands, mostly bought by the middle class.

I doubt many genuinely upper class people would have Boden as their favourite brand. (Especially now the quality of the clothing has nose dived).

ah OK, but then I guess as it was previously a collection of states, there's probably enough of those families to form a distinct group, right?

what I dont really understand is the difference in dress between the adel folk and the Junker. And why is the dressing strange? Isn't it just a similar pearls and tweed mode as we have here?

I don't think Bavaria ever had Junkers banjax and I doubt Baden-Wuerttenberg had them either, which makes the entire South of the country Junker-free. It has a distinct Northern feel to me. Otto von Bismarck was of that background

3out I remember when I realised (quite late) that almost all advertising is aspirational always designed to stretch people’s spending and therefore almost always not targeted quite at those represented. Was a light bulb moment re yet another aspect of consumerism and class obsession etc !

Absolutely! That’s why I still read Country Homes and Interiors, but haven’t progressed to The Lady (don’t need to find ‘hired help’ as can’t afford it haha!)

The Lady is just an ‘aspirational’ step too far, and I hate crossing my legs at the ankle.

One of the most most securely umc people I know lives in 10yo clothes and a houseful of dark wooden furniture from charity shops. They give precisely zero fucks as to what everyone else thinks.

More generally, it's a fantasy that there is one unified umc look. If you are horsey countryside umc and live in Barbour, boots and pearls, you are going to look very out of place in arty, bohemian London circles, and both probably look askance at sloaney, 5-bed house-in-Surbiton types. All will look down on Kath kidston, boden types from ilkley or Harrogate. Yet all are upper middle class by income, education and background.

I have to tell you my guilty secret. Dh irons everything, he really rules at ironing clothes... the problem is more like: Once ironed my clothes do not stay in this condition.

A problem of mine, when choosing my wardrobe is that most other mums I meet are actually older than me. I think this is another reason why I am unsure how to dress.

However I do think that maybe you get used to wearing certain clothes once you wear them. So January second I will go shopping... buy... well I am not that sure what it will be yet... I guess I will tell them about the problem in there store... learning by doing so to speak.

By the way I checked out Boden and liked it: www.bodendirect.de/de-de/damen-kleider#nav (or is this too Hippie like).
How do you like:www.zalando.de/lauren-ralph-lauren-matte-bethy-jerseykleid-parlor-red-l4221c0of-g11.html or isn’t to screaming red? I also like the other colour lighthouse navy but I am not sure if this will make you look more pale and sad.
I like the look of this: www.zalando.de/soliver-smart-straight-stoffhose-blue-so221a0me-k11.html, however it is 100 percent polyester which I think is less than perfect for a trouser, maybe something similar.

In Germany, in the past, there used to be the opinion that there are three social classes

1. The clergy, which was considered the highest social class
2. The military, the Adel
3. Civilians, the Bürgertum

Junker is such a catch-all-Phrase. It may be the male equivalent of a Fräulein, a military rank, a member of a soldier class in 19th century in Prussia, a servant. I just used this word here because I have been told that in GB they do not have the same kind of Adelige as we do and the word you have in your schoolbooks is Junker.

My NDN has a title. He lives on our street as fell out with his brother who inherited the pile. He is lovely. He wears the oldest clothes known to man. Think frayed collars and old cords. His house is like a bomb has gone off. Everything he owns is old. He throws nothing out. His wife (now divorced) was UMC and wore cheap short skirts and tight tops. Suspect that’s not the look you’re after?

I would dress the same or similar as the Upper Middle Class people you mix with! It may not be the same as in the UK, but it almost certainly includes good grooming, no tattoos or heavy face makeup.

Although I've always thought that the higher your class, the less you care about what other people think.

My problem is that they often have a different lifestyle (less active and outdoorsy) and look different than I do.

Do you mean manufactum? I love them.

You need to focus on good quality fabrics. Absolutely no to that polyester top you described.

Cotton, wool, cashmere.

Good quality shoes. Find out where the person whose style you admire gets her loafers. Or ask the woman you mentioned ho commented on her first impressions of you. Buy a black pair and a tan pair.

Good quality boots and walking shoes for outdoors.

Barbour is a good place to start, and it sounds like the clothing will fit your lifestyle.

*who

I think the thing about class is that people who are genuinely UMC or UC never feel the need to bring it up, so I think you have somewhat missed the mark.

If you want to dress well, never wear anything that will go in or out of fashion. And you can buy pieces from anywhere, but take them to a tailor so that they then fit you exactly.

Could you build different outfits? Some for your outdoor interests and some for other times? My weekend clothes look different to what I wear to work.

Does darker hair suit you? I've noticed that when people dye their hair darker, it often makes them look paler.

Do you have any Farb- und Stylberaterin near you? Having your colours done and/or conversation about style might help you free up some mental space to concentrate on other things. Or after talking to someone who advises for a living, thinking about how to dress may help you feel more confident. Or do you have a Peek and Cloppenburg near you? They have a great range of things, and some staff can be really helpful.

Brands like soliver, esprit can look good, but sometimes casual. Do you like Marc Opolo?

You seem to have so much going on. I hope you and dh get some support.

It is hard to find clothes with no polyester in it, isn‘t it? I try to avoid it (also for health reasons because I heard that it may contain Phthalates, but it is really difficult... also I noticed that “smart trousers“ seem to be more likely to contain polyester than for example corduroys... or I might just be looking the wrong places.

You don’t need to worry about absolutely no polyester. But you should try to avoid 100%. It will look cheap and nasty, generally speaking.