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Original poster

Is there any point in ugly women wearing make-up/ dressing up? Is jewellery OK?

245 replies

splendide · 10/01/2017 13:07

I feel as though there's no point in me making any effort beyond being clean because I look awful whatever I do.

I have this horrible suspicion that people are just laughing at me if I make an effort - as if I delude myself into thinking I'm attractive.

I thought maybe some nice jewellery would mean there was something nice to look at.

OP posts:
BratFarrarsPony · 10/01/2017 19:15

You know what, once I was walking down the street eating a kebab (starving hungry, just dropped the kids off at the station) and a guy walked past and said 'god you're ugly'. for a few seconds I felt really upset.
But then I ran back to him, grabbed his jumper from behind, and as he turned round, i pushed my kebab into his face. I said, 'be happy Tankgirl doesnt like chilli sauce'.
He won't do that again in a hurry will he?
His companions were laughing at him and saying 'serves you right'
Dont give that arsepiece another thought, please.

spankhurst · 10/01/2017 19:18

My friend was called ugly once by some twat outside a club. She is absolutely not ugly. Some people need to bring down others in the most hurtful way possible. You may be average looking or even plain, OP. Doesn't matter. Most people are ordinary looking. You can make the best of yourself and learn to love yourself for who you are. There's loads you can do for fine hair ( I have it too), have a look on YouTube

whitehandledkitchenknife · 10/01/2017 19:21

OP - I hear you. I doubt very much that you are ugly. PPs have given some lovely, kind advice. Time to love yourself a little. Up the grooming, take tiny steps to reclaim and stand tall. You are young and are so worth making an effort over. Remember, ugly is as ugly does. It has little to do with what we look like. Those awful people who made you feel bad need to be banished. Smile, get a great bra and be genuinely interested in others. We all have our moments of self doubt but when age and gravity cause me to doubt, I quote Shirley Valentine to myself, 'You're only , Shirley, isn't it marvellous?
You go girl.

ghostwatch · 10/01/2017 19:57

The people who made those comments to your face and gossiped in the loos have some ugly and nasty traits indeed. I mean would you say those things ? And what kind of person would you then be if you did ? I would suggest some counselling to work on your self esteem and ways to deal with situations to put these sort of arseholes in their place. Flowers

Original poster
splendide · 10/01/2017 20:00

Genuinely thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I do have the right to wear some nicer clothes and things don't I?

I'm going to go bra shopping tomorrow as a first step. I just absolutely must and I've been dreading it because I'll have to be in a changing room but I'm going to try to enjoy it. Nobody will know so I can get something pretty and bright.

OP posts:
Disabrie22 · 10/01/2017 20:02

Blokes do that sometimes to get a laugh from their mates - have seen it happen to a family member and similar to a friend - both who very attractive!! Don't take that petsonallly it's a standard line.
Who on earth were the girls in the toilet? They must be horrendous pieces of work? Sounds like Muriel's Wedding (watch that if you haven't) - rest assured you are not ugly xxxxx

banivani · 10/01/2017 20:02

Yay! So pleased to read that - yes yes you deserve it!!!

everythingis · 10/01/2017 20:06

The op made me a bit teary. Op you have been treated awfully - by the people who tell you negative things about your appearance - not by the thread Grin

I have never thought another woman is ugly that's just vindictive and more a reflection of them than you.

Wear whatever you like Flowers

CondensedMilkSarnies · 10/01/2017 20:16

I'm sure you're not ugly Op. Have a look at these before and after
Pictures. Makeup can transform someone's face .

www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/makeup-before-and-afters?utm_term=.kuEdKaKmgx#.eeoLvAvKny

MinnieF1 · 10/01/2017 20:22

It sounds like you've met some really unkind people in the past op. Please please don't let their hurtful words continue to make you feel down about yourself. Although I haven't seen you, I guarantee that you are not ugly. I have honestly never met anybody and thought they were ugly! However, the chances are everybody I've met has at some point looked in the mirror at their 'flaws' and considered themselves ugly. We all do it, but it doesn't mean that's the way others view us. However, there will always be unkind people who say unkind things, but it doesn't make it true.

Underwear shopping sounds like a good start! I went underwear shopping the other week and I don't feel half as overweight and frumpy as I did beforehand! M and S have some nice underwear in atm. I also quite like Ann summers or Boux ave (just their regular underwear). Wonderbra are also great and available from Next online (and I think Asos too).

Anyway, make up is for everybody who wants to wear it. It isn't compulsory so if you don't like it, don't feel pressured to wear it. I wear it because I find it fun to experiment with colours and it boosts my confidence and I look half dead without it due to dark circles

MinnieF1 · 10/01/2017 20:27

I love that article CondensedMilk.

TheCompanyOfCats · 10/01/2017 20:29

Flowers people can be horrible, especially to themselves. I'm sure you're not ugly OP

Yika · 10/01/2017 20:31

I agree with some previous posters that it can boost your self-esteem to find some thing about yourself that you like/find attractive. No matter how small. Really, can be something minuscule, trivial. Then look in the mirror, look right into your eyes, and pay yourself a compliment on it. Out loud. Do it day by day. Over and over. Build on it, add to it. Be your own best friend. Look at yourself in your new bras. Do they look good? Better than before? Compliment yourself on your choices and your new look. Forget about what other people might or might not think, say or do. You do not have to live with those people, but you have to live with yourself. All the best to you, I hope you enjoy experimenting with your looks and have fun.

TheCompanyOfCats · 10/01/2017 20:35

Go BratFarrar!

Mabelface · 10/01/2017 20:35

I went through school being told I was ugly by my peers, male and female. I wasn't. I'm not now either at the grand old age of nearly 47. I've always been interested in grooming, bar the small child years when just being clean was a bonus. I bet you're far lovelier than you give yourself credit for, and those tossers can just do one. I read something on facebook, a meme, and it said "anytime you have negative thoughts about yourself, just imagine Donald Trump saying it" Then you can tell him to fuck right off!

MinnieF1 · 10/01/2017 20:42

I love the Donald trump thing Mad. I'm definitely going to adopt that! I second what others have said re building up your confidence gradually. I heard somebody say the other day something along the lines of 'your relationship with yourself is the longest relationship you will have in your entire life, so make sure it is positive'.

Of course this doesn't count if your parents or older siblings out live you, but I liked the sentiment either way.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 10/01/2017 20:47

Even top models look a bit better with makeup on. It doesnt have to be plastered on with a trowel . Just a bit of foundation to even out skin tone and mascara make a difference.

I don't know your budget op but could you go and have a makeup lesson or have one of those 'colour me' sessions ?

Backt0Black · 10/01/2017 20:53

Fuck sake men are awful, but luckily (I believe) its a small insecure percentage. But - this tiny minority sometimes have the most to say, bizarrely.

I get a LOT of compliments on my figure, it's been suggested I look at fitness modelling (I think that's a massive, massive push / overstatement, bit I'll take it haha!) ....one day I'm walking through town and I hear a small group of men sitting outside a bar pass a few risque comments about me, but it was harmless and not something to really get into a ding dong over so carrier on walking... until one piped up 'nah man don't be fuckin daft ITS a man, look at ITS muscles' Wow! I'm all of a size 8-10 so hardly huge. Like Brat I thought no, no I'm not having this so span round jogged over, got in his face and grabbed two fitfulls of his massive wibby boobs asking gender he identified as...... I may have called him fat fuck also. Blush (that was regrettable) His mates were roaring, he was stammering apologies and all his mates we're in his face saying it was only right and he had it coming.

My point is, some people will always find something to say and usually they are no prize themselves (man with ample breasts sitting body shaming in this case) the majority see them for what they are and don't listen or agree (the friends)

OP - youve every right to wear what you like and invest in making yourself look and feel great. You owe it to yourself. Do it.

PacificDogwod · 10/01/2017 20:54

Is it just me who finds some of those examples of how much make-up can change somebody's appearance in the Buzzfeed link posted by CondensenMilk a bit disturbing?
Quite a few of those people do not look themselves when they are fully made up.
Some of them, IMO, look so artificial and 'Barbie' like that it puts me off (as in, there is absolutely no way I could see myself being styled like that).

It IS stunning to see just how big a difference it can make, and make up that makes people look like a 'better', more awake, brighter version of themselves is of course a Good Thing.

splendide, you deserve to feel good about yourself, you deserve that. So off you go, buy some lovely bras (if in doubt go up a cup size or two and down a band size or 2 Wink) and work your way out from there. Have fun! Thanks

Brassica · 10/01/2017 20:55

I am in a pretty similar boat to you, OP. I was told by peers at school in no uncertain terms that I was ugly and I suppose the last time someone had a sustained go at me I was 18 and just daring to believe I might look ok dressed up for a party. He spent a good part of the evening saying how are you so ugly? I am now 44 and I'm afraid it all sticks, I haven't ever really had many positive messages from other sources to counterbalance it (my husband and children would say I am pretty but friends, family have never ever commented favourably on my looks, only other qualities. So I'm afraid I am sceptical and there has never been any volume of praise to outweigh the criticism).

My difference from you I suspect is that I have a hare lip (repaired as a child of course) and I can't do anything about that with mere make up. I also have crooked and uneven teeth which would need fixed braces to resolve. And rosacea which makes me break out in pimples. I'm not exaggerating, I really feel and look horrible. I wear lots of make up to try and fix what I can about all this but basically I have rock bottom self confidence and it's even getting worse now I know I am getting older and jowlier, wrinklier, etc.

I feel in a double bind because as much as I feel surgery and braces could help me get better results, I just can't do something so overt that people would know I hate my looks and wanted to improve them. What if it came to nothing? People would pity me. What if they wanted to ask all about it? I'd be mortified, I just never ever speak about how I feel about my looks.

I'm sorry to harp on about myself. I have been feeling shit and this thread chimed with me. I completely know how you feel and I hope you can tough it out to a place where you get more comfortable in yourself. I don't know if I'll ever be over the fact that I have a disfigurement.

Backt0Black · 10/01/2017 20:55

..... Sorry for all the mistypes. Have a new keyboard I'm really not jelling with Blush

PacificDogwod · 10/01/2017 20:56

Here is how to measure yourself properly

Backt0Black · 10/01/2017 20:57

brassica get the braces!

While I may get compliments on my figure some people have been unkind about my face in, suggesting it let the overall package down!!! how effing rude.

Anyway I got invisalign and it really has done wonders

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 10/01/2017 20:58

What a lovely supportive thread this is - warms my cockles!

OP you sound so sweet and I'm glad to read you're going to treat yourself shopping tomorrow Smile

I always think a lovely signature perfume is a great confidence boost too. Might also be a nice starter? There's usually a perfume thread kicking around on here somewhere.

Fuzzypeggy · 10/01/2017 21:00

Brassica, disfigurement is a harsh word and negative. I bet that people who know you don't even see your hair lip. I have a scar on my face and people tell me they don't see it at all when they get to know me. Like the op, it sounds like you're very down on yourself and I'm sure that others dont see you that way