False lashes for labour??? Trying to look somewhat normal...

[thetwocultures]

Recently saw a pic of myself in the hospital after having DS and I am

I looked like an absolute mess which I know is partially due to just giving birth but I've seen lots of new mums and pictures of them post birth and they're all somehow managing to look fresh and...not like a beaten up jellyfish.

I'm currently expecting DC2 and looking into ways to look a bit less frightening for those initial days after birth when I won't have time for anything.

I'm going to have my hair trimmed a couple of weeks before, also looking at getting my nails done to feel more put together.

On top of that I'm considering having individual false lashes that last 2-4 weeks (I think?) nothing OTT or massively long just hoping to look more defined but still natural. But I'm worried they're bad for my real eyelashes?

Once they're off/fall off do some of my eyelashes go with them?
I don't want to ruin my own lashes as it would just miss the point of trying to look ok.

I made sure my eyebrows were done and wore a waterproof mascara. My cousin even commented on my excellent brows .

Nail varnish all off for sections though. And the post natal rooms were so warm I did at least have rosy cheeks.

neveradullmoment99 ffs have you read the thread? OP isn't talking about having beauty treatments on the day or the hours/days just after birth. She's talking about a treatment before.

Also, she has stated that it's not for social media.

Agree with PPs re infection risks. Do what's safest for you and baby. Labour can be a marathon. Who looks good during and straight after running a marathon? Nobody. Unless you're having an elected cs you'll be tired and sweating. All completely normal. I have really bad dark circles (genetic) and looked like a zombie in hospital. There's a photo of me, taken by doula, in hospital bed with newborn on my boob; I've got what looks like a combination of pure exhaustion and a snarl on my face. Be kind to yourself it's a big effort having a baby.

For me, this has noting to do with social media. I don't have an Instagram account and never post any photos of my child on FB. I have never taken a selfie (and that's the truth).

I assume all the women on here thinking they are on the moral high ground never wore any make-up or got their hair done on their wedding day then? None ever lost any weight for the big day (I didn't personally, but many do)? Because why, at such an important moment in your life, would you be worrying about your appearance and what you look like on photos??

And as for not having aspirations beyond appearance - what a crock of shite. As I said on here previously I have a PhD in chemistry and a professional career in science. Wearing make-up and having a fake tan has not diminished my IQ nor my ability to distinguish between cis-trans isomers (and that's a debate for another thread). I am friends with many female scientists and if some of you on this thread us out in a bar, you'd probably think we were hairdressers or something equally misogynistic, because groomed women can't possibly be clever, can they?

For the posters rolling their eyes ... it's okay to debate this sort of thing. There has been no "klaxon", we are allowed to discuss and disagree about things. If some of the posts make you feel bad or question yourself, or make you think, fuck off it's my body, well, that's what it's all about. It is your body.

The reason why this thread makes me depressed is that there are obviously so many intelligent women on it, and yet, so many that cannot (or refuse) to see that giving birth is a fucking amazing achievement in itself. You should feel like you're invincible afterwards regardless of the state of eyebrows/hair/body/eyelashes. It's like we're never enough (unless we're pretty, too).

Well put fauxhito. Find this thread extraordinarily depressing.

It's the comments about looking 'normal', 'human' and 'like myself' which I find slightly jarring. I don't have any issue with the idea of having nails/brows etc done pre-birth and wanting to look nice. I look like I haven't slept for three days and have run a marathon in my post-birth photos (funny that..!) and I do think I look a bit crap - and not even that happy, more shellshocked probably due to my resting bitch face. They aren't the best photos of me ever, to put it mildly. But I would say they are the definition of 'normal' and 'human' and I was very much myself - just a much more raw and vulnerable version who had just performed the most amazing miracle in the world and was in the grip of the most intense and strange and incredible experience. The newborn phase is very much not like being yourself and it worries me slightly when people want to be immediately like themselves and do the Tesco shop on the way home from hospital etc because it's all nothing special...I do wish women were a bit kinder to themselves.

I also think that if I had my babies now as opposed to just a few years ago, I would take more flattering photos. The bar has just been raised. And I do feel concerned that the criteria for 'normal' and 'human' is so much higher than it used to be. Photos I put up of myself on social media ten years ago make me cringe a bit now. I've absorbed a lot about how to pose, how to do makeup, all sorts of things. And the problem is that everyone else puts up shots of themselves looking perfect and it's easy to think they look like that all the time and why do I have to work so hard just to look like a human being...and you end up comparing your postnatal pictures to someone else's and being upset that you look like a normal, human woman who has just given birth whilst someone else looks like they are doing a maternity magazine shoot and you end up feeling like you are so inadequate that just looking 'normal' requires a range of beauty treatments. I'm all for looking nice and having a bit of pampering, but I don't like the idea that this kind of high level maintenance is all necessary just to look 'ok' rather than 'awesome'. I see nothing wrong with aiming to look awesome, just stop passing off 'awesome' as 'barely presentable'. Look great and own it!

Giving birth is not some sort of extraordinary achievement, especially not in the developed world and in modern times. Billions of people have 'achieved' this. Yes it can be difficult and occasionally dangerous and yes these factors are generally under-appreciated as it's women going through it, not men. But I don't need to give myself a pat on the head for doing something that is a normal human function and has been occurring since the dawn of evolution.

And why this stupid assumption and pressure on women to feel 'invincible' or 'glowing' after giving birth? I was semi-conscious and having a blood transfusion afterward and I felt like shite, and someone else on here was in a coma for a week, so I doubt they were feeling none to clever either.

DeltaG the entirety of the birth experience from conception to birth is a miracle. Do not take it for granted. Things can and do go horribly wrong for some people. Having a healthy baby at the end of it is a huge achievement. The way you describe it is like we should just cut our cords in the paddy fields and get on with work. I don't know anyone who pressured me to feel 'invincible' or 'glowing' after giving birth, but there were plenty of medical professionals concerned for my physical and mental wellbeing as well as that of my baby which is what you need.

@fauxhito no one here disputed that giving birth is a " fucking amazing achievement in itself. "

It's just some people have different standards and views on their appearance. Like I've said about 5 times already it massively helps me - and I will reiterate this too all the posters bashing this thread - me, Me, ME!
Not my DP, not my DCs, not my dog or the neighbours fucking chinchilla!

It helps ME feel put together and like I can kick ass and do shit.
I extremely rarely actually have my nails done - probably once a year if that! I've probably had gel/false nails 2 times in my entire life!
It will be a lovely treat to give them some TLC.

As for the eyelashes, I posted here in STYLE AND BEAUTY to ask about them and find out if anyone has had them in the past. Not to ask about weather people think it's shallow or whatever other bullshit.

This is STYLE AND BEAUTY so to all the posters dishing out their "this is sad" "this is shallow" "we're all in a vacuum" preaching please bugger off to another topic.

@IDoDoChaCha - it is neither an achievement nor a miracle, it is a biological function. The whole process is largely beyond anyone's control and if it goes wrong, it is almost certainly not because of anything the mother did themselves. Likewise, if it goes well, it is almost certainly not because of anything the mother did herself - it is down to genetics and random chance in the main part. You make it sound like you don't have a healthy baby at the end, you have not achieved and have therefore failed, which is total bollocks.

And here are the dictionary definitions of 'achievement' and 'miracle';

Achievement - something accomplished, especially by superior ability, special effort, great courage, etc.; a great or heroic deed

Miracle - an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment

@fauxhito no one here disputed that giving birth is a " fucking amazing achievement in itself."

Apart from DeltaG who thinks it's an everyday run of the mill thing.

Hey, surely having a baby is an 'extremely outstanding event'! I know it happens daily but it's pretty amazing every time!

@thetwocultures - to be fair, I do dispute that it is a 'fucking amazing achievement'.

Totally agree with you that the holier than thou brigade can do one though.

@IDoDoChaCha -The UNICEF estimates that an average of 353,000 babies are born each day around the world. By your own definition it is an everyday run of the mill thing.

DeltaG now now don't twist things to fit your argument. Yes it is a biological function. But you can't just treat the process of birth as a purely medical one (reference attachment theory with rhesus monkeys for example). There are emotions involved. It would be a mistake to return to attirudes from the days of early behavioural science. I would never suggest a mother has 'failed' because she did not deliver a healthy baby. That is absolutely disgusting, heartless and cruel. You sound like a walking dictionary, where is your human empathy.

DeltaG by my definition it is a unique and anazing event to each and every woman who goes through it. Own your own views, don't push them onto others. If you don't think birth is special, then by all means go back out onto the paddy fields but don't take other women's achievements away from them.

You do know that when your family and friends look at those photos they probably just seem a happy mum with her newborn baby.

Likewise your friends - well they probably think they look dreadful in those first shots and not at all made up and together.

It's perspectives. You see a puffy swollen exhausted woman. Bet others don't.

I think I look horrendous in photos the day after I had Dd - white (lost lots of blood), drawn, exhausted, no make up, hair straggly. Dh and my parents dont - thy just see me looking down at Dd happy and in love with my newborn.

It certainly isn't an everyday occurrence for each woman, it's something that happens a handful of times in your life. And those 353,000 babies born every day keep the human race going. Imagine if women just stopped giving birth? Every single thing humans have created would crumble to nothing as the species would be wiped out in a generation. I also think lots of frequent and repetitive things that happen in nature are pretty miraculous and amazing and the world is a better place when you appreciate the magic and magnificence of it all. If you can't see the wonder and magic in birth that seems like a bit of a shame for you.

Oh, I had an emergency cs too - no nail polish or make up was allowed in theatre. Not even clear varnish. So you may fine anything you put on it removed for you if you have any interventions

it is neither an achievement nor a miracle, it is a biological function. The whole process is largely beyond anyone's control and if it goes wrong, it is almost certainly not because of anything the mother did themselves. Likewise, if it goes well, it is almost certainly not because of anything the mother did herself - it is down to genetics and random chance in the main part.

Completely agree! For reference I had two VBs, one of which left me hospitalised for 3 days and with a 3rd degree tear. I did not feel invincible after birth - why would I? I don't give my heart points for beating or my bowel points for extracting nutrition. They are doing their preprogrammed job. Therefore I felt tired after birth and like I wanted a cup of tea at the least, but invincible? Powerful? Nah. My body was going through its paces, I was just a passenger

Also, I have a PhD and am relatively clever and STILL like to have mascara on. I don't care if that makes anyone sad either!

I also think lots of frequent and repetitive things that happen in nature are pretty miraculous and amazing and the world is a better place when you appreciate the magic and magnificence of it all. If you can't see the wonder and magic in birth that seems like a bit of a shame for you.

^^ this

Of course there are emotions involved on a personal level, no-one disputes that.

But using words like achievement implies there is sort of concerted skill involved and that is not true; how it goes is largely down to chance.

I'm not a walking dictionary, I'm just a scientist and that's how I see it (not saying all scientists would necessarily feel the same, just my own feelings).

This is the best judgey thread ever. I hope the fall from the moral high ground doesn't cause too much damage to most people here when it happens.

@thetwocultures, I looked very much like a bloated jellyfish with DC1 (rings came off at 35 weeks) but didn't happen with DC2 (delivered with rings on). So you mightn't look the same this time

we won't mention what I looked like on Day 2 after DC2 had spent the entire night making sure my milk was in

DeltaG it's absolutely fair enough that you see things your own way, as do we all. But your comments seem to whittle the birth experience down to a purely medical act. It's not. I'm glad youve referenced the emotional aspect as that's huge for a lot of women. I would suspect far more women have an emotional attachment to the birth experience than don't, especially as being emotionally involved would help the bonding experience which is something nature would engineer to help keep baby alive post birth.