False lashes for labour??? Trying to look somewhat normal...

[thetwocultures]

Recently saw a pic of myself in the hospital after having DS and I am

I looked like an absolute mess which I know is partially due to just giving birth but I've seen lots of new mums and pictures of them post birth and they're all somehow managing to look fresh and...not like a beaten up jellyfish.

I'm currently expecting DC2 and looking into ways to look a bit less frightening for those initial days after birth when I won't have time for anything.

I'm going to have my hair trimmed a couple of weeks before, also looking at getting my nails done to feel more put together.

On top of that I'm considering having individual false lashes that last 2-4 weeks (I think?) nothing OTT or massively long just hoping to look more defined but still natural. But I'm worried they're bad for my real eyelashes?

Once they're off/fall off do some of my eyelashes go with them?
I don't want to ruin my own lashes as it would just miss the point of trying to look ok.

I had ds1 before smartphones etc. He was a planned EC so I don't lots of time to think about how I wanted everything. I got up in the morning and put makeup on, had specifically chosen my nail varnish, had a new nightie which was slightly more hospital-friendly than the negligee type thing I usually sleep in, my legs and arm pits were shaved....in short, I looked and felt like ME.
Why would I suddenly stop caring about those things? I cared throughout my pregnancy and yes, through the birth too.
Exactly the same for ds2.
DH doesn't wear makeup but he did his usual grooming before the births of both our dc.
I also wore makeup etc for both my parents' funerals. Because that's what I do.
The "it's so sad" posters can fuck off to the far side of fuck and the fuck off some more.

I had lots of time.

Am I the only person who is thinking that nobody cares what you look like in photos just after you've given birth. It's the baby we're all looking at.

The "it's so sad" posters can fuck off to the far side of fuck and the fuck off some more

Defensive much?

When my mum talked to me about her 6 labours, I don't recall her discussing what shade of nail polish she had. Why? Because it didn't matter.

Why add to the list of things to worry about when you've got a newborn plus toddler!

There's your normal grooming regime - which in my case got totally suspended for at least 6 months after birth, which made not a difference to how I or anyone else felt about me - and then there's feeling that it's so not ok to look rough post birth you have to think about special measures. That's not something anyone talked about when I had kids and I do find it a very sad development.
I just think women should go a bit easier on themselves. It's such a hard time generally.

Don't have anything that could cause a reaction when pregnant is my advice. I had always had my eyelashes tinted as my own are white like a hamster but when i had them done whilst pregnant this happened......

I can't believe the amount of headspace peoole are giving this - or the number of people engaging with the question seriously.

You are about to bring a new life into the world and to go through an incredibly physically and mentally draining - and hopefully amazing - experience somewhere between intense and downright terrifying and you are worried about your fucking eyelashes ?!

It's triviality that's beyond farcical, seriously!

I had my kids 10 years ago and I don't believe I saw anything like this on MN at this time

YY to this! Had someone posted this on MN 10 years ago they would have got short shrift. The response wouldn't have been people comparing nail tips that's for sure!

It's NOT OK that women are socialised to think about how we look all the time even when doing something as profound and life changing as giving birth.

We should be helping each other escape this particular mind-fuck not encouraging it in each other to revel in it IMO.

As much as you say it's for you - men don't do this! They don't share tips of the state of theit eyelashes before major events in their lives. It's a mental prison that women are socialised into. The way to win at this is to lose the social conditioning so you don't give a fuck and can focus on what' s important not obsess about such shallow triviality.

You're missing the point: it's not stress or hassle, it's normal stuff.
I hate this idea that I suddenly have to become some don't give a shit earth mother just because I've had a baby. That is not me.
I also can't bear a really messy house, baby or not. It makes me feel uncomfortable and annoyed.
I like to be reasonably groomed and my home to be reasonably tidy. And I've managed both with absolutely no extra stress or hassle, with 2 dc.
I'm sure it's to do with what sort of person you are. If you don't care what you're going to look like in that situation then good for you. Clearly some of us do care.
The wanky patriarchy argument is utterly pointless because nobody is actually saying you have to do it, and given that so many women don't it's obviously NOT a societal expectation.

given that so many women don't it's obviously NOT a societal expectation

The OP mentioned what other mums looked like post birth. The pressure is there.

Why is it a wanky argument? oh let's just roll over and be all pretty but no it's not a societal expectation.

I have a daughter and quite frankly want her to have higher expectations than her appearance. She knows, as does my son, that it's important to look neat and tidy and it's important to be clean and maintain hygiene. she likes nail polish etc but it's not fundamental to her success in life.

I'm speechless that people even think about this sort of thing (old gimmer...)

I have a daughter and quite frankly want her to have higher expectations than her appearance.

Because no one who cares about their appearance could ever be successful, or intelligent, or have a good career, or be a caring individual? I don't know about the rest of you, but my IQ doesn't suddenly drop 50 points when I have my nails done.

I really despise the attitude that if a woman chooses to care about her appearance, chooses to apply makeup, do her hair, use fake tan that she's shallow, vain, superficial, an idiot. That's the attitude which comes through loud and clear on this thread and it's so misogynistic.

If anyone was saying "oh I'll get the nurse to take the baby away for 10 minutes so I can do my makeup before we take the photo" then people might have an argument. But people on the thread are talking about things they can do before birth because they know they probably won't be giving appearance a second thought for a while afterwards, and they'd like to feel like themselves. I don't understand why this is so challenging for people to understand.

I'm speechless that people even think about this sort of thing (old gimmer...)

I was speechless a few weeks ago when they were all nattering on about getting their bits waxed ready for labour. But at least that was at the business end...

*chips4" I think it is the level of grooming that people are surprised at. Things like hair and nails fine. False eyelashes is a little eyebrow raising you have to admit (given that it could also be an infection control/hygiene thing).

@thetwocultures I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm a bit more OTT than you and not scared to admit it. As I previously posted, my beauty prep went out the window due to an EMCS. I did however, still have long, neon pink acrylics on when I went in and I managed a full face of makeup before I went to the hospital

I don't understand why this is so challenging for people to understand

It's not challenging. We understand alright. It's the very definition of shallow IMO.

You've been socialised to think it's perfectly reasonable to worry about this shit but it's pretty extreme.

You are being utterly screwed over by the beauty industry, especially because you think this is normal.

Because no one who cares about their appearance could ever be successful, or intelligent, or have a good career, or be a caring individual? I don't know about the rest of you, but my IQ doesn't suddenly drop 50 points when I have my nails done

You would do well to read the whole of my post instead of cherry picking

Please read it again and note that I have stressed the importance of being clean, near and tidy to my DCs. I wear make up, I paint and my nails and shock horror my IQ remains very high thank you

What is important is that my dcs realise that it's more than appearance. That's why I want my dd to have higher expectations. And it is my dd which I worry about more, because the pressure is on for her to look nice, not to be smart, clever or strong.

Fancy nail polish only gets you so far.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim

There's your normal grooming regime - which in my case got totally suspended for at least 6 months after birth, which made not a difference to how I or anyone else felt about me

But you can surely see that everyone's "normal" grooming regime is different? And personally if I suspended my grooming regime for SIX MONTHS post-birth, it would absolutely make a difference to how I felt about me.

Fwiw, mine is: regularly shaving arm pits and legs, getting my hair cut and coloured every six weeks, having eyebrows waxed every eight weeks (plucking in between) and I usually have my toe nails painted, and finger nails short and clean.

I know someone who wears a proper full face of makeup every day because she realised after dc1 that not wearing it contributed to her awful PND. I don't think she really thinks about the deeper reasons (societal pressures, patriarchy), just did what made her sane post-birth and beyond after her dc2 and dc3. You never know why people do the things they do, and if they're not harming anyone then it's no-one else's business imo.

You people do realise you're on the Style and Beauty board, right? Why are you reading or posting about something you find so shallow and abhorrent?

Who said I was "worried" about this shit? I plan on asking my midwife what's allowed (because of the hygiene implications as mentioned previously on the thread, which I hadn't thought about), if she says nothing is allowed and I must be scrubbed from head to toe with bleach before being allowed within 2 miles of the delivery ward then fair enough. It doesn't really matter. Otherwise, I wouldn't mind having photos where I look like myself. Not for selfies, or Facebook, because I don't use it.

I had my makeup done for my wedding photos. I assume that's also a heinous crime, because obviously the entire of my headspace should have been given over completely to thoughts of my marriage?

Oh, are the 'I'm feeling sad' brigade back?

I had false eyelashes it on for Christmas which were still on when i went in to labour. Ended up having a general anaesthetic but the midwife said they didn't tape my eye lids so as not to spoil my lashes ha ha. I looked pretty normal on all the newborn photos as a result.

Believeitornot
I did read the whole of your post. I'm still left confused, therefore, as to why you feel the need to stress that you hope your DD realises there's more to life than your appearance. Any decent parent is going to do that (I'd hope). By making that point you imply that you think someone who considers getting their nails done before going into labour doesn't realise there's more to life than their appearance.

Why is ok to bother with your appearance at some times but not others? You wear makeup, but someone who might get an eyelash tint before having a baby has their priorities all wrong?

Hi OP! I'm going to just answer your question rather than engage with all the crazies who have piled on this thread. Does some sort of klaxon go off to call them over?!

Have you had false lashes before? They can feel a bit irritating at times. If I was sweating a lot I think they would be annoying. Much better as others have suggested would be a lift and tint. Make sure they patch test you first.

FWIW when I had my baby it was no nail varnish & no tan but this varies from hospital to hospital.

Good luck with the birth!

I can see why some find this depressing if you think of it on a feminist level, but individually for many women looking the best you can in a situation where you have no control really does help mentally. I accepted myself looking dog rough for my section as I wanted them to be able to see my nails and skin colour, my hair was a birds nest.. but I felt relief when a few days later I could have a shower, comb my hair, put a bit of makeup and nail varnish on. I know it sounds stupid.. but it really isn't for other people, I just feel better with it. It helped my recovery (seriously!)

Why is ok to bother with your appearance at some times but not others? You wear makeup, but someone who might get an eyelash tint before having a baby has their priorities all wrong?

Quite. What makes the times she decides paints her nails more acceptable to feminism than the times someone else paints their nails? I'm not sure much logic is at play there.

I just find this all a bit superficial tbh. I mean, yes I do get it that noone wants to look a mess but then i kept the photos of me, after giving birth, mostly for the people i was close to and did not post them social media.
I also get the fact that its nice to treat yourself and feel good after giving birth. I certainly did just not on the day of the birth. I think your focus is a bit off imo.