What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

I'm the same age, height as the op and have been told I look like Kate Winslett (checking I didn't tipsy post last night!).

I'm an ageing rock chick (so probably not the look you're after!) but despair of women my (our) age who give in to frumpdom. I always wear makeup, eyebrows are V important as they get thinner or thicker at this age. I don't own a track suit/leggings/joggies or anything trouser shaped with an elastic waist. I wear jeans a lot as I'm self employed but now only wear good (expensive) or designer jeans (ooh get me!). Everything to else is cheap though! And NO bootcut! Straight or skinny. Never pumps or ballets, but boots, sandals or heels. Blouses/Ts with jeans are black, white or the odd pattern but fitted or slightly fitted. Never loose or baggy. Might be comfy but you'll look like a box. Dresses are long or short (always with tights, usually opaques) and EITHER tits or legs never both - that's going down the mutton route. Same as eyes OR lips, never both so it's always eyes as more natural lipstick is more flattering for our ancient skin. And ditch the cardi. Cardi's or maxi dresses or tunics with leggings just smack me as 'giving up' sorry

Please don't hate me please don't hate me please don't hate me!

Better add, when me and him moved in together I'd just broken my wrist. He offered to unpack my clothes, went through everything with a 'I like this', 'is this from a charity shop', 'my mum would wear this' and a simple 'bin'. Leaving me with the 'I like this' pile - he's not a control freak, honest! And it needed doing

I think some people just are frumpy. I know it when I see it but can't exactly say what it is although badly fitting jeans and anoraks with hoods are my particular bug bear

Just got back from holiday so may 'jazzy' tunics and linen trousers at gatwick on women 35 plus

Can we see pics of you two Winslet-a-likes? I'm always really fascinated by the number of people on Mumsnet who apparently look like celebs.

And gorgeous ones at that.

Algorta! Never said I was gorgeous! There was a pic of her in the paper at Titanic premiere and my toddler thought it was me in the paper - if toddlers are a good indication! But he also saw a life size cut out of Robbie Williams and thought it was his dad :-/

TBH I think frumpy= no dress sense or interest in looking good.
Some people who are frumpy DO try but rarely get it right.
But thinking back to a school reunion when we were all a mere 40, the frumpy ones had looked frumpy at 18- they didn't have a clue even then.
And at 40 they had dated hair styles, dated clothes, just out of tune with anything that might be 'sexy' or showing off their assets.

I agree that frumpy is the opposite of sexy. If frumpy were a 'sex' it would be missionary position in the dark under the duvet.

But the women on the Loose Women panel often seem to look frumpy and sexy at the same time. Tight yet oddly frumpy clothes.

Blimey what has it come to when someone says she looks like Kate Winslet and wants to be less frumpy?

I think shoes are a big leader of frumpiness.

Op, I have to wear flats and I basically had to change my whole wardrobe style to accommodate it. It's hard work.

Any kind of outdoor wear (anoraks, those fuzzy jumpers) is also instant frump.

Tight clothes = trying to look sexy, rather than actually looking sexy.

Frumpy= missionary position in the dark under the duvet.

LOL
You forgot the 'safe' n ightie.

I don't think the women on Loose Women look sexy and frumpy. I think some of then cough Carol Vordeman cough look like mutton and the type of desperate divorcee that gets drunk on Lambrini, dances on tables and screeches 'I will survive' before sobbing her false lashes off on a waiters sleeve. Sorry, can't stand her.
The rest look like they've covered themselves in Pritt stick and done a 100 metre dash through Bon Marche.

Loose women not sexy My Dp and ds also think I look like kate winslett and I am old there are a lot of us about! I look nothing like her

My sex life is frumpier than my wardrobe might suggest.

Tbh, I also have been told I look like Kate Winslet.

Agree, there are a lot of us.

My god, Noddy, you're stunning! Way better than the Winslett

Haha! We should organise a meet and have a Kate-off!

Ha ha Stupidhead are you my twin? I agree with what you say and I have a 'rock chick' past that I try to get away from but I find it always try to find a way back into my wardrobe by way of biker boots, leather jacket, studded cuff/belt or some other way. It's tricky though as you have to make sure you're dressing your age and not exactly as you would have done when you were a teenager. I always get compliments when I go down this route though rather than the Boden/appropriate little dress route. Completely agree with wanting to avoid looking like Carol Vorderman. She's a fine looking woman with a nice figure but somehow seems to look all wrong and as if she's a caricature and trying way too hard to be sexy.

I agree with other posters too that Monsoon and the like are to be avoided mainly for the fussy/frou-frou value. Over-embellishment just screams 'mother of the bride' to me. I've started to buy from All Saints and Me & Em lately and I'm finding that this helps. I also avoid any flowery accessories or prints.

Oh god, I love All Saints, DP just can't understand it and finds the clothes boring but it's just my little place of calm!

Here it's nondescript straight leg jeans, combat trousers, fleece jacket and converse shoes all in sludge nondescript colours. And the regulation bob, highlighted especially, or scraped back pony tail or bun.

Yet also another person I could (uncharitably, now feeling guilty) describe as frumpy wears body con dresses and sky scraper heels as day wear and has an incredibly high maintenance look

I like to think my own style is alternative, vintage, edgy. Though I'm probably just another middle class cliche

Just have to say, I found funnyperson's assertion that women in their 40s and 50s were 'still working, still socialising' whereas, by implication, women in their '60s and 70s' weren't absolutely hilarious in this day and age. Don't think she can know many 60 somethings!

She also seems to suggest that this second group, who have made the mistake of being older, suit/ deserve/ like clothes by Per Una and other frumpy brands, whereas my friends of that age wouldn't be seen dead in them.

I'm with the majority here who think you can be frumpy or stylish at any age or indeed size.