Anal bleaching

[poobag]

Right, I'm looking for a product to lighten up the skin around my anus and vulva. Approaching 40 and had 3 kids - I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.
Any recommendations?

Cake - You could whop a load of natural yogurt up there. Works to cool it down on the way in, might have the same effect on the way out.

frank, you plank! You broke a very funny thread. BOO.

Yeah it was hilarious

As funny as Micky Flanagan

It's fine go back to judging women for what they choose to do to their bodies. Then get all arsey when someone judges what yours probably looks like.

I fear the ring of fire tomorrow. What prophylactic measures can I take other than bog roll in the freezer - please advise

I believe a generous coating of vaseline in and around the vulnerable area might help

And it wasn't a "poem"
It was an homage.

Got it.
They say coke works to remove limescale from a loo. So I'm thinking a bottle of diet coke held just under the offending ringpiece, drop in a couple of mentos and away she goes......

I am so relieved this thread wasn't full of advice from posters in the know.

Incidentally, I have seen more bottoms than I've had hot dinners. They're just bums, and no matter what the skin tone, it really makes no difference to their appearance.

I loved your homage, Squiffany.

poobag... in a&e with bumhole on fire?

Nobody is judging anybody. We are making jokes. If you take personal maintenance so seriously you cannot see the ridiculousness inherent in the notion of bleaching your arsehole then god help you.

Ps thanks for the Vaseline tip. I may apply, chill in fridge, then apply further cooled layer in the event the worst happens tomorrow.
Now THIS is helpful information.

Actually.....yep, I will judge someone who bleaches their anus.

Well alright so will I but I’ll have a fucking good laugh at them first.
Ps Dh’s curry was fucking awesome. My sphincter will pay the price tomorrow alas.

@Wheresmyfuckingcupcake - for the love of all that is holy please do not mix up Vaseline & Vicks

Ode to a curry

Arse on fire rolling down the road
You'll slowly find your inner rim
This arse will explode

Why the fuck would I mix Vaseline and vicks? In what dark night of the soul could you possibly have done such a thing?

what has happened to you to make you this tragic?

@franktheskank not just women, I believe both sexes have the required sphincter.

And.....don't forget the plums.

I am warming to the idea of judging.

"Yes its a 9.8 from the MN jury, a Farrow and Ball eggshell white"

< round of applause - takes a bow>

No national anthem, just the gentle strains of a Whiter Shade of Pale, we all sing the words.....

Yeah, women just choose to do things like this don’t they?

Like, tons of women (enough to have it as a service at many salons) spontaneously woke up one day and thought “I know what will boost my self confidence - I’ll get my arsehole bleached”

Don’t be so dense.

Haaaaa skip the light fandango