Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Original poster

am i letting down the sisterhood to want cosmetic surgery?

298 replies

AvaGardner · 02/11/2010 17:58

I have decided, after breast-feeding two children, to have a breast augmentation operation. i consider myself a feminist, and am raising my daughters to consider themselves beautiful on the inside and out, whatever their shape. i do not want giant barbie boobs, but a b cup to make me feel a bit better about myself. i'm 39 and have two very tired and shrivelled aa cups which i would rather do something about than feel a bit sad every time i get out of the shower and see myself.

my sister and my mother think i'm having a mid-life crisis and that i'm letting down the sisterhood. all the discussion boards where i have sought advice or ideas seem to feature mainly very young girls having very big breasts inserted in order to fit an ideal.

i'd really welcome your thoughts. i am feeling very conflicted and sad about this. i would like to do this for myself, but i feel somehow like i'm letting the side down or doing something trivial and slightly seedy.

OP posts:
CatJGoddard · 04/11/2010 13:54

You're not letting anyone down. To do the Boob Job, or not to do it, will only affect you. I'm the author of a blog www.smallbustbigheart.com that seeks to give small busted women a positive feeling about their body image and find ways to dress to flatter their frames. But I know that many women who are small-chested feel very deflated (excuse the pun) and struggle to come to terms with it. Especially if their breast size and shape is dramatically different after breast-feeding (as is your experience, and mine). You are obviously already doing a lot of soul searching and not rushing into this decision, which is great. But the only question I would ask is: is it the boobs that are affecting your self-esteem, or other factors as well?

POFAKKEDDthechair · 04/11/2010 14:00

lovingthesun it is about risk vs benefit. The risks of a c section are quit serious. that is why doctors are reluctant to do them unless the baby is endangered. I have had two c sections and the idea of going through that again for cosmetic reasons is not something I'd take lightly.

I agree with you entirely scw. There are people with an array of serious illnesses who cannot get access to the drugs they need on the NHS. What an appalling idea that cosmetic breast enhancement should be available on the NHS. [I am not talking about reconstructive surgery following cancer, that is entirely different.]

POFAKKEDDthechair · 04/11/2010 14:05

and whatever you think your motives are, you are perpetuating the female ideal stereotype flaunted in the media that our daughters will have to live up to, by having fake breasts.

mamaJK · 04/11/2010 14:11

oh dear PP you seem to be taking this rather personally.
I am an AA cup too and I thank you for saying if you had such an awful situation you'd be doing the same thing too. charming!!

I could have written this question myself and I think the fact that you have to ask the question means you have some doubts about it and perhaps all you really need is a little reassurance.

I've had friends who've done it who said it hurt like hell and took a long time to recover so I think like everything the experience is different for everyone.

I say go for it if you're really keen AvaGardner if you think it will make you feel better but do try not to be too harsh on yourself!
I bet you are beautiful just the way you are!

mamaJK · 04/11/2010 14:13

I should add for fairness that the girls I know who've had it done were very happy with the results!!

Pacita · 04/11/2010 14:15

homestar.org/bryannan/wolf.html

Cadmum · 04/11/2010 14:58

As the grown daughter of a woman who had this surgery, I feel compelled to let you know that I felt very, very discouraged that she could be so caught up in the shape/size of her breasts...

prettyfly1 · 04/11/2010 14:58

OP I think you would not be letting the side down at all - feminism is about a womans right to her own choice and her own mind.

HOWEVER your children are extremely young, surgery is not without its risks and my personal opinion is that unnescessary ga with such young children IS a bit of a selfish decision to take - is there any way you could wait for a while to see if they fill back up, or consider the semi permanent option?

Cadmum · 04/11/2010 15:08

This surgery has come a long way BUT my mum had to have hers removed because they were leaking.

She suffers horrifically with arthritis because of the leaking implants.

Alhough she was awarded masses of money in a class action suit which means she can travel the world, I still have a hard time having a conversation with her about what I see as a foolish decision.

AnyFawker · 04/11/2010 16:06

lovingthesun

"women like me"? I am not allowed an opinion then ? Why so defensive ?

I don't like implants (for implants sake that is, for health/reconstruction reasons we are talking something else). You cannot tell me they look like real breasts.

They are not real breasts. They are plastic. Fact. Some people like plastic breasts, some think they are un-necessary and buy into popular (read misogynistic) culture that tells us we should all have cookie-cutter, perky knockers.

Now I would never tell someone what to do, it is her own body, but if someone in RL were to ask me my opinion, I would say the same thing.

AnyFawker · 04/11/2010 16:08

a little 80 year old granny with implants that stick out at right angles to the rest of her (naturally aging) body

not a good image

lovingthesun · 04/11/2010 16:19

look love, mine don't stick out, they droop slightly. They are not plastic - they are silicone. They are also under the muscle & thanks to over 4 years of bf are very soft.

I am defensive for the reason I said, you being judgemental. Unless you are virtually concave, which I was, you have no idea what being breastless is about. My clothes fit better, I look better.

I think when I'm 80 I'll be a) grateful to have lived that long & b) relieved that I had the gumption to change something for the better.

All the crap about self esteem & working charity is bullshit - this is a personal choice. I help at charities, it didn't make my breasts grow.

For cadmum bit short sighted & extremely judgemental on your behalf...shame on you

daisyj · 04/11/2010 16:29

AvaGardner - I've not read the whole thread, so sorry if repeating, but I did see that Riven mentioned that her breasts took over a year to fill out again after bfing - so did mine. They just sort of went plump again, so even though I'm back down to being somewhere between an A and B cup, they no longer have that 'empty' feeling they did for a while after I stopped bf. However, I certainly wouldn't judge you for having an augmentation if you felt that you would be more comfortable with yourself. You're obviously not going to take a decision lightly - which is what counts, as far as I'm concerned.

PlentyOfPockets · 04/11/2010 16:40

SmallWhiteCat, I didn't mean as a routine thing, just that there are (probably very rare) circumstances where it could make sense - financial sense - to offer this on the NHS, for psychological, not aesthetic reasons. It could be much cheaper than providing years of psychiatric treatment to somebody who is dreadfully unhappy with their body. It would have to be extreme circumstances though. I've been moaning about the state of my poor shrivelled bags in this thread but I recognise that although they make me a bit miserable, they are not making me ill.

Sazisi · 04/11/2010 16:42

I too haven't read all 9 pages - sorry, don't have enough time today :)

But I would like to say I have breastfed 3 babies, and my breasts did look sad and droopy for about a year after each stint. It's just over 2 years now since I stopped breastfeeding dd3, and I have to admit my breasts are looking rather splendid. Better than I ever remember them being pre-children even. Even the stretch marks have become invisible :) Not massive (never were) but a nice full B cup.

Please give it another year before you do anything drastic :)

purplepeony · 04/11/2010 16:44

I mentioned this in my previous posts, but as some of you are discusing the pros and cons of a GA, I thought it was pertinent to mention again.

link with pics

ttp:www.prlog.org/10264372-ailesbury-cosmetic-macrolane-breast-contouring-explained-by-dr-patrick-treacy.html

Original poster
AvaGardner · 04/11/2010 17:40

Hello everyone

Interested to see that this is still going. Clearly I've touched a nerve. Thank you all for your thoughts, tips and suggestions. I'm very grateful.

Please can I ask though for those of you who have strayed into slightly more aggressive territory to tone it down? I am asking for advice, not condemnation or a lecture. Understand this is clearly an area where people have strong opinions but the likes of "double boak'? a "foolish decision" etc etc aren't very helpful.

Ava

OP posts:
prettywhiteguitar · 04/11/2010 17:47

just a suggestion the pill helped to fill my v.small and flat boobs out after bf, enough to make me feel fine again.

Don't forget that you may not be happy with how breast augmentation looks after the surgery and if you have to have them removed it will be much more stressful for you.

I understand about small flat boobs though

AnyFawker · 04/11/2010 17:53

Ava, you cannot control the tone of the answers you get, sorry.

Original poster
AvaGardner · 04/11/2010 17:58

Case in point, AnyFawker

OP posts:
POFAKKEDDthechair · 04/11/2010 18:43

I think lovingthesun is being rather aggressive actually.

Gooftroop · 04/11/2010 18:53

Like so many people have said, please give it another year. There's no need to rush into it so soon. I had several friends who were thinking of boob jobs after children, one had gone as far as to book the operation. But in the end none of them felt they really needed/wanted it.

I can't help think it's a bit like the way the Dog Breeders had to dock spaniel's tails for them to be seen as beautiful. We live in a world where a "beautiful woman" no longer exists naturally. Today's beautiful woman has to be skinny with big breasts, which simply does not happen without surgery. It's very very sad.

AnyFawker · 04/11/2010 18:59

ava..."case in point" Hmm

you are objecting to the tone of this ?? Ava, you cannot control the tone of the answers you get, sorry

That is a statement of fact, not an aggressive overture. You cannot control Mumsnet, that would be like controlling people in real life.

You have no right to tell people how they should post.

Original poster
AvaGardner · 04/11/2010 19:35

AF, I found your post to be a bit aggressive, yes. If I was mistaken, I apologise. If you read my answers throughout I've thanked people (genuinely) for their input. I'm not trying to control anything. I'm asking people not to be rude and I'm trying to come to a balanced view. Doing this was meant to be about making sure I had really considered every possible angle or implication of cosmetic surgery before making a decision.

OP posts: