Is there any point in ugly women wearing make-up/ dressing up? Is jewellery OK?

[splendide]

I feel as though there's no point in me making any effort beyond being clean because I look awful whatever I do.

I have this horrible suspicion that people are just laughing at me if I make an effort - as if I delude myself into thinking I'm attractive.

I thought maybe some nice jewellery would mean there was something nice to look at.

I never used to value how I looked as a teen I thought I was an ugly pig, but now since about being 24 I've embraced my femininity and dress very girlie, full make up, girly dresses, flowers, lace etc and I feel better than ever, my face is the same as is my body but I've changed inside. I know I can look pretty because I wear pretty things.

It's all smoke and mirrors ,as those before and after pics prove.

I was actually thinking about this thread last night as it made me so sad!
I have a friend who has a skull deformity, which affected how her facial bones developed. She has so much self confidence it makes us all laugh. She used to take selfies of herself to cheer herself up'. But the funny thing is- nobody describes her as having different facial features. They might says she's loud or funny or has great hair or dresses with style...
She has taught me a lot.
Google Diana Vreeland- a woman with so much confidence and style. Or Edith Sitwell- one of the icons of the 20th century.

IMO, "pretty" is boring. In any event, truly flawless can usually be achieved only by very staged posing, makeup and photoshop.

Try googling "jolie laide" to see photos of women who would never be described as conventionally pretty, but who look far more interesting and stylish.

MrsDusty is right. Before you even think about grooming, treat yourself to some hypnotherapy or even Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (it focuses on the here and now and has different specific techniques) to cut down on this dreadful negative mindset. Some very ugly people have appeared in your life and there is help out there, to stop their poisonous messages squatting in your head.

I'm rather ugly. And currently fat too.

I wear makeup every day. I feel less gross with than without, so why not? I wear jewellery when I'm going out somewhere (at home with young dc and at work in a mh unit I can't really wear anything other than my wedding ring and a breacelet). I wear clothes I like the look of, some of them make me feel less like a dumpy sack of lard.

Probably some people laugh at me, who gives a toss? It's my body and face and life, not theirs. I know some people judge me (my mum is definitely firmly in the fat-women-should-wear-sackcloth-and-ashes camp. Her problem, not mine) but again, so what? A man once told me I was so ugly he'd have to put a bag over my head to rape me. I can't deny it upset me, a lot, but when I think about it, if someone says that sort of thing they really aren't someone whose opinion remotely matters.

You have a child- pretty sure the child's father does not see you as ugly! My dh for some reason thinks I am beautiful. We're all attractive to somebody.

Wear what you like, how you like, when you like.

OP, you've got loads of good advice here. I really hope you can move on to develop some self esteem and enjoy clothes and make up. I'm a bit worried that you are keen on buying bras because 'no one will see'. I think you have to accept that yes,people in the past have been absolutely horrible to you. But frankly speaking, most people really don't give two hoots what you look like or what you're wearing.

We're all different and very few of us are physically perfect. I've got a pretty face and lovely eyes. I'm also very fat :) I just emphasise my good bits.

There really are some lovely posts on here. OP for having a rough time, your first post made me feel very sad.

My body is a complete mess to look at, I have bad and very visible scars everywhere except my face from gang rape (they had knives). I've also had to have a double mastectomy and I have never wanted to have any reconstruction or wear underwear which disguises it. I wear a bikini on the beach, and I don't cover any of it up, I wear backless evening dresses if I like them, wear sleeveless tops etc.

It has taken me years to get to this point but I agree with pp that therapy such as CBT can make a huge difference. There will always be arseholes who make comments - those people will find something to pick on no matter what you look like and that is their failing and their problem.
Getting to a place where you are happy with yourself and love yourself enough to scoff at arseholes and not be affected by them projecting their ishoos I think is really important, and makes a difference to your whole life. Beauty comes from within.

Sorry, I'm not wording it very well

Loud, fantastic post and sorry for what you went through x

LOup I meant, not loud

Thanks Fuzzy

Loup You sound incredible.

User, thank you I am very lucky, and I try to never lose sight of that - so many people go through so much worse.

Also, I didn't mean to be sneery about anyone who opts for reconstruction, and I really hope it didn't come across that way as that couldn't be further from the truth.

NOt sneery at all, but great to see that's you are happy without considering reconstruction.

Loup you are an amazing person..

Currently reading this it is very relevant to this thread and an amazing book

Ah loup. You really are inspiring and I'm so sorry for what happened to you.💐

Op. how are you today, did you go shopping?

There are some amazing posts on here thank you.

I did go shopping! I didn't manage bras but I'll try again. I got a mascara though, and some really nice teal nail varnish. It's a start.

I think maybe CBT would be good - not to try to convince myself I'm attractive but I do need to learn it doesn't matter so much and other people don't care. I did some CBT when I had PND and it was helpful.

Brilliant start, well done.

💅🏻

Fantastic start. Hope you're rocking your new mascara tonight - even to just watch TV in .

OP your post was heartbreaking and I hope the replies on here have helped you. I'd like you to watch this video, it's a woman who posted images of herself before and after make. Up and the comments she received on social media. I hope it helps you accept yourself more, you sound lovely x

m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=WWTRwj9t-vU

That's great splendide great start! If CBT has helped you before it definitely does sound like a good move.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter how attractive you are, if you don't love your self and have self esteem and confidence from the inside out you will always find fault and pick holes in yourself, and being your own worst enemy doesn't make things easy .

Thank you fuzzy, brat and blunt x.

Brassica your post saddened me. I have a friend who has a mended hare lip. She is also very tall and quite well built for a woman. I know she thinks she's plain. She truly isn't. I find her stunning to look at. She has fabulous features. I was looking at her once (in admiration) and her husband came over and started telling me how gorgeous he thought she was. He said it with an edge of defiance, as though he'd had to defend her looks in the past (maybe against her own criticism.) I wished she could know that many people find her very lovely to look at. Not that it should be important, but since it is, I wish people who don't fit the conventional mould could genuinely believe that others find beauty in them. Sometimes when I compliment her, she acts as if I'm just being kind, or even being patronising. It's a double bind. You end up worried they think the compliment is insincere even when it's not.

The thing is Splendide you are attractive . Your loveliness shines through.

I know a woman who when I first met her was physically very beautiful. Turns out she's not a nice person and when I look at her now , I can't see that beauty because her personality masks it.