Frustrating bank holiday Monday with stepkids

[Stepmum900]

I’m step mum to two 5 y/o twins.
They had a great 12 hour sleep at mine and their dad’s house Sunday night so Monday I took them to a free event with a bubble disco with dancing and kids songs, clown etc. it was in and out doors and nice and cool indoors.
they sat there with a face on, not wanting to participate. I’d told them we would go to the park later to the water splash pad. They kept saying are we going there yet etc. Moaning when we got lunch and had to wait for it to be cooked. I provided colouring for them which DSS threw across the table to me as he didn’t want to do it.

we left after lunch to the splash pad. Both started crying and DSS kicked off cos he wanted to be the one to direct the water jets which the bigger kids were operating (it’s like a big water gun in the park with sprinklers etc). Then crying that he was getting wet.
I had enough and took them off to the grass to dry off (they were barely wet!) saying they were being ungrateful and I’d dedicated my day to doing all this lovely stuff for them.
then they were crying cos they wanted an ice cream but I said no. Dad was saying if you’re good you can have one from the shop later which annoyed me as I felt they were acting spoilt and it was also going to spoil their tea filling up on rubbish.
how would you have acted with step children like this? It left me feeling very frustrated there was no pleasing them. When I was a kid I would have been over the moon if my parents had taken me somewhere like this!
When I took them back to their mums later DSS said he’d been crying as he wanted ice cream, seeming to omit that he had actually had some after tea!!

This is just normal behaviour and to call it ungrateful is looking at it from an adults POV. Which is understandable but not reasonable. Kids are really good at this, I took my son to a tractor day at a play farm he usually loves on the weekend. He's almost 3 so younger but he refused to go near any of the tractors, his most favourite thing in the world, and had a face like a smacked butt. He'd been shouting tractor tractor all the way there in the car too lol. They sometimes just get like that, and it soukdnt help to apply adult feelings on them and think them ungrateful or ruining a day planned for their benefit.

It doesn't help when it's hot too, behaviours always a little more fraught. Plus two same age may play off eachother and heighten everything. Them saying to their mum re the ice cream again is just kids playing off different adults and probably wanting more ice-cream, especially if DH and ex don't communicate.

You planned too much for two five year olds in the heat.

I think this has nothing to do with them being stepkids and is just normal hot and bothered 5 year old behaviour.

A good day by your standards, not by those of the DC. You set them up to fail. It was such a hot day on Monday! Seriously, have a thinking before you attempt parenting again. You’re so incredibly naive.

You set yourself and them up to fail by planning far too much for them in one day. It should've been one or the other, not both.

As it happens, I went to a similar venue on Monday. I was struggling and lacking energy and I'm a good bit older than 5. For me it's not so difficult to see why a small child might not be able to show their best behaviour on such a day. They've got a good 20 years to go until their brains are fully developed so I'd advise lowering your expectations a little. Pick your battles. Throwing things at you = not okay. Being overwhelmed by the activity? Absolutely fine.

The first event was only on 11-1 so I thought we’d go to the park afterwards so we didn’t have to go home and sit indoors. We don’t have a garden

You set yourself up by taking responsibility for the planning. Leave it to DH to take the lead and deal with the fall out. I certainly wouldn’t also be tolerating ‘the ex doesn’t want to deal with DH’, what would she do if he was on his own. Stop being a walkover, set some boundaries and let him take the lead. Oh and don’t have kids with him.

Where are you, because here it was 32 degrees on Monday and that makes for very ratty children in my experience. You filled their day with a lot, sometime kids just want to chill. They were hot at the bubble event and could only think of the splash pad. By the time they got to the splash pad it would have been the hottest part of the day and they were ratty. I imagine 80% of small children were overwhelmed at some point on Monday and argumentative. I told my husband he needed to lower his expectations of our children on Monday when all they would do was bicker.
I think they sound completely normal, I think in future you should focus on less activities and lower your expectations of them.
You sound like a lovely step-mum who is trying very hard.

You brought them to a disco they didn't want to go to and you expect them to be grateful? Was this somewhere their father could drink while you looked after them?

He doesn't sound like much of a catch if you felt responsible for entertaining his children.

This is fairly normal behaviour with young children OP. They don’t go around being grateful all the time 😉

The first event was only 11-1. Yes that seems short for you as an adult.

But for 5 year olds out of a routine on an exceptionally hot day in a high stimulus environment, that is already a lot to manage.

Why are you ignoring questions about whether you have kids / experience of kids and where the dad was?

I think dad was there with them @CocoaTea.

I have a lot of experience with my nieces who are now older than step children

Dad was with us but went and sat down and watched from the sidelines while I was in the splash section as he was holding the bags and clothes

They're 5. It's par for the course. When they're your own you're somewhat cushioned from frustration by love. Somewhat.

OMG OP wake up! I bet he was sat holding the bags! He should be entertaining them with you helping holding the bags. I’m willing to bet you booked this, organised their clothes, swimsuits, towels, snacks. Ugh when will women learn.

And you don't see how this should have been reversed?

Dad needs to be taking the lead, he’s the children’s father.

I'd have made the dad deal with them all day while I sat down with the bags. Or I would take myself out for the day on my own and expect one of the kids parents to deal with them.

Sorry but you are being unreasonable.

This is a typical day out in a heatwave with two 5 year olds! Only for the brave of heart!

I wouldn't have known this before I had kids tho, and probably would be saying what you did.

How long have you been with their dad?

Children being Children stop being so emotional,parenting is not transactional and doing nice things with them doesnt mean they owe you it's just parenting

It's not you. You are being amazing. Dad needs to be more of a dad and you less of a nanny. This is such a typical story. He's using you, sorry. And you take them back to their mums because he can't cope? What a loser he is. Poor you, poor kids.

You'd expect FIVE year olds to thank their Dad and his girlfriend for taking them out? For doing what parents do with their children?

It's been very hot
I'm 50 and I have felt like throwing a tantrum to
This is just normal shit with kids ,I don't see it's anything to do with being a step mum ,if you had birthed them yourself,I bet the day would of been similar.
You sound like a great step mum
I hope the childrens parents are exceptionally greatful to you .. because they should be

Quite. I think it's (father) more of a biological side effect than a description, by the sound of it.