Fed up with DP going on about my DD

[Dontknowhowtofeelx]

Need to vent / ask for support?

DP and I live together with my DD(16) his DD (7) stays every week.

I do everything for my DD, he is not expected to contribute financially or practically with her. Very occasionally he may drop her somewhere but only if it ties in with what he is doing, but that is all.

He seems to think that she should be doing more around the house than she does, even though we have a cleaner weekly, I work from home so walk the dogs in my break etc. he will invent jobs for her to do (last one was wash the sofa blankets) which she agreed to do then he went on and on and on about it until she did it (as in he asked in the morning, moaned all day until it’s done a few hours later). He also helps with dinner for example and then moan the whole time that my DD could be helping.

I have just been making dinner and DD was helping me and I took some washing out the dryer to be folded, he was standing around so I asked if he could help, immediate moaning that my DD should be doing it. This time she was in earshot, so I did snap back at him and said that he does not get to constantly go on about what my DD is or is not doing.

He has got the hump with this, saying I promised him that she would do more to help us, (I didn’t) and tbh there is not much we need to do anyway? I have said that if he continues to make snide comments about my DD not helping as much then he won’t be able to live with us anymore and he is sulking now.

For the record, he is a Disney dad with his DD, she will help with jobs like carrying some logs in from the shed but is also very spoilt and gets away with whatever she wants. But I am not allowed to mention that because ‘we only get to see her a couple of days a week’

I just feel angry that he feels he can dictate to my daughter, but I guess some people would say I need to find jobs for my 16 yr old to do?

Well whatever that amount is, is exactly the price you have placed on your poor childs happiness, and boy will she know it.

I hope it was worth it, you have put yourself and this bully ahead of your own child.

Of course he thought moving in cheaply was a great idea and he gets two skivvies.

He is living off you, telling you how much he will pay and making your child uncomfortable.
May god forgive you for your choices.

Of course he wants her out.

Guarantee you that your daughter will head off to university, make lovely friends, be invited to stay for the holidays and you won't see her for dust.
All for some loser you moved in and allowed to take over your home.

So foolish.

She will be out that door so quickly and her memories of her teen years will be of this awful loser her mother allowed take over their home.

Madness.

He thinks that now your DD has done her GCSES she is a grown woman and therefore thinks that he should only have to do (a maximum of) 1/3 of the housework as there are three adults in the house.
Set him straight!

Please get him out. It's your house, you earn more and he can just fuck off. Conversations are pointless now. He won't change.

No teenage girl wants to live with an arsehole that criticises her lack of effort around the house - all whilst sitting on his arse, doing fuck all and paying the bare minimum towards his share of the bills.

Unless you want her to leave at 18 for uni and not bother coming home again. She'll find somewhere else to go in holidays and avoid your house like the plague.

Because you've chosen to prioritise a misogynistic twat over her. Is the cock worth it?

Your DD dislikes him, and with good reason too. You've already spoken about booting him out because of this behaviour and he's responded by sulking rather than apologising to both of you, saying he will stop, stopping and by doing more around the house. You have also said your biggest regret is moving him in. That's 3 really good reasons to tell him to leave. What more do you need? The possibility that it will permanently damage your relationship with your DD if you don't? There's a fourth.

You are going to be alienated from your daughter in the long run, next he’ll be saying she is old enough to move out, contribute to bills etc and you can guarantee this will not be the case for his own DD when the time comes.

Get rid OP.

He thinks DD and OP should be doing more than a third each.
Because he is a man.

He sounds hard work

For god sake, that's not a good compromise 🤦‍♀️

So your child only has to live with someone who resents them part of the time? It's not good enough.

All parents have an absolute duty to put their children before their own desire for a romantic relationship. If living with a partner has a negative impact on your children, you break up or live apart.

This is what I was trying to ask but had given up she was asked how much housework he did and said 100% which I assumed meant apart from the regular cleaning. Anyway not sure it really matters tbh!

Yeah I’d be telling him to pack up and leave asap

He sounds weird and jealous of her

I’ve made mistakes as a parent, but fuck me I can hold my head up high knowing I would never ever do this to my children. Never. Wouldn’t cross my mind as an option.

He pays a third, justifies it and thinks he rules the house. Get a bin bag , fill it with his stuff and show him the door. Your life and that of your DD will be far happier!

This. If she was a boy I really doubt he would be nagging like this.

This is exactly why I’d never do a blended family situation he clearly favours his daughter and has an issue with yours. I wouldn’t be putting up with this tbh.

He actively dislikes your child. Get him out of her home.

@Tulipsriver is so right.

Children - which is what people are until their brains are fully formed, and to an extent always continue to be in relation to their parent - don't understand compromise.

One's bond with one's parent isn't rational - it's felt in the core of our being and isn't susceptible to persuasion or debate.

Get him out now. What is he adding to you or your DD’s life?

It sounds as though he is jealous that your daughter lives with you whereas his doesn't. I think you should have a serious conversation with him about his attitude to her and if it doesn't change I would reassess my relationship because this isn't good for your daughter

Absolutely this, put your daughter first.

Get rid now. Your daughter deserves to be happy and comfortable in her own home. She sounds like a great hardworking girl who could do without being whined at constantly by some negative big man baby

I mean, it's totally up to you how you do things, but when my now DH moved in with me, he paid half of everything and that included costs involving my DC whose father wasn't around. We never even discussed it, it's just what he did. He stepped up. They'ev always had a fantastic relationship and my DC thinks of him as their dad. There's never been any resentment or moaning about anything. He fully took on the role of dad right from the start.

@Dontknowhowtofeelx

It is not ok though is it? He is making life miserable for your DD.

Why are you not more upset about this? What are you going to do now?

He needs to move out. What his next living arrangements will be are nothing for you to concern yourself with.

Please think of your DD. Please. Don't be one of those parents who in the future can't understand why their DC went NC with them the minute they left the family home.

You can see him elsewhere - dates, sleepovers, whatever - if you wish to, but he needs to move out for bullying your daughter.

Also - if your description of how he parents his own DD is true - is this what you want? That Disney Dad dynamic is going to be fully visible to your own DD. She will notice.

Please - move him out. For your child.

Gosh, this sounds hard. Can he move out until she leaves home? I’d be concerned about having a man in the house with my beautiful teenage DDs anyway, it’s not something I would ever do tbh. Particularly not an aggrieved man.

Washing the sofa blankets - that really does sound like a made-up job.

I'm a big believer in getting teens to do certain basic chores, but that is just nonsense.