False lashes for labour??? Trying to look somewhat normal...

[thetwocultures]

Recently saw a pic of myself in the hospital after having DS and I am

I looked like an absolute mess which I know is partially due to just giving birth but I've seen lots of new mums and pictures of them post birth and they're all somehow managing to look fresh and...not like a beaten up jellyfish.

I'm currently expecting DC2 and looking into ways to look a bit less frightening for those initial days after birth when I won't have time for anything.

I'm going to have my hair trimmed a couple of weeks before, also looking at getting my nails done to feel more put together.

On top of that I'm considering having individual false lashes that last 2-4 weeks (I think?) nothing OTT or massively long just hoping to look more defined but still natural. But I'm worried they're bad for my real eyelashes?

Once they're off/fall off do some of my eyelashes go with them?
I don't want to ruin my own lashes as it would just miss the point of trying to look ok.

Is this the future? Concerns about being selfie-ready permeating everything, including childbirth?

@DeltaG - I'm sorry but if you were asked to talk about your achievements and you said 'I had a baby', I doubt anyone would be overly impressed because, whilst it might be an important event on a personal level, in the grand scheme of things it is just nature taking it's course.

For reference, the emotional aspect is controlled by the hormone oxytocin, the same one that causes contraction of the uterus to expel the baby. Again, it is par for the course to have this attachment (in order to maximise the chances of survival of the child, as you say). It is not some special, spiritual 'feelz'; it is also part of the biological response.

It happens in other mammals too, it's not unique to humans.

It's not about the moral high ground fgs. It's about making things easier on yourself - tbh it's those insinuating you need to do certain grooming to feel "human" or normal who are setting the oppressive standards!
The serious point is this just isn't a conversation anyone used to have. If I'd said something like this to my friends who had kids before I had DS they'd have laughed themselves sick.

Well it certainly doesn't make me feel sad but it does make me stop and think and I like threads that do that. As I've already said, I purposely had my hair done just before my due date so I'm in no position to lecture anyone. But I think it's the word 'normal' that jars with me. I'm a regular on here (although more for the clothes than the make up) and I do raise my unthreaded eyebrows sometimes at the sheer amount of maintenance that passes for normal these days.

I can also count on one hand the number of photos I saw of new mums before Facebook came along.

There has definitely been a shift and I'm not sure I like the direction.

I'm an unthreaded eyebrow raiser too I'm afraid! It was here I found out I'm a defective human being because I don't dye my greys. Not the sort of information I used to get from MN I must say. Creak wobble groan etc

Oh I don't dye my greys either. But that's because I like them!

I don't like mine, but I like the way women with my hair colour who dye them look even less (my hair is very dark). So I do nothing and keep my cash! Ha!

To be honest I find this Hallmark attitude that ‘you should feel invincible’, 'you should feel like a warrior woman’, ‘you should be glowing with pride’ more pressurising than someone who wants to paint their toenails or have their hair done ahead of the event. Are people’s life experience really so limited that they don’t know that many women feel anything but invincible or joyful after giving birth? And that maybe focusing on an aspect of their appearance prior to labour is their way of attempting to pre-empt a loss of control be that physical control or emotional control. I suggest some people step outside their own little bubbles and have a little think about that.

'It was here I found out I'm a defective human being because I don't dye my greys'

Interesting. In that case you can’t frequent the Style & Beauty boards too often as there are frequent grey hair appreciation threads.

Perhaps it is a means of getting back a feeling of control, although that strikes me as a response that could become pathological if it persists long term (see desire for control manifested in control over weight as a factor in eating disorders for example). And if you're worried you're going to be deprived of control during labour the real answer is to get access to improved care. Realising that that, sadly, may be beyond the reach of many

Oh I see the appreciation threads but I also see the frickin loons who think a Middle aged women's prime role in life is to provide employment to hairdressers. Again, they are a relatively recent phenomenon

No-one is setting 'oppressive standards' or calling anyone else a 'defective human being'.

If you don't want to do these things then nobody is criticizing you, but if other people's choices about their own bodies make you feel uncomfortable about yourself, then that's your problem to deal with.

Are people’s life experience really so limited that they don’t know that many women feel anything but invincible or joyful after giving birth?

Hardly, given that I've given birth twice and well recognise it. In fact I was tired, exhausted and the last thing I wanted was to make sure I looked good for the camera.

That is the sad thing. What's wrong with looking shit after giving birth - it's hardly a walk in the park.

What's wrong with not wanting to look shit?

@AccrualIntentions

Because the reasons for which it is done - that's the sad thing. There was mention of wanting to look because other mums did in photos. That's the pressure right there.

There's being presentable and then there's being unnecessarily so. For example, when I first wake up I look like shit. That's normal.when I give birth, I look shit. Also normal and I don't think it's a great message to send to anyone that they should be worrying about their immediate post labour look in a photo, when they've just given birth.

I don't feel uncomfortable about my own choices, thanks. I've never liked this excessively (to my mind) groomed look and if I tried it at this stage of my life I suspect I'd look like cruella de vil. Less is more past 40!
Perhaps that's the answer for the OP - get older, give less of a shit and also realise that the benefits of all the effort are pretty marginal anyway

@Circumlocutor

That's your choice. I am making the point that it's unnecessary to doll yourself up just so that you look good in post-partum pictures. What next? Make up between contractions? What happens if you chip a nail climbing out of the birthing pool? Or, god forbid, your false eyelashes come out mid push? Just think of the pictures

No need to be a twat dear.

I'm in the "this thread is depressing" camp I'm afraid. I did put a bit of lipstick and blusher on after washing my face to feel a little bit less pale. But to get hair, nails, lashes done specifically for the birth?! It's sad that we live in such a superficial culture.

I'm really in two minds about this. On the hand, as I've said, I'm not keen on the way the grooming bar is being raised higher and higher. It does make some (not all) women feel insecure and the industry is making a shitload of money out of it.

On the other hand, there are so many threads on here started by women who literally feel they have lost themselves since having kids. I don't think it's helpful to tell them they shouldn't care. Superficial things matter sometimes.

Anyway the op was asking for practical advice. I will happily join in if anyone starts a thread on the subject but otherwise I'm off.

Again, for those with memory problems - nobody on this thread mentioned that they would be getting their hair coiffed, having a full face of make-up or set of nail extensions for the birth.

And to be fair, even if they did, what the fucking hell has it got to do with anyone else? I personally wouldn't go to all that trouble, not least for hygiene reasons, but I wouldn't be castigating someone else for doing so if they so wished. It also wouldn't make me feel oppressed or like a defective human being.

Likewise, the celebrity trend of getting back into a size 8 dress two weeks after the kid has popped out doesn't make me feel any pressure to do the same, because I have my own mind and I feel it's unrealistic for most people and probably not good for health reasons too.

I dunno. I get wanting to look nice. I didn't specifically plan for post birth pictures but I knew I'd feel more like me for the following weeks if I'd had my hair cut and my eyebrows done before hand. I think sometimes people focus on little things they have control over in the run up to a big event that they have little control over- that's normal too.

DeltaG

For reference, the emotional aspect is controlled by the hormone oxytocin, the same one that causes contraction of the uterus to expel the baby. Again, it is par for the course to have this attachment (in order to maximise the chances of survival of the child, as you say). It is not some special, spiritual 'feelz'; it is also part of the biological response.

That's what I said... Engineered by nature. Don't assume someone is 'spiritual' just because they don't view birth in a solely clinical way. Your assumptions are getting rude.