Bio mum makes my blood boil

[LeaveMeAlone123]

How do you cope with an entitled leech of a bio mum? This woman plays the victim in every possible situation and is sucking my husband dry financially. She refuses to acknowledge my existence, but assumes I will happily provide childcare for her. Oh and she loves to speak badly of me and my DS in front of SC.

My hate for her is all consuming. Is it bad that I wish her a terrible life?

I honestly don’t think I can live the rest of my life like this. What do I do? How do you cope?

(and I doubt spending more time with someone who is as filled with hate and resentment for their mother as the op is would be best for the children)

Being a single mother myself, I used to be of the opinion in most cases it was a deadbeat father badmouthing the child’s mother.

That was until I got into a relationship with a single dad and saw first hand how she behaved. She used to ring up late at night on his childfree evenings and once started badmouthing me for being a single mother (pot/kettle scenario). Then started ringing his mother crying that she wasn’t allowed to meet me incase I replaced her. 😳

Safe to say I ran for the hills. He clearly didn’t have any boundaries either. There is co-parenting well and taking the piss.

You need to stop talking about your DH’s DCs as if they are a random stranger’s children that you are somehow held responsible for, particularly if you have shared DCs that are siblings to the children you resent so much.

Is your DH on the deeds of the mortgage he pays? Can he easily afford the mortgage? Then he may be prudent to continue paying it if the alternative means his DCs become homeless or in a council bedsit.

Have you actually tried being nice to her?

In the end, if you want your DH’s attention and money all for yourself then you shouldn’t have married a man with an existing family. But you did and this is sadly what happens. Would you prefer your DH to be one of those men who abandons the first family, purposely gives up his job to avoid CM etc. I suspect the answer is yes.

You cannot necessarily change the situation. All you can do is change your reaction to it.

Why has your husband not gone through formal channels if he is being so hard done by?

unless there are potential risks courts start custody discussions at 50:50. A solicitor would be able to advise of what is legally “fair” regarding financial matters, he sounds like a wet blanket OP, playing the victim but doing nothing proactive.

Problem is on the stepmum forum, the words bio mum are used with such derision and are usually followed by a tirade of bad things they do not like - which is pretty well what is happening here.

SDC wants to do a club on Dads day - not the biomum, the child.
It is up to the father to work that out - if you do not speak, bet she has not insisted you look after the other child. DH problem not bio mum problem.

If he was a "bad" father - what does that mean, work aholic never home, not oding his share of childcare, housework etc in a 2 parent working family?

Who knows what the financial agreement was when they split - he may be paying the mortgage in lieu of pension claims etc, somethings are not always as straight forward as people think. DH problem not biomum problem.

CMS is for his children - not to keep her they both contribute to their childens costs. If he wants 50:50 - what do the children want, is it feasible and if he is hell bent on it to reduce the CMS then go to bloody court

Sorry so far weak DH, who needs to man up and either parent his children properly and stop blaming the biomum for all his weaknesses and crve out his own parenting style and boundaries.

It can be really tough if you feel someone else is taking advantage of your husband. Have you tried couples/family therapy? I have been through similar and know how challenging, infuriating, unfair and frustrating it can feel when you feel you are working hard and another woman is trying to take advantage and is being manipulative. Still this really is first and foremost an issue with your husband and boundaries.

Re 50:50 time with the kids, even if it is what your husband wants, what do the children want and feel about that?

You need very firm boundaries and why is he paying the mortgage? What is the deal with the family home? Does he have a financial order in place? If not, that needs addressing yesterday.

Also have a think about your own boundaries and what you need, and how that can be balanced with him doing the right thing by his children too.