What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

Is there a difference between being frumpy and just not caring?

I know people who are immaculately turned out but look frumpy in a going to church on weekday kind of way.

Ah, the lovely Emmanuelle Alt. She is so effortlessly stylish.

I agree LuvDaMorso - huge difference between being frumpy and not caring/poor grooming. Some of the frumpiest people I know are well groomed. I call it the grandma effect; tidy and appropriate in a beige/navy 'outfit.'

I'm particularly frumpy at the moment as I cannot style hair or do make up due to hand injury. I have slim feet so I often wear shoes with straps and I have a big of a tummy. I probably look like my mum at times.

However I have some nice bits and pieces in my wardrobe. funny time of year

It's also accessories- or lack of them. Like women who have THE navy handbag- usually a shoulder bag that they use with every outfit. Or- something I've seen lately- the across the body bag worn as a shoulder bag- just dangling. usually a Radley pocket bag worn by women in their 60s.

I suppose IMO it's a complete lack of connection with fashion, trends, personal grooming ( sometimes) , playing safe with everything matchy-matchy.

Yes, frumpy is definitely not caring at all how you look or what your clothes are like.

I don't think people should follow fashion and they should wear what they like, but if I think of all the other 30-somethings I know, the one/s I would call frumpy are the ones whose hair and clothes and accessories make no nod at all to what's been fashionable within about the past 10 years. LuvDaMorso summed it up perfectly.

But I think I apply the idea of frumpy to people who give me the impression that they don't think themselves that they are worth the effort of looking nice.

I can picture two friends of mine wearing the exact same outfit - bootcuts, sports trainers, fleeces, hair in a ponytail (let's just say a bit of a cliched frumpy look) but the difference between how the two wear it is actually pretty big. One of them is just wearing it that day as it is comfy, the other hasn't had a haircut or any news clothes in a long time and gives me the impression that her self-worth is quite lot at the moment.

That's quite sad, isn't it

Though one of the big problems is one persons 'frumpy' is another persons 'fine' - just look at the bootcut jeans thread

I have to say, reading this thread, that "frumpy" is so subjective that anyone (even the lovely Mme Alt) could fit at least one of the various definitions (makeup, no makeup, accessories, no accessories, heels, flats, colour, neutrals, tucked in, shapeless, effort, no effort - oh my god...). How thoroughly depressing. I'm sure threads like this just serve to make women feel bad about themselves.

That's very true, myrtle. I don't particularly follow fashion, I don't spend much money on clothes (especially going by what I read other people on here spend or wear) but I think I make a bit of an effort. Don't ever wear any accessories though!

Thinking on this, I do stand by what I wrote above - it's not actually the clothes, it's the way the person wears them.

Crap. I'm doomed. I'm exactly as thurlow describes

I'm actually finding it quite helpful. I am very aware that I look frumpy but to have a definitive list of why means I can start to tackle it. I think the state of mind aspect is a massive part of looking frumpy. Also, the body changes from pregnancy. I used to live in t shirts/vest tops but this fabric does nothing for my stomach now, despite weighing less than I did pre pregnancy. So I need to make more effort AND learn what suits my body now.

Jimmy Corkhill borrowed my lighter once at Chester races, I was thrilled!

Thanks pet

jimmy you don't go for the double denim look and fiddling the 'leccy' meter, great name:)

jimmy you don't go for the double denim look and fiddling the 'leccy' meter, great name:)

I don't know myrtle, I think wanting to feel good about how you look is natural and human, not just a female thing, and the same continuum from sharp and stylish dresser to frumpy happens with men too (though frumpy isn't a word used of men, I've certainly heard some men getting royally slagged off for their choice of tapered jeans or slip-on shoes with little chains on them :)).

I like thinking about clothes and style and I don't think discussing what makes frumpiness has to be about slagging off women. It's a cultural and aesthetic thing and the same discussions go on about things like architecture and home decor (with different terms).

I would never call a woman frumpy as an insult, but if a woman says "I feel frumpy and want some new clothes" then it's ok to discuss the concept i think.

This thread doesn't make me feel bad about myself or depressed, even if I recognise I have frumpy days sometimes.

My lovely MIL is terribly frumpy. I can't put my finger on what it is, but I think luvdamorso's post sums a lot of it up. Her speciality is those godawful hiking trousers - the ones that are about 900% polyester! zip of to make shorts and make a swishing sound as she walks... Arrrgh! And things that are not well fitted- bagging in the wrong places... Like she says well, it's the right waist size but doesn't think.about the rest of it. Maybe I'll go shopping with her one day...!

Earrings are a battleground in frumpiness. Dangly costume style Per Una ones are frumpy, as is wearing the same studs every single day! Small hoops are aging. IMO medium size hoops (thin, never chunky unless you want to look like vicky pollard) are an easy way to not look frumpy. Generally avoid anything per una and small heels.

My DM is 63 and is like a walking advert for per una... With a collection of Chanel handbags . She CRINGES at my hoops, so I know they can't be frumpy. Maybe a bit,erm, 'chavvy' though. Fleeces are frumpy! As are mid calf a-line skirts.

Actually all the other interesting insights aside, "per una" is a complete answer to the op's question in itself!

I love discussions on frumpiness because it is so indefinable and yet you can recognise when you see it - and I include seeing it in myself here. I do agree that attitude, posture and thinness give you an edge.

Just avoid per una. It is the epitome of frumpiness.

I thought double denim was back in?!!

To me frumpy is not quite getting it right, nice idea but if you had spent a bit more time and care looking for that item you could make something look completely different.

For example capri's/cigarette trousers are beautiful but a friend of mine wears "cropped" trousers that are straight down and stop mid calf - completely aging and wrong. If she had spent a bit more time and bought a slimmer cut that fell above the ankle they would be transformed.

Or wedges, another friend has some mid height open toe wedges and they are so incredibly aging - either a small wedge or a huge wedge but that 2 - 2.5 inch wedge is just awful. These worn with her mid crop trousers are a crime against fashion....

The wrong colour - another friend mid fifties is white haired with a super cool elfin/edgy hair cut. She looks amazing in black, purple, red, turquoise but then turns up in beige/mustard, also being big of bust she suits V necks so much more than high necks. A purple/red/black V neck jumper on her is AMAZING, but the mustard round neck puts on 10-15 years.

For me personally I also look really frumpy when I get the colour wrong, or the neckline/length of something wrong and also weight - the bigger I am the frumpier I become as I try and hide it and also style. I love my trouser suits but caught myself yesterday in a shop reflection wearing a navy trouser suit with a round necked blouse and I looked 10 years older and extremely frumpy, I just wanted to turn round and go home!

To be frumpy Your clothes must give absolutely no clue as to your personality

This. I think. You can't be eccentric and frumpy. Frumpy is blending in because you don't value yourself. Frumpy is not what you are wearing, or a stick to beat yourself with and feel bad. Frumpy s a state of mind.

I'm 43 and feeling mumsy/frumpy and it's because my body isn't looking its best. I'm not exercising and I've suddenly gone middle-aged (wide round the middle, flat bum, no waist, just generally "thickened"). It's making everything I wear look crap.

I'm dieting and will return to the gym. Being slender with a perky bum (the bum is v important) seems to banish frumpiness.