False lashes for labour??? Trying to look somewhat normal...

[thetwocultures]

Recently saw a pic of myself in the hospital after having DS and I am

I looked like an absolute mess which I know is partially due to just giving birth but I've seen lots of new mums and pictures of them post birth and they're all somehow managing to look fresh and...not like a beaten up jellyfish.

I'm currently expecting DC2 and looking into ways to look a bit less frightening for those initial days after birth when I won't have time for anything.

I'm going to have my hair trimmed a couple of weeks before, also looking at getting my nails done to feel more put together.

On top of that I'm considering having individual false lashes that last 2-4 weeks (I think?) nothing OTT or massively long just hoping to look more defined but still natural. But I'm worried they're bad for my real eyelashes?

Once they're off/fall off do some of my eyelashes go with them?
I don't want to ruin my own lashes as it would just miss the point of trying to look ok.

In most cases, pallor is only one of the indications of a serious haemorrage. I also had trouble breathing, was sweating, could not remain upright, could not produce any milk etc.

Thus, self-tan didn't kill me last time and it won't this time either!

My lips were also blue - which seemed of more importance to the medical team than the colour of my skin.

@Delta no points missed, here.

The beauty industry/patriarchy has done a proper number on you if you need fake lashes to feel "more comfortable in yourself" when giving birth.

Delta not all medical emergencies are textbook though, and you don't always get all the classic signs. I agree that erring on the side of caution regarding infection control and hygiene is the way to go.

Adding to that.....if you don't want to do anything, then great, that's perfectly fine. It's also perfectly fine if people want to do a few things that make them feel better (I don't think anybody is advocating going in with a full face of slap, hairspray, full set of nail extensions etc.). This is no way makes them less able or willing to focus on their health or the health of their baby.

^ so much this. If it's not your thing, that's fine! Sneering at others, not so much.

And yeah, its society making women think they should look good at all times rather than accept that they prob will look awful after labour.

Yep. Although who gets to decide what looks 'awful' or 'good' anyway?! As a general rule, if the answer to the question "Do men feel the need to go to this effort/expense/discomfort to make them look acceptable to others or themselves?" is "No.", then I tend to think it's something we should be making progress towards resisting.

Tbh though I am more of the mind a everyone should wear whatever they like, when they like and if they wish.

Have false eyelashes if you want them, why not?

It makes me sad though that feeling that looking a bit like you've given birth isn't ok, and that women are all supposed to strive to look "pulled together" at all times, is generally accepted.

@LoniceraJaponica - I agree. The hygiene aspect is important and I wouldn't personally wear make-up, have false nails etc. It's also true that not all medical emergencies are textbook. However, I think the likelihood of someone dying during/after childbirth because they wore false eyelashes or fake tan is so infinitesimally small as to not be worth worrying about.

I don't like false eyelashes, fake tan or painted nails but I did have my hair done a couple of days before. And rather good it looks too, even if I'm the only one who notices.

I also asked who had won the Cup Final

@ALittleMop - the patriarchy has done no number on me. I also never said I needed to wear false eyelashes to be comfortable; I personally never wear them.

Why is it when women want to do anything at all concerned with their outward appearance, there is this assumption by some people that it must be because it is to please men? Are we not allowed to do things that please ourselves?

I'm a scientist (PhD chemistry), working in a very male-dominated industry. I would probably have a (slightly) easier time if I didn't wear make-up, dresses etc., but I don't want to, so why the fuck should I? Women who wear make-up and dresses can be equally good scientists as those who don't and as men. And equally good mothers.

I wanted advice and tips from people who did or are thinking of taking steps to look better and feel more put together post labour - for me, not for my DP or anyone else for that matter. I just hate looking back and seeing pictures of myself that don't look like me.
I wasn't asking for opinions weather I should or shouldn't look after my appearance, it's a personal choice.

Of course if my baby is in any distress or at any risks all of these concerns will be the last on my mind and I will prioritise them at all costs. But if my second labour is anything like my first (straightforward) than I know I would like to look after myself a bit more.
I never mentioned 3inch false nails which I think is what you're imagining I was talking about having a mani/pedi to look after them and maybe a coat of varnish that can be taken off if need be.

These threads just make me feel so sad.

In my post-birth pictures, taken approximately 2mins after I pushed out a human, I haven't slept in 48hrs. I'm makeup-free, hairy-legged, sweaty, naked, ragged-nailed, and covered with blood. I also look fucking amazing. I look like I'm on fire from the inside. I'm literally glowing. I'm so grateful for these photos, because they capture a moment, a feeling, a connection between me, DH, and DS. I can't imagine they'd mean nearly so much if I'd stopped to prep for them.

I really don't think women worried about these things like this in the days before social media and cameraphones. I just don't. And now we have this toxic trap, where there is even such a concept as looking "pulled together for the photos", but putting in the effort required to look "pulled together" is shallow and vain. And that's without even mentioning the MONEY it costs to look this way.

I'm not criticising anyone for feeling better because they've done whatever beautywise. (Although I don't buy the idea that this feeling just spontaneously arose in you, not influenced by anything or anyone, and is only for you, sorry.) I'm just... sad.

Oh great, the 'I'm sad' crew.

tiramisu you did take photos though and you do care how you look in them. So how can you judge others for doing the same?

Although Drama said it harshly, it is true that before instagram and facebook people were less preoccupied with how they looked. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your appearance but it shouldn't take such an important place in our lives.

Imo woman and babies both look like shit the first couple of days after birth. You can plan a professional photoshoot for two weeks after if you would like to have some really nice photo's. My cousin did this and they turned out really nice.

I feel more sad that women can't accept other women's choices (because that's what this is - a choice) and accept that people feel differently about things like appearance.

The concerns raised about hygiene etc have given me something to think about so I'll check with my midwife before arranging anything.

The rest of it has made me sad that women will call other women vain, not having their priorities right, not caring about the health of their baby, imply their downtrodden or stupid or shallow, for daring to care about their appearance on photos. And no, it's not for social media in my case, photos like this are personal for me and my family and maybe close friends.

You can plan a professional photoshoot for two weeks after if you would like to have some really nice photo's.

Is that not a bit narcissistic?

I didn't have to do any prep after shoving my baby out, due to the nifty eyelash tint! I actually got one again 2 days ago and am revelling in it

Why is it when women want to do anything at all concerned with their outward appearance, there is this assumption by some people that it must be because it is to please men?

I don't think it mostly is to impress men. But that doesn't make it any less sexist and unequal. Women are far more likely to be concerned about being negatively judged on their appearance by other women than by men imo.

And as for the argument that it's fine for women go to all this effort because it's to make them feel good about themselves - that's the most depressing part of all! It's pretty sad that so many of us can't feel good about ourselves without altering so much about our physical appearance. And indeed, that feeling good seems to be so tied up with appearance at all.

If women talking about looks makes people sad I suggest they don't frequent the Style and Beauty board.

*I feel more sad that women can't accept other women's choices (because that's what this is - a choice) and accept that people feel differently about things like appearance.

The concerns raised about hygiene etc have given me something to think about so I'll check with my midwife before arranging anything.

The rest of it has made me sad that women will call other women vain, not having their priorities right, not caring about the health of their baby, imply their downtrodden or stupid or shallow, for daring to care about their appearance on photos. And no, it's not for social media in my case, photos like this are personal for me and my family and maybe close friends.*

^this
^
If women talking about looks makes people sad I suggest they don't frequent the Style and Beauty board
^
And this

I didn't post in AIBU and I also didn't ask for people's opinions on weather I should do it.

And am I the only one who feels super put together when their nails are nice neat and cuticles are taken care of etc???

And am I the only one who feels super put together when their nails are nice neat and cuticles are taken care of etc???

I personally don't do any of that, and I really dislike false nails and lashes, but that's a personal thing and is just as much a valid choice as someone who wants to be groomed /put together. You do you. I work a lot with my hands, and I'm repelled by false nails. Other friends feel naked without make up and nails done ... both stances are valid, it's just we have different opinions.

My ONLY concern would be safety and hygiene in a hospital environment where open surgery could be an outcome. Especially in the UK where hospital acquired infection rates are very high. Even if you're expecting a straightforward birth there's always the risk of needing a crash section and for that reason alone I'd go in 'naked' of all extras.

Good luck with the birth - hope you get an easy one!

Op have you tries a lash lift? Its your own lashes so no maintnance and lasts longer. No mascara needed

@Anatidae if you read my previous replies you would've noticed I don't want false nails!

I wanted a manicure, my cuticles grow over my nails and end up a nightmare to sort out, neaten them up and maybe put some clear or delicate vanish on them that can be washed off if needed. Maybe a nice moisturising treatment or cream whilst I'm at it as I won't really look after my hands and nails much post partum.

Then absolutely zero issue with that! I think if you're going in for a planned c they might ask you to have no nail polish (they did with me) but there's no reason for not having any of that sort of general pampering done beforehand. If it makes you feel nice then do it.