Frustrating bank holiday Monday with stepkids

[Stepmum900]

I’m step mum to two 5 y/o twins.
They had a great 12 hour sleep at mine and their dad’s house Sunday night so Monday I took them to a free event with a bubble disco with dancing and kids songs, clown etc. it was in and out doors and nice and cool indoors.
they sat there with a face on, not wanting to participate. I’d told them we would go to the park later to the water splash pad. They kept saying are we going there yet etc. Moaning when we got lunch and had to wait for it to be cooked. I provided colouring for them which DSS threw across the table to me as he didn’t want to do it.

we left after lunch to the splash pad. Both started crying and DSS kicked off cos he wanted to be the one to direct the water jets which the bigger kids were operating (it’s like a big water gun in the park with sprinklers etc). Then crying that he was getting wet.
I had enough and took them off to the grass to dry off (they were barely wet!) saying they were being ungrateful and I’d dedicated my day to doing all this lovely stuff for them.
then they were crying cos they wanted an ice cream but I said no. Dad was saying if you’re good you can have one from the shop later which annoyed me as I felt they were acting spoilt and it was also going to spoil their tea filling up on rubbish.
how would you have acted with step children like this? It left me feeling very frustrated there was no pleasing them. When I was a kid I would have been over the moon if my parents had taken me somewhere like this!
When I took them back to their mums later DSS said he’d been crying as he wanted ice cream, seeming to omit that he had actually had some after tea!!

With 5 year olds one big activity a day is enough- if they wanted to do the splash pads then you'd probably all have had an easier day just doing that and getting an ice cream. Particularly in this hot weather.

Kids that age are also unlikely to be grateful- they aren't aware of the thought and effort you have put in nor did they ask you to do so. The person who should be grateful is their father.

If they weren’t enjoying the free event, then I would have just taken them to the splash pad earlier and then took them back home earlier and relaxed there.

It sounds like they were hot and there’s nothing worse.

I don’t understand why you’re so involved though.
DH should be taking the lead and dropping them home.

It sounds as though he takes you for a mug, which is why the kids are probably rude to you too.

Sorry op but you should be frustrated with your partner not the kids?! He was watching the bags was he 🙄🤣🤣😭 I bet he was!

But they didn’t have a good day. You made them do the things you had planned, or what they wanted to do. Then you called them ungrateful.

‘Dad was with us but went and sat down and watched from the sidelines while I was in the splash section as he was holding the bags and clothes’

Oh no. Sat on the sidelines, I’m sure he was. I bet he sits on the sidelines at home too. Sounds like you were trying to do the right thing on a tough day but he left it all to you. Have a real think about whether you want a future with him.

Thank you. I actually did all of those things you mentioned ☺️

Absolutely pointless. Enjoy your weekends op. You’ve chosen this life.

I don't want to sound like a broken record but I honestly think you are ignoring the bigger issue. You tried to do something nice. The kids will never be grateful for it as long as their Actual Dad remains a lazy useless piece of crap.

Know your worth! You are not a nanny. He needs to be the one organising and doing the activities... and then you participate little bits. Eventually it'll get easier but he needs to do the parenting and you need to take a step back.

You sound like Cruella. I just don't think you understand little people.

No, not what I said. My point was that children can and do start to appreciate when something is a treat and the concept of gratitude at that age.

It is interesting though. Half the people on here are saying she overstepped her boundaries, is just a step-mother and so shouldn’t be responsible for this type of parenting. Then the others are saying but she shouldn’t expect any gratitude or appreciation given her role as a step-mother, need to sacrifice etc.

That's not what the second set of people are saying. They're saying 5 yo kids aren't grateful for things they aren't enjoying. Nothing to do with her role as stepmother.

Kids that age don’t have any concept of gratefulness. My teen is still learning 😅
They just saw that they were out for the day, not particularly enjoying it, probably very hot and bothered and picking up on your frustration. It’s deeply irritating and you do regularly think ‘why do I bother’ - welcome to parenting.

It should have been their dad doing all those things with you on the side with the bags surely?

Never fails to amaze me at how good these type of men are at suckering a new woman into doing his job for him after his splits from the mum. No doubt you'll be pregnant soon and back here in a couple of years complaining about doing all the parenting of ungrateful 7 year old twins whilst looking after your own toddler.

They obviously wabted to go to splash park. You had organized what you thought was a fun activity followed by splash park. Better to have cut first trip short. Delayed a sit down lunch and headed fir splash park. You sbould not have commented about giving up a day to take them out
They seem to have been tired and fed up by the time they got to splash park. 2 very different activities in one day doesnt always work ,especially as they preferred second activity!!
Nothing to do with step children. I suspect you dont have children of ykut own and you are disappointed by their reaction which isnt unusual .

They are 5 and you are expecting them to have the emotional maturity of a 25 year old. They don't do gratitude, patience or negotiation.
They are 5 and you are exoecting them to have tge energy and resilience of a 15 year old. They don't do multiple activities back to back.
And it's far too hot to do much except muck around with water
And anyway they aren't your kids and their dad is being far too hands-off here. It shoukd have been him doing all the work and you tagging along and perhaps sorting a round of icecreams

That’s not how parenting works.

Gratitude comes from the other adult, not the children. Obviously.

What?