Im not sure i can cope

[Tricks]

This is my first post so i'll just briefly explain my situation.

I have been in a relationship with my partner for the last 15 months - when we meet he had seperated from his wife 6 months prior and from that marriage has a 6 year old son. Ive never been married, am 27 and dont have any children.

Now, i hate, hate myself for writing these next words........ but underneath i resent my partner's child being on the scene, im jealous of the fact that my partner has been married before and has shared the closeness of having a child with some one other than me.

I have not meet my partners child yet, which i think has further developed my negative feelings .. my partner rationalises this, by saying that he cant introduce me to his little boy until his divorce, and settlement is sorted out. So, at the moment i have to stay away whenever his son comes to visit - i feel like a spare part, some sort of little secret, and this reiterates the fact that i feel hes ex's feelings are more important than mine.

The prospect of meeting this child fears me with dread, im not a kiddie person - i dont know what to say or how to act and am so concerned hes son is going to hate me.

Despite all of this i deeply love my boyfriend, and keep saying that this love will see us through, i know i need to be supportive and compassionate (after all his child is still only little, and needs his daddy very much) but inside im full of jealously and resentment and i just dont know how to get rid of it.

Please help me because i dont what my 'irrational' feelings to ruin a wonderful relationship.

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Can you please explain how the quote I gave is taken out of context?

I quoted your exact words and did not edit or omit any of it.

What 'context' can justify the meaning that 'newer' children are in some way 'better' than older ones?

As I posted at the time, shame on you.

Oh and BTW I have no axe to grinf in this debate, since neither dh or I have pervious marriages or long term relationships. And far from being sad, I quite happy , thanks. MN is a 'hobby' if you like.

The old car new car analogy is a very male one. I simply cannot imagine a mother using that kind of terminology about children.

But then, GA's take on the world and relationships, appears to be that of a (very warped) male.

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And I find it really amusing that GA's description of what "she" would do if her DH unilaterally decided to end their relationship, is exactly the reaction control-freak men would like women to have: bow their heads, blame themselves, and then do as the men tell them.

Doormats of the word unite!

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Oh yes and if he feels like going down the pub with his mates, or shopping with his new partner instead of turning up for the contact visit with his child, you must never, ever complain about it, no matter how devastated and disappointed your child is.

And if he phones you up on a Friday night at 10.30PM to tell you he'll be over at 12PM next day for an impromptu contact visit and you've already arranged to take your kids out for the day with friends you haven't seen for six months, you must cancel all your arrangements immediately. If he then doesn't turn up anyway, you must not comment on it or complain, otherwise you will be a moaning bitch.

If you don't cancel your arrangements because of his whim, you must not then complain when you hear he's been whingeing to all and sundry about what a loving father he is, how he misses his kids, how you deny him contact and how he's joined F4J so that he can tell "the truth".

Although I suspect it will never happen to you because if you're a woman, I'm the Duchess of Windsor.

I think the sugested 'rate' per child was £50 a week. After that you shouldn't ask for more. Because the first wife will not have helped the man to earn more money, so his first kids have no right to the benefite. Reposibility be damned eh??

The witches of MN reunite. Yer just cant leave it can you. Ive obviously hit a VERY raw nerve. Else you all wouldnt banter the personal insults in defence.

back for more eh GA?

Tell me one personal comment that I have made about you?

Wheras you have described me as 'stupid' and a 'witch'.

Raw nerves my arse. What you've done, is put forward the F4J view of the world - that once a man has moved on from one family, he should only have the level of obligation to his children that he and he alone chooses and he should totally control all decision-making about it.

And guess what, most mothers, and most children, don't agree with that. And that mysogynist insult witches, is what that makes us. And I'm proud to be a witch. I'd rather be a witch than a doormat or a mysogynist.

And you still can't explained how I have quoted you out of context? Hvae you forgotten the reason?

Now will he answer any of the questions posed?

Caligula I'm with you re the 'rather be a witch than a door mat'. that would make a rather good tee shirt don't you think? Oops, sorry, I'm supposed to be a 'sad' person and I let my sense of humour show there!

Actually, yes, that would make a jolly good T-shirt slogan. Will look into getting some printed!

Gosh, I think Caligula's spot on, I think GA's a man.

And I AM a witch

(i thought GA was a man. is she/he not then? im all confused now. i didnt know they said they were a woman???)

Oh I didn't realise GA had agreed that he was a man! I've only skimmed the thread though. Pretty offensive views, whatever sex GA is.

i dont think he/she has said theyre a man, it was just the impression i got! iykwim

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Yawn