Hagsnet - the crepey quiche

[saggarmakersbottomknocker]

Over here all you 40s and fading!

I have a caesarian shelf. Handy for knick knacks.

Marking my place for later.....

Knick knacks?

Why didn't I think of that? I need to start exploiting the benefits of my aging body. Perhaps some bunting? Or should that be gunting ?

Oh MrsS, sorry to hear that.

LOL at the knick knack shelf.

Now I'm stuck at home for the remainder of the week, I've decided to have a big declutter. It's impossible to lose weight if your home is cluttered. Actually I just made that up but it makes more sense than the starvation mode = no weight loss thing.

And welcome to those who are only in their 30s.

I don't have a crepey décolletage unless I raise my breasts above my waist.

Oh this feels like home - may I join in?

I'm 45 in real life (I've been pretending to be 39 but now realise people must have been laughing at me). I'm 12 stones 10lbs - when I was 10 st 10lbs, I felt great, even though I know that's still a bit much for me being 5ft 4.

I've done the Shred before and it does work - but I'm bone idle and greedy.

I have lots of dietary probs so there's lots I can't eat - but I can eat chocolate and crisps, which is the problem. I get to the end of some days and realise I've eaten nothing else.

I keep thinking everyone else just can't take photos well - but I now accept I actually look like that.

I work from home, sit on my well-upholstered rear all day (apart from a dog walk), and am actively avoiding doing some work which would be great and fun and engaging because I'd have to be seen in public if I did it, and, all joking aside, I can't believe I look like this.

Wets self @ gunting. [tena lady]

Greetings fellow hags, may I drop in?

Today I am mainly Mrs Grey Hair and Wattle (am old enough to remember Fish from Ally McBeal's wattle fetish).

Sometimes I dabble in being Mrs Wee Dribbler, but only when I forget to cross my legs before sneezing.

I need a new Hag Name...

@hully's knick knack shelf

Lovely to see loads of hags (I typed loafs there - blame the bread addiction) - we are a sizeable quiche. I'm hungry can you tell?

Swedes -sorry about the CP. I do have to say; much respect to crepeys with under 5's. Mine are 22, 19 and 17 and I've definitely got the easier end of the bargain.

OK - have refound the Shred DVD, will start tonight.
Any other sure fire advice?
Am coeliac so can't eat gluten anyway, which rules out nice bread and pasta (the non-gluten stuff is so hideous that I'm never tempted).
Got caesarean shelf (x3) but assume nothing can be done about that?

Just need a bit of sparkle pleeeeeeease . . .

You know I said I didn't look like a hag? I lied.

I had to get passport photos done and I nearly wept. I have hollows under my eyes. Why?!

I looked a bit like a seriial killer.

On a lighter note I had salad with my ham and cheese for lunch. It was yum .

Right - have been inspired to get back to a bit of exercise by you lovely lot. I've done some (though prob not as much as I should) Tracy Anderson Sitting Arms thingy, and played on the Dance Central on the Kinect for a bit more than half an hour, though that wasn't as intensive as it should be. But fun, and I reckon if I can keep doing stuff that's fun, then it has to be better than doing nothing at all. Maybe I'll work up to C25K again [optimistic].

I have been experimenting with a Croydon face lift by dragging my hair upwards and backwards with my fingers. It is remarkably effective, and confirmed that I really do have actual jowls Sadly I can't really have a CFL as my hair isn't long enough, boo.

Does anyone know of a good wattle cream? I'm thinking of storing emergency stashes of it in the big crepey hollow between my collar bones.

Hello-been lurking but am coming out of the closet. I have:

hairy chin
increased sweating
spots for first time in years
menstrual floods

so I feel I've found my spiritual home. Also I've found myself making an 'eugh' noise when I get up or sit down . Am ready for running and all advice.
Oh and I can recommend that Lancome Genifique serum.

Have done masses of walking today and was out and bought a boots low calorie sandwich. Awful cold wet lettuce and slimy chicken! Have been using colgate One whitening which guarantees whiter teeth in a week and it is brilliant.Can't seem to kick my diet coke in teh afternoon but am going to try and switch to water when it runs out 2 cans left.

I have done the c25k already so just need to keep up momentum-I can run for 30 minutes but then I get bored and want to go home. On the plus side was very sick over the weekend and lost 3lbs

Is this an established quiche or can anyone join? I am crepetastic me, especially under the chin. And I get more like Walter Matthau around the eyes every day. Think I may have had a few hot flushes in the night as well. Either that or I'm wetting myself a little bit. I dunno. The bed is definitely damp though, and not in a good way.

must try that colgate stuff
keep toying with the idea of getting my teeth lightened but I drink loads of coffee so would probably be a waste.
my running shorts things arrived and are defo camel's toe territory.

perhaps we are all in our own little paranormal activity scenario and being squirted in the night by a spectral being with a warm water spray

A top piece of advice given to me by a female boss of a certain age (ie the age I am now) when I was a Young Thing is periodically to put a mirror on a flat surface and then look into it.

Do your jowls swing forwards? Yes? Well this is the view that your DH/DP gets when you go on top...so you might like to think about trying the reverse cowgirl instead, or sticking to the missionary position or doing it doggy ("unless of course you have Arse Issues," my boss said).

I think this ranks as the most interesting piece of advice I have been given during my career...

wow you have very interesting conversations at work then!

Hello fellationelson

This thread is turning into an 'all my favourite people' thread.

Can I check? I probably shouldn't be reading this whilst sitting on the sofa eating chocolate, right?

Went to the cinema yesterday. Got a certain amount of attention taking teenager and dd to see Winnie the pooh then, as we were leaving, I took my sunglasses out of my bag and dropped something. Dd ran across the cinema foyer, picking it up and waved it at me shouting
" you dropped this mummy"
Then, as she came back she said
" you don't really use these anymore do you mummy"

Tampon.
Fucking great. Twice humiliated.

Hello Pag. My periods are behaving very strangely at the moment. All irregular, and they don't seem to go away for ages, just a half-hearted dribble for days and days on end - not enough to need a tampon (too dry - ouch, need some of that lubricant jelly) but too much to go without anything at all. I'm finally starting to understand why panty liners were invented.

TMI. Sorry.

And (and this is REALLY annoying) I'm starting to look like a badger within ten days of having my hair coloured.