What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

I think we see a distorted image of ourselves often.

Just one thing though -posture makes a big difference imo.

Just googled both for pics. They look very similar. What distinction are you making?

had to google the Housewife woman. IMO Kate Winslet looks a lot warmer than her!

Is Kate Winslet frumpy?
< throws self on rubbish heap>

I think frumpiness comes from deportment way more than actual clothes. Some people can make a sack look edgy, others make dior look like asda. I think prints are hard to pull off as chic and solid colours much easier. The rest is grooming and the cut and quality of fabrics. I must say, I can't be asked half the time!!

Firstly, I'd like to say that Kate Winslet is decidedly NOT frumpty. I was just trying to illustrate the fact that I look more 'average' than 'model like' and Kate is the same height and build as me as well as having a similar face.
Apatite1 you've got it in one. It's hard work and I do it most of the time none-the-less to avoid looking manly (which I would if I went without make-up/grooming etc.) I'm wondering if it's the thin element of Kristen that I'm missing. I've been doing a lot of exercise this year so I'm quite well muscled at the mo (sound like a bloody race-horse!) and I don't think muscles help in the chic-ness department.

i don't know about that, but muscles will help in the Natural department.

Do you have a friend who's style you like, who could go clothes shopping with you?

I'm 40 and also fearing the frump too!

I might get flamed for this, but to me it's blow-waved hair, baggy clothes, things that are a bit too coordinated, like matching top and skirt or trousers, or twin sets

I try to wear bright colours, nothing too baggy, nothing that screams M&S Classic range
I avoid skirts but do wear maxi dresses, I'm usually found in leggings or jeans. I wear black trousers and a coloured top for work

I'm beginning to think that it's the fact that I look like my mother which is bothering me so it may well be just my personal view. I also need to make more of an effort with clothes now I'm older as the Matalan dress and Dotty P's cardi I'm wearing just don't cut it.

Purplecircle my friends are all in the same boat with fear of frumpiness but equal lack of knowing which direction to go in. I must admit, I do try to stick to plain stuff when it comes to clothing and then add edgy accessories or jewellery to avoid the M&S look. I got asked by a girl in her twenties the other day where I bought my grey studded bag from which was nice. I think I may need to prune my wardrobe of all 'safe' clothing/accessores. I wore a lot of (plain) Boden this year and just felt so frumpy.

My dress sense is nothing like my mother's thank goodness but I've noticed I stand & walk & even bend over just like her!

She wears patterned dresses with full skirts & gathered waists with coordinating cardigans or jackets very 1980s or belted slightly too short jeans with tucked-in patterned sparkly t-shirts which does nothing at all for her fat tummy & skinny legs.

I wear wrap or mock wrap dresses & tops with tailored trousers for work, tight jeans for casual with tucked-in shirts & belts, or slightly fitted patterned tops left loose, sometimes short skirts with jumpers, thick tights & boots, sometimes mid-thigh semi-fitted tunics with leggings. I keep myself slim & toned.

I think she at 77 looks frumpy, but then she always has! I think I at 49 don't perhaps I'm kidding myself

I have a friend who has looked frumpy forever - she's mid thirties, but my mum would wear her clothes.
I think its the lack of 'fashion elements in her wardrobe.'

Her jeans are boot cut stone wash, she wears sensible length dresses and shoes with straps. She has a straight Bob hair cut, no layers, never tied up, never curled.
She wouldn't ever wear a leather jacket or a crazy pair of shoes (even if she knew she was going to be sat down all the time)

Its just her taste in clothes, I love her anyway, I'm sure she hates 90% of my clothes and disapproves of my hotpants,

I worry about this too. This summer I decided to engage in some research. By research, I do of course mean that I have been sneakily looking at other 40-somethings on days out with kids and at work all summer and have been silently judging.

Results of my research on how to be frumpy:

No accessories. Or very safe ones.
Do not smile.
Slouch, try to shrink into the background, channel your inner mouse at all times.
Your clothes must give absolutely no clue as to your personality.
Wear almost exactly the same as several other women near you.
Ungroomed eyebrows.
Low ponytail in completely flat thin hair.
None of your clothes or accessories give even a nod to the season's current trends.
Boring coat.
Boring shoes.

Bonus frumpy points for:
A frown while looking put-upon.
Wearing ill-fitting clothes to hide "problem areas" (be sure it hides all of your assets too).
Lipstick is your only makeup and it kind of clashes with your face.
Looking like you think fashion is only for the young and single.

A lot of this applies to men too imo.

Oh, forgot an important one.

Body shape and size were totally were irrelevant to frumpiness.

I saw obese women: some were frumpy, some looked cool.

I saw women who were slim and perfectly proportioned: some were frumpy, some looked cool.

I saw women with fat tummies, bat wings, scars, legs like tree trunks, obvious disabilities, skeletal arms, flat chested, melon-like norks, etc etc: some were frumpy, some looked cool.

I very very rarely found myself thinking - oh dear you really should have covered that up.

Have just googled Kate W style & Kristen T style (didn't know who she was) and the main difference I see is Kate W (in her off-duty/relaxed clothes) looks like she feels comfort is more important than style (boyfriend jeans & flats) whereas Kristen T definitely is style over comfort (heels & skinny jeans).

I think thats the main 'frumpy' thing, is that style is less important than comfort. I'll never be 'high-heels' wearer but would never wear shoes that my mother would pick

I went through a v frumpy phase after having DS, having been quite alternative in my dress sense when younger. When DS was young, comfort was v high in my priorities with clothes & footwear.

I had a real shift a couple of years ago after seeing a very glamorous woman at the supermarket (a real head-turner) and it occurred to me that her basic attributes were not hugely different to mine, we were just dressed/styled different.

I changed my style by googling people who's fashion sense I liked and thinking about the clothes I have & what I could buy to get that 'look'.

Pinterest is good for making up a 'board' of style you like.

I'm frumpy, my mum isn't, I wish I looked like my mum! She wears well tailored trousers, not skinny but narrow leg tapering at the ankle, with smart blouses or light sweaters often in red or navy, pumps or ballet flats on her feet and well chosen but never "look at me" accessories. Being a trim size ten helps too, and the fact that even though she's (whisper it in her hearing) nearly sixty she still thinks she's too young for M&S.

It's the Midlands, sorry. :o

(Joking but the way you said "46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands" made me laugh!)

I think a lot of it is confidence, feeling strong and happy in yourself and wearing clothes that you love and that make you feel great. You know when you think "that is SO me" even if it's not what you were looking for, you try it on and love how you look. Buy that, even if it's not "in fashion" - those are the best buys.

Clothes should express who you are and what you love. I think making sure they fit and suit you is also important - you need to feel good to radiate non-frumpiness. I think frumpiness, such as it is (and there's nothing wrong with it if it's your bag), is largely about trying not to stand out or frighten the horses.

I also hate the fact that I look like my mum (who really is frumpy) but I try to shake it off by having a different attitude, head held high, non-apologetic and a "so what? Yes I love my yellow coat" vibe. But that only works if you do love what you're wearing. You can't fake it.

In terms of fashion itself, reading magazines or blogs will give you an idea about what's out there. Not to be a slave to fashion, but it will expose you to more pictures of clothes so you'll see more things you might want to try.

You could print out some pics of Kristen wearing things you love, and have one of those shopping consultant sessions where they find things for you to try.

To me frumpy is simply not caring about your appearance and going out ungroomed. i.e hair snatched back no make up.
It's not really about what you wear either. I mean I saw a women in a tracksuit the other day her hair and make up was all done and she had her nails painted. Some lucky people look good in a bin bag.

No but there are people who throw on jeans and a t-shirt, tie their hair up, stride out with no make-up and look fabulous and confident.

I that's a) inner confidence and b) they already took the time to find the right jeans and t-shirt, that they love and that suit them.

What ThatBloodyWoman said about having a distorted image of ourselves. I caught sight of my hair on a bus security camera yesterday & couldn't believe how good it looked. I'd been worried about it thinning out, being too long, too young for me etc... But no. Nice hair! So, Kate Winslet is better than you think.
Clothes though. My fella recently mentioned how granny-ish some of my comfy stuff is. He's right. Clarks shoes, patterned dresses. Things that looked cute only a couple of years ago. I find that having less, but better clothes is the answer. I've weeded out anything mutton from my wardrobe. But my next mistake was going granny. So no more stilettos but no Clarks yet either... It's much harder work finding middle ground, but I think getting to know what shapes & colours suit you. Streamlining your own style. I also binned most of my vintage as it was too girly.
I think it's about being comfortable, not looking comfy! Casual chic, but not boring. Gawd, I'm sure I look like a dog's dinner trying to figure out new wardrobe rules. I'm 38 & it's deffo a transitional period. Somebody call Gok Wan!

Wow some great advice here. You know, I've just realised that since I've had a foot complaint (last year) I've been wearing flat shoes and boots exclusively (low heeled Clarkes shoes for work) and I think that is the main change in my wardrobe. Previously, I've always worn shoes and boots with substantial heels that make a bit of a statement and it's amazing when I think back, how my outfits have become more frumpy due to lack of heels. Not sure what I can do about it though as my foot won't get better.

MsAstronaut I am from the Midlands and I love it but you know what I mean when I say that it's not quite London. The shops here simply don't stock fantastic clothes and I'm tired of endlessly shopping on-line and ending up with a cheap imitation of what I thought I'd bought - not to mention the trips to the post office and the constant packing up of stuff.

I'm all over Pinterest and have boards galore but still can't pull it together. I tried to book a personal shopper at Harvey Nicks recently and got brushed off too. < doomed >

AlleyCat11 I agree, the Clarks shoes have to go. They are fine if you're young but if not, they scream frump. I'm ditching Boden as it doesn't suit me (I'm too Amazonian).

To me frumpy is just not caring anymore. Not noticing changing trends, not dressing for your shape, not bothering to replace items in your wardrobe / getting hair cuts / etc. Always putting yourself at the bottom of the list.

I definitely had some wilderness years when my children were very small - clothes seemingly needed to be more practical, I wasn't working anymore, I'd left London. Now they're older, I've been able to focus a bit more on me - I exercise regularly, follow fashion blogs (but ones I relate to and can see fitting into my lifestyle), read fashion magazines, read S&B!

I've definitely had to start buying better quality as I've aged too - thin jersey is not your friend - thick jersey can be great. And I had my colours done, which has helped focus my buying choices, and ensured my wardrobe is evolving into a much more co-ordinated look.

Oh, and flat shoes are still having a moment: skate shoes, trainers, brogues, loafers, ballet pumps. Embrace the flat! (En Brogue blog is fun for flat shoes with some edge)

I do know what you mean! I'm in Scotland and I'm so fed up of seeing something I like in a magazine, then the shop where it's supposed to come from has nothing of the sort.

Amazonian is good btw. I'm 5'10" and I think standing tall and proud is the only way. I think awkwardness/lack of confidence looks worse if you're tall and trying to shrink into the background IYSWIM. And if you love heels - wear heels.

MsAstronaut Yes! I went into GAP a while ago with a picture of a celebrity with an amazing bag which I'd torn out of a magazine and I said "I'd like to buy this please." She said she'd never seen it and didn't know where I could get it Same thing happened in M&S last year. I think the adverts of amazing things are just to get us through the door and make them look like they stock good stuff when in fact they stock crap

Thanks to ballet and gymnastics when I was young, I do have good posture so it's not, it's just that I feel so ... dull. Very jealous of MsAstro's* height and Scottish post code