Is there any point in ugly women wearing make-up/ dressing up? Is jewellery OK?

[splendide]

I feel as though there's no point in me making any effort beyond being clean because I look awful whatever I do.

I have this horrible suspicion that people are just laughing at me if I make an effort - as if I delude myself into thinking I'm attractive.

I thought maybe some nice jewellery would mean there was something nice to look at.

Please OP, don't speak that way about yourself. Never speak to yourself in a way you would not speak to a friend!

Also: read the Desiderata poem (google it)

It always lifts my spirits:
" you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars. You have a right to be here."

Be kind to yourself, buy nice jewellery/clothes, hair, anything.

Brassica get the braces! Get the surgery if you want! If people ask (bloody rude), say your overbite was a problem for chewing, or that your jaw was clicking and needed straightening / you had sleeping problems because you couldn't breathe through your crooked nose etc etc.

I have had my teeth straightened as an adult and I couldn't care less if people think I'm vain (don't think they noticed). Very pleased with results.

So glad to hear that you intend to go bra shopping, OP. You absolutely deserve to have lovely things.

I haven't read the whole thread just got to the bit about the toilet bitches!
This has happened to me more than once, plus comments from strangers and a bloke once told me 'you're not to everyone's taste'
I know that when I make the effort I can be attractive. When I make no effort, not so much but sometimes I cba to make effort but I'm confident in myself and happy to be seen as my natural self and happy to impress when I can make the effort.
People can be cunts, and honestly you will never please everyone so just please yourself, make the effort if it makes you feel good, some people are nasty to 'pretty ' people as well. Some people are just nasty so you have to be kind to yourself ...hugs xxx

a bloke once told me 'you're not to everyone's taste' Bleurgh. Had similar. Me and my friend (both tanned, fit 19 year old at the time) were trying to study in the park, and this dirty old man wouldn't stop bothering us. He pointed out 'neither of you are exactly fashion models, are you?' These men are just attention seeking losers.

I'm a people watcher, always have been, and the only times I've seen people look ugly are when they face is distorted with anger or hate.

Pacific I totally agree with you about the before and after pics . The point that I'm trying to make (badly) is that most people look ordinary and when we see someone looking amazing it's because they've had a lot bit of help.

I'm not much of a looker OP, although I have never been bullied for it, but I totally understand the idea of "I don't want people to think I've made an effort and think that I think I look nice". Start small and work your way up. I used to be like this - I've recently bought foundation to cover my acne scars and before Christmas I bought a red lipstick. That would have been unthinkable for me a couple of years ago.

I read Susan Calman's book recently and when she was at university she once dressed like pretty woman or something (basically long leather boots and makeup - much more of an effort than usual) and one of her friends said she looked like a pig in lipstick. Obviously she is no longer friends with that person but that kind of thing stays with you, even it's completely untrue.

I'd second going to one of the beauty counters in a department store.mjust do it, someone like Bobbi brown and ask them for some advice. It really can make all the difference. Not in an overly made up way, but just some light foundation and mascara etc and you'd be surprised. It's worth s try as it can boost your self confidence a lot.

I had a boss, in my earlier twenties, I'd worked for him for about two weeks and one day he walked into my office and stood looking at me and then said "you're the sort of girl who you think is stunning when uou first meet them, then after seeing uou for awhile, realise you're really not are you? " .

Totally unprompted. I was just sitting there. He'd never mentioned my looks before. Total wanker. And yes, I left not long after. Didn't impact my confidence, I just thought he was a mysoginistc wanker.

Seriously, you don't listen to these people.

Brassica if you want the braces, get the braces! I am surrounded by women coming out of the intense 'mummy' period (me included) and I think it's awesome every time I see one of us making changes, taking a little time back to feel better about ourselves.

If you regret not doing it 10 years ago, will you feel the same way in another 10 years?

And by the way, the man at the party was a cock. How would we all feel if our kids grew up to do that? How massively insecure do you have to be to get your kicks from dragging people down? I know it's harder to see when these things happened to you but from an outside view we can all see that only a truly insecure person behaves like that.

3 things op.

1. I felt rubbish about myself for a few years after giving birth. My body changed in so many ways and my skin was grey and dull. I looked so tired and worn out (because I was!). I needed to seriously pamper myself and found wearing bright red with full make-up really helped.

1. I worked with a girl who was really ugly. She got herself made up and photographed professionally, and she was tonnes more beautiful than me, or any of her other work colleagues, in her pictures. It just goes to show how much a confident smile and some make-up can go. It's really worth it. Especially if it makes you feel good.

1. Does making yourself scrub up make you feel better about yourself? I know when I'm scrubbed up I move with confidence. When I'm fresh out of bed and answering the door to the postman, he would never recognise me if he met me scrubbed up on a bar that night! My point is, if it makes you feel good then of course you should do it!

1. Beauty really is on the inside. I've met some real head-turners that suddenly look ugly when they start talking! Conversely, I've seen some people that at first look very ordinary, come alive with vitality when they talk and smile, totally attracting people all around them. So it's not just about how you look first thing in the morning, it's about the whole package deal.

Sorry posted early.
Op, please do whatever feels good in terms of grooming, yes of course jewellery, and make up, as subtle as you like as you are self conscious. If you are not sure what you are doing, there are loads of make up tutorials on you tube , from the natural look, to full on plastic look!
Yes to clothes, yes to clothes that you feel taker and more confident in. Pretty clothes make you pretty, you don't need to be pretty to wear them.
And people get their colours " done ", you go and they give you swatches of fabric and you get shown how to chose ones that really suit you. People who have has it done rave about it. I don't know the name of the franchise, but Google it of it appeals.

And set aside a few minutes every day to consider the possibility that you are good enough. Just play with the idea.....what if it were true? It could just be true .

Brest of luck with it all.
X

Oh sorry, that ended up being 4, not 3!

Op, I think it's ok to want to dress up and wear make up. It's also ok to just be clean. We are many things but none of us is the whole package. I don't know if you're a secret princess waiting to be discovered at a make up counter. I don't know what other qualities you have. It's best though if YOU know what your good qualities and greatest strengths are and OWN those.

OP made me so sad. Like so many uptgread I've been told and felt 'ugly' for much of my life. I'm not though. Just different. With a little help and a big grin, whilst not beautiful, I'm actually rather attractive but with family, peers at school and dickhead men reinforcing it, ugly was my self image.

When my DD was born, something clicked. She's breathtakingly pretty, not just from a mums perspective; like all children, she's beautiful. And while I'm missing half my teeth, a bit fat, some scars and spots, in actual fact she looks just like me! If only I'd seen through other people's insecurity and fear of anything different, I'd have been so much happier in my skin.

Makeup and nice clothes are about grooming and enhancement of course, but they are also great fun, pleasurable. Why deny yourself that fun on the basis that others might think you're trying? So bloody what!

And, for perspective op I wanted to add that if I used your thread title as the basis for my own struggle it would say "is there any point in stupid women studying?". Doesn't that sound awful? Can you see how calling yourself an ugly woman does you no favors, regardless of whether you wear makeup?

A lot of the most famous style icons are not naturally 'pretty'. Madonna, Sarah Jessica Parker and Lady Gaga spring to mind. Even Kylie isn't actually pretty What they have is glamour because they are so beautifully groomed and styled. What we see is the make up and hair and outfits, no-one actually scrutinises their features.

I am not suggesting you don a dress made of meat or rush out for Botox but do like other people have suggested. Have your hair coloured and styled. Go to make-up counters and ask for natural looking make overs and cherry pick the things you like. Invest in good bras and outfits in colours that flatter you. All these things can be done gradually but will make a difference to how you feel and look.

A lot of people arn't nice to look at as you put it. My god without makeup I look awful!! I'm not good at doing makeup but I pile a lot on just to make me feel better and to be honest I don't care what anyone thinks of my fake tan and makeup.

I once had a manager say 'I'd hate to be your partner and have to wake up next to you in a morning'

I thought you know what make up or no make up it's all about how I feel about myself and not what anyone else thinks about me. I have the palest skin ever, covered in freckles all over my face and arms and I put instant fake tan on every single morning because it makes me feel 10x better! If for any reason I haven't had time to fake tan I have to wear a scarf so no one can see the difference between my makeup covered face and my white neck and people comment on me wearing a scarf all the time and I have got past caring what they say as long as I feel good.

A lot of the most famous style icons are not naturally 'pretty'. Madonna, Sarah Jessica Parker and Lady Gaga spring to mind.

And who was the 80s VW model?

OP: 'It doesn't matter what others say about you. It's what you say to yourself that matters.' I love the Roald Dahl quote too - so true! It is personality that makes people ugly, not looks.

My mother has always thought she was ugly (and, at times, fat) and it's really sad as she's not (to me or my dad, at least, ever).

Sorry people have been unkind. If it helps, I'm considered 'attractive' but I've also been called 'a man' by someone. I tell myself I'm a good person so it doesn't matter xx

Couldn't agree more with everyone. I can guarantee you aren't ugly! Very few people are.

This is what helped me- finding a good hairdresser & colourist & keeping it up.,

I go over my hair every morning so I don't look like a mad woman

Going to a stylist in John Lewis for advice as to what suited me colour & style wise. Definitely a decent bra helps

I lost 3 stone & wear a small heel in the winter so I look slightly taller

I practised smiling in the mirror & tend to frown less now & try & think happy thoughts

I don't wear much makeup so I invested in an eyeliner lipgloss & bare minerals Make up -so it's very natural but I feel I have a glow iyswim

Posted too soon - a friend said to me - we aren't naturally pretty so we need to make the best of what we have

Firstly the men who shout out 'you're ugly' do it because they want to hurt, not because of your looks. You could have been Greta bloody Garbo - he was just picking on someone who looked vulnerable.

Secondly, no one will laugh at you because you're making a bit of an effort with clothes and makeup. Unkind people who want to laugh at you anyway might use that as an excuse. Fuck 'em and rock the red lipstick.

Beauty's subjective too - I think the women in Condensed Milk's link look far far better without make-up than with, but other people clearly disagree.

So many lovely posts here!

There are two things going on here, the way you look and the way you feel about how you look. It's fine to do things that make you look better, and even better to do things that make you feel better. Nice shoes, scented handcream, dangly earrings etc, all make me feel good.

Choose things you love and make you feel happy. Care less about what other people have said, and more about how you feel.

Think of Rowan Atkinson. As Mr Bean, or in Blackadder, he is a very strange, even ugly, looking man. As himself, you just don't notice. You think about how interesting he is, what a nice smile, crinkly eyes...

I don't know your shape, but Asda is best for me for bras. Pretty, inexpensive, and a great range of sizes.

For makeup, Avon is inexpensive while on offer, and has a great reputation. Is there a well groomed friend you could ask to help you experiment?