Is there any point in ugly women wearing make-up/ dressing up? Is jewellery OK?

[splendide]

I feel as though there's no point in me making any effort beyond being clean because I look awful whatever I do.

I have this horrible suspicion that people are just laughing at me if I make an effort - as if I delude myself into thinking I'm attractive.

I thought maybe some nice jewellery would mean there was something nice to look at.

I look like the back end of a bus. I don't give a fuck, and don't wear make-up. Nor do I take the advice of the very many well-meaning posters who are advising you to smile more often to appear more attractive. Fuck that shit. I'm not contorting my facial features in an attempt to meet some crappy aesthetic ideal. Your issue is not what you look like, but how you feel.

As mothers we often feel invisible (and frankly society quite likes that - no point putting out once you have successfully bred) but really, the choices are all yours. Wear whatever the hell you want. Use make up if you want. Skyscraper heels? Sweat pants?

I'm all for identifying what makes you feel like you. Whatever it is. I don't wear make up - it makes me feel like someone else. I feel inauthentic. Fake. If, however, I want to present a particular way, and that includes slap, sure. There have been on occasions where I have gone for the full face for specific reasons. About three. I'm 45.

So. Explore. Try on a zillion different clothes. Visit different make up counters and ask them to show you how to do different things. Don't stick with the lame conventional 'I want to be natural and pretty'. You don't have to be invisible. You have as much rIght to occupy space, be out in public, and spend your money on as much make up, underwear, clothing as you please. Or as little. Wear head to toe scarlet and dye your hair jet black. Grow a mono brow and plait your leg hair. Chain mail. Or a velour tracksuit and a wolf fleece. And growl at anyone who has the nerve to police your choices.

But find out who you are. Don't be a sheeple and trot along nicely following the grooming rules and smiling nicely for your audience. Fuck that.

doggle, I bloody love your post

Nail varnish and mascara is a good start,,,go back, get more,

Please ignore the people telling you beautiful people are ugly, it comes from a place of jealously and I doubt you believe it or it helps, the more honest message is ugly is something we very seldom to ever see, in my 47 years I've never met a pbysically ugly woman, I genuinely haven't.

I've met women who haven't made an effort, lazy women, but they are still not ugly, we all have good and bad parts and we can all make the best of them, unapologetically and without seeking permission or we don't bother.

It's not a competition, go back and get more things that make you feel good. 😍

That's the key. It's whatever makes you feel good. You feel good, not some mindless moron in a pub.

Doggle Your post makes me think of the artist Frida Kahlo!

Splendide yes you DO deserve nice things. Nice make up, nice jewellery, nice clothes and more importantly you deserve to tell yourself nice things about yourself.

I look like a hobbit. A hobbit with a wonky nose and mouth. And I'm small. I have short, thin hair, deep set small eyes. And I wear nice make-up, jewellery and nice clothes in a style that I love and feel comfortable in. I care about myself. I think I'm an ok person and good friend. I'm interested in loads of things and in other people and I smile a lot because I see a lot of things that make me smile. Am I pretty, no. Am I beautiful, no. Do I care - less and less. We are so much more than how our faces and bodies look. Our body image is often skewed and negative. The message girls get from a good age are still pretty dreadful.

I hate the phrase 'Own it' but in a way I think it's a good thing to do when it comes to yourself. Own yourself - your quirks, your good features your personality. Our bodies have a hard enough job to carry out without us finding fault and judging them and letting other people judge them and find us wanting. I want my DGD to grow up feeling strong and powerful and be self-determining. I don't want the main messages she receives to be about how she looks but about what she is and what she could become. We owe ourselves, our DDs and any future GDDs this much.

OP its not because you are ugly that people have said those things to you its because they are ugly!!! there are some fucked up nasty pieces of work out there.
I dont think im ugly. Im a size 10 a b cup and fairly traditional looking. However i too have had a random man shout at me on the street to 'loose some weight you cow' I had a customer in the bar where i worked call me a fat sack of shit. I once had a woman stop on the street and look me up and down then say 'disgusting' and walk off.
People dont do this because you are ugly they do it because they are scum. Even if you were Kate Bloody Moss they would still do it so dont let this get to you!!

Love that doggle

I think people will always respect you more if you are dressed smartly and wearing make up (sadly). If I'm not working I will take my kids to school with no make up and it makes a real difference in how people respond to me and look at me. If you think you are worth the effort, other people will think you are too.

See, I can't agree qwertie, make up is not a necessity, it's a luxury. Turning to at the school gate in a full face of make up but in pj's would get sideways looks, but turning up neat and clean without any make up wouldn't have an eyelid batted. Power dressed with battle make up will always be noticed, that's why people do it.

Low self esteem should never be solved with a face of slap. I know too many beautiful women who can't leave the house without trowelling on make up because they lack esteem. It saddens me. They are in awe of anyone who can go out bare faced. These are serving police officers.

OP, clean and confident is the starting point irrespective of what you want to wear. Hope you like the teal nail varnish, it sounds great!!

That's been my experience of how people respond to me, Vivienne.
It's a quick fix for me to put a bit of foundation & mascara on, because I like to wear jeans & trainers when I'm not working

It's been my experience too, Qwertie. People tend to take you at your own estimation.

Can report that my toddler likes my nail varnish! I'm also wearing some jewellery for the first time in ages and ages.

Doggle, love your attitude.

Thing is, I know I'll never be attractive but I am trying to convince myself that that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a bit of dressing up.

doggle I loved your post. I also look like the back end of a bus, and I wish I could embrace your attitude, as it sounds very healthy!

I've been told "if I looked like you I'd not go out in public/wear a bag on my head/kill myself etc" and it bothered me quite a bit at the time (in my twenties). All the shitty comments stemmed from acne and then acne scarring, so it wasn't even like I could do anything about it. I usually bit back with "if I was as stupid as you I wouldn't open my mouth".

What pissed me off more is that looking back, I had a size 8 figure, curly hair down to my arse and nice tits, so what more did these people want?!?! Granted I was no oil painting, but I had normal things arranged in the normal way!

Now I'm fat, frumpy and have shit hair. Ironically, my skin is a lot better. I hate how I look, but I'm buggered if I will let that show. If I'm going out in public, I wear a bit of makeup and make sure my clothes are clean and tidy. My friends tell me I look nice (I don't fish for compliments, ever, so I try and believe them if they say it unprompted).

I know I would look better if I made more effort, but I still have that underlying feeling of polishing a turd.

Thing is, I know I'll never be attractive but I am trying to convince myself that that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a bit of dressing up.

What Bluntness says is true. Also, I think a little bit of self-confidence, the ability to laugh and enjoy stuff helps with attractiveness too. It's a big package made up of so many little bits and none of us with the same ingredients.

Do you remember that episode of the Apprentice where they chose items for the shopping channel and they chose a wolf fleece and it sold out! Someone likes them.

I've noticed that when some small minded and competitive women feel threatened, they will call out another woman as ugly, it is most likely this is what has been happening to you. They don't want you to make any effort, because it is obvious to them that with a small amount of effort, you're extremely attractive. Their own lack of confidence feeds their bullying.
Also men often do it because they know you are out of their league.
Often with this comes "who does she think she is", etc.
I think find a look that you are comfortable with, that reflects your personality, and just go with it.
Leave those idiots and their lowlife pettiness

I have had people telling me all my life until a few years ago that I'm ugly; I was bullied at school and repeatedly called ugly by a boy in my form. My parents abused and bullied me and called me ugly/a slut/bitch if I wore anything nice or put any make up on or tried to make the best of myself in any way. And a best friend who decided I was ugly and would make it known that she thought I was no oil painting. I remember once someone on a night out told me I look like Amanda Holden and my 'friend' was doubled over, cackling and howling with laughter saying 'But Amanda is pretty'.

Thankfully I haven't seen the little bullying cunt from school in over 20 years, I've ditched my parents and ditched my best friend too. However their words still haunt me and I still feel incredibly self conscious all the time and unable to be myself or wear exactly what I want to.

I know how you feel OP. Words never quite leave you do they?

Had Enough

Thank you BratFarrars xx

I know what you mean, Splendide. I'd go with the jewellery. Actually this is precisely why I don't use make-up... Although the others have a point too.

I think the complete opposite, there's a mum at my kids school and her legs are scarred and have big angry marks all over them and she wears a hotpants, I just think good on her! I think wear something lovely and let people say what they like.

I'm sure there are plenty of stunning celebrities who have been called ugly by photographers and members of the public, it says more about the person saying that.
Don't let anyone dictate what you wear! Start with the bras and the very best of luck getting your confidence back x