Is there any point in ugly women wearing make-up/ dressing up? Is jewellery OK?

[splendide]

I feel as though there's no point in me making any effort beyond being clean because I look awful whatever I do.

I have this horrible suspicion that people are just laughing at me if I make an effort - as if I delude myself into thinking I'm attractive.

I thought maybe some nice jewellery would mean there was something nice to look at.

Well done op. Keep going, you probably look a lot better than you think 😃

Well done OP. It is hard when people comment on your appearance, but there is nearly always something you can do to improve it. I hate my teeth, always have done as I have a massive gap between them and I am very conscious of it. I hate having my photo taken. It is hereditary, and I also have teeth missing that I wasn't born with, plus I never had any wisdom teeth.

Other people have told me that they don't even notice the gap, that it is just me, part of me.

I am also overweight. One night several years ago now, a man walked past and said fcuk me, you're a fat bitch. The man in question was an actual midget, (or dwarf or whatever the PC term is now). Would I go up to him and say fcuk me, you are a short git? No I wouldn't. He has spent his life being bullied for being small, yet he still felt it was ok to bully somebody else about their physical appearance.

Some people are just nasty.

Not going to lie, I go through phases where I can't even look in the mirror and get seriously down about the relentlessness of it all; all that ruddy hair removal goes on and on and on and nails that need painting/cutting/filing on repeat. (I do suffer hideous social anxiety and clinical depression which are supposedly being treated).
I really envy women from the 1940s/50s (I know, I know diabolical women's rights/No contraception to speak of/no appliances in the home/etc etc this is just deranged fantasy talk right?!) for how everyone looked glam, no matter what, a lovely hair do well styled, bit of red lippie and a lovely dress and heels. No mirrors/huge range of choices/supermodels/fake body parts everywhere you look. Sorry no great advice but you aren't alone in your thoughts (which need taming as do mine!). I now concentrate on a super skincare regime (all the acids! Excellent night cream, spf 50 everyday) and on exercising (walking as much as possible, hoola hooping for an hour an evening in front of the TV (this is addictive!). Otherwise I kind of feel like I can't compete so may as well not bother, but that thinking leads straight back to the 'well why bother to get up at all? I'd never look at another woman and think her ugly though unless she was behaving in a vile manner. I think mastering and maintaining the basics and plastering a smile on even when you feel crap make a world of difference. Please don't be hard on yourself it gets you nowhere and I should know! Unmumsnetty hugs.

OP - I'm always particularly impressed when I see people who are not conventionally attractive, but dress or carry themselves in a way that is stylish and striking. It's much more intriguing and interesting than easy pretty.

Also - slightly off the wall, but have you considered doing life drawing classes? Trying to get people's faces and bodies down on paper makes you think about them in totally different ways. Beauty is much more complex than fashion plates and high cheekbones - wrinkles, curves, scars etc etc all have their own aesthetics.

It's great that you're enjoying using the make-up. Definitely give the eye liner a go, and anything else that takes your fancy!

I love the life drawing class idea! You might even meet some decent friends who don't feel the need to put you down OP!

OP.

If you have Netflix I really recommend watching Orange is the New Black - 99% of the characters are women and they are all shapes and sizes, they all look different and lots of them not "beautiful".

I also love doggles post. I totally understand where you are coming from OP but remember you are not here just to be decorative! you are flipping awesome too

When i see the various OITNB actresses dressed up for awards ceremonies i always think they look lovely when they look v plain/ordinary in the show

Oh Splen. I'm so sorry you're feeling or rather been made to feel like this by horrible cunts. Who are probably not so fucking stunning themselves. They're not fit enough to lace your boots. You're worth 1 million of them.
I'm not just saying this, but. There's no such thing as an ugly person. Attractiveness is a matter of opinion. Its not a fact.

I hate people undermining themselves. There's enough shit heads out there that'll do that for you. Stop putting yourself down. You're amazing, and Don't have anyone tell you any different.
.

You could be the most beautiful woman in the world, and some people would still call you ugly out of jealousy to make themselves feel better, or to try to knock your confidence. In fact, think of the most beautiful actress/singer/supermodel you can think of, and I'll be able to find you a quote from some internet saddo opining that she's not up to his high standards. (Not even always internet randoms, when I was younger I thought Claudia Schiffer was perfect - an Irish racing driver described her as 'ugly and fat as a pig'...) Literally every famous woman in the internet era has heard herself described as ugly or at least 'not all that' at some point.

Been there too, called medusa by a boy at primary school, still remember the little shit now, but hey to quote the song I am what I am, and have more confidence now than ever before at the age of 45+. This body has carried 3 babies, given birth to one and carries all the scars of a life well lived so fuck him

That's great Cool. I am trying to feel the same.

I look at my body and I hate it but then I think - it made DS. I love him so so much, how can I hate the body that made him. It's hard though.

On a more positive note I have booked a make up lesson/ demo at Space NK - it's a Laura Mercier man. May need to remortgage :/

Good for you! Let us know how you get on please. Have a fab time.

I had a friend in my teens/early twenties who was STUNNING. I mean supermodel Helena Christensen type gorgeous. Yes she got a LOT of positive attention but she also experienced some of the things you have too.

Its nothing to do with you as a person and everything to do with people being fucking weirdos.

Ugly doesnt even exist. What's attractive vs what isn't is just a made up load of shite. Who gets to decide that?

Its not about what people think. Its about how you feel. Im a size 20 and nothing special but on the days when i make an effort i feel 100 times better within MYSELF. Thats what matters

Weirdly I'm trying to think if I have ever thought another woman ugly.
I can't say I have which logically is odd.
Your progress sounds amazing OP.
Have your eyebrows professionally threaded next, unnoticeable but people will say how well you look.

I have been told I'm ugly all my life

Anyone who frequently calls someone ugly is ugly inside and that's FAR worse than any outward appearance. I would urge you to find people who will embrace you without feeding this negativity into your life if possible.

Sadly the reality is though that some people will always judge and some will comment no matter what you do. It is a sad fact that a lot of people are basically assholes when it comes to this stuff. Women are often other women's harshest critics and I HATE it. We have enough shit to deal with without us all giving each other grief over our fashion sense and appearance ffs but that's another rant.

If you don't do anything someone will probably be thinking "look at her, she's made no effort, the least she could do is put on a bit of makeup." if you do make an effort someone else will probably be thinking "look at her all dressed up who does she think she is?"

Whatever you do there will always be people who judge. You can't change that so you need to look at this from an entirely selfish point of view and ask yourself this:

Does it make me feel good to wear makeup?
Do I feel more beautiful if I dress up nicely?
Would I feel special if I treated myself to a decent hair cut/colour?

You are the person who is important here. If "making an effort" as you call it makes you feel good (or at least better if your self esteem is very low, which it sounds like it is) then fuck what anyone else thinks. If you don't want to faff with makeup and fashion then go for it, that's ok as well. The key here is that dressing up/wearing make up/dying your hair etc should be things that you do FOR YOU, not anybody else.

So do whatever you like and hit up google for a million tips on improving your self confidence and self esteem. You ARE good enough and I hope you can realise that.

So far so good! Nobody has laughed at me that I know of and a few people at work said I look well. I'm enjoying messing about with it.

This is awesome. They key here is that you are ENJOYING it and that will show in your face, hence you looking well. Keep going OP, you've totally got this.

I haven't even RTFT but the title makes me feel very sad.

OP you do realise that sometimes people are motivated to say cruel things by their own jealousy? Men can also be cruel when they feel rejected by you. I once kept walking, embarrassed, after being wolf whistled and called after by a young man, his response to being ignored was to call me "saddlebags", I was 17 and thin as a rake, I'm certain I didn't have saddlebags (whatever the hell they are). When I rejected a work colleague he told me "you're not all that anyway." I don't think my self esteem is/was quite as low as yours, I didn't feel I was fat or ugly, but I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I remembered these comments. It's awful to hear those comments but trust me, people have a whole host of insecurities themselves that drive them to say them. Get your hair done, go to a beauty counter and try to start recognising your own beauty, your self worth is separate from the comments of others anyway. Good luck x X

And for the future, if anyone ever tells you that you're ugly, tell them that their heart is ugly. And don't believe it for one moment x