Nutty Stepmum's Club (NSC) - Who Wants To Join Us?

[SadSam]

Howdy!!!! Squirrel 3 and I have decided that as we are a bit nutty, we'd like to set up the Nutty Stepmum's Club or NSC. If anyone would like to join us, please add to this post and prove that we are not the only nutters out there!

We would like to add a little bit more nuttyness to our already insane lives!!!!

Yes I know what you mean FANC. I agree with NNN, bloody cheeky of them expecting us to work IMO

How are things with you?

Hi NNN and NAAM. I am not too bad thanks, things still a bit shaky with DP, but im keeping on top of it. How are you all doing?

Things are fairly OK with me thank you, DP is in the doghouse slightly but I'm coping at the moment - may have to start an "I've got a bag on with my DP" thread soon tho, LOL [SMILE]

Can't be bothered to do any more work this afternoon - why change the habits of a lifetime??

Things were really, really shakey between dp and I but they have looked up.

I hope that you and your dp can get past the problems that you have been having,
I'm sure you will, you have already been through too much together to give up now,
you obviously love each-other loads.

Awwwwww! how sweet and mushy was that?

Ok, in that case the last post was for both FANC and NAAM.

Posts crossed NAAM, but I do hope the same for you too! What on earth did he do? [nosey emoticon]

Sorry to hear about that NAAM, I look forward to reading your new thread lol

NNN I have followed your posts, even though I havent always been able to post myself and I am so glad things are getting a bit better for you, you deserve it.

I dont know what is wrong with me now, its me I am sure that is causing the probs now. I just have so much resentment and bitterness in me that I cant seem to be happy anymore. Anything he says or does seems to annoy me at the moment and it is really not his fault, im just not very tolerant anymore. I really do not like the person that I have become, its truly not me, but I cant get out of it

FANC, You need to start trying for that baby, that'll get you closer to your dp and you don't have to talk to him, just pretend he is Brad Pit!!!

FANC, Didn't mean to make light of your problems, you have always struck me as being a very patient and careing person.

Do you think that talking on here will help? You could always start a new thread (I know you don't always have the time to do that though), maybe talking it all through with a counsellor (sp) may help, but then I know that they cost money. I don't really know what to suggest but we are all here for you. {{hugs}}

Do talk to us if you want to FANC, its better to talk or even rant if you want to rather than keeping it all inside.

Thanks NNN I know you are all here for me, that is what has kept me going the last few months to be honest. Without you lot I dont know where I would be.

I have never been depressed or anything like that in my life, but lately I just feel like I have no control of my emotions anymore. I am crying all the time and feel so unhappy. DP does try his best and I know he loves me and I truly love him so much, but I just cant help the way I feel at the moment. I wish I had the money to see a councillor but the Solicitors fees and the kids totally drain us of funds.

Last night he wound me up because I said that I had read on the internet that a DP/DH has to make provisions for his children in case he dies before the are adults, maintenance etc. i.e. if he dies without a will leaving money to set them until they are adults or if he doesnt life insure himself for the maintenance he would have paid up until they are adults, then if he did die I could lose everything I have. I am not sure if this is true but this is what I read on the stepfamilies.co.uk website. DP gets so defensive and said that it was utter bo**ks, which may be the case, but it is the fact that he says that everything I read about stepfamilies/stepkids etc on the web is rubbish. For the first 2 years we were in our house, he said that he couldnt tell the CSA about our mortgage as they would find out that it was a joint mortgage and would take my wages into account. I told him that wasnt true as Id read it on a website, and he didnt believe me. Now 2 years on I finally persuaded him to tell the CSA about our mortgage and his payments were reduced by nearly £100 per month! That is a £100 per month for 2 years that we have overpaid because he wouldnt listen to me!

Because of the emotional state I am in at the moment, I shout at him and he hates that, hates confrontation. I cant help it, I dont want to shout at him but I feel so bitter I cant help myself!

LOL at Brad Pitt

DP has agreed to have dsd to stay for a week next month so his ex can go on holiday with her DP, knowing that he can't have any time off work (he's on nights that week) so I'll have to do most of the extra work, get up earlier etc. To be fair he did ask if it was OK but I could hardly say no could I? (Although I do wish I had now). I think he should have just said to her "no, I can't have the time off work". I feel as if both him and his ex are taking advantage of me and I feel so and about it. It wouldn't have been so bad if either of them, or preferably both of them, had said "look I know this is going to put lots of work onto you and she isn't really your responsibility but would you mind?". It's a lot harder to take because it's just expected of me, I feel as if I'm being put upon

Having said that, I think the bottom line is: I would do it for my DP - I'd do anything for him - but this isn't for him, it's for his ex and that's what I've got a problem with cos I don't see why I should do anything for her after she dragged me into a divorce which I wasn't responsible for

Sorry - I should have started a new thread for this, think that'll come nearer the time....

Oh dear FANC, I thought you were faily happy at the moment...

Can you pinpoint exactly why you're feeling down or do you think it's a bit of everything? Have you tried what I said before - try to concentrate on the positive things instead of the negative things? I know it doesn't always work but it's worth a try

{{{hugs to you}}}

Ohhh FruitandNut, {{{hugs}}}

Maybe you can see a councillor (still can't spell the bloody word, grrrr) through your GP, I don't know if it will cost anything on the NHS.

I maybe wrong but you sound a bit depressed, I think you need to talk and your dp needs to listen to your concerns, not just call them 'rubbish', it must be so infuriating!!!!

I didn't know all of that about if our dp's die, maybe I should look into it too because I could land up with nothing too.

I wish there was more I could say or do, but keep talking, it does help (a bit anyway) {hugs}

Thanks NAAM. Yes I should start trying to concentrate on the good things. Its just so hard to sometimes. We will get on great for a couple of weeks then all of a sudden, he says something that really winds me up and I shout at him then he gets stroppy cos Ive shouted at him and we end up not speaking for the rest of the evening. Then he will come round (he always comes round first) and he will start cracking jokes, or being silly, tickling me etc. but that just makes me worse cos I feel he is making a joke out of things all the time. I will try harder, try and be positive. I just feel that I want some commitment out of him. We arent married, no kids of our own, no wills made, I just think that he is scared of commitment of something. Even his mum says that and doesnt understand why he hasnt been / got married yet! I just feel that he had so much with his ex, that I want to have something, preferably something that they havent shared together i.e. marriage. I know that sounds a really shallow excuse, of course I want to marry him because I love him, but I also want to feel settled and commited.

FANC, you are not wrong to want these things, of course you want committment from him.

My dp refuses to get married as he has already done it twice before, I keep asking him "hasn't he heard of the saying third time lucky?" but it falls on deaf ears.

Your dp has agreed to having a baby though? He hasn't changed his mind?

But FANC you have got something they didn't share - you two are happy together, they obviously weren't or they wouldn't have split. Surely that means something?

I agree with NNN, you sound depressed - I'm fairly sure you can get free counselling through your GP. No-one's happy all the time but everyone should be happy at the very least half the time and I don't think you are anywhere near this at the moment

{{{hugs FANC}}} Wish I could do more to help you xx

Also your dp has got something in you that he didn't have with the EX!

You are a lovely, caring, kind, patient, commpassionate, wonderful person, he is so lucky to have you.

Thanks NAAM and NNN for your kind words. I think maybe I am mildly depressed, but I cant explain it, its not like I feel really low or anything, its more that I get annoyed very quickly at things that never used to bother me and when DP and I have a row, I end up crying but its more with the frustration of the situation.

I am fine at work, and everyone says that I am the life and soul and all that, so do my friends and family. It is just occasionally I get this overwhelming feeling of gloom and doom, probably because I have nothing to look forward to.

I know we have happiness, but so did he and his ex for 11 years before they split, and dont get me wrong im not jelouse of what they had, I just want to feel a bit more settled and maybe have a few more things to look forward to. I mean unless I say right we are getting married on date and are getting married , are having a baby * then he wont bloody plan it. He goes along with anything I say. If I say right we are getting married in January, he will say okay well set a date and ill be there.

He is one of those guys that doesnt let anything stress him out or get him down, and doesnt understand people who do get stressed out in any shape or form. He is so cool he makes the Fonz look like a depressed loony! Lol I think that is what winds me up more than anything. When I said to him once that he doesnt seem to take anything seriously, his answer was "well no-one is going to die are they, so what is the problem"! Arrrghhhh

Awwww NNN thank you xxx

Incidentally I think I will start a new thread about what happens to child maintenance when DP / DH dies and see if anyone else can shed some light on it. It is worrying me a bit - See there I go again, worrying, why cant I be like DP and not worry about things?

Your dp sounds just like mine!

His fav saying (which he says about 20 times a day) is "It'll be alright", bloody infuriating at times but it does make me laugh at times too.

Sorry FANC, I've got to go and pick up the step-kids, talk to you tommorrow?

Okies, thanks NNN, have fun, speak to you tomorrow x

Hello, fancy a laugh?

I popped into the local job centre to see if they had any part-time jobs available and you wouldn't believe what the advisor offered me!!!!!

Go on then....

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