Is there any point in ugly women wearing make-up/ dressing up? Is jewellery OK?

[splendide]

I feel as though there's no point in me making any effort beyond being clean because I look awful whatever I do.

I have this horrible suspicion that people are just laughing at me if I make an effort - as if I delude myself into thinking I'm attractive.

I thought maybe some nice jewellery would mean there was something nice to look at.

I've had men tell me in the street I'm ugly. In my 20s when I can say with all due modesty I really wasn't.
Think about doing that for a moment. Can you imagine saying that to someone even if you thought it? Never in a million years. His issues, his problems - no reason to make them yours. The mental state someone must be in to behave like that is pitiable.

Dear poster be careful with hair colour, I know from experience, even going a little darker (home colouring) can go "black witch" if you are thinking of going slightly darker, dark blonde, makes my dark brown hair look dark brown....so be very careful.
Try not to take drunken peoples' comments to heart.

Lots of us arent beauties, but we manage well with the love of our families, and I'm sure your two year old loves your dearly. My stay-happy remedy, is nice happy programmes and feel good films...no miserable soaps, no grim music either....surround yourself with happy stuff...do things with your family, which make you feel good....they dont have to be expensive, a quick walk across a field, half an hour in a park etc...I also love makeup, and wont leave home without it, and a pretty piece of jewellery, if it makes you feel good...wear it :-D

Thanks there are some helpful comments here.

I appreciate you saying I am not ugly but I am honestly not nice to look at. I do take the point that I would never say that about anyone else though so i should probably try to be kinder.

I suppose I am just seeking some reassurance that it's not idiotic to wear a bit of make-up and things. I think some nice lipstick or something would be cheering as long as I won't look delusional.

I'll tell you what I must do is get some better bras. That would be a start wouldn't it? I have been breastfeeding for a couple of years and stopped about 6 months ago. I have really only one bra that is comfy and it's horrible. I could buy some nice bras and nobody would even know so that's safe.

I was involved in drama at school, and just before rehearsals for a play began, I was told that I would recognise this particular boy because he was 'so ugly'. I remember walking into the room and being genuinely confused as to who this person who'd been discussed could be. I assumed he'd pulled out of the play. Weeks later I realised that the lovely, clever, funny guy I'd been chatting to was the person. We are best friends 25 years later. He is not conventionally handsome, but far from ugly. The only thing that was ugly was the description of him.

I agree with what everyone has said so far, but I have to say that I know how you feel OP because I have felt the same before.

I am building it up slowly. I started with nail polish, which sounds mad but that is what I did. I painted my nails dark colours. And when the world didn't cave in I branched out into brighter colours with that one sparkly nail that is fashionable now. I even got complimented on them just this morning.

I have bought some pretty scarves to dress up my existing clothes a bit, I bought a new handbag that is a bit "out there" but is a change from the dull £6 Matalan one I have used for years.

Next I am going to start building up my make up, I have been using you tube to learn what I need and how to apply.

My hair is usually done, but I am going to make more of an effort to wear it down.

Baby steps is what worked for me. Maybe you could do the same?

Making twattish remarks is par for the course for some men, they don't even really look at who they are doing it to- I've been called ugly in the street, told my eyes were like slits (?), my mouth was too big (?) And I was and am a very attractive person! I don't think I have one friend who hasn't been called something unpleasant by a man sadly, and I have a bunch of attractive female friends.

The girls were being bitchy, don't accept their version of anything, they were just finding any old person to bond over. I'm sure they weren't all beautiful anyway, few people are.

Don't hide and retreat because of these idiots, look the way you want. Thin hair- I'd go with thickening shampoos and washing it regularly so it doesn't get greasy. Wear nice clothes, do your nails, if you like that type of stuff, definitely jewellery.

Op you sound defeated :(

I am echoing the pp's that I have never seen anyone who I have considered genuinely "ugly" which in itself is a horrible word which is bandied about too often.

I'm sure many people ( myself included shamefully ) have walked past a couple and thought that the man was much better looking than the woman and vice versa
It's human nature to judge sometimes, we do it subconsciously but i bet that most people are more concerned how they look themselves without worrying about others.

Surround yourself with people you love, do something every day for you, experiment with hair/make up/nail varnish- be spontaneous. All of those things can promote inner happiness as a nice bar of chocolate can, a favourite book or song.

I am currently looking a mess as am not well but have my favourite songs on a loop, just had a lovely lunch and have painted my nails all sparkly and that will show in my demeanour if that makes sense?

We have to make the best of what we have, I have great eyes, I accentuate them.
My bum is big, I don't draw attention to it!

work with what you have got, beauty is only skin deep and all that.
Look at the couples you know, friends, family, neighbours, colleagues.
I guarantee they all have at least one redeeming feature! You're too hard on yourself, please start looking at yourself with fresh eyes and very best of luck.

Couldn't read and not post. I know exactly how you feel Splendide and it's not a good place to be. I've spent a lot of my life not bothering to try having fun with makeup and stuff because what's the point in putting lipstick on a pig, I thought. And it's just so pointless and meaningless to use that as a reason (when there are reasons you could use based ON reason and logic, IYSWIM). I've had those snide comments from others too, telling me how ugly I am and "who do you think you are". Fuck 'em. At the ripe old age of 40+ I can look back at photos from my youth and see quite a pretty girl and I was so so sure I was ugly then so obviously it's all mind games. I've wasted so much time thinking about that shite.

Am quite sure that even using whatever standard of beauty you're using to put yourself down there's going to be something on your body you think is great. Be it but an awesome fingernail on your left hand! I have one boob that's fantastic. Like, a model breast, if I say so myself. Sadly the other doesn't quite match it, but it doesn't impair my enjoyment of the pretty one!

Think there's been quite a few good suggestions. I would definitely look into starting some exercise (you feel comfortable with) if you don't already. It's good for your mental and physical health and usually makes you feel better about yourself. When it comes to make up and jewellery just keep it simple I think. That way you won't feel like you're trying to hard but equally you'll be making and effort with your appearance. It's about yourself and nobody else.

It is awful to refer to yourself as ugly. How do people with facial deformities manage? I know someone with facial scarring. It doesn't make them any less a likeable person. Also when you know someone, the way they look really is irrelevant if you like them and accept them.

I think many of us have been insulted by a random person on a drunken night out. It happened to me once and I have heard comments aimed at friends too, all of whom are perfectly presentable. Try not to think any more about those comments.

As for your question, I have never heard of anything so daft honestly. I don't believe people think that. Just make the best of yourself to a level you feel comfortable with. Some people like to stand out, some people are always perfectly groomed, some people are dead scruffy. Whatever.

I don't think you could look awful whatever you do. We all look a bit better if we make an effort.

Lingerie would be a great start

Oh lord you've met some horrible people in your time. I am so sorry people have gone out of their way to treat you so badly.

Ok, things you can do that no one will see unless you want them to.

Properly fitted bra & matching knickers.
Regular bikini waxes/home bikini line trim/legs shaved
Painted toe nails in winter anyway in a colour that makes you happy to see.

What I want you to seriously consider is a private make up lesson with a make up artist. There's a Mua I see on insta who has not been genetically blessed but who's now a Mua & looks so different because she's learnt to disguise the bits that don't do her any favours & emphasise her good bits.

If it's a private lesson you won't feel so self conscious. It's just you & her & you'd learn loads. I love the before/after photos some of them put up.

Ohhh OP I feel for you because I understand.
When I was 15-16 this girl on a night out said to me : you are so fucking ugly . I was just walking down the street and I had make up on and was dressed up.

I was never really popular with the boys at all and other people had called me names.

My ex laughed at me a few times.

But then a handful of people told me I was pretty but I always thought out of pity.

DH never gives me a compliment.

I stopped making an effort and accepted I am bad looking.

My hair is also very thing, this started in my 20s so I know people can tell (it is very obvious) and I just want to be old so then I guess I wont care anymore.

I guess not everyone is pretty and as long as we are good people then it is ok

I don't believe you are ugly for one minute, OP!

But you are lacking in something - CONFIDENCE! Now, that may be based in childhood experiences, whatever. How about you get some help with that and I honestly believe the rest will come.

Meanwhile, carry on learning about colours and make-up. Get your colours done, visit a style consultant, etc. Use the information.

There are weirdos out there who will yell abuse at anyone in the street. Do you honestly believe that you are the only one they have done this to? Of course, not! They aren't worth the headspace you are giving them.

The bitchy girls you referred to. Well, they are just nasty and do this to everyone. Nasty people behave in nasty ways. That's a reflection on THEM, not YOU. At most, they may be picking up on some insecurities you have, but it's not about your looks.

Sometimes other people like to keep you in a little box, if you try and get out of it they belittle you to get you to comply with their view of you.

Op I feel like this now, I never used too and I know that when younger I was attractive but my face has settled badly and I'm very overweight. I think I look ok and then I'll see a picture of myself and realise that I actually looked terrible. This really really got me down and I sort of gave up even trying as I felt that all people would see was a fat middle aged woman trying to be something she isn't, I then had a massive word with myself! I have cut back on makeup and keep it basic but tidy, I focus on the bits of me that look ok e.g. I am fat but have massive boobs and a small waist compared to my hips and boobs so I wear clothes that show that, I make sure my roots aren't showing and I keep my eyebrows tidy. I essentially make the best out of a bad lot.
A well fitting bra does amazing things and is a brilliant place to start.
Try to look at the smallest things that you like about your body or face and concentrate on them, enhance them or draw attention if you can.
Beauty shines through from within! Smile, hold yourself well and think of all the things that you have achieved in life and try to find your confidence.
Those people that said those things to or about you are ugly, spiteful and rotten.

I've also had men in the street tell me I'm ugly. I'm actually quite pretty, fairly normal looking. They say it because they're arseholes who get a kick out of making women feel small. Sad bastards.

There are a lot of ladies out here with very low confidence. I'm so sorry. People are utter bastards, and some of them are responsible for treating so many of you so very badly.

Well, these people were wrong. You are none of you ugly. You can learn to live yourself more.

Walk with your head up, shoulders back, boobs out. It's a stage trick to make yourself look taller and more confident. And when you look more confident, you feel it, even though your knees are knocking and you are afraid.

And hell yes to a good bra being the beginning of change. They can change the entire shape of your silhouette, and if you can go for something you wouldn't normally choose (colour, type, lace, silk, anything!) then go outlandish. I love putting on crazy colours of underwear beneath bland normal clothing.

Make up is entirely optional. I like to wear the basics, but I also don't wear it every day. It has nothing to do with having to look a certain way and everything to do with putting on a front.

Be brave ladies, seek out what makes you feel good. Red toenails under thick socks and boots. No make up or hair dye and embracing your beautiful skin and silvery hair. Hidden electric blue bra, bright yellow tshirt on a day you feel depressed, massive hope earrings that jingle, pink lipstick, baggy jeans, mens pyjamas - it matters not.

Fuck 'em splendide, time to stop letting others erode your confidence and take care of yourself now. Get a new bra - and be sure to measure properly. If you're on facebook there's a friendly, supportive group called MrsGlossAndTheGoss where they all advise each other about skin, hair and beauty - lots of tips and tricks, and links to sales/bargains. If not, well there's MNet Style and Beauty of course!

Fuck them, really. You are the very best and only you in the world, you treat yourself well now.

You've had so many amazing replies, I hope you can take some comfort from these. Attractiveness comes from health and confidence, a pp mentioned smiling more, obviously we don't know how much you smile but everyone looks better with a smile on their face and it passes on too, you'll make others smile! Health wise I just wanted to mention make sure you drink lots of water, your skin and your hair will really benefit.

Hair wise also hard to comment when we haven't seen you, but assuming you're pale, going dark doesn't always work, if anything I would advocate platinum blonde! It might sound crazy but it really brightens up a persons features and an extra bonus of peroxide is that it thickens the hair. Just something to think about, you could lighten it gradually. But do it for you and your confidence obviously.

You've had some nasty, confidence-eroding experiences at the hands of some nasty and, well yes, ugly, people. I doubt very much you are ugly. But if you feel that you would like to wear some make-up and some nice clothes, to go and get your hair cut and coloured to flatter its texture and your face shape, then absolutely go for it. Nobody's business but yours.

I hope you have some lovely people around you as well. We all come up against people who are vile and think it's fun to insult. Hopefully the good people in our lives provide a bit of balance to that.

The most attractive people I know are not conventionally beautiful or even pretty.
I know more than one stunning looking person who is ugly on the inside and unpleasant to be with.

Please work on your self-esteem and self-wroth and you will fine stupid, drunken, intended-to-hurt remarks will either become inaudible or just don't get to you as much.

Middle-age has helped me a great deal - I feel better about my looks than I have ever done (I'm now 50).

So, yes, there is a 'point' to you making an effort - the point is making you feel good.
Good haircut, hair colour that suits you, keep your eye brows tidy, always have well maintained fingernails etc.
Dress to suit your shape - stuff fashion, buy things that flatter you in colour/shape/material.
Smile - if you don't feel like smiling, smile some more (fake it til you make it ).

You sound v nice, maybe TOO nice?
Love yourself, look after yourself, eat well, drink enough water, be active.
Listen to the compliments and ignore the nasty remarks - they say more about the person saying them than about you or your looks

Op I have been known to have significant crushes on men off the telly who some would consider very unattractive! There is no such thing as ugly.
I bet you look fine. Few people are stunners. And yes wear make up and anything else you want to wear.

And a woman in my office is very very overweight, in that way she doesn't Meet modern standards of attractiveness (which are ridiculous anyway) but she loves clothes and make up and always looks great and well put together. In my head I always applaud her for not sinking into the background because of her weight issues. I think the people who have put you down are complete bitches.

Isabella Blow was not conventionally pretty but she was really cool and stylish. Lots of people in fashion are not conventional looking but it doesn't stop them trying stuff out.

I think you need to say screw them ! I'll wear what I like !! If you start off with natural looking make up first and graduate to something more adventurous that is easier.

Would you go and get a make over at a counter in boots op ? You could ask for something low key to start with ? They won't give a fig what you look like I promise, I'm no oil painting and makeup emphasises my good bits and distracts from my lack of jaw, chin and massive nose !