Anal bleaching

[poobag]

Right, I'm looking for a product to lighten up the skin around my anus and vulva. Approaching 40 and had 3 kids - I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.
Any recommendations?

How the hell did I only just find this thread??
Wouldn’t makeup do the trick, contouring is bound to help 😂

I apologise for not trying harder last night, so I have updated Whiter Shade of Pale

We skipped the lightened fanjo
Went straight to the Back Door
I was feeling kinda seasick
But Mumsnet called out for more
The thread was laughing harder
Inhibitions flew away
When we called out for a Polo Mint
The waiter brought Milk Tray

And so it was ……that later
As the OP told her tale
That her arse, at first just ghostly,
Turned a Whiter Shade of Pale.

We said, “there is no reason
To bleach what’s hard to see”
It seems this is the done thing
In B,S and M and D
All the cardie-wearing virgins
(Bought from Boden or from Coast)
They all had their eyes opened
But they wished they’d kept them closed

And so it was ……that later
As the OP told her tale
That her arse, at first just ghostly,
Turned a Whiter Shade of Pale.

For god's sake!

I pity you OP. Go out and do something worthwhile with your life.

Harsh. Starting this thread has given joy to many. More productive than anything I’ve done this week - although I’m not sure it’s what she intended

Something worthwhile? Like writing cringeworthy middle aged poems in Mumsnet?

Do better, Frank, then we’ll be the judge of who has the right to criticise who ....

Ps not sure what’s middle aged about it - if your point’s about the age of song, it’s positively elderly

Oh some people need to lighten up (literally by the nature of this thread) I love it! Makes me smile.

Does it not just need a good clean?

I think some people get a bit offended when others laugh at rather than admire extreme personal grooming. Challenges the whole value system. You’ve got to sympathise really

Just read the what to wear to a swingers club thread. Amazing. Pure gold.

These threads always end up with people writing poems. That's when you know it's time to hide a half drunk bottle of vodka up your coat sleeve and stagger home.

These threads always end up with people writing poems.

This is true. I think it became a mumsnet “tradition” during that unforgettable thread started by Brian from Hull and his quest for the sacred feminine deluge. Nothing expresses scathing derision like a sketchily rhymed limerick, I find.

I Have A Dream...

...I dream of a world where Boden cardis and 'middle aged poems' (whatever the fuck they are?) are celebrated...

...and where arseholes are left in their God-given natural state of beauty.

Is that so wrong, Frank?

Is it the cardis or the bum bleach which has turned you off? Or both?

I obviously did well enough for you to take the time to reply to me Everyone's got the right to criticise everyone, surely? Middle aged by that kind of sense of humour is usually for middle aged women..."I'm standing in the kitchen alone grinning because someone wrote a poem" ....

Fair enough the op isn't about something most people get done but I'd have thought most people have heard of it. Like vajazzles, as someone else said.

The way you lot are going on is a bit embarrassing, I thought the OP was being a bit small minded with the lights off and cardigan comment, but you're all proving her right

You bleach your hole, Frank...dont you?

No but I would

I still don’t get the point.

It’s not like getting your nails done - you can admire them and show people how nice they are. But your bum hole?

My dp can admire it while he's TMI but you asked for it bending me over or licking it

Ooh, Betty!

Oh shit forgot the brackets!