Is there any point in ugly women wearing make-up/ dressing up? Is jewellery OK?

[splendide]

I feel as though there's no point in me making any effort beyond being clean because I look awful whatever I do.

I have this horrible suspicion that people are just laughing at me if I make an effort - as if I delude myself into thinking I'm attractive.

I thought maybe some nice jewellery would mean there was something nice to look at.

OP I am so sorry that you have encountered some utter twunts that have made you feel bad about yourself.

@Fluffycloudland77 can you link to the MUA please?

At my worst I look ugly, at my best I look vaguely pretty. Most days I'd describe myself as 'plain'. There are some very easy ways to make yourself look prettier. And some very easy ways to make yourself look less attractive.

For example if I'm wearing a high-necked white top, have my hair in a centre parting and have my normal bitchy resting face on I look ugly. If I change into a beige V-neck top, put my hair in a side parting and smile I look OK. If I then put on some make-up and style my hair I look slightly pretty.

You need to start with the basics. Find the most flattering hairstyle/colour, eyebrow shape, clothes and make-up. What else could you do to make yourself more attractive? Lose weight, get your teeth whitened, drink more water, quit smoking, smile more, sleep more, eat a healthier diet, sort out any skin problems, wear more flattering glasses/contacts?

It really helps me to look at fashion and beauty blogs from slightly plainer looking girls (i.e. girls who look more like me). They inspire me to put more effort into my appearance, because I know I could realistically look as stylish, cool and pretty as them if I put enough work in.

Some really good replies on this thread. I am very very average (if that) but fortunately it's the overall effect that counts. So like pps have said, make the most of your good points.

When I divorced I grew and lightened my hair. Because I'm slim and blonde, the overall effect is passable.

Of course some people can be ugly. If people can be considered to look beautiful than there is obviously an opposite.
The sad thing is that we are not allowed to be ugly without it being a total blight on our lives.
The exception are those people with too much plastic surgery who do look very odd. They don't consider themselves ugly either though. It's obviously more a mental issue than anything else.

Someone else on here said that fancy men that aren't conventionally handsome and I relate to that having some quite quirky looking boyfriends.

I think we should accept that some people are ugly and that they can still be fantastic people.

I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone who I'd describe as ugly in all my 47 years tbh.

The only ugly thing is the attitude of some people out there. Dont let people get you down. Get out there and embrace life walks, say hello to strangers (no doubt you do this anyway!), haircut, Boots counter for some advice if you wish to.

Head held high!!

I think genuine ugliness is very rare. There's a lot of self-neglect around - weight issues, frizzled dry hair, bad teeth and skin, badly fitting clothes and shoes - but that's not ugliness. That's often poverty or unhappiness. I read somewhere that rich women seem prettier because they're well pampered - they have nails and brows done regularly, teeth whitened and straightened, hair coloured and well cut, skin pummelled and polished, and they go to the gym. The overall effect is of positivity, health, glamour and self-worth.

Revealall, I was one who said there is no such thing as ugly. I totally accept your point but what I was trying to say is that everyone sees people differently. People's idea of beauty is totally subjective as is teir opinion of ugliness, so there is no real agreement on what is beautiful or ugly. I have known people who I didn't find attractive when I met them but when I got to know them I found them very attractive. So even an individuals opinion cam change. Completely with you when you say that not being particularly attractive shouldn't be a blight on a persons life though. We are far too obsessed with how we look and it isn't healthy. We should obsess more on what sort of person we are.

OP, I feel for you. I don't think I'm ugly but I'm definitely odd-looking (more so from some angles than others) and asymmetrical. And foreign. (And yet perhaps more confident than you!)
I think that some simple things that are not too "fishing for attention" that you can start with are: definitely the new bras, they sound way overdue, and carefully considering what colours look best with your skin tones. I recently learned a bit about that and I'm finding it genuinely does make a difference, even though no one seems able to point out exactly what I changed. And yeah, talk to your haircutter.
AND smile, not at anyone but to yourself, I mean look pleasant and happy with yourself. Go to Paris, where you willl notice that most women are not at all conventionally good looking but they can still be incredibly elegant and sexy, partly by NOT being too conventionally good looking and yet still being "bien dans son peau" (feeling at ease with themselves).

Re the bloke in the street who called you ugly.
Many years ago I was size 6/8 about 7and a half stone a bloke stated very loudly to me (but behind my back) that I had a massive arse (I didn't, I have a normally proportioned body) but I knew he was negging me ( although I didn't know that's what it was called) and I didn't give him the satisfaction of looking or responding to him.
Through the years my weight had risen to 13 and a half stone, and never has anyone told me I have a massive arse! (although it is now!)
Long story short, stranger comments about your physical appearance are much more a reflection of their own agenda, rather than your looks.

Camilla Parker Bowles was often called ugly. No one could believe that a man would choose her over a conventional beauty, her appearance was derided. Do you think Camilla is ugly? She isn't. Very few people are. And it says more about the person using the word, than the person it's aimed at, anyway.

I like the idea of googling Isabella Blow and much-admired but uncommon fashion types. Other examples are Grace Coddington and Iris Apfel. Be confident and work with what you have.

I often feel the same OP. Not easy when family get in on the act as well. It takes your confidence to levels you never knew existed. I for one won't do makeup in case I get it so wrong. Its made me highly critical. Hate bullies so much.

OP I think over the years people will have paid you compliments. The problem is we seem programmed to remember and memorise the negative comments people make to us and skip or laugh off the compliments.

When I was in my twenties, I was away for a girl's weekend. A group of us were sitting in a quiet bar at the beginning of the night when a guy purposefully walked into the middle of our group, turned to me and said very loudly 'what is the deal with your teeth', laughed and walked off. It was pre orthodontic treatment and my two incisors were not aligned). To say I was mortified and humiliated was an understatement. I was too shocked to utter a word. Apart from one girl in the group who came over to me to ask if I was ok, nobody mentioned it which to my 20 year old self thought it was because they all agreed with him.

The thing that guy didn't know was that I had a hang up about my teeth for years, I rarely smiled because I didn't want anyone to see them, I put my hand over my mouth in photographs. In a few years later, I had three years of treatment to fix them. My point is there are people everywhere who get their kicks from being horrible to other people. It says FAR more about them than you.

What's interesting here is that some people - OP and Evergreen have been told they were ugly by strangers or people who aren't crucial to them, and believed it, yet lots of us have had the same treatment and just shrug and think 'bitchy saddo'.
Why do you judge yourselves, not the people whose behaviour was unquestionably ugly?

I had one awful experience when I heard some women talking about me when I was in loos at a pub. They were laughing about me and how I was smug about my outfit but I still looked like a troll.

This happened to me once and it's devastating. The worst thing for me is that they were supposed to be friends of mine and they were laughing behind my back saying how funny it was that I obviously thought I looked good and that I was too fat for my dress (I was quite overweight at the time). I was heartbroken.

I have lost weight now but it hasn't made me better looking, I just feel a bit better about myself. I'm not ugly, I'm not beautiful. I used to be quite pretty when I was young but I'm distinctly average now but do you know what? Average is absolutely fine. I wear the clothes I like, I wear the make up I like and have ditched the bitchy friends. I realised that these people could only make me feel bad if I let them. I'm sure you're lovely OP.

I've pondered similar questions. I don't consider myself ugly but I'm cruising towards fifty now and I wonder some days, nobody will notice me anyway, I should just save every penny for a nice kitchen extension and never leave but I guess looking after yourself shows people that you care about you.

I've not got time to RTFT. I will come back though. People who make comments like that are ugly inside.

On a practical note, I'd just like to say that good eyebrows help in the looking groomed department!

On the flip side, I knew someone at uni who was pretty much considered stunningly beautiful. (Although as per earlier point, about subjectivity, one of my male friends said she wasn't his type at all). What was a shame for her was that she had grown up being told how beautiful she was and because of this she seemed to have failed to develop a personality, was used to getting what she wanted all the time with no effort and men just tried to sleep with her all the time but no one wanted to be her boyfriend. She didn't seem to realise any of this. She always dressed provocatively, always flirted. It was as if she felt all she had to offer was her looks. I often wonder 20 years on how her life has gone. I would genuinely say that in her case (probably to do with her parents telling her she was beautiful all the time) that her beauty was a hinderence in her life.

...continued. Far better to have a great personality than great looks.

Wilbur's right. It's fine to be average looking. There's no rule that says only attractive women are allowed to enjoy nice clothes, make up and jewellery.

I was conventionally pretty when I was younger but I haven't aged well. And I don't really care. I'm happier now, and far more self confident. I wear what I want and I often wear make up.

I just wanted to share that I felt like you, OP, at a really young age, and had a long period in my pre-teen years where I wouldn't buy any new clothes because I believed that if I did, people would think that I actually thought I looked good enough in the changing rooms to buy them and would wonder how I could possibly think I looked anything other than ugly. So I just wouldn't buy anything, for about 2 years and would only wear really old, scruffy horrible clothes. Now I'm a mum I think how sad it must have been for my own mum to hear me say that. Unlike you, I honestly can't pinpoint where my low self-esteem came from. I was well-loved by family and well-liked by my peers, I don't believe anyone said anything that triggered it but I just got to about 8 and suddenly wouldn't have my photo taken, buy clothes, and believed I wasn't good enough at anything. I still struggle with those issues and wonder where/why they began. I am not ugly though, and neither are you. Ugly people are those who are nasty and rotten on the inside.

So angry to hear of everybody who has had the extremely unpleasant experience of being insulted by random men in the street. It's happened to me, and many other women I know. It's hard not to take it personally, but it really has everything to do with the desperate need these men have to feel powerful, and nothing at all to do with the woman in question.

We all tell a story with how we present ourselves. You are completely in control of which story you tell. Who do you want to be? Decide and dress for that! It will help you be that person. Love this. Very inspiring.

Just remembered a really good trick someone once taught me to make looking in the mirror a bit less upsetting. So: you bring to mind a compliment that someone once gave you about some aspect of your appearance and replay them saying it as you meet your gaze in the mirror. It works! I find this really confidence boosting and a good way to pre-empt the horrible, self critical thoughts.

Op I've had experiences of working with some beautiful women and looking at them in awe, thinking what it must be like to be so beautiful, but after chatting to them I have realized that not all beautiful people are beautiful inside, what I mean is you can be stunning but if you are ugly inside your beauty soon fades. If you are average looking but beautiful inside it will shine through like a beacon. Wear make up, wear nice clothes, everyone deserves to feel beautiful.

Your comment about not wanting anybody to think you think you look good is interesting. Like you think you have not got the right to think well about yourself. Like it'd be nearly an affront to popular opinion to think well of yourself.
Maybe you're not charlize theron but there's something out of synch if you think you haven't got the right to think you look well.

You're not obliged to be conventionally beautiful. You can be quirky, striking, average, you aren't letting anybody down by having the face you have and if you want to feel comfortable in your own skin, you are allowed. It's almost like you daren't try to feel good in case people think you have got delusions.